Better, Best, & Not so Greats of '08!

I never do these kinds of list, but I felt compelled b/c 2008 was definitely a notable year!

The 'Not So Gr8s', lets leave em in '08:

• The Recession



• the Auto-tune phenomenon



• Sarah Palin-I'm not impressed @ all!



• 2.8 mill jobs lost



• J-hud's personal losses



• not moving to NYC...I'll get there though, don't you worry!



• the term "h8rs", i think its whack



• the wars of the world



• stupid boys & sorry men, ugh! I'll pass!

Let us proceed w/the better/bests lists (in no particular order):

• Best comeback: Brit Brit Spears



• Toughest on the Grind: Lil Wayne



• Best New Artist: Jazmine Sullivan



• Hautest Celeb: Rihanna hands DOWN



• Fave Album(s): Beyonce-I Am...Sasha Fierce (The bitch brought it okay, not even being biased, cus y'all know I ♥ her), DK-Dollhouse, Ye-808s & Heartbreak (I'm being biased b/c it wasn't in my top faves, but he my nigga though so that's what that is), Lil Wayne-Carter iii



• Fave Songs: Young Jeezy feat. Kanye West-I Put On, T.I. feat Rihanna-Live Your Life, MIA-Paper Planes, Estelle-American Boy, Pink-So What



• Fave Movie(s): Sex & the City, The Dark Knight



• Fave Shows: Gossip Girls, Project Runway (I became a fan again, best & last season ever!), Fringe, The Hills, Keyshia Cole: The Way It Is (We ♥ you, Frankie! HOLLA!!!)



• Biggest Come-up: Solange, I like her.



• Fun Times: My #1s made it to their 1st birthdays!; The Summer w/KarmCharm; Quarter-Century Celebration; Banana memories



• MORE THAN A CONQUEROR: BARACK OBAMA, WE ARE HISTORY, BABY!!! I just want to say God is an awesome God, indeed...on so many levels I look @ this as a not only a racial victory, an American victory, a world victory even, but most importantly a spiritual win, this was God's plan...just look @ the race & look @ how the win played out, it was more than a win it was a slaying, a slaying of giants who thought they were just that giants, but giants can be slayed too, as they were & they feel hard! I love my God!
  


• Woman of the Year: Michelle Obama, its obvious she is the force behind the man, not only is she her own person in her own right, she is within him & he within her & you can see that in all of their interactions or even when they are apart...all this while rearing 2 lovely girls! She's beautiful b/c she's inspiring, she's intelligent & she's HAUTE! I ♥ it!!!
  
  

Oh & here's 1 wtf?! of '08 just as a reminder of the state of the world:

• A man had a baby (w/a 2nd on the way!)..."we living in the last days, baby!" ~My Gram

Whether it was good or bad, it was worth seeing & I thank God for allowing me to see yet another year, but frankly 09 is all the way mine. I've said it, I've claimed it & so it is saith the Lord! CHURCH! TABERNACLE! AMEN!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

~S. Parks

Be! Patient. Love?

Post brought to you in part by Kanye West's Coldest Winter-808s & Heartbreak

Shouts out to all the people in love, y'all some suckas, lol, just playing!

Fa real though this post is for the people who aren't in love but have been in love...
Don't you sometimes ask yourself if you'll ever love again?
I was just thinking man its been like 5 years since I've been in love. I'm sure to some people that sounds sad & I guess it would be if I cared that much, but I don't, though I'm a special case so I'll try to speak a bit more general. I guess loving & losing is not an easy thing to deal with when you're really in love. When I was in love, it was the best place to be, but I never saw past it, hence when the future of not being in love became my present I couldn't deal & chose to remain in the past. Most people do it, they focus on the past in hopes of it reincarnating in the future, however 9 times out of 10, that does not happen. Either things get better or they get worse, but they don't remain the same that's for sure. Unfortunately for me they changed for the worse & I think I lost a little hope I had in the future, hence affecting my present.

What do I mean?
I mean I can't really open myself up to love today b/c of my past which is totally unfair to my future & whether I care to admit it or not I'm suffering, maybe not physically but definitely emotionally. Relationships are an aspect of life we need just like we need food & water. It makes us better, eventually. What people don't recognize is that in the toughest times, in your seemingly lowest moments, your worst days...you grow the most, you fight the hardest & you transform into a better you, if you use that time to your advantage. Every situation in life has its positives & its negatives. Of course initially its easiest to dwell on the negatives but its in the positives we discover who we are.

I've grown so much this year & I'm ready for a new & better Shanette in 2009, I'm ready...so if y'all ain't ready, get back, cus I put on...for myself, lol!

What am I saying?
I'm saying take all the seemingly negatives you experienced this year, make peace & let them go. Reflect on the positives & move forward. Laugh a lot. Live for you. & Love for Him.
Love for you too...I remember that when I loved more & hated less, omg, I was the best version of myself, real talk. I'm not saying go jump into love. I'm just saying don't turn your back on it, b/c in love we were created, its apart of us. We need love to live. Think about it. Try loving yourself if you haven't tried that thus far. Try loving God, simply b/c he first love you! Then maybe try loving someone else, in spite of...

Be open to the possibilities, it is in the openness you find opportunity.
Be patient with love, in patience you find peace.
Be you for in you, you find love & in love you find life!

While you can't be foolish, everyone plays the fool sometimes, @ least one time. Don't fight it, its inevitable, essential for living, good living!

Keep on living,

~Shanette Renea

Forever & a day...

I know, I know...its been a while...just haven't been in the mood to write...well really I've just been lazy! Shame, shame!!!

Anyways, let's see...there's so many things I have to get out of my head...but 1st I'll start w/something Novi had in her status last week, that I commented on & she asked me to elaborate on here...so here I go...

She said or quoted "you can close your eyes from the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart from the things you don't want to feel."

Now you know I disagree.
I definitely feel like you can control your emotions to a certain extent. Sure somethings just happen & you get caught up & feelings just rush over you like a tidal wave...but really how often does that happen...sounds more like an orgasm than falling in love anyways & actually I'd prefer the 1st as opposed to the latter.
Anyways, sometimes people create these fantasies in their heads & they play them out in real life & find that that shit they made up in their head ain't hardly not real. Its like you want something to be real so bad, you actually believe it is or it can be & that may or may not be true.
I mean what if its your mind talking rather than your heart...or frankly what if its your sex drive talking rather than your mind...& vice-versa. I mean how do you know when its really real??? That's why I keep my love locked down baby & when I say I keep it locked tight...its SUPER tight, Jesus prolly be looking for it every now & then (joking). I just don't believe people when they say you can't control the heart...it does what it does & I suppose those same people don't believe me when I say that I can & do control my shit ALL the time.

You know what I'm not anti-love...in fact I love is absolutely beautiful but in the wrong hands its deadly & I just can't have the vitality of life dependent upon whether someone can/can't control their feelings...so you know what I do the work myself...I work extra hard to control my own damn feelings. That way while you're off drop feelings like its bird shit on every one's soul, I've got the armor of God shielding that shit (you'll prolly get that l8r, ponder awhile)!

I'm just saying who can you trust these days...sure my soul, as Bey, would say is cold, but I'd rather it be cold than sold chile...& by sold I really mean stole...n...

When you trust others with your most prize possession like your soul or your heart & they get in your mind, well what else do you have left, how can you know what's real & fake, what's better or worse, what's right & wrong...when its time to give & when its time to GO!
Idk, & I'm still a work in progress, I guess as my trust grows in the Lord I won't be as concerned about man, b/c I know @ some point in life everyone lets someone down & that's just real but when you have Jesus, all that other stuff really don't matter. Of course we will still be hurt & disappointed & disgusted, but thank the Lord it won't be the end of the world!

All I'm saying is watch who you give your ♥ to, b/c they don't always give it back...

~S. Parks
(look Novi...I got trust & the heart thing all in 1...sweet!)

Secrets

Question: Why do we keep secrets?

I used to be one of those people who thought you should have someone in your life that you would not keep a secret from, but as I've grown & matured I've discovered you can't tell anyone everything, you know? Sometimes it's just good to have something for yourself. Though that really has nothing to do w/what I've been thinking about.

Well it does kinda…

I mean what makes people keep secrets? How do you decide that this thing is worth withholding…@ risk of say hurting feelings, or sacrificing a relationship, or damaging your dignity?

Are secrets the same as lies?

Idk really…I just know as an adult we make decisions & choices…some not so easy to make, but that's the price of being an adult & as an adult you can't shy away from things b/c it inconveniences you. Consider the next time you decide to keep a "secret" if it will be more detrimental to tell or to keep the secret. Consider whether if the person (s) kept the same or similar secret from you how you would feel. Then decide whether you're being selfish or genuine in your secret keeping or secret telling. The revelation may surprise you.

Idk. I was just thinking about how people just do what they want sometimes w/no regard for others nor situations.

Guess that's life.

Is it your life?

Idk.

Think about it though.

My theoretical answer: b/c its convenient (that's the answer to a lot of 'whys').

~S. Parks

Ready or Not, Here I Come...25!!!

