thank you & you're welcome pt. 2

An ode to exes:

Let me preface this by saying that I know everyone is different, but we're much more alike than we know, black/white, men/women, rich/poor. Hence I'm not comparing my exes. I'm honoring them for the lights they shined in my life during our stint(s) together. Everything isn't all bad guys. Clearly there were good times & though we aren't together anymore we have the option to not dwell on the negative & focus on the positive. Everyone likes to be appreciated whether the things were doing are part of the job or not...so even though some of you guys are jackasses, I managed to muster up a couple 'thank yous' for you as well.

Let's go:

Thank yous (b/c, for):

1) Your basketball shorts & over-sized tees. They bring me such comfort after a hard day's work.

2) Your arms. They made me feel safe.

3) Your chest. It made me feel like nothing else mattered.

4) Your $. Like coupons it saved me a ton!

5) Your deep voice. It made me tingle inside.

6) Respecting me. It made me appreciate being a woman.

7) Hearing me, listening to me & knowing the difference. It made me feel relevant, to you.

8) Considering my feelings. It made me feel important, to you.

9) Being my knight & shining armor, @ the time. It made me feel more like the princess that I am.

10) Your generosity. It made me recognize my worth & believe in it!

11) Most important, for showing me what I want in life, love & legacy (& what I don't). It made me realize this is not the end but only beginning of a life of love, something we all want!

***The great sex, I'm fortunate enough that all my past partners could put it DOWN in the bedroom-if nowhere else-& we all know how much of a sexual person I am, so that was important to me. It made me appreciate love-making.***

You're welcome for being allowed the privilege of being a component in my life. Your time spent has shaped & molded not only me, but more importantly you. To your future/current significant other, you're welcome, for that man that you have now, is significantly closer to being the man of your dreams, thanks to me! I would say thank you & come again, but unfortunately, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. So we wish you well in all your future endeavors. God bless & be FAB!

♥

XoXo
~SRJP
*Slappy-Cookie-WifeyParks-Renea-T.O.*

Thank You & You're Welcome!

On the book of faces I saw this status in my news feed:
THANKs for....the first time we met, the friendship, being selfish, the last time we were together, passing me by,noticing,letting me think you're mine when you never were,for nothing but most importantly EVERYTHING!
My lovely friend Markita Miller.

Of course I had to comment (after a little thought & a crappy day-mentally):
As do I...thanks for...telling the truth, while being a liar...being a giver, while stealing my heart...listening to me, while never saying a word...loving me, while leaving me w/o an explanation! Thanks for absolutely nothing & you're WELCOME for absolutely EVERYTHING (BITCH)!!!
I told you it was that kind of day!

She (Ms. Miller) in turn followed up with an explanation about the initial status & couple 'thank yous' she forgot to mention:t
...thanks for making me realize that I AM SO much better than YOU and for making me feel like I was NO good. The things that make you embrace your worth huh guys.

Wow! Are you wowed b/c I'm nearly floored. The power in her last 2 lines took me some place else with the thank you note & I'm just now (2 weeks later) able to really dissect those thoughts & feelings.

That crappola day I had up there, comes & goes every few days. B/c every few days, I start to reconsider the reasons my ex & I parted ways. I start to reconsider the reasons we aren't back together. I start to reconsider the reasons why he doesn't call & barely texts. I start to then reconsider why does he randomly text & sporadically appears (ie on my damn Pandora station...thanks Facebook) right before my eyes. I start to reconsider what I could have done better. I start to reconsider what I should have done better. I start to reconsider what I said...what I didn't say...how I said it & how I didn't say it. I start to reconsider letting it go & moving on. I start to reconsider calling him & apologizing for what I've done. All the while...the Shanette I've always known is drowning in all that self-pity, guilt, bitterness. I don't know this Shanette.

