Until the Phone Rings...

This time it's different, this time I'm done...until the phone rings. But. That time was it, no more. No come...no more cumming over me with none...of that slick shit cus I'm done! Until that phone rings & I wonder...if...if it's him & what he wants & when there's no hesitation I know I was never. Done.

Out my mind? Again.

While the song is blasting...
Empowered.
Inspired.
Motivated.
Committed.
Changed.
When the music fades...
The thoughts return.
The breaths shorten.
The tears fall.
The hope fades.
The misery lingers.
In just 5 minutes. Or 60. Or 90. Or however long you decide to listen to that song. Those lyrics. That melody.
Shortly thereafter the thrill is gone...gone? Gone where?
Gone with the wind, but I'm sure that's not the end. For you will listen again. Deciding right then. "This, this right here is the LAST time the very last time that you will enter my mind, again!"
But the music can't play all day...

Be (stay) strong.



See. Be. Inspire.


XoXo


~SRJP

What a difference a day makes...

Have you ever really considered how much can be accomplished in a day? I know we get caught up in our mundane lives & we think time is forever. Hence we put off that which should be done today, for tomorrow-which I've learned isn't promised. My mother used to tell me that, actually she still does..."never put off til tomorrow what you can do today." Which prompted my blog post for today. Each & every day for months I've been saying I would post something, anything...MONTHS later, here I am...with quite a bit accomplished.

I bought a new car & moved into a new apartment. I think I've mentioned before how obsessed I am with the concept of new. That quickly fades when the newness becomes so overwhelmingly consuming. I love my new car & my new place, but they sometimes remind me that the life of an adult isn't all that! I'm also back in school...working on my Masters...which everyday I hate more & more! Word to the wise, after undergrad-keeping going, no pauses, no breaks...trust me it's better that way. However, I keep treading along in hopes of my hard-work paying off some fine day!

As we know life is no walk in the park & sometimes it takes a bit adversity to get us to the newness that I fancy so much! With each disappointment, failure, & challenge that life brings opportunities are created, characters built & pathways defined. Isn't that exciting? I mean really isn't it exciting to know that trouble doesn't last always?! Seriously. While in Paris last month, I realized that the happiness I want is happiness I must create. No one is selling happiness, it's not given away, it's not even earned...it's created. The life you think you want, is the life you must create, simple as that. I know it sounds a bit cliche, but it starts in your mind. When you think small, you limit yourself. This applies to love, finances, dreams, just life in general.

When I think of where I've been, where I am now, & where I want to be, yes I get a bit anxious, scared even, but that fear drives me, while the past reminds me, that I am a work in progress. The life I want is a constant, ever-changing journey. While I don't know what tomorrow holds, I do know who holds tomorrow & as long as I'm in line with that I'm okay with the rest.

Much of what we do stems from what we think & the rest is what we've been taught to think. Each day we should try to think a new thought to sort of deprogram our minds so to speak. Break that mundane mentality. Intercept that routine. Challenge those rituals. Dare to be different. Explore you. Be free to express the changes. Be better, each day. Try to be better than the day before & watch the difference each day makes. It's pretty awesome.

Keep in mind that whether you're ready or not, life goes on with or without you!


See. Be. Inspire.

XoXo
~SRJP

Thank You & You're Welcome!

On the book of faces I saw this status in my news feed:
THANKs for....the first time we met, the friendship, being selfish, the last time we were together, passing me by,noticing,letting me think you're mine when you never were,for nothing but most importantly EVERYTHING!
My lovely friend Markita Miller.

Of course I had to comment (after a little thought & a crappy day-mentally):
As do I...thanks for...telling the truth, while being a liar...being a giver, while stealing my heart...listening to me, while never saying a word...loving me, while leaving me w/o an explanation! Thanks for absolutely nothing & you're WELCOME for absolutely EVERYTHING (BITCH)!!!
I told you it was that kind of day!

She (Ms. Miller) in turn followed up with an explanation about the initial status & couple 'thank yous' she forgot to mention:t
...thanks for making me realize that I AM SO much better than YOU and for making me feel like I was NO good. The things that make you embrace your worth huh guys.