Guess I'm ready cus if I ain't it's a coming anyhow!
LOL!
Well guess what I ain't hardly ready (of course I blame Memphis), but Imma roll like I am.
I swear I didn't see 25 looking like this, but then again I didn't see yesterday looking like that so hey who's to say anymore...
I do know this though, 25 is something serious & I'm done playing, its either now or never & I can't do never...so looks like its NOW!
Watch out bitches I'm coming...the TAKEOVER!!!
Pray for me!


Happy Birthday Scorpios!
Give it to em hard!!!

In the words of Frankie, "Tyra Mail! Picture Me Rolling! HOLLA!"
LMAO!


XoXo,

Shanette Renea, all day!
;)
"Yo swag owe my swag everything!"

Packing em on for Pleasure!

I think sex is making me fat!!! BITCH!
You know like wide & thick & shit...YUCK!!!

I swear I refuse to be fat but gotdamn @ the cost of no sex?!
The gift & the curse!!!

DILEMMA!!!

Again, I blame Memphis, lol!

Pray for me!

Cost Efficient.

Settling=convenient.

Quality=patience.

Convenience is usually cheap or (seemingly) affordable @ the time, while Quality is usually priceless.

Think about the above statements for a moment.

In a time when $$$ is more crucial than ever…let's not forget about our personal lives & well-being…they too have a price tag, that is self-determined.

So…when exactly is settling worth it???

I was thinking about that today. I was @ work, Banana, & I was talking w/a manager, Lisa, who commented on the pants I was wearing…"I like those pants, where'd you get em?" I said (b/c I clearly don't know how to take compliments that well) "I hate these pants, the color is awful!" She said, "well why'd you buy em?!" I said "b/c our pants are too expensive for me to have to order online, pay shipping & not be able to get my discount until they arrive…just impatient!" That made me think about how I do that so often…especially w/clothes…b/c I'm tall…I'm like really tall guys…& it kinda sucks sometimes…everyone thinks it's so gr8 b/c, well it kinda is + tall is really "in" right now…but it's not all cum & giggles. I have to search HIGH & low for pants that fit & are cute & not a fortune…same goes for shoes…just think for a minute how the possibilities for you are endless when buying shoes, like you don't even think about it really…if you like it & can buy it, you do so…well I know 9/10 I can never buy shit!!! SUCKS!

Anyways, back to the point, as a result of that misfortune, I sometimes settle for things, that don't really fit as well as they should, don't really compliment as well as I would like, not as cute as it could be, cost too much $ for what it is…but I settle anyhow, b/c I'd rather have something now as opposed to waiting for whatever I really want to come, for whatever reason. Thing is, is that really benefitting me…long-term? Or is it hurting me now? I know this is just clothes & shoes were talking, although both are like a super BIG deal to me, we can bring this to more real life situations.

Dating for instance, since that's a pretty common element of life.

Think about the times you've dated or even gone as far as committed to a relationship w/someone who was clearly not complimenting you. Let's be realistic, a relationship is supposed to be of benefit to both parties…where one lacks, the other sustains, vice versa, & where you both lack you both grown "together." I know that sounds idealistic, but it's the truth as to how you are supposed to think when dating someone. However, often times we found ourselves settling, for the right now as opposed to waiting for the "right one." Taking a moment to dissect the "right one," he/she is deemed right based on the individuals involved, it's not always about how a person looks…it's about the entire package, in & out. The "right one" is based on you, what you think is right for you & sometimes what you think is right, you'll find ain't always what it is…but it's good to learn what does & doesn't work before getting into more complicated situations, I think. Anyway, there are so many factors that play into the "right one" & timing, to me, is a BIG factor…let's take my own recent experience. "2nd chance" was seemingly perfect, but the timing was just off...I couldn't make it work & he couldn't make me...but I feel like if right is right, I wouldn't need to be forced I would want what was right...right?

You can pray for what you think is the "right one" & let's say you get him/her but not quite the way you had planned…it's like they're perfect except for one thing…one thing you can't seem to shake. Does that mean they are the one? Does that mean your prayer has been answered but just not the manner in which you'd hoped? Does that mean what you think you want is not what you need? Does that mean settle for what you can get b/c you're afraid of what else might come?

I'm not going to BS you; I really don't know…b/c sometimes settling ain't terrible, if it gets the job done, it just depends on whether or not the waiting would've been worth it. I'm really not in a complicated situation @ the moment. In fact mines is pretty simple (kinda) b/c I'm not emotionally involved, but it could get complicated if I allowed it to do such, but I won't. I know I'm settling & for now I deal…no I'm not really okay w/it, but hey that's life, sometimes we're involved in shit we don't wanna be involved in, but as long as you can get out, @ any moment, w/no love loss, then you're good. It's when you start to think that settling is your only option, that convenience becomes a problem. It's when you become deluded in thinking that your current situation is the best it can be, b/c it seems so right except for that one little (GIGANTIC) thing that you just can't seem to shake. Though my situation now is simple, the previous one w/"2^nd Chance" was not so much. The lack of communication & the ambiguity w/parties was recipe for disaster. It wasn't really settling or waiting on either parts, but it seemed as such. Now guess what "2^nd Chance" is engaged to be married…who's settling now…hmmm.

Have you settled for what looks/feels good right now, b/c for whatever reason, you're not willing to wait it out, for that "right one?"

Maybe you're just not ready…or you just aren't certain…or you can only do what you're doing, maybe it's just convenient to settle sometimes.

I know settling has such negative connotation, when we hear we automatically think well that person taking less than what they deserve, but maybe what they think they deserve isn't what they want…@ the moment.

Or.
Maybe I'm making excuses for the things we do…the things we do…as people…some strange shit sometimes.

Well do what you do, just make sure that what you do is nothing short of being you.

Never compromise who you are for someone else b/c I'm fairly certain they would NOT do the same for YOU!

~S. Parks

I don't settle b/c its fun I settle b/c it gets the job done. Real talk.

I blame Memphis.

System Overload!

I’m not loving you, way I wanted to.
What I had to do, had to run from you.
I’m in love w/you but the vibe is wrong & that haunted me all the way home.
So you never know, never never know, never know enough till it’s over love.
Till we lose control!
SYSTEM OVERLOAD!
Screaming NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
I’m not loving you, way I wanted to.
See I wanna move, but can’t escape from you.
So I keep it low, keep a secret cold.
So everybody else don’t have to know.
…
So keep your love locked down.
Your love locked down.
Now keep your love locked down.
…

You lose.

I’m not loving you way, I wanted to.
I can’t keep my cool so I keep it true.
I got something to lose. So I gotta move.
I can’t keep myself & still keep you too.
…

How many times did I tell you before it finally got through!

YOU LOSE!
You lose.
…
I’m not loving you way I wanted to…
No more wasting time, you can’t wait for life.
We’re just wasting time.
Where’s the finish line?
…
So keep your love locked down.
…
I’m not loving you way I wanted to.
Where I wanna go, I don’t need you.
I’ve been down this road too many times before.
I’m not loving you way I wanted to.

KEEP YOUR LOVE LOCKED DOWN!

You lose.

~S. Parks
Courtesy of Mr. Kanye West, the GREAT & my fave!
I couldn’t have said it better if I tried & I did try & I came up kinda short & harsh.

So this MY Reply to “Who’s Gonna Save My Soul”

(MY real Reply: Save your own damn soul!)

Cross My Mind

Have I done this one already???
Well, you were just running cross my mind, again.
Too bad I don’t like you enough to call, text, nor e-mail…but if you only knew…you were just running cross my mind…
Ah.
I miss you.
What we were.
How you were…before...w/me, in me…
In my bed, indirectly in my head…you lived in my head.
In my thoughts you lie still & strong…present, yet so wrong…
…but if this is wrong I don’t want to be…
To be right, it felt.
So right, every time you came near.
Igniting my soul afire w/your presence right here.
If only I could find that same passion…outside of you.
In him.
Yeah…I was just thinking about you…wondering if I were near you again…what I would do?
Nah.
Not after all this time.
Could you?
Can you?
Still…ignite me?
You did know me so well…you really had me…w/just your presence…
W/just your touch.
W/just your kiss.
…your feel…
…your coming…back…to me???
Now that’s NUTZ!
Too bad I don’t like you enough to call, text, nor e-mail…
I do miss you though…the you before you.
I just remember what we used to do…
How amazing!

~S. Parks

Feel Me?!

When a girl grows up…she realizes what she likes…what she wants…what she needs…
To be honest...I really like affection.
I miss intimacy.
I like it when sweet things are said to me when I least suspect it.
I want to blush b/c of some lame compliment given to me.
I need to feel again.
I want to like someone enough to hold their hand in public.
I miss wanting to talk to someone all the time.
I want to fall asleep on his couch & wake up in his bed.
I like to go fast.
I want to go slow.
I need to feel again.
I like to be liked.
I want to miss someone even when they aren’t gone.
I need to be touched.
I like wanting more.
I want to feel needed again.
I need to feel again.
I’m not always cold.
I like being warm.
I just miss liking someone enough to let them melt that ice away.
I don’t want to think about it…I just like…I just want…I just need…a kiss.



~Shanette Renea

What are YOU Sowing?

Hey guys & gals,

Sorry I’ve been away for so long…I don’t really have an excuse…I just haven’t really felt like writing (or typing so to speak).

I’m back now though & that’s all that matters is the present, right? Right.
So the other day I was reading this month’s Ebony magazine w/Tyler Perry on the cover, a mag which I rarely read-btw, was surprisingly quite good overall.

