Monday, February 23, 2009

"Why is She Here, Ike?!"

*brought to you in part by "What's Love Got to do with it?!"

Have you ever wondered why certain people are in your lives, better yet how they got in, in the 1st damn place???

I don't wonder that often b/c I usually keep the same people in my life pretty consistently. Even in college I just wasn't prone to making new friends, maybe acquaintances but not new friends. I'm just super cautious about who comes into my life. However sometimes people slip in or even those that were in can really make you wonder how on earth you got involved w/such characters.

Sometimes I can go days or weeks w/o speaking to someone & they & even I will wonder why & I think it's b/c they have no real value in my life, like they serve no purpose. They're just here. Well who needs that??? I surely don't, but I'm a special case, so maybe you do. I'm just saying take a survey of the people in your life & really determine why is ______ here?! If the answer isn't beneficial for you, then I would say alleviate some of that dead weight in your life. Let me clarify that initial sentence there are people in your life who for you, whether you talk to them everyday or hell once a year, the frequency in conversation does not change that, then there are people who just exist & ultimately mean you no good, whether consciously or subconsciously, those are the people I'm referring to...the times in which you talk or visit or socialize have absolutely nothing to do w/their purpose in your life...I think I was referring thinking of the people that I communicate w/on the regular but it could also be those who I hardly speak or whatever...either way..."why is he/she here?!"

I know this will sound strange but again I'm a special case so bear with me...this probably has to do with the fact that I don't hardly not care about anything or anyone nor have any feelings @ the moment...Anyway, as of lately I have been telling people, friends or whatever they are, when we argue or disagree or what have you that if they feel as though our relationship, meaning the one they are in w/me is not conducive to their lifestyle or not beneficial to their well-being or takes away from their overall happiness, then I would recommend that they not be my friend, or maybe we should take a break, or not spend as much time together or whatever. As I read that I can see how asshole-ish it sounds, but that is sincerely not my intention. I'm being very honest when I say I know I'm quite much to take on & I'm not for everyone just as everyone is not for me. So I give that option of an out b/c I'm pretty much not gonna change for anyone except myself & Jesus so until then, if @ all, I'm just like deal w/it or don't! Lol, I say that SO much "either deal w/it or don't, honey"..."& if you're gonna deal w/it change your attitude about it!"

Hell if I keep coming w/this depressing ass posts you might wanna ask yourself that question about me, lol...again you have that out...b/c I'm pretty sure until I get up & outta this city or @ least get a decent job or start my business, these posts won't be too high life...I mean anything is possible, but I'm just letting you know now...maybe it's just today...I feel awful, yuck!

L8r tricks!

~S. Parks

Apathy

I'm already a very nonchalant person but somehow that turned into apathy. There is very little that bothers, angers, or disrupts me these days...on the other hand there's very little that arouses, excites, or amuses me these days. I mean I've never been easily excited person nor quick-tempered...I'm pretty calm but this is somewhat of a different situation & it has me fairly concerned.

I've gotten into such a routine, such a ritual, such a mundane lifestyle that it seems rather okay to me to not really care about anything...I've subdued the feelings of misery (being in Memphis) & replaced them w/apathy. A very sad situation might if I do say so myself...to be 25 & just feel apathetic about life...I have virtually no feelings about anything. I go to work. I do my job. I run my errands. I get things done. I pay my bills. I buy nothing new. I have sex & convince myself it helps me feel better. I hang out w/pretty much the same people & do the same stuff.

When in the hell did this become my life??? Life? This is not even me...let alone life! I'm just existing...not living. Wait, wasn't I just talking about living??? Well to be honest w/you...I just feel like I'm just here, no liveliness, just here...going through the motions. I try to hold on to the goals & keep the visions in plain sight but somewhere along the way I've kinda lost myself in trying not to lose my mind. What does that mean?! What I attempted to do was not complain, deal w/Memphis & do what I could do to sustain peace of mind, which were the things I listed above, all the while interfering w/my self-motivation & drive. Not that I pity myself by no means b/c I know very well how blessed I am & how much I have to offer the world, but sometimes we need that discomfort, that feeling of disgust & dissatisfaction to keep us on our toes.

Apathy is a scary thing b/c when you don't care about or you don't really feel...anything...you are prone to do things uncharacteristic or get into situations that are almost unbelievable.

Let me get a sidebar right here...this is a HUGE problem w/today's youth, specifically black children. They have not a care in the world & it is absolutely frightening. For children so young with so much potential, with whole lives to live, just not care about anyone or anything including themselves. It is difficult to teach, to rear, to help, to mentor, to reach these children. Where does the future lie for us if no one cares about??? It is my sincere hope that Obama has ignited a mental fire in the youth of today. It is also my hope that my generation will take more responsibility for the actions of our children now & make a sincere effort to instill in them the importance of preserving life for the future.