Wow! Are you wowed b/c I'm nearly floored. The power in her last 2 lines took me some place else with the thank you note & I'm just now (2 weeks later) able to really dissect those thoughts & feelings.

That crappola day I had up there, comes & goes every few days. B/c every few days, I start to reconsider the reasons my ex & I parted ways. I start to reconsider the reasons we aren't back together. I start to reconsider the reasons why he doesn't call & barely texts. I start to then reconsider why does he randomly text & sporadically appears (ie on my damn Pandora station...thanks Facebook) right before my eyes. I start to reconsider what I could have done better. I start to reconsider what I should have done better. I start to reconsider what I said...what I didn't say...how I said it & how I didn't say it. I start to reconsider letting it go & moving on. I start to reconsider calling him & apologizing for what I've done. All the while...the Shanette I've always known is drowning in all that self-pity, guilt, bitterness. I don't know this Shanette.

I decided to reflect on that ultimate break-up which occurred about 4-5 years ago (I can't recall his nickname on here). Talk about devastation! My Lord! B/c I'm certain He is the only reason that not only I made it but he made it...to see another day. Not that you should compare break-ups b/c you shouldn't, just like you shouldn't compare significant others. It's just not fair b/c they don't compare. However for writing & evaluation purposes that's exactly what I'm about to do...only I'm comparing the Shanettes. The Shanette from years ago was so extra crass, gangsta-like, w/a real 'fuck you' attitude! The Shanette today consciously suppresses that Shanette. She recognizes that in order to be successful not just in relationship but life in general that emotionally scarred girl has to better cope w/her issues as a young woman. I said all that to say. My recent ex insinuated that I was still that girl-which I wasn't offended by UNTIL he suggested it was just who I was & I was pretty much incapable of changing. It is the 1 thing that literally pisses me off to no end, when I think of us no longer being together. In my eyes he basically gave up on me. He decided my fate before I could, in turn deciding our fate w/o consulting me. Now what gave him such insight, balls & audacity....no clue!

I have to ponder though why that notion upsets me so...is it b/c it is in fact true? Am I still trapped in that damaged (for a number of uncontrollable & controllable reasons) state?
I disagreed then & I'm on the fence now.
I can only be me, whoever she is...she is multifaceted.
Not one-dimensional. Yes, I am harsh & no that's not changing.
Yes I have & can have an absolutely despicable attitude but that's not a character trait its a coping mechanism.
This is when you learn about you but also when you learn about the type of significant other you need. Not that anyone should have to deal w/anything in particular...but I know I can't & won't deal w/being placed in a box...by anyone or anything. I have to have room to grow.
Here in lies the difference: The 1st Shanette was content & confused by him & herself. This Shanette is only confused by him. I know I'm not perfect by any means b/c I'm great by all means, including this break-up (POW!). Hence I'm reminded that in the end, I'm all I've got, when my man's gone, my money's low, & my friends are busy...I'm all I've got, me & the Lord...all I need, to get by! So I thank him, my recent ex, for reminding me that greatness can't be contained & not everyone is meant to go w/the flow of greatness, for it is indeed a trying journey, a roller-coaster of events, emotions, & transitions to say the least...If I were 5'9, you could say I had the soul of a 6'4 person, like T.I. ...but since I'm 6 feet anyway (giant to most)...I'm just being who I was designed to be & that's all I can be!!!\

Thanks again...& you're absolutely welcome for everything!
I am utterly the gift & the curse. The gift of having experienced such greatness. The curse of having experienced such greatness. .

On that note I'm greatly in need of rest.
Nite.
Remember to love God & yourself-the rest will take care of itself!
Who so ever can't get w/that can definitely get lost!

XoXo-

all the Shanettes...the great. the not so great. & the FABulous!

It'll ALL Get BETTER with TIME!!!

*today's post is brought to by Leona Lewis"
I love how music can always make me feel either better or worse...no in between, but I just love that it relates to me...& yes I meant to type it that way...music relates to me I don't relate to it!

Anyway I have had a roller coaster of emotions this week. I'm exhausted from feeling! So literally broke down on Wednesday & cried my eyes out, in my closet, on my hands & knees-asking God to take it all from me. As soon as I said those words I wiped those tears, stopped feeling sorry for myself, took back the control in my life, & decided things don't have to be this way. I thanked God in advance for His undeniable & everlasting love.