I really enjoyed this particular article, "What are you Sowing," about Ms. Tasha Smith, best known for her role in his (Tyler Perry) movie Why Did I Get Married? Amongst other movies, as well as appearances on TV shows like Tyra Banks’ ANTM, she’s the chick who kinda always seems to have a really fucked up attitude (in the characters she portrays).

Anyways, in this article she talks about how she was that girl who always had a bad attitude, that girl who’s always getting into it w/people & blaming them for the confrontations, that girl who always thinks she’s right & ain’t tryna hear shit nobody got to say…until she did some re-evaluating, some self-discovery & found that she was the problem. The energy she was putting out there was in turn manifesting itself in her life & how others treated her…how ironic huh?! I think that’s what they call karma.

Basically she was reaping what she was sowing? All that negative energy she was displacing was bouncing right back onto her w/o even realizing it…her unhappiness, her inability to forgive, to let go & let God was inhibiting her growth, her progression, her destiny. Not until she took responsibility for her own actions & moved beyond her hurt & forgave & forgot those who had wronged her in the past, did she move forward & become the success she is today. She found self-love…the key ingredient to being happy…it starts from within! The contentment she sought after & confusingly mistook for something she could find in things or other people, was within herself all along. She then began to spread that joy, just b/c it made her feel good to make others feel great & so the cycle continues…

That article was all too familiar to me b/c I was, still kinda am that girl.
I was once known to have a wretched attitude, it isn’t the best as of yet, but it has come a long way, but I can see myself reverting to my old habits, my old mentality, my old attitude b/c of situations or things that I seemingly can’t control?

It’s hard to see beyond the obvious sometimes, by that I mean, as human beings we waver in our faith, in our commitment to our promises, in our ability to remain steadfast in what we know to be the means for greatness. We like to shortcut, to blame, to forget who we are...in God...what we’re capable of & the power we possess! We sometimes let the world, society & even the company we keep, dictate how we view our lives, as it should/shouldn’t be. We falsely base our happiness on what we can see & touch vs. what we believe & how we feel.

I know I am a work in progress & as I rapidly approach the BIG 2 5, I’m reminding myself daily that just b/c I can’t see my success, I still have to see my success. I have to believe it to be so & live as such. Being unhappy until… Being bitter until… Being temperamental until… I’ll never make it past the until…I will always be waiting, allowing myself to get in the way of my destiny!

That can’t be my life, that’s not the life I had planned! That’s not the life I’ve worked hard for! Most importantly that’s not the life that God wants for me, that he has for me & that’s the only thing that keeps me focused!

If I’ve learned anything in my time in Memphis it’s that life doesn’t always work the way we would like it, but it’s better when we roll w/it & do it w/a smile, otherwise you’ll be miserable forever & I’m far too fly to be miserable, makes you age fast & die young & I’ve got too much to do w/my life, how about you?!

So my advice would be (if this @ all applies to you in some form or fashion), fake it till you make it…I’m not saying don’t be you b/c you know I’m a firm believer in the realness baby…like Plies says “I went to sleep real, woke up realer!” I’m just saying put out there what you want back, don’t be so judgmental, so critical, so arrogant, and so bitchy that you can’t recognize the next person’s swagger & how they can benefit you, that you can’t bless someone else that you can’t be pleasant, encourage others…recognizing greatness in others doesn’t negate your greatness, it makes you greater!

All I’m saying is the power is within…think it, feel it, speak it, do it!
…guess it’s about time I start taking my own advice…the hardest thing to do!
I can preach all day bay but can hardly follow the rules…I’m on it though…getting too old for the foolishness anyways!

Anywhoo…

Be Happy. Love you. Spread the love. & Give God the glory always & forever!

~Shanette R. Parks

Wal-greens Peppermints!

This has been the most unstable summer I’ve ever experienced in my 24 years of living.

It’s been just short of awful. Though I try not to complain, it’s difficult to not think about my situation as it is vs. what I think it should be.

It’s hard to grasp that I am still in such a “dead” place, when all I want to do is live.

I just want to be.
Free. Independent. Self-sufficient. &. Happy.
I wonder if that’s too much to want.
I think not.
I think there is so much more to my life than even I can’t imagine.

I’m so nervous about this 25th birthday that’s rapidly approaching in just shy of 2 months.
That alone is lighting a serious fire under my tail.

True…things could be worse…but to me this is pretty bad.
I can’t think of worse…for me though (but that's not say I wanna see any worse...Lord Have Mercy!!!).

I’m happy summer is coming to a close, but I’m disappointed I’m still in place I promised myself I would be gone from by this time. Clearly God has other plans. Or maybe I’m not being very cooperative on my end. Whatever the case…I’m seriously on my shit from now until that fine day.

At this point I will go anywhere…do pretty much anything to get away from here.
I can’t really explain properly w/o sounding ungrateful or negative, how bad this sucks, or how miserable I am.

I know that I have a good life. I know that I am blessed. I know that I am rich.
If only my interpretation of success would align itself w/my current status…I might be okay.
If only I would appreciate more & complain less.
If only I would see now my life to come & subtract myself from the obvious…I might be okay.
All I can do is work harder. Stay focused & pray. That’s all I got.
Cus in a minute I’ll be in somebody’s mental institution.

I should probably go back to the library. Feed my mind. Organize my thoughts. Write more. Get a handle on the things I want, need, & must do in order to be where I need to be. There is a lot that I need to work on w/myself…so I guess while I have plenty of time…I’ll do me & eat my Walgreens peppermints…they & God & idiot-Karmen have helped me cope w/my Summertime Blues!

I know life ain’t always easy. I know this b/c mine has been far from such. I motivate myself by saying my future life has to be great b/c this current & past life has surely been a rough one…my strength amazes me sometimes…God amazes me all the time!

On that note…enjoy the rest of your summer & I’ll try to do the same.

BE. FREE.

~S. Parks

Haute/Not!

I stole this idea from the good folks over @ Chic & Untroubled!

Its like a list of what's in/out...

So I made my own list...cus you know my motto...I'm haute, you bitches ain't hardly cool! :)

Aight...so...let start w/NOT or Not so much:

1. antm...as much as i ♥ eva-diva & a few other winners (& contestants)...antm is so not haute...anymore...give up the ghost tyra!




2. having babies & getting married...what is this 1945?! (celebs included)




3. jesse jackson-gtfoh sir & all u other uncle tom muthafuckas...there's a new sheriff in town...i'll tell u about him l8r (ref:haute list #5)!




4. this weather! GOTSDAYUM!!! Its hot as fuck outside!!! Go away Summer-come back another day!




5. & last but def not least MEMPHIS-Lord help me on today & every other I reside in this DUMP!!!

Honorable mention-& even this hurts my (invisible) feelings, Beyonce'-yes boo...you thru (not really-we just need a break), now go sit down...we'll miss u though, come back to us in 5!
btw-is Solo aka Solange on the up & up??? Hmmm...

YAY-Hautes-I'm better @ these:

1. the cw-yep i stole it-i couldn't not! They are on the come up-i'm anxiously awaiting September & all my oldies but goodies that shall return & all the new shit poppin...well 90210 is not really new, now is it? "stylista", seems cool though, i'll give it a go, in spite of tyra-she gets on my nerves-but i can't knock her hustle.




2. RIH-RIH!!! Okay. Isn't obvious, she's so on the up & up. This bitch's style is raw & that's all I got to say about that! (oh I like her songs too-sometimes-lol)




3. yellow-its fun, its warm (in hue), its haute....buy you some-if you're afraid-start slow w/nail polish (my nails are actually lime green today...oooh YUMMY!




4. colored pumps...i'm telling u wear a different, random even, colored pump w/your suit (i'm talking to girls, obviously) & watch that bitch work. head turner! oooow!




5. OBAMA-& that's all I gots to say about that-you better act like u knew!
   

*Honorable mention-boys who aren't afraid of girls like me...i love it!
**Honorable mention ii-blue-i've never been into blue, but i swear its making a serious comeback...like cobalt...not navy though...it washes me out. (& purple's back too-i still likey...my Mom's fav color ever in life!!! She LOVESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS it!!!)

So anyways, that my list...hope you're hauter than not, if not, do something about it!!!

Enjoy the rest of your haute ass summer :)

Cya

"I'm ain't kinda haute; I'm sauna!"
~WeezyF.Baby/The Carter iii

~Sdotter always making it hauter!

The Word for YOU, on Today!

"Don't let the world ... squeeze you into its own mould." Romans 12:2 PHP

Take Charge of Your Life!

Do you feel like you no longer control your own life? Like life's running you instead of you running it? That's because you're in the passenger seat, conforming to people, events and circumstances. They're in the driver's seat, not you. No wonder your frustration level is high and your contentment level is low. "Don't let the world ... squeeze you into its own mould." If you're feeling, "squeezed," you've two options.