Okay back to myself. I was trying to figure out how exactly did I get to be like this & I have discovered it is a combination of things. Like I said I've always been nonchalant + my life right now is just not impressive to me @ all + my last relationship & the way in which it ended + other misc. factors = an apathetic individual. I know you're probably tired of hearing me complain about Memphis, b/c I'm tired of hearing me complain about Memphis...so I'll pass on explaining that b/c it is self-explanatory, if not refer to previous posts. The nonchalant factor I'll attribute to my father & keep it moving. The last relationship has been played out enough, no need to revisit that again. The misc. factors are probably the recession, Hurricane Katrina (yes, I know it was like 4 years ago, but I'm still affected, thanks), & my lack of prayer life. I talk a good game, in fact I could be a motivational speaker or something, but on the inside I'm probably not doing half the shit I advise others to do! How hypocritical of me?! Yes I know, but that's what it is...I'm my own worst enemy & my biggest critic...who gives out tons of advice whether you want it or not yet I don't deal w/my own shit, umph! Shame, shame!

Now how do I get myself out of this position before I self-destruct?! Well do what I said do in the "Live full. Die Empty" post. Initially I was thinking that maybe if someone came into my life that really cared about me then maybe I could possibly feel again, then I remembered that that has happened already, "2nd Chance", duh! Which-btw-further lets me know I just wasn't that into him...you see how I just forgot about him like that...so anyways conclusion drawn, nothing to do w/anyone or anything else...the answer lies in me, per usual!

I swear I've got the Monday blues some terrible so pardon all my sad little posts...of course you know who/what I blame...the big M!

Signing off,

S. Parks

Have a SUPER week, lol, no really!

Out of Control.

Have you ever felt completely out of control?

Or.

Maybe you didn't even realize that you are not in control of you life?



I am definitely a control freak...not that I necessarily want to control other people but it's my own life I am obsessed with controlling. Right now I just don't feel in control...like I go to a job & they kinda control what I do...I live w/my family & they kinda controls what I do or don't...I'm involved in a rather stupid situation w/a man & as much I hate to admit...he controls just about everything that happens...when...where...how...etc. & I don't like it! Utter bitchassness!

Oh wait how could I forget my biggest issue-last but definitely not least...I'm so NOT in control of my weight, which is in direct result of not being in control of mind...see a lot of these things are mental & giving up your mental freedom is never a good thing, in fact is absolutely the worst thing you can ever do, I think. I just cannot believe I've gained like 15 lbs. It's absolutely awful, as if I need yet another problem, ugh!

Just look @ the Willie Lynch instructional guide for keeping a slave a slave...through the mind, while the mind is powerful is also dangerous...well b/c it's powerful. When you control a person's mind, you can make them do whatever, however & guess what that same mentality passes on from generation to generation...I know I've gone a bit off into the deep end but I'm just saying if you're in a situation where anyone other than Jesus controls you, you obviously have a problem!

People can't even control the stock market therefore I definitely don't want a simple-minded person controlling me! If I'm going to do some damage or some good I'd rather take all the credit myself. Now how do regain control of my life...well, do whatever I wanna do when I wanna do it, lol, no like I'm serious & if I don't have the means to do so, well then that means I need to get my damn shit together. You know who's a good example of a person who does what they want, when they want...Kanye West...love him or hate him (obviously I ♥ him!), he marches to his own drum, literally & I love it. I love when people don't just accept what's in front of them, when they probe & wonder how they can bring their own perspective into something. I think that's very hott in a man too. I like a challenging man b/c I am definitely a challenging woman (calling myself a woman is strange). I just like it when people don't allow me to dominate them b/c I can & will definitely try to do so! I do think b/c I am such a strong-minded, aggressive person that when I'm involved w/a man I sometimes quiet myself...particularly in sexual situations...I don't usually prefer to be in control-that was just a side note...completely off subject.

Anyways...the only man I want to be in control of my life right now is Jesus Christ. I swear if I could surrender myself totally & completely, things would be so much easier...yes I said it, b/c I know some folk wouldn't admit it, but I still have a vast amount of work to do when it comes to surrendering my entire self to the Lord! I thank Him for being patient, but I'm not going to take you for granted God, I'm coming on around!

Anywhoo...guys & gals...if you're feeling a bit out of control, blame it on the recession like everyone else, lol...I kid. Blame it on yourself but don't beat yourself up about it...it happens, just recognize that it's not okay & work on it & pray about it & keep it moving.

Hey maybe you can blame it on your location, like I do...stupid Memphis...I kid...kinda :)

Well have a productive, awesomely in control week folks...I'm blowing...

~S. Parks

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Live full. Die empty.