I'd rather not delve into the things that were weighing me down but I will say this, none of it was worth it! I can't make anyone love me the way I think I should be loved. I can only love me the way I should be loved, according to the way God loves me-I just said something there...let's examine. I wonder how many people actually realize that w/o understanding God's love for us, we are forever lost. At the end of each day, all we want is love & happiness, Al Green clearly knows his stuff, guess that's why he came a reverend-okay off subject...back on...I'm just saying that we put so much of our hopes & aspirations into others b/c we know very little about ourselves, what were capable of & who we really are ( I guess this is a continuation of my last post).

Sometimes you just have to reach a certain limit in life where you literally say to yourself "I don't want to do this anymore." To me that means, "I AM SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!" I looked in the mirror last night & I simply said Shanette, you are so much better than these piss-poor choices you've made, these people you're around, these situations you're in...I am certain that this is not my life hence I'm changing it! Yep, I am in control, so I'm changing my course...actually I'm getting back on course w/God's plan & I know it'll all get better with time. How do I know? That I'm destined for greatness & designed with a purpose?

Ephesians 2:10
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.


I know sometimes we like to take the easy way out. The cop out. The fear route. Well that's not the way. You have to go through a little something to really understand & appreciate that this thing is a journey, here to teach us lessons, to challenge us, to inspire us, to help us to help others, to leave a legacy, an imprint, a mark on the world. Now look at yourself, are you prepared today to leave your mark? What would your imprint be? Will anyone want to carry on your legacy? It's so easy for us to think that everything is all about us & our little problems are gigantic because they affect us greatly, but if we look around the world still goes on, so why not continue as we go on this journey with it's unexpected, unforeseen good and bad events...let's do it with some tenacity, some courage, some optimism & some style. I mean maybe, just maybe that will not only make it get better w/time, but be okay, today.

Be thankful, for what you have and what you don't...

Happy Friday Folks!

~srjp

You can STILL be who you wish you is-SATC 2 edition!

Lord, if you're listening & I know you are, here in lies my dream job...to be a wardrobe designer...for a movie, a runway show, a video even, regular folk, rich folk, poor folk...I want it all! Literally! I want to write books, own a boutique, start a magazine, back an accessories line, design a shoe line & run a non-profit!!! Yes! I want it all!!! All in FABulosity!!!

As I'm sure all of you know, SATC 2 (Sex & the City 2), is on it's way to the theatres...ask me if I can wait?! I feel like I can't but of course I will & clearly I am...I mean I have no choice! In the meantime, I'm reading every news article, watching every tv appearance, perusing every on-line photo, in anticipation for the BIG day!!! It will indeed be a big todo, we're (my chicas & I) are grabbing cocktails & hitting the theatre in a snazzy getup & making it a night!!! Guess WHAT!!! My look is together *the crowd gasp in pleased shock* Well, at least I think I do :) actually as I typed that I had a vision of something else to compliment it, but I probably won't make a fuss, so it's done! I'm going to see the midnight showing tonight and the "girls night soiree" tomorrow @ 6:30! Have I mentioned that I can hardly wait *bites nails-before I get my manicure this evening*!

You know I was watching the episodes, last night, (Season 6) & I just realized how much Carrie has not changed...in loving herself. I admire a lot of things about Carrie Bradshaw, but what I love is her unconditional love for herself! Men have come & gone, spats w/friends, job changes, etc...but all in all, Carrie never stops loving herself. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a simple & silently confident way that's unoffensive, yet inspiring. In & out of relationships, she remains true to who she is, as an individual. I respect that! We can all take note of that, as we go through life. It's okay, in fact it's healthy, to make adjustments to one's appearance & even attitude. It's okay to take in constructive criticism & even harsh critiques, but at the end and the beginning of the day, you are already you, so be that person & be the best at it that you can be! For example, Carrie gives up smoking for Aidan, no easy task I'm sure, especially for Carrie, who lived with a cig in hand...BUT is the definition of Carrie, a smoker, I doubt it. Hence, giving up a small habit for a potentially, special person, that ultimately benefits self, isn't such a bad deal...maybe a little inconvenient but not wrong! Granted, sometimes there is a grey area & the line becomes a little unclear, but that's when you have to know yourself!
Who are YOU? With no make-up on, no fancy duds, no blackberry/i-phone, no botox, no implants, no weight gain/loss, no parents, no children, no right & no wrong...who are you on the inside...let's all hope that we're someone to remember, not so much for what we did but for who we were while doing it!