(a) Remain a conformer, or become a transformer. Either choose to stay in the passenger seat, or get behind the wheel. The Bible says, "Do not be conformed to this world" (Rom 12:2 NKJV). Instead be transformed into the proactive, faith-driven person God meant you to be. (b) Take charge of your life by "renewing your mind." Instead of struggling to change the people and circumstances around you, change how you think and what you tell yourself. The Greek word for renewing means "to align your thoughts with God's." Abandon those self-defeating thoughts that tell you "you're not, you can't, and you'll never be able to." God says: "You are, you can, and you certainly will be able to," because of His indwelling power! John writes, "This is the victory that conquers the world - our faith" (1Jn 5:4 NCV). Go to God's Word! Discover what He says about the things that intimidate and control you, then pull the plug on them. The Word for you today is: "Don't be afraid ... I am your God. I will make you strong ... I will support you" (Isa 41:10 NCV). Align your thoughts with God's thoughts. Get into the driver's seat and take charge of your life!

Gnarls Barkley-"Who's Gonna Save My Soul?"

"Look familiar?"



So...uh...say somebody sent you this w/that caption @ the top...how exactly do you respond to something like that...no wait...how do you even digest something like that???
I mean hypothetically speaking of course...

~Sdot

"Its In Your Mouth!"

Bishop Donald Hilliard
You are snared by the words of your mouth; You are taken by the words of your mouth. Proverbs 6:2 (NKJV) Your breakthrough is in your mouth! There are some areas in all of our lives that have been dry for a long time. You might be reading this and your marriage is dry. Perhaps your relationships are dry. Your financial situation is dry. Your health is bad. Your mind is troubled. Your emotions are shattered. Or your nerves are on edge. But God is saying if you are going to be delivered, if change is going to come, if revival is going to come, it's in your mouth. It's not up to God. It is up to you. What do you say about it? What do you say about the situation you are in? You can prophesy your own destruction or you can declare that you will live and not die. You can declare that health is yours. Prosperity is yours. Joy is yours. You can prophesy that your marriage will work. You will get that job. You will get whatever God has in store for you. No devil in hell can stop it. God said it, so declare it. Your victory is in your mouth. Precious Savior, I am in a situation in which it appears that there is no hope. I'm pressed on every side; everything seems to be falling apart in my life. But I thank you for the power of declaration. Your word says that I am snared by the words of my mouth. I am taken by the words of my mouth. Your word also says that whatever things I ask for when I pray, I should believe that I receive them, and I will have them. Father, I believe your word because your word is true. I therefore declare boldly that I will have all that you have for me, my situation will turn around, my outlook is bright,and I will live and not die. My future is bright because I trust in you!

Amen.

(We all need a little upliftment from time to time...actually I need everyday w/the kind of summer I'm having but fortunately I'm a strong believer in what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger...so I reckon I'm as tuff as I come off, lol!)

Good day folks,

Shanette

The. Blues.

I’m everything that I’m not.
My vision is skewed.
My thoughts are select.
My movement is slow.
I don’t know how to explain it.
My words aren’t good enough.
If only I was an artist, I’d paint it.
On a white canvas. I’d paint you yellow, warm, like the sun.
Shining through me w/your heart beating red, like a drum.
I’d paint me blue for the cool I chose over you.
I can’t explain it.
My words aren’t good enough.
If only I was a musician, I’d play it.
In a large venue. I’d play you. A flat. B Sharp.
Through the notes.
My heart diffuses.
Into the room.
Filling their souls w/my blues.
I can’t explain it.
My words aren’t good enough.
If only I was a dancer, I’d show it.
On the streets of gold…slowly I’d dance until I couldn’t anymore.
Sensually spinning around the thought of you.
Out of my limbs comes the truth.
I’ve got the blues for you.
I guess that’s how you explain it.
I write it. I paint it. I play it. I move it.

The. Blues.

~Shanette

Big? Banking

Boys are like the stock market...fickle & full of it!
Isn’t it funny how men (in general) don’t really like change; however you can’t really depend on them?
Isn’t it quite convenient how they make women seem unstable yet were the more responsible (again, in general) of the sex?

I was just thinking about how women go into situations investing so much of them b/c that’s just the nature of the woman. We get too involved too fast…unlike the man, who will hardly even commit to one woman, but they can be a die heart fan of a sports team from birth till death. Don’t you think that’s crazy?! I mean will literally go to war for some team, some players, some colors they don’t get paid for, they aren’t related to, they don’t even fucking know…is that not the strangest thing? I mean really, think about it…the commitment phoebes are only phobic when it’s convenient, no? Hell yeah, I’m right!

I’ve learned in my short 24 years of living…maybe a little earlier than I should have, that you canNOT depend on a nigga for shit! You can depend on their unpredictability, their inconsistencies, their fallacies, their flaws, but can never really depend on them to come through, every time...most of the time…the time when it counts. That’s not to say that women don’t default on promises, but it’s very rare that you will find a woman w/little to no conscious who can cold-heartedly hurt those she cares about or loves, it’s just not the nature of a woman. This is the trip part, most women don’t even have to really know a man to love him or to care about him, especially a black man…we just have a spiritual connection that hardly allows us to turn our back on a man…again…it's just not in our nature.

Well, I, myself, am cut from a different cloth. I’m a different type of girl (becoming a woman) & my life experiences have made me a very apathetic, insensitive & no-non-sense individual, especially when it comes to men…I just don’t give a nigga naan break…for what? They aren’t even worth the trouble honey & I just don’t have time for the bullshit…unless I choose to make time. If a man thinks he may have (slick) gotten to/over on me, TRUST, he’s not doing anything I’m not allowing…b/c I don’t trust niggas to do shit but be niggas...so why not beat them to the punch-that's all I'm saying!

So…boys, if you want to impress me…get ya weight up…b/c $ makes me come/cum (literally) all that other shit is irrela!

Btw-I’m not a man basher…I’m just real…deal w/it…or not.

~Sdot

Lines

Friends.
Friends w/Benefits.
Fuck Friends (you know I'm crass...deal w/it!).

Definition.
Precision.
Clarity.

These help me keep a certain mindset...to maintain stability…to be less confused & more in control…two things that can literally drive me insane…being confused & out of control! Whooo lawd! I can't hardly even much take it!

Unfortunately MEN! Don’t need all this…but then they wonder why they’ve mislead a person or why someone is cutting their nuts off (btw-I loathe Jesse Jackson)!

I don’t play games!
I’m very honest.
I’m really real.

So…I hope for the same in return. This is to the benefit of all parties involved. Unfortunately I appear more so intimidating than accommodating.

If we start out as just friends & grow into more…that’s fine but trust me were probably going to discuss it several times before things really go there…just for the sake of not losing a friendship.
If we start out talking as people getting to know each other…& it progresses into intimacy…that’s fine too as long as we understand what that means & how that changes things.
If we start out just fucking…not a problem…but it can’t go (@ least not w/me) from just fucking to just friends or lovers or whatever.
We have to have these boundaries b/c clearly folk can't hardly control themselves & their emotions.

Pause: do boys know that girls like sex too? Like a lot? No like really…a LOT! Sometimes, we too prefer string-less sex, or sometimes we want to go there but are fearful of how we may be perceived (the latter doesn’t apply to me though) etc. We still want to be pursued & respected & treated like a lady but there is a manner in which you approach a woman strictly on a physical level. (Actually, guys think physically first…unlike women who usually think sincerely about the possibility of a relationship.) When you want to just pursue a physical relationship w/a person…for whatever reason…maybe you’re involved, or maybe you just don’t have time or maybe that’s just really all you want from the person either way honesty is the BEST policy. Be straight up about your situation, but do it w/tact & charm, don’t scare the person. Make her feel comfortable & sexy, b/c basically you want her in a sexual capacity right…let her know what you’re offering but again do it tactfully & I guarantee if she has even the slightest thought she will comply w/your request.
I mean...I'm just saying...but hey who am I?

Play: I go into situations w/men fully prepared…b/c I can’t afford to be mislead or confused or hurt or disillusioned b/c he likes to play games…I just don’t have time for the bullshit & I’m not cool w/looking like a fool…I’m just not that girl.
Therefore I can’t hardly take it…these dealings w/men! Seriously, they make my stomach hurt. They are more (these days) wishy-washy than women & its not cute. Boys are so dumb I swear to god. The time they take fucking people over they could’ve fucked twice that many people. I swear HONESTY! The biggest (right after $ & smelling nice) turn-on! Maybe it’s just me but when a man is upfront w/me I’m instantly attracted to him & I never like anyone-so that says a lot! Here’s the catch though I don’t hardly be believing what folk say-lol! Catch-22? Yep.

Anyways I’m just saying I don’t operate well w/abruptivity (yes I made that up). I like to discuss things. I like clear & open air. I like to be aware of moves & shifts in situations & feelings b/c I just don’t deal well when I’ve been mislead or confused (I know I keep saying that), intentionally.

Basically niggas need to grow the fuck up. Nobody has time for these whack ass games y’all play. Like seriously!
Get a life!

"I do what I do & you do what you can do about it!" ~Weezy F. Baby, The Carter iii

~Sdot

Screw Summer

How come folk so extra horny in the summertime?

Or is it just me…naw couldn't be (I'm always like that…so that's nothing new).

Is that weird?

I mean its already hot, right…so why you wanna go & be like so extra hot???

Shit I guess since you're already hot & shit, may as well sweat it out for a good cause, huh!

