Love, Part III: “Wanna be loved”

Today's post is brought to you in part by Jilly from Philly a.k.a. Jill Scott, from her latest album The Real Thing: Words & Sounds, Vol. 3.

"I just wanna be loved, like everybody else does. I just wanna be loved!"

So I bought this album on its release date, late last year some time. Actually, I didn't even like it…well I thought it was just okay, but failed in comparison to her previous albums. In fact, I gave it to my sister and said, "I can't get into it…clearly she's @ different place in her life & I can't relate." So I listened a few more times & let it go. Then I went to see her last month when she came to town for 2 nights of straight up & down sanging! I'm talking about this woman is BAD okay! She sounds even better live than she does on wax! 2.5 hours of non-stop singing while standing….performing…her & her band! It was an awesome show! As I watched & listened, really listened to the lyrics, saw her emotion, heard her voice…I could relate. I could understand. I had been in that place. I had felt those feelings. I may have not expressed them in the same form but I could definitely relate to the pain & the pleasure. The lust & the laughter. The tears & the fears. The highs & lowest lows.

Love. The common denominator.

Today I listened to this song (btw-now I listen to this album ALL the time…its GREAT!) & I asked myself if I've ever felt Loved? I have felt it but I can't say for certain that it was real. It could have been lust or like or lust. I mean sure I know my family Loves me, but I'm speaking of the relationships we encounter…w/those who aren't of kin. I wonder how you can be certain that someone Loves you in spite of… how can you be certain that someone Loves you today as they did yesterday or will love you tomorrow as they do today…how can you be certain that its real? It's the feeling, right? It's a feeling deep down, inside, @ the core of your soul…I think…I don't think I've felt that kind of Love. I mean how do you know…how do you know when someone really loves you? When they can't start their day w/o seeing or being or talking w/you? When they include you in every aspect of their life? When they tap into your voicemails, text messages, and e-mail accounts? When they won't let you out of their sight in fear that you'll leave them? When they introduce you to their family insist on meeting yours? When they know how you feel w/o you telling them? When they finish your sentences? When they genuinely want nothing more than to see you happy? When they Love you in spite of…well…you! Are these signs of Love or lust or obsession or insanity or fear or boredom or like??? How can one be sure?!

Sure, I've been in Love & I must say @ its high it was the BEST feeling in the world. I literally felt like I was flying, as if I know what that feels like…high I guess! But man when that high came down…Lord have mercy…I felt lower than low. Umph! It's an inexplicable feeling…but I will say that if this is how an (drug) addict feels…or worse…I think I'd die! It's a pain that has no relief. No medicine. No timetable. No direction. No understanding. No sense! It's awful. I HATE it! For a long time I blamed Love for that pain, for that hurt. As I live, as I learn…I'm understanding Love. I'm still scared as hell of it, but I'm growing in it & befriending it. Love isn't easy, you can't just fuck her & she cums. You can't buy her. You can't bribe her. You can't leave her. You can't beat her. You can't outsmart her. You can't kill her. You live her. You breathe her. You work for her. You work w/her. You give her. You take her…w/you wherever. You respect her. You feed her. You eat her. She's sweet but she's NOT easy!

Do you know how to Love? I know, I know how to Love, but I don't think I know how to be Loved…in lies the dilemma.

But that's all I want is to be Loved…we all want that right?!

Even after I Love me, even after I Love you, I want to know that you Love ME too…sometimes…not today though…lol…I'm still a little terrified of the thought…in Love is cool but LOVE…nay, I'll pass!

This concludes my series on Love…I hope this sheds a little light on me & Love or just Love, or maybe you can in some way. Either way thanks for tuning in. I'm most appreciative!

L8R Lovelies! Have a SUPER fab week!

Oh & Happy Quarter-life to my more than a friend, Bunny!

Love lots!

XOXO,

LOML!/S. Parks