Do you remember when Ms. Bradshaw said this:
"…relationships. There are those that open you up to something new & exotic, those that are old & familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, & those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging & significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

Well, I won't include the preview for the new movie, b/c personally I'm sick of watching it-I'm just ready for the real thing!

This is a SN but a very important one:
You can't even begin to love someone else without loving yourself first and how do you love yourself, even on days you feel and look like crap-you remember that God loves you at your best and your worst! Why?! He made you-DUH! Therefore he knows who & whose you are! He also knows your destiny, so I'd advise you to trust him! It is impossible to love others unless you know, believe and receive God's love. 1 John 4:19 says, We love because he first loved us.

Have a FABulous day & enjoy the movie girls (& guys-I do know a few)!!!

XoXo-

SRJP

Hello lovers *in my Carrie Bradshaw voice*

How the heck have you guys been?!?!

I've missed you bunches!!!

Happy New Year!!!

Soooooo much has taken place since we last chatted.

I have a new job.
Got a weave.
Visited L.A.
Broke up w/the bf.

The new job--I like. Lots of benefits. Think I'm starting law school in the fall! Keep your fingers crossed & me in your prayers!!!!

Got a weave--*rolls eyes* their such a task, but I like for now...though I think I'm not really a long hair girl...I look better, in my opinion w/short hair. However I've only been wearing it shoulder length w/the weave, I was thinking the next time maybe I'll go SUPER long like Khloe K.!!! What do you think?!?! I just don't want to do my hair for a while, it's all damaged & looking crazy & that just won't fly especially @ my new job...bosslady is into the looks!!!

Visited L.A.--whackness. Trip from hell pretty much. That's all I say about that. Good experience, bad trip!

I love him.
I miss him.
We'll be friends again, someday.
Today, we're individuals trying to make sense of what just happened.
We meant well.
Sometimes things just don't work out the way in which you want.
We did.
We learned.
We're growing.
We'll be better people.
No love loss.
No hard feelings...@ least on my end.
JMJ, it's been a great ride, that I wish never stopped.
It was fun, but life goes on.
My love will remain.
You'll always be my goof ;)

Sometimes in life we have to take a really good look @ the man in the mirror.
Take a survey.
Be open & honest w/self.
Let go.
Grow.
Move on.
Life is short, lets make it count while we can!

My tip today: don't sweat the small stuff, it's really not worth it!
Have a FABulous week!!!
I love you tons & God loves you more!!!

XoXo-

SRJP

Don't Call it a Comeback!

*in Wendy Williams voice* Where you been?!

I know, I know I've been mia for so long you probably thought I wouldn't return & I must admit I considered letting it go but then I remembered why I started the blog-to better my skills, to release some frustration & to entertain some people...so here I am back again, but don't call it a comeback!

So let's get it started...soooo much has happened...a whole season has passed & I must say to my dismay it's been a pretty good Summer! New Orleans for Essence. Jamaica wedding-not mine of course, but stay tuned-ha not really. Chicago, Il & Jackson Miss for family reunions! There has been a sour patch as of lately-my really good friend Karm moved to LA & it's been having me in the pits, but on the up side I have *insert drumrolls* a bf *& the crowd gasp*! Yes, yes, so I've been sort of busy in retrospect but not too busy that I couldn't blog-I've simply been too lazy to do so-which is quite out of character but hey it happens I suppose.

NOLA-

Essence was a total blast! My sister, Lynn & I road tripped along w/her cousin Bernard down to NOLA for about 4 days. Went to the shows Friday, well Saudia-my niece & I went to see Beyonce & friends...then Saturday my sister & her friends & myself went to see Maxwell & Anita Baker & friends...great nite. Hung out w/Nic & Madd a bit-she's so very grown btw-my #1! Ate my freaking life away! Shopped a smidge, drank a tad & just had all around oodles of fun! I was reluctant to leave-per usual but it had been so effing long since I'd been I was like wth was I thinking I must never go more than 9 months w/o a visit-that's just wrong! So anywho... ♥ NOLA!