Idk. I'm asking a general question…I can give my own personal answer but I'm something like a nymph so I'll bite my tongue…

I find myself talking about sex more & Love less during the season of 100 degree temperatures…maybe it's the clothes or lack there of that has everyone "LUSTING!" (lol, insert my Robin, who hails from none other than Memphis, TN, of ANTM season 1 voice- my sister knows her btw)

Well this summer has actually been the exception…I've discussed Love a LOT more than usual…a lot more than I'd prefer actually & a lot more than I'm comfortable with @ the present.

Maybe that's why my summer has been far short of fuck-filled action…hmmmm…interesting…

Anyways however this post has virtually nothing to do w/Love…so let's get back to the SEX (insert claps & roars of excitement)!

Having a very candid & explicit conversation w/my friend today, the topic of women's complexities arose. I was telling her that someone I've been more/less engaging in sexual activities w/has asked if I would have 3some w/him…then proceeded to tell me how he wants to take me to a swinger's club or whatever…I'm assuming 2 different instances he wants this to take place w/in. Anyways, she asked if I'd o it & I really didn't answer str8 up, b/c I've learned that as soon as I say "hell to the naw, I'd never do that ish!" What happens? I end up doing just that + some! So this is what I told her "Women. Maybe not all but most…will pretty much go there w/the right guy & the right situation! (If they haven't already perused the idea a time or two) I mean I'm just saying, let's be real ladies. Let that nigga spit something real tempting in your ear @ the right time, & see what happens…I mean...not that I just know or whatever…I'm just saying…that's my theory ;)

Women are pleasers by nature...hence we always want to make others happy, even if it doesn't necessarily fit into our realm of what happiness is.

Think about it…or not…whichever you prefer.

I find it incredibly fascinating in 2008, to find that people are still really taboo about sexual topics & not really as skilled as the media portrays. I think that's cool though…I guess. I'm pretty open myself…not open like "hey everybody comes/cums in." Open like I'm comfortable w/my sexuality & I like sex, period. I mean to me sex is just sex, when it's just sex…if you can understand that. Well let me attempt to explain w/o confusing you AND myself. I mean when you, well let me speak for myself…I understand sex, right? Well I think so. I understand that it's powerful. I understand that its fun. I understand that it's good. I even understand that it's sacred. I understand that it's not always simple. More importantly I understand its risks (on various levels) But not everyone thinks the way I think, right? Right. So…sex to me has become less of a big deal than say 5 years ago when I was a V, don't get me wrong I'm very cautious & I'm not just fucking everybody who passes…that's GROSS & I'm far too "the BOMB…TICK TICK" to allow such things!

What I am saying though is this: when, actually before I engage in the act, I have a fully diagramed conversation w/myself, b/c I recognize that I'm only in control of me. Hence, sex has no power over me, which ultimately renders the person I engage in the act w/powerless as well. UNLESS, I opt to forego that prerogative…UNLESS I say, hey "this is more than just sex to me right now…this is sacred & we're experiencing something profound here together, right?" Though often times, I'm not that into it…it really is just sex to me. I'm a very detached person…therefore I can completely veil my feelings (which some might argue is more often than not) when need be…though sometimes I have a hard time recognizing when to unveil, but that's another issue. Thing is I rarely engage in the act so freely w/whomever b/c like I said not everyone thinks like I think (AND I hardly like anybody!). I know men put up this big front (or do they) like they can have sex & that be that…but I've found that not to be the case, often times they are the ones stalking me. Okay maybe not stalking but getting more or less far more involved emotionally then me. Guess that goes back to the theory of me being a man disguised as a wo-man…well maybe so…or maybe I just don't give a fuck…"either way we fucking, either way!"-$ Mike (that's SO damn funny to me!) No. Really, I have to make sure I'm on the same accord w/my counterpart otherwise ain't shit happening…I hate to ruin or mislead or confuse feelings/relationships just b/c things got a little heated (& I liked it)…that doesn't mean my feelings for you have changed any…b/c I recognize (in adavance) that if they have, it's just the haze, the aftermath, the side effects of SEX, a very dangerous drug might I add, that I'll awake from in the morning!

GOOD NITE & GOOD MORNING BIATCH!

Until we meet again...

…buss 1 for me, lol!

Btw-I like Plies & he could prolly get it…as long as he does NOT call me his mf-ing buss it baby! Uh. No thanks. I have a DEGREE nigga! Act like you knew!

Oooh SCANDY*!

HAPPY SUMMER BEEEACH (isn't that clever how I spelled "bitch" like BEACH-btw I need a serious vacay that includes some beach action (& maybe fucking-WHA? I'm just saying...I have needs too!)!

~S. Parks

*scandalous-for you dorks out there ;-)

Guess who fucked up...

...Yep ME!
Guess I'm not that perfect huh...
So...this song epitomizes how I've been feeling for about 3 months now...YUCK & this past weekend did NOT help!

Blah!

~S. Parks

Almost forgot to mention that I totally adore this song & vid!

Spring Summer Feeling

For some reason I have really been thinking a LOT about being in love & loving someone & being loved & just all those matters of the heart, us Homo sapien sapiens, encounter. Maybe it's the heat…but I've just been trying to figure out what love means to me…if it's something I'm interested in @ the present…if it's something I'm willing to give a go again…if I even understand it…if I've learned anything from it & how I'm going to apply that knowledge to my next encounter.

Though I'm not that big on verbally expressing love, I definitely think I'm into love, when love is into me. Meaning, when (though it's only been once) I'm in love, I embrace it. I like it even. I thoroughly enjoy the moment. I kinda miss that feeling of being in love…I'm just fearful of being in love & not having the feeling reciprocated in a balanced manner, if you can understand that…

Basically, I've decided that I'm no longer settling (not that I have a habit of doing so). I just think I've decided that the next time I'm in love; I want him to be the one, a kinda scary thought huh? I know, but I'm serious. I'm not falling in love @ leisure again. I mean that's not to say I'm not dating & hanging & stuff…just not falling in love (if I can help it) until I know that the guy is that guy! Like the guy I could definitely marry (insert a very nervous emoction).

I want there to be no doubt in my mind that he loves me. That he is so besotted w/me that he can hardly even function w/o me. I want him to feel as though I literally complete him. That loving me is the greatest honor he's been bestowed. That I'm it entirely & abundantly. That every time he sees me he falls deeper in love. A love so true…that words aren't enough to express its goodness.

I'm talking a deep yearning for a person. A soul recognition. A spiritual encounter. A love that I believe only God can create between 2 people. I want to feel that in loving him I am not only making myself & him happy but God as well. I want to be comforted in knowing that in giving myself to him I will be safer than I have ever been in keeping myself from others.

One day, I hope to be blessed w/such an experience. I know what I'm worth & I'm willing to wait it out.

I'm preparing myself.

In the meantime I'll be loving me more & hoes less, lol…I'd advise you to do the same.

L8R Lovelies!

Xoxo,

S. Parks

Oh & Happy Birthday & 4^th of July to my idiot friend KarmCharm!

Summertime Snapping!

So I was just telling the homie Bets, real name Monique, that I needed a serious summer mix cd. Like someone needs to put out a nice mix, freestyle joint to rock out to this summer so I can make it through a little easier! She totally agreed! Then I go over to my homegirl in the blog world, Southern_Lady (http://www.blackgirladventures.blogspot.com/), caught up on the happs in her life & found not only does she have a strong liking for The Dream, as I do, but she too needs a summer jam list. Well she came up w/her own…so I guess I can do the same…she scooped this idea from someone else…so I'm carrying on the idea…

"List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they're not any good, but they must be songs you're really enjoying now, shaping your spring summer. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what they're listening to."

Umm in no particular order, I don't think…

1. 3 Peat, Lil Wayne, The Carter iii: Okay, so ask me how much I like this song…no ask me how much I like this whole freaking album…the shit is SO hard! Like seriously though, I rocks that 3 Peat so tuff in the mornings, baybay! "I'm on it! Oooh I'm on it! I'm SO on it! However you want it…you can get it tonite…& all nite!" ♥S IT!
   
2. Green Light, John Legend ft. Andre 3000, Unknown Album: Okay, so this is the new John Legend & I ♥ it, like fa real! I used to be a HUGE JL fan, then he started to blow up & I kinda lost interest (I like to feel like I'm listening to exclusive stuff, I'm kinda weird like that), but his last album was really nice, so I got back on the bandwagon. So if this song is any indication of the new album's music level, I'm ALL IN, ALREADY!
   
3. Key to Your ♥, Danity Kane, Welcome to the Dollhouse: I'm SO sincere when I say I am a ridiculous DK fan! Like seriously, I totally fucks w/them bitches! H8 on em if you want, this Dollhouse ish is BANGING!!! I really ♥ the WHOLE album, so it was extremely hard to choose my fave, but I went w/the one I listen to w/o fail when I pop this cd in…I SO ♥ this song, it's very sweet in sound.
   
4. Miami, Yo Gotti ft. Rick Ross, Cocaine Musik: Aight, y'all may/may not know I'm a "G." So I rarely drive to anything other than rap music, esp. early in the morning. Gets my mind right…that's prolly why I'm so extra tuff according to some. Anyways, I been on Rick Ross so hard l8ly. That The Boss is like seriously my faves, but this song allows me to kill 2 birds' w/1 stone. An M-town song, b/c I am a Gotti fan + Ricky Ross=YEEEAYUH!!! ROSS-I ♥ when he says that!!!!
   