I decided to reflect on that ultimate break-up which occurred about 4-5 years ago (I can't recall his nickname on here). Talk about devastation! My Lord! B/c I'm certain He is the only reason that not only I made it but he made it...to see another day. Not that you should compare break-ups b/c you shouldn't, just like you shouldn't compare significant others. It's just not fair b/c they don't compare. However for writing & evaluation purposes that's exactly what I'm about to do...only I'm comparing the Shanettes. The Shanette from years ago was so extra crass, gangsta-like, w/a real 'fuck you' attitude! The Shanette today consciously suppresses that Shanette. She recognizes that in order to be successful not just in relationship but life in general that emotionally scarred girl has to better cope w/her issues as a young woman. I said all that to say. My recent ex insinuated that I was still that girl-which I wasn't offended by UNTIL he suggested it was just who I was & I was pretty much incapable of changing. It is the 1 thing that literally pisses me off to no end, when I think of us no longer being together. In my eyes he basically gave up on me. He decided my fate before I could, in turn deciding our fate w/o consulting me. Now what gave him such insight, balls & audacity....no clue!

I have to ponder though why that notion upsets me so...is it b/c it is in fact true? Am I still trapped in that damaged (for a number of uncontrollable & controllable reasons) state?
I disagreed then & I'm on the fence now.
I can only be me, whoever she is...she is multifaceted.
Not one-dimensional. Yes, I am harsh & no that's not changing.
Yes I have & can have an absolutely despicable attitude but that's not a character trait its a coping mechanism.
This is when you learn about you but also when you learn about the type of significant other you need. Not that anyone should have to deal w/anything in particular...but I know I can't & won't deal w/being placed in a box...by anyone or anything. I have to have room to grow.
Here in lies the difference: The 1st Shanette was content & confused by him & herself. This Shanette is only confused by him. I know I'm not perfect by any means b/c I'm great by all means, including this break-up (POW!). Hence I'm reminded that in the end, I'm all I've got, when my man's gone, my money's low, & my friends are busy...I'm all I've got, me & the Lord...all I need, to get by! So I thank him, my recent ex, for reminding me that greatness can't be contained & not everyone is meant to go w/the flow of greatness, for it is indeed a trying journey, a roller-coaster of events, emotions, & transitions to say the least...If I were 5'9, you could say I had the soul of a 6'4 person, like T.I. ...but since I'm 6 feet anyway (giant to most)...I'm just being who I was designed to be & that's all I can be!!!\

Thanks again...& you're absolutely welcome for everything!
I am utterly the gift & the curse. The gift of having experienced such greatness. The curse of having experienced such greatness. .

On that note I'm greatly in need of rest.
Nite.
Remember to love God & yourself-the rest will take care of itself!
Who so ever can't get w/that can definitely get lost!

XoXo-

all the Shanettes...the great. the not so great. & the FABulous!

It'll ALL Get BETTER with TIME!!!

*today's post is brought to by Leona Lewis"
I love how music can always make me feel either better or worse...no in between, but I just love that it relates to me...& yes I meant to type it that way...music relates to me I don't relate to it!

Anyway I have had a roller coaster of emotions this week. I'm exhausted from feeling! So literally broke down on Wednesday & cried my eyes out, in my closet, on my hands & knees-asking God to take it all from me. As soon as I said those words I wiped those tears, stopped feeling sorry for myself, took back the control in my life, & decided things don't have to be this way. I thanked God in advance for His undeniable & everlasting love.

I'd rather not delve into the things that were weighing me down but I will say this, none of it was worth it! I can't make anyone love me the way I think I should be loved. I can only love me the way I should be loved, according to the way God loves me-I just said something there...let's examine. I wonder how many people actually realize that w/o understanding God's love for us, we are forever lost. At the end of each day, all we want is love & happiness, Al Green clearly knows his stuff, guess that's why he came a reverend-okay off subject...back on...I'm just saying that we put so much of our hopes & aspirations into others b/c we know very little about ourselves, what were capable of & who we really are ( I guess this is a continuation of my last post).

Sometimes you just have to reach a certain limit in life where you literally say to yourself "I don't want to do this anymore." To me that means, "I AM SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!" I looked in the mirror last night & I simply said Shanette, you are so much better than these piss-poor choices you've made, these people you're around, these situations you're in...I am certain that this is not my life hence I'm changing it! Yep, I am in control, so I'm changing my course...actually I'm getting back on course w/God's plan & I know it'll all get better with time. How do I know? That I'm destined for greatness & designed with a purpose?