Jamaica Mon-!

Oh gosh-can you imagine being drunk literally all day for like 6 days?! Insanity but the absolute best vacay ever in life! I mean really-liquor is in your rum, @ your disposal 24 hours a day! I lost like 5lbs pre-trip & literally gained all that back just in alcohol intake-fml!!! It was totally worth it though! I swear we were all drunk @ the wedding even-or hung over-lol! The ceremony was nice though, after much ado of course. The tourism attractions were fun. The shopping was great, the nightlife was poppin & the beach was serene...I swear I wake up sometimes just wanting a daiquiri & a _ _ _ _ _ & lay out on the beach all damn day...how sad but so sincere!

So yes if you haven't been to Jamaica I'd advise a trip, real soon & take me w/you-lol!

Let's see what else...

Oh reunions-

Both for my Mom's side of the family. The 1st was for her Mom's side & the 2nd for her Dad's side.

Chicago was nice but I have to go back to relly explore & shop & hang & shop & eat & shop some more, but it was great to see the fam once again-all was well- we lost the volleyball tournament, but they cheated-so typical-ghetto Chi-towners-lol! No really it was a blessed trip & I look forward to the next one in Detroit, MI-it's been a minute. Then we ventured to Jackson, MS-a looooong overdue reunion-like 20+ years...so basically I don't even recall another one! We had a really great time-getting to know everyone again & learning about our ancestors. We also ate good & hung out a bit. Good times, indeed. I'm so blessed I come from good stock, as country folk say. More so I'm blessed to have family & an gigantic family @ that...I realize that family is important as I go through life & I swear I would trade it for nothing in the world-as crazy as they are I ♥ my family!!!

KarmCharm moves to LA-

*deep sigh* I mean I knew she was leaving but I didn't know how much it would affect me. I actually thought it would encourage me to migrate but it did the total opposite. I became very lazy, sleepy & an alcoholic all in a matter of a week or 2, though she's only been gone a month it seems like so much longer. I'm just now starting to pull myself out of the funk & I'm not really sure what my problem is but I think I just feel stuck here...like my life in Memphis will never end & that literally depresses me! However, I can't let me current situation dictate my future-I must remember who I am & the purpose I serve or @ least the goals I've set & adhere to them, take back the control of my destiny & believe! It's time for me to apply to school so that is definitely going to force me to get it together-as I listen to "Get it Together" by Robin Thicke & Faith-I have so much to do in so little time-but good thing is I work best under pressure! Even getting back into the blog will ignite my fire! Though I would love to be in NYC right now-pursuing my fashion career-styling, buying, merchandising...I also know the shit doesn't just happen I have to make the provisions to get it done & honestly I haven't done the things I've needed to do to make move into the industry, but I'm working on it however I need my $$$ like NOW-so what does that mean?? It's time to go back to school & upon graduation-2014...I'm thinking I'll write a book by 2015. Open a boutique & start a shoe label by 2016...all before I'm 35-YAH YAH TRICK!!! Sounds like a plan to me!

I was also thinking when I'm done applying for PharmD, I could very well go to NYC from JAN-JUL & live it up before schooling it up for the next 4 years-it's a possibility...we'll see what happens! I'm remaining optimistic about the rest of '09! I've been blessed thus far, despite getting in my own damn way. God prevails-anyhow-so I figure I may as well step aside & let Him do His thang!

Last but not least-the bf-who shall remain called the bf until...we stop slick acting like Bey & Jay w/the extra discreetness-I'm just saying I don't need no extra drama-ugh!

A very pecular little transformation we made from associates-->friends-->lovers-->relationship status. I sometimes have a hard time believing how far we've come b/c it was so unexpected but I have found that things I'm looking for in the places I'm looking for them are not matching up & sometimes the things we think we want aren't all that important in restrospect. I'll just say I'm letting God control this one-I've tried to avoid it, deter it, sabotage it, & I swear I can't shake this one & I'm okay w/that, it appears to be good for me & I can use some goodness. We FIGHT hard & LOVE harder but we're strong in that we