5. Playin' in Her Hair, The Dream, Love/Hate: Actually I haven't been listening to this as much as I was initially, but I think I'm about to start back. I swear The Dream is a guilty pleasure…I feel so bad liking him b/c he is so very whack, but damnit I canNOT stop listening to the effing cd! I ♥ IT! This song especially…it reminds me of this guy I've been talking to, who is always playing in my hair and when he's been drinking he calls me "his nigga," some might find that offensive but I think it's cute…again I'm a slick g…so I like different stuff. Anyways, though this album came out in 2007, it's a good summertime album, very light, fun, & sexy music.
   
6. So Fly, Slim ft. Yung Joc, Unknown: First time hearing this song was today & I loved it as soon as I heard my boo, yep Yung Joc! Another guilty pleasure, something about that voice & the way he talks makes me really like him fa real, he could prolly get it! On to the track, I am a HUGE 112 fan, so I figured I'd like this. I mean I can see Slim solo, though I like the group, I'm still feeling the song. Good summertime jam! MeLikey!
   
7. Put On, Young Jeezy ft. Kanye West, I am Trap: Okay my 2 fave rappers on the same song, well my 2 faves right now…Jeezy feeds my g side, while Ye feeds my creative fly girl side! Perfect collab! I ♥ IT!!! Though I've been on this song & since they started playing it on the radio I've lapsed in rocking it myself, but it's def a banger, nonetheless!
   

HAPPY SUMMER '08!!!

~S. Parks

Searching…

I find myself searching…

Searching…

Searching for love.

My soul longs…

Hoping for that feeling.

I feel lonely.

I find myself searching…

For something I've already found…in you.

Love.

Is.

You.

I'm running.

From you.

Love.

I'm searching?

I'm found.

You found me.

I'm searching?

For me?

Or.

You?

Or.

Love?

~S. Parks

Call Me…

…when you get a chance.

I promise. I'll answer.

In fact I'm waiting.

Waiting all by myself?

Are you thinking of me the way I think of you?

Are you mad @ me the way I'm mad @ me?

Are you feeling me the way I'm feeling you?

I'm waiting.

Just say something.

Anything.

When will you call?

I'm w/o you.

Make it alright.

Make it right.

Call me.

Call me.

Call me…b/c I just can't call you.

~S. Parks

Sweet & Lovely

Check the time.

I can't sleep…b/c I can't think…about anything else…but you.

It's driving me insane…the thought…of you.

It's haunting me.

I can't stop thinking about you.

I can't stop.

I'm trying…to call…to write…to say…I can't stop.

But.

I stop…myself. From letting go…for you.

I don't know what I'm doing here.

I forget how I got here.

I don't want to be here…but I'm here…w/o you.

I know.

I know…just say something & that'll make it alright, right?

Who came up w/that philosophy?

Everything is not that easy.

Nor.

Are things always what they seem?

It seemed.

So simple.

So pleasant.

Now it seems so…complex.

So over?

I'm so cold.

So closed.

You're so sweet.

So lovely.

I still feel that feeling…even now.

But.

I stop.

Feeling.

I do this to myself.

This is crazy.

~S. Parks

2 more months…

In church today, I thought about my attitude towards Memphis & how it's not helping my situation…in fact I think it's making me crazier…everyday that awake I literally have to fight for my sanity in this place & in doing so I'm doing insane things…but that's another post…

So I was thinking that maybe just maybe if I make serious effort to live it up my last couple months here they'll go by faster, good things may happen, and I won't lose my mind before my departure. What you think?

Okay, so I'm deciding today, that I'm whole-heartedly going to focus on making something happen every day (as if I don't do that already)…something positive, something new, or old, maybe even fun…hopefully free (good luck w/that)!

I mean in retrospect I only have a couple more months here, @ least that's what I'm feeling & my feelings are usually right.

Though the plans aren't set, neither is the date, no jobs in place, seemingly no place to live…in New York…I'm still promising myself that in about 2 months (give or take a month), I'll be packing my things (though I live out of a suitcase anyways) & heading to my new life, in a new city…YAY!

Who's excited?! ME that's who!

So in the meantime w/o spending too much doe I'm going to have a little fun…in Memphis…ha…you should see my face.

No but really though, I'm really going to try really hard though! (3 reallys? Really!)

Happy summer '08 Guys! J

~S. Parks

This SuMmEr-$3.85

Can anyone tell me why gas is $3.85 this summer?!

Can anyone tell me what I'm still doing in Memphis this summer?!

Can anyone tell me why niggas are lying so much this summer?!

Can anyone tell me why I'm still entertaining these lying ass "no-shot" niggas this summer?!

Can anyone tell me when summer began…or better yet when it ends?!

Can anyone tell me why the unemployment rate is up 5.5% this summer?!

Can anyone tell me how I'm supposed to function this summer w/o some sort of coping mechanism …caffeine…sugar…drugs…alcohol…shopping…etc…

Can anyone tell me when the hell I'm moving to New York?! This summer???

Can anyone tell me why I think of a certain someone more & more every day this summer?!

Can anyone tell me how to be abstinent this summer?!

Can anyone tell me how I'm supposed to wear dresses all summer if I can't buy anything this summer?!

Can anyone tell me why the fuck is it so damn hot this summer?!

Can anyone tell me how to remain cool this summer?!

Can anyone tell me how to not lose my mind this summer?!

Seems like this summer has been going on for like 3 damn months already!

I have NO idea how I'm going to make it through if it continues the way it's going…no job…no bf (meaning no one to take away my stress)…no $ (b/c I'm supposed to be saving)…hence no trips…no air b/c gas is 5 million dollars & counting!!!

Jesus Christ, help me on today b/c I just don't know if I'm going to make it through!

I swear I'm either going to be the drunkest person I know this summer or the craziest if some shit don't pop off real soon & by that I mean like tomorrow.

Damnit where's Jack when you need him…or his wallet rather!

I've never cared for the summer…but this one is going to be rough…or is it?!

I'm trying really hard to remain optimistic, esp. since summer really just began…but man I swear the situation is looking so extra bleak!

*sighs*

I'm going to keep hanging in there…b/c I mean really what are my other options this summer?!

Uhhh.

Happy summer '08!

Blah.

~S. Parks

Uh oh uh oh...its OBAMA TIME BEECH!!!

HEY HEY!!!
What do you say?!
What are we having for breakfast today?!
HILARY CLINTON!!! HAHAHAHA!!!

Okay that was a joke, but no seriously, how fucking awesome has this whole presidential nominee race been?! Like aside from all the negative ish, mostly Sen. Clinton's doing, this is some monumental almost totally asinine historical type ish we're witnessing right now on today!
I mean @ 24, I can say that I voted, I voted for a black man & he won the democratic nomination (& WILL win the WHOLE sha-bang-I'm a believer)! Is that not the coolest?! Duh, that's like TOTALLY BIG shit poppin!
Obama ROCKS...my world, & the whole world, if the Hil-dil supporters get on board...so get on board tricks!
Now, I'm not so sure how I feel about her on his ticket though...I'm slick scared she might try some shady shit. I mean I'm just saying she bust that fat ass cool white chick bubble I had her in, when she started being real cut-throat...yes I know its politics, but Jesus Christ lady, have a little class, no? Okay, well that's why yo ass, what?! LOST!!! BOOYOW!!! Take that, take that, like Diddy! Okay, okay...Hil Imma get off you, though I have no clue why you won't just sit yo ass down, like a graceful loser...oh wait maybe its b/c you aren't graceful or maybe its b/c you can't stand the fact that you've lost to a what, a who, a BLACK MAN! Well, I'll say this, Sen. Clinton, to you & all your supporters, who will soon be, if they're smart, his supporters, y'all better get w/it or get LOST baby, or better yet get rolled the fuck over b/c the Obama train is steady on the grind, ALL ABOARD!
Can you tell how much I'm loving this?! Well I so AM!!! *rocking my Obama pins SO extra tuff today too*
I'm so proud, on today (& every other), to be a woman, a black woman, an educated, proactive black woman, on the rise!
Watch out America, its DEFINITELY the TAKE OVER, BITCHES!!!
Picture me ROLLING!!!

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/politics/2008/06/03/sot.obama.entire.cnn

HOPE. ACTION. CHANGE.
OBAMA '08

~S. Parks

The Blog...The Journey...Feng Shui

I don't like "I'm just a girl...in the world..." anymore as my blog title...not sure why...I still love that song...I just kinda think I'm over that title & it doesn't really fit me nor this blog anymore...

Feng Shui...if you aren't familiar...literally means wind-water.
Its an ancient Chinese practice believed to utilize the Laws of both heaven (astronomy) and earth (geography) to help one improve life by receiving positive Chi...Chi rides the wind and scatters, but is retained when encountering water. Many modern enthusiasts claim that feng shui is the practice of arranging objects (such as furniture) to help people achieve their goals. More traditionally, feng shui is important in choosing a place to live and finding a burial site, along with agricultural planning. Proponents claim that feng shui has an effect on health, wealth and personal relationships. ~courtesy of Wikipedia

My thoughts are this I come here to vent, to release, to rebuild, to renew, to refresh...myself. I come to reassure myself of all the goodness in my life...though sometimes that may not come across it is in fact the mission. In this space I am free...free to be me & all that that encompasses...which is a lot more something than nothing. It may not always read positively but in doing these posts I gain positivity w/my thoughts & my words & my feelings. Sometimes I even gain it from my readers, which is often surprising to me & quite inspirational...more so than you could ever imagine.