Ephesians 2:10
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.


I know sometimes we like to take the easy way out. The cop out. The fear route. Well that's not the way. You have to go through a little something to really understand & appreciate that this thing is a journey, here to teach us lessons, to challenge us, to inspire us, to help us to help others, to leave a legacy, an imprint, a mark on the world. Now look at yourself, are you prepared today to leave your mark? What would your imprint be? Will anyone want to carry on your legacy? It's so easy for us to think that everything is all about us & our little problems are gigantic because they affect us greatly, but if we look around the world still goes on, so why not continue as we go on this journey with it's unexpected, unforeseen good and bad events...let's do it with some tenacity, some courage, some optimism & some style. I mean maybe, just maybe that will not only make it get better w/time, but be okay, today.

Be thankful, for what you have and what you don't...

Happy Friday Folks!

~srjp

You can STILL be who you wish you is-SATC 2 edition!

Lord, if you're listening & I know you are, here in lies my dream job...to be a wardrobe designer...for a movie, a runway show, a video even, regular folk, rich folk, poor folk...I want it all! Literally! I want to write books, own a boutique, start a magazine, back an accessories line, design a shoe line & run a non-profit!!! Yes! I want it all!!! All in FABulosity!!!

As I'm sure all of you know, SATC 2 (Sex & the City 2), is on it's way to the theatres...ask me if I can wait?! I feel like I can't but of course I will & clearly I am...I mean I have no choice! In the meantime, I'm reading every news article, watching every tv appearance, perusing every on-line photo, in anticipation for the BIG day!!! It will indeed be a big todo, we're (my chicas & I) are grabbing cocktails & hitting the theatre in a snazzy getup & making it a night!!! Guess WHAT!!! My look is together *the crowd gasp in pleased shock* Well, at least I think I do :) actually as I typed that I had a vision of something else to compliment it, but I probably won't make a fuss, so it's done! I'm going to see the midnight showing tonight and the "girls night soiree" tomorrow @ 6:30! Have I mentioned that I can hardly wait *bites nails-before I get my manicure this evening*!

You know I was watching the episodes, last night, (Season 6) & I just realized how much Carrie has not changed...in loving herself. I admire a lot of things about Carrie Bradshaw, but what I love is her unconditional love for herself! Men have come & gone, spats w/friends, job changes, etc...but all in all, Carrie never stops loving herself. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a simple & silently confident way that's unoffensive, yet inspiring. In & out of relationships, she remains true to who she is, as an individual. I respect that! We can all take note of that, as we go through life. It's okay, in fact it's healthy, to make adjustments to one's appearance & even attitude. It's okay to take in constructive criticism & even harsh critiques, but at the end and the beginning of the day, you are already you, so be that person & be the best at it that you can be! For example, Carrie gives up smoking for Aidan, no easy task I'm sure, especially for Carrie, who lived with a cig in hand...BUT is the definition of Carrie, a smoker, I doubt it. Hence, giving up a small habit for a potentially, special person, that ultimately benefits self, isn't such a bad deal...maybe a little inconvenient but not wrong! Granted, sometimes there is a grey area & the line becomes a little unclear, but that's when you have to know yourself!
Who are YOU? With no make-up on, no fancy duds, no blackberry/i-phone, no botox, no implants, no weight gain/loss, no parents, no children, no right & no wrong...who are you on the inside...let's all hope that we're someone to remember, not so much for what we did but for who we were while doing it!

Do you remember when Ms. Bradshaw said this:
"…relationships. There are those that open you up to something new & exotic, those that are old & familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, & those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging & significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

Well, I won't include the preview for the new movie, b/c personally I'm sick of watching it-I'm just ready for the real thing!

This is a SN but a very important one:
You can't even begin to love someone else without loving yourself first and how do you love yourself, even on days you feel and look like crap-you remember that God loves you at your best and your worst! Why?! He made you-DUH! Therefore he knows who & whose you are! He also knows your destiny, so I'd advise you to trust him! It is impossible to love others unless you know, believe and receive God's love. 1 John 4:19 says, We love because he first loved us.