*brought to you in part by Mr. Les Brown*



If you died today, would you feel as though you have really lived & died w/no regrets? Not necessarily that you accomplished all your goals, b/c we're always setting new goals or that you wouldn't maybe do some things differently, but simply that you thought of today, this day as the day that the Lord has made & you rejoiced & were glad in it. You know I'm not like a big bible quoter, not that that's uncool, I just don't know it well enough, but I believe there is something in there about in all things be content, or something to that effect. I always wondered what that meant, like when I thought of contentment I thought negatively. I guess b/c it just kinda seems associated w/settling, but I have come to find that it simply means or I feel it means to be satisfied. In all that you do be satisfied with what you have done. Wake up & be satisfied that God is yet in control & as long as you do your apart then it will be a good day. Be satisfied in the moment...whatever that requires & if you are not then it is up to no one else but yourself to change that & while you are doing so be satisfied in that, but all the while give God His praise for satisfaction...for contentment.



take a moment & think about that



I know times are really really rough on so many levels. $$$ always puts a strain on things, even when you have it...it interferes w/so much & can damage relationships & ruin lives. However life STILL goes on...I say that all the time now...if you die today, I have to keep living tomorrow & vice-versa...I mean shit happens in life there is no avoiding that. It's about the way you handle it & what you do about it that counts. So I say in this time of despair & turmoil & uncertainty go for the gold, take a chance, live it out a dream. Why? B/c what do you have to lose? I mean honestly is shit is already bad, hell worse won't hurt so much but better would be just awesome. Think about your passion, your true desire & aspirations in life...jot them down or keep them in your mind, whatever works...its just then you write things down you are more likely to do them...but however you do it, just do it! The time is now, to LIVE not exist & to do so w/fullness.



Let us take the most tangible, visible, current example we have thus far...President Barack Obama.

A man against ALL odds made something happen that surely people thought wouldn't happen anytime soon if not never. No one knocked on this man's door & gave him any nominations nor elections. He fought for what he wanted. He took a risk. A HUGE risk. He whole-hearted set a goal & accomplished...you know what that was probably on half the goal...you can just tell when God is involved in something b/c things just fall into place & they look effortless, but guess what the work & the commitment has to be put forth & of course God will take care of his part. I'm sure President Obama faced several obstacles along the way & I'm certain there were days when he wanted to call it quits but each & everyday he kept fighting for what he believed & even if he failed, you cannot say he did not try. He lived. He lives. He succeeded. He succeeds.


I know how some people like to talk about timing & due season, but, how will you know if it is in fact your time if you aren't even trying? If you are not making an effort? If you're just setting goals & wishing they come true. Honey that's just not it, life nor God works like that...you have to set goals but follow through. Sure Obama tag line largely involved Hope, but hope w/o action is a waste & he's displaying just how hope + action=change. You can hope all day but if there is no action there is no progression. Even if there is rejection involved, again that's life, how will you know what is for you w/o knowing what is not?

I say go for it, that's what I say. I feel like the fulfillment & joy of doing what you love supersedes any amount of $...I know, I know I'm BIG on $ & I am, however $ will come & go but happiness is priceless & I would absolutely take happiness over $ any day (but Lord please give me both, lol)!

Anyways, I'm just saying take a chance...I don't know what it is you aspire to do, but just think of how simply taking a chance, whether you're "successful" or not, could be an inspiration to someone else to do something they've aspired to do. I don't know I'm just saying...live a little, even when times are seemingly dire...pray & live & be the best you, you can be!

Godspeed!
~Shanette Renea

Thursday, February 5, 2009

SHE's just not that into you...

This is for Markita.



I have absolutely NO idea how you know when a girl's just not that into you b/c I'm a boy, lmao!

I kid, I kid...kinda...I may not be the best person to ask how do you know when a girl's not that into you b/c I'm never into anyone + I don't like to do stuff most girls like to do...but I'll try to think more like a girl & less like...well...myself.

When she doesn't know that you're into her...see girls are kinda different even if they aren't into you they still want to think that you would be into them even though they aren't even into you...wait maybe that's how guys & shallow girls are...idk!
Well I think when a girl doesn't know that you're into here its easier to tell when she's not into you...girls for the most part are touchy-feely however sometimes when they are into someone they won't be...so depending on how she hugs you...is it a friendly hug like upper body hug or is it more physical, like full body.
Oh here's a big one...does she talk to other guys in front of you, she's definitely NOT into you if she will talk to another guy in front of you, unless he's gay, that's really disrespectful anyways! So you may want to reconsider her, she's trife!
If she tries to hook you up w/other girls.
If she talks to you about other guys, like not really getting your opinion but just in conversation "so on so does this & that & blah blah"...but if she kinda wants your opinion a lot, that maybe an indicator that she's into you.
If she will only text you...now even I must say that @ some point, if I like someone, I want to talk to them on the phone sometimes.



This is when she knows you like her...
When she only wants to hang out w/you if someone else, like another friend, probably mutual, is there as well.
When she actually would prefer that you not pay for her...food...or whatever.
When she acts distant.
When she feels less comfortable around you.
When she tells you she doesn't want to ruin your friendship.
When you kiss her or attempt to & she pulls back or doesn't allow it to happen again.

When she says...she's just not that into you...that's what I would do!

A regular girl should do this...I'm too uh...idk...different...but hey whatever...girls don't play games as much as guys @ least not in this regard...you will usually know when a girl doesn't like you.

Signing off,

~S. Parks