These are my words in all sincerity.
This is the discovery of my destiny to greatness.
This is my Feng Shui
~S. Parks

Why? Pearls. b/c that's what I'm wearing today...that's what popped into my head when I decided to re-name the blog...that's birthstone of June...the background is current...the symbolism is spiritual...& I like it!
Its fate...disguised as randomness.

You

What is this I'm doing…thinking…feeling…

I'm not supposed to want you the way I do…

Or think of you when were clearly through…

Through you I can see me & the me I see is not as perfect as she claims to be…

To be…or not to be…free…free @ heart…

That's not easy for me…actually that's insane to me…

Insane to me? Think those might be synonyms…Insanity, Shanette, Shanette, Insanity…

I'm starting to think it's true…starting to believe the hype about you…

You…you don't even know what you do & I have no idea how to explain it to you…

But clearly I'm the one who couldn't handle you.

Jack Black!

I ♥ Jack!
...like he's my friend forever & always!
if you don't know Jack...read up & get a clue!
Jack puts the ki in lo...get it...okay moving on...
...anyways that's all I wanted to say...after all these years I still ♥ Jack & all his asshole tendencies!

Guess what else...SATC movie...this FRIDAY...I can NOT fucking wait, okay...like I'm BEYOND excited!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDEqL65Mzlo

I'm so gonna buy this http://store.hbo.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3044744&cp=1885647.3061388&parentPage=family shirt for the premiere!

:)

XoXo,

S. Parks

All of a Sudden

I feel like fighting & I'm not even a fighter.

I feel like screaming & I'm not even a screamer.

I feel like running & I'm not even a runner.

I feel like crying & I'm not even a crier.

I feel like sleeping & I'm not even a sleeper.

I feel like fighting & I'm not even a fighter.

I feel like calling & I don't even call…especially not you.

What's that about?

…maybe its b/c the sun is shining & the warmth reminds me of you…

…maybe its b/c I feel uneasy & I think you can make it alright…

…maybe its b/c I…I…I think I miss you (although I still struggle w/the missing concept, not sure I know how)

…maybe I just want some attention…from you?

Either way, it's odd that thoughts of you have crept in on a day like today, when I'm feeling the way I do.

~S. Parks

Liar, Liar…Foolish!

I swear I cannot stand a lying ass nigga! Sure women lie, children lie, hell I lie…but niggas…niggas are just LIARS! There's a difference & for the life of me I cannot understand why! As up front as I am, as real as I am, as straight-forward, as forth-coming, as honest…STILL niggas LIE! WHY?! Just WHY?!

This is me…"Hi my name is Shanette, I'm 24. I have a degree. I have a job…2 in fact. I was supposed to be a doctor but I'm thinking I wanna be a buyer or something really cool like that, kinda like Whitney on the The Hills! I don't have kids. I don't want kids (today…possibly ever). I STRONGLY dislike Memphis. I love God. I'm not a virgin. I like sex…like a LOT…NO you can't fuck me…no I don't have a bf & I'm okay w/that & naw I ain't lying…& no, nothing is wrong w/me…y'all (men) are just whack as hell & I ain't got time for the bullshit! Sure, you can have my number but I may not answer @ first b/c I'm not that good w/phone calls so I'll prolly call you back…eventually…but more than likely I'll text you. Oh yeah, I HATE voicemail…the END! Again, I forewarn you…I'm NO easy task…so…you may wanna re-consider…I'm just saying…" Okay maybe I don't say that verbatim BUT I do get most of that in there upon first meeting…that's a lot of information, but it's really just basic need-to-know…not too deep…just enough for you to know where I am in life & if you can work w/that…if I can work w/you…if you're even working w/something! All I expect in return is the same courtesy of an honest first meeting. ESPECIALLY if you are the one trying to holla…I mean I am really confused as to why niggas feel the need to lie to somebody they don't even know…I mean who am I for you to be lying to??? It's frustrating b/c they could get so much further…so much respect…so much more if they were just honest from jump. Say what you want…that doesn't mean you have to be demeaning about it by saying I just wanna fuck you…but that same phrase can be said in a more tactful way…b/c you never know the chick you checking for maybe just the girl to handle that…she could just want the same. Or she could want more…but you too damn concerned w/selling dreams & shit that you neglect the simple fact that honesty is indeed the best policy…why? B/c the truth ALWAYS comes out & WTF do you voluntarily want to live w/unnecessary lies anyways…weighing down on your conscious…maintaining double, triple, multiple lives based on lies…its insanity to me! Complete & utter INSANITY!

These are the reasons I can't hardly not deal w/niggas…makes my fucking head hurt & I don't like that shit…trying to figure out what is the truth & what is a lie…WHY?! You not even my man & you lying?! Is it just me or is that completely asinine?!

As much as I don't give a fuck about niggas & the dumb shit they be saying, the woman in me still wants to believe that for once @ least one will tell the truth…WRONG! Now I feel like a dumbass! I swear I feel like a fucking idiot…very foolish…why would this bitch introduce me to his friends, be ALL OVER me in public, and practically force me to get a key to his apartment (which I did NOT get)…to end up having a gf! WHY?! Is that not some crazy shit?! Now I feel like a fucking home wrecking low-life slut bitch b/c I'm fucking another girl's man! That's trifling & I don't like it…I don't like it @ all! I do NOT fuck other bitches' niggas…NO thanks! Then this nigga aint even worth it…cus the sex was pretty much WHACK!

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm disappointed in my own self!

Lesson learned ladies: Don't be a fool!

(5/19/08) Update: Uh…I'm still involved…I know right…slap me! I'm just so damn bored…I'm settling & I know that's awful but its true…what's even worse is that I know better yet I digress! I blame Memphis! L

…& these are the reasons I don't bother w/niggas & I'm abstinent more often than not…both factors fuck up my mental & I just can't have that…so Imma do better…boredom or not!

Update #2 (5/26/08): So...I finally asked if in fact he has a gf & he said "yeah, now what?" Now what?! Now what the fuck?! What do you mean, now what?! WTH?! Uh....now I don't even know...isn't that totally horrific?! *sighs* ...I'll be back...unfortunately!

Shamefully,

S. Parks

Love, Part III: “Wanna be loved”

Today's post is brought to you in part by Jilly from Philly a.k.a. Jill Scott, from her latest album The Real Thing: Words & Sounds, Vol. 3.

"I just wanna be loved, like everybody else does. I just wanna be loved!"

So I bought this album on its release date, late last year some time. Actually, I didn't even like it…well I thought it was just okay, but failed in comparison to her previous albums. In fact, I gave it to my sister and said, "I can't get into it…clearly she's @ different place in her life & I can't relate." So I listened a few more times & let it go. Then I went to see her last month when she came to town for 2 nights of straight up & down sanging! I'm talking about this woman is BAD okay! She sounds even better live than she does on wax! 2.5 hours of non-stop singing while standing….performing…her & her band! It was an awesome show! As I watched & listened, really listened to the lyrics, saw her emotion, heard her voice…I could relate. I could understand. I had been in that place. I had felt those feelings. I may have not expressed them in the same form but I could definitely relate to the pain & the pleasure. The lust & the laughter. The tears & the fears. The highs & lowest lows.

Love. The common denominator.

Today I listened to this song (btw-now I listen to this album ALL the time…its GREAT!) & I asked myself if I've ever felt Loved? I have felt it but I can't say for certain that it was real. It could have been lust or like or lust. I mean sure I know my family Loves me, but I'm speaking of the relationships we encounter…w/those who aren't of kin. I wonder how you can be certain that someone Loves you in spite of… how can you be certain that someone Loves you today as they did yesterday or will love you tomorrow as they do today…how can you be certain that its real? It's the feeling, right? It's a feeling deep down, inside, @ the core of your soul…I think…I don't think I've felt that kind of Love. I mean how do you know…how do you know when someone really loves you? When they can't start their day w/o seeing or being or talking w/you? When they include you in every aspect of their life? When they tap into your voicemails, text messages, and e-mail accounts? When they won't let you out of their sight in fear that you'll leave them? When they introduce you to their family insist on meeting yours? When they know how you feel w/o you telling them? When they finish your sentences? When they genuinely want nothing more than to see you happy? When they Love you in spite of…well…you! Are these signs of Love or lust or obsession or insanity or fear or boredom or like??? How can one be sure?!

Sure, I've been in Love & I must say @ its high it was the BEST feeling in the world. I literally felt like I was flying, as if I know what that feels like…high I guess! But man when that high came down…Lord have mercy…I felt lower than low. Umph! It's an inexplicable feeling…but I will say that if this is how an (drug) addict feels…or worse…I think I'd die! It's a pain that has no relief. No medicine. No timetable. No direction. No understanding. No sense! It's awful. I HATE it! For a long time I blamed Love for that pain, for that hurt. As I live, as I learn…I'm understanding Love. I'm still scared as hell of it, but I'm growing in it & befriending it. Love isn't easy, you can't just fuck her & she cums. You can't buy her. You can't bribe her. You can't leave her. You can't beat her. You can't outsmart her. You can't kill her. You live her. You breathe her. You work for her. You work w/her. You give her. You take her…w/you wherever. You respect her. You feed her. You eat her. She's sweet but she's NOT easy!