Have a FABulous day & enjoy the movie girls (& guys-I do know a few)!!!

XoXo-

SRJP

An Echoed Element of Freedom

So I'm not like a huge A. Keys fan but I did like her prior to her involvement w/Swiss Beatz, though I know were supposed to diasscoaite personal & professional lives of celebrities. I'm sorry it just doesn't work that...she dropped 3 notches in class level when she started that relationship. I also know you cant control who you love, but I do know you can control your actions, if you're a normally functioning human being.



Anyway...so not the point of this article. My agenda here was to attest to the greatness that is Alicia, musically. Now her previous albums have never been thoroughly dynamic. A few songs here, a couple tracks there, but nothing complete. However, this album, this Element of Freedom, absolutely INCREDIBLE!!! The music, the lyrics, the depth...I love it & it couldvery well be b/c I'm going through something right now, but in my opinion that makes it even better!

Check out "Like the Sea" & "Unthinkable!" (though the whole cd is hott-nice Summer nights music)



I've been planning to write this post for some time now, but y'all know how I can get lacksidasical. So I was listening to it morning, noon & night but as of lately I've transitioned to Leona Lewis' Echo'. Which I've clearly slept on, b/c I've had it for MONTHS!!! Craziness, right?! It is an awesome album currently my fave songs are Outta My Head & Can't Breathe! Her voice, her voice, undeniably unique, distinct & incredibly soothing. She's a very pretty girl too! She has a great sense of style too, so you know that really makes me love her!!!







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Happy Thursday boys & girls!!!
Remember to love God & yourself...everyone else will follow suit!

~SRJP

Hello lovers *in my Carrie Bradshaw voice*

How the heck have you guys been?!?!

I've missed you bunches!!!

Happy New Year!!!

Soooooo much has taken place since we last chatted.

I have a new job.
Got a weave.
Visited L.A.
Broke up w/the bf.

The new job--I like. Lots of benefits. Think I'm starting law school in the fall! Keep your fingers crossed & me in your prayers!!!!

Got a weave--*rolls eyes* their such a task, but I like for now...though I think I'm not really a long hair girl...I look better, in my opinion w/short hair. However I've only been wearing it shoulder length w/the weave, I was thinking the next time maybe I'll go SUPER long like Khloe K.!!! What do you think?!?! I just don't want to do my hair for a while, it's all damaged & looking crazy & that just won't fly especially @ my new job...bosslady is into the looks!!!

Visited L.A.--whackness. Trip from hell pretty much. That's all I say about that. Good experience, bad trip!

I love him.
I miss him.
We'll be friends again, someday.
Today, we're individuals trying to make sense of what just happened.
We meant well.
Sometimes things just don't work out the way in which you want.
We did.
We learned.
We're growing.
We'll be better people.
No love loss.
No hard feelings...@ least on my end.
JMJ, it's been a great ride, that I wish never stopped.
It was fun, but life goes on.
My love will remain.
You'll always be my goof ;)

Sometimes in life we have to take a really good look @ the man in the mirror.
Take a survey.
Be open & honest w/self.
Let go.
Grow.
Move on.
Life is short, lets make it count while we can!

My tip today: don't sweat the small stuff, it's really not worth it!
Have a FABulous week!!!
I love you tons & God loves you more!!!

XoXo-

SRJP

At Night.

At night.
In the night.
During the night.
All damn night.
I think of you.
I can't sleep b/c of you.
I cry for you.
I scream in my mind @ you.
You can't hear me b/c you're asleep.
How can you sleep?
At night?
When I'm awake.
At night.
In the night.
During the night.
All damn night.
The thoughts of you, I run from all day.
I push them away, deep into my mind where I pray they will stay.
Yet they haunt me around 8, when the Cabernet takes effect.
You taunt me all day but I'm strong until I lay.
Down my head.
On that bed.
Too tired to even pray.
So I let you in.
My mind you play.
Tricks on & say.
How dare you say.
Nothing.
While I lie awake.
At night.
In the night.
During the night.
All damn night!