Do you know how to Love? I know, I know how to Love, but I don't think I know how to be Loved…in lies the dilemma.

But that's all I want is to be Loved…we all want that right?!

Even after I Love me, even after I Love you, I want to know that you Love ME too…sometimes…not today though…lol…I'm still a little terrified of the thought…in Love is cool but LOVE…nay, I'll pass!

This concludes my series on Love…I hope this sheds a little light on me & Love or just Love, or maybe you can in some way. Either way thanks for tuning in. I'm most appreciative!

L8R Lovelies! Have a SUPER fab week!

Oh & Happy Quarter-life to my more than a friend, Bunny!

Love lots!

XOXO,

LOML!/S. Parks

Love, Part II: " I just wanna be a size 4, damnit!"

Guess what…I Love myself…no like really, I LOVE Shanette R. Parks!
I like who I am…who I’m becoming. That’s major b/c not everyone can say that w/assurance though I have never really been that girl to hate herself...I have always been taught self-Love! I have always known I was specially crafted w/a higher purpose, one that even I can’t understand sometimes…but it is what it is & I accept that.

Though I must say I haven’t always been this confident. I have struggled w/body image, in fact I still struggle (hence the title...which I'll elaborate on l8r), but the difference is that now I Love ME: the good, the bad, & the FABULOUS [ ;) ]! You know that song “Flaws & All” by Bey…well initially I thought “WOW, how awesome is that to have someone Love you flaws & all?!” Then I discovered…who can Love me better than Me?! That's right...No One! We, esp. women must stop looking to others for the gratification, the inspiration, the happiness, the Love that is ultimately within! The importance of self-Love is that it empowers you. It convinces you of your authority. It motivates you to be the best you that you can be. It inspires you to inspire others...& be better contribution to the world!

Love is not one that boasts or brags in a cocky manner. It doesn’t have to do so…sure a little “damn I’m haute” doesn’t hurt. In fact, it can help. There was a time in my life when I felt really broken, spiritually & in case you didn’t know if your spirit is broken the rest of you is pretty much dead. Anyways, there was so much going on in my life…I was having school issues; I had lost every physical possession I ever owned; I had been shifted so abruptly; I had experienced major heartbreak. I ultimately felt alone. I felt misunderstood. I felt disappointed. I felt kind of hopeless. Now here’s something about me that may or may not come as a surprise I am an internalist (yes, I made that up), meaning I hold everything that bothers me inside. I’m just not a very open person in that regard, or @ least I wasn’t at that time. Even though I thought I was holding it in, it was showing on the outside…I was breaking out all over my body, my hair was falling out drastically, I was losing weight rather rapidly (the one thing I didn’t mind), I was sleeping a lot or not @ all, I was becoming quite anti-social (though not a far-fetch). I had to deal w/all these things & find some way to still Love myself…that is when I discovered the inside is what determines the outer. I know it seems quite cliché but seriously think about it…how many times have you met a person that you thought was utterly fab or haute & you anxiously await the moment you converse & when you do...what do you find?! Their attitude is way stank or they’re dumb as hell & you’re like “okay, all of a sudden you look like shit!” That’s what I mean if the inside is fucked up, well the outside is basically wasted! So I had to pull from w/in & it was @ what was seemingly my lowest point that the only person I could depend on was ME! I talked to God…I talked to myself…I talked to God & myself again. I found that people are people…flawed & you just can’t depend on people. It’s like investing…sometimes you gain sometimes you lose…& you have to learn to accept that & roll w/it & once you do you’ll find that, as the great Malcolm X said “…every defeat, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance next time.” Basically there is a life lesson in everything…well that it is if we use it as such. Lessons are preparations for future tests, yes? So, if we take it as such we will be smart enough to recognize the test & pass w/flying colors! That’s what I learned that ultimately I’m all I’ve got. As much as I HATE to admit it…I’m an adult. I’m a Christian. On the road to being a Woman & I have to start thinking and living as such! I had to re-program my thought process. I say re-… b/c even when I was young there was very little one could tell me about whom I was or who I would be, aside from my Mother…basically you couldn’t tell me NOTHING…you might hurt my feelings b/c I was as sensitive as a poodle (read a book) but after I shed a tear or told my Mommy, I got back on my shit & basically said “fuck you!”

That’s you gotta say to them h8ing ass bitches and niggas, b/c I don’t give a fuck who you are…there is someone who has or will h8 on you, precious, it’s inevitable…like death…so deal w/it…shit take it as a compliment…I do…means I’m doing something right! So I love it! “H8 on me H8ers!”…like Ye said, “h8er niggas marry h8er bitches & have h8er kids…so sometimes the shit is just innate & folk can’t help it…so you just got ‘scuse them precious & do what?! Do YOU! Be YOU! Love YOU! You might just find while you tryna be like other folk that they tryna be like yo ass…cus you cool & shit & didn’t even know…aint that some shit!





…okay, okay…so I’m not perfect (yet) & sometimes, well I all the time I write these posts for myself btw-if I offend you, in the process, I kinda don’t give a fuck b/c I was doing this for me anyways! …oh but back to my indiscretions…unfortunately I have my hang-ups as well (fucking tv & magazines & internet) & that’s mainly my weight…it’s the actual number I’m totally obsessed w/…the number on the scale…the number in my clothes…I know it doesn’t equate to happiness but for some reason I can’t shake the thought that being a size 4 will make me PERFECT! I know, I know…its insane & totally unattainable (perfection), but that’s just how my crazy brain works…in the mean time I wear my 8’s STRONG boo & looking oh-so-fab doing so, holla...picture me rollin (lmao)!

So Love you honey…cus if you don’t…well…you know the rest!

Goodnite, Lovelies...I leave you w/one of my fave quotes by an awesome man!

“If you have no confidence in self you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence you have won even before you have started.” Marcus Garvey

Have a fab week!
♥,
Sdotter ALWAYS making it hauter!

Love, Part I

I think that there is a misconception about me & my view of Love.
I'm not anti-Love.
I'm just hard on Love, b/c Love is hard on me.
Love isn't a game. Its real. I take it seriously.
Sure the in Love aspect is fun & airy, but L-O-V-E ain't shit about it fun it is what it is & its tough to ME!!! That's why real Love, cost...& it ain't cheap! Its worth having. Its worth preserving. Its worth it...when its real.
Hence my current stance on Love may not be as light & care-free as the next girl who's in Love or ready to be in Love or falls in & out of Love @ random.

...that's just not ME...this is ME...

(btw-this is a 3-part series!)

I'm learning about love.
What it means.
How it feels.
What it does.
How it taste.
What it sees.
How it smells.
What it says.
How it dwells.

In the past couple of years, more so in the recent months, I have recognized the unconditional, unwavering, untainted Love of God. WOW! Its so amazing to me that His Love is so encompassing, of all the good, all the bad, all the ups, all the downs, all the sins & all the frowns. He still Loves us! Is that not amazing to you?

He blesses me even when I fuck up, even when I don't deserve it, when I disappoint him, when I lie, when I cheat, when I steal. When I don't do my part. When I neglect my share. When I don't tithe. When I don't pray. When I don't read. When I don't sit & stay...to hear what he has to say. When I don't recognize that it is b/c of him I am here...today! That's almost asinine to me...parents can stop Loving children...though that's hard to imagine its true...friends can stop Loving friends...spouses stop Loving each other...children stop Loving parents...siblings stop Loving each other...BUT God...the God we take for granted, the God we use & abuse...the God we mistreat & misuse...the God we put in a box...the God we call on when convenient...STILL Loves us! Does that right there not make you want to run outside & scream GLORY to the top of your lungs?! I'm not that big on screaming but maybe through this post, God will know how much I Love Him, how much I am learning about Him, how much I appreciate Him. How I just want to do better for Him.

I'm not perfect though I claim to be. I know my faults. I'm working on those. I know my wrongs. I'm righting those. But in the midst of it all...I am comforted in knowing that the God I serve Loves me no matter what & for that reason alone I can't NOT serve Him! He Loved me first & He'll Love me last-that right there is just...WOW!!!

Therefore Love is important, I can't imagine my life w/o God's Love...it in turn grants me His grace, His mercy, His strength, His power, His will, His plan, His purpose, His wisdom. Hence I am in love w/the idea of love...when Love can Love ME even when I don't Love it...WOW! I'm in awe! I'm in awe of God. Just think about it & I dare you not to get emotional, not to want to just do a little better than you're doing, if for nothing else than a sign of appreciation. Seriously, that's not just a love I want...that's a love I need...one in which I can't live w/o!

I'm sure most are familiar w/this scripture but I thought it befitting to include in today's post...so take this w/you...read it, re-read it, analyze it, break it down, apply it...to you & your situation, talk to God, discuss it w/him. Eat it (b/c it is food...for your soul). Live it. Breathe it!

1 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have Love, it profits me nothing. 4 Love is patient, Love is kind and is not jealous; Love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part; 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. 13 But now faith, hope, Love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is Love. (1 Corinthians 13, New American Standard Bible)

Love Yourself folks, b/c if you don't...no one else will...& everyone wants to be loved...even ME!

Peace. Love. & Happiness!

XoXo,

S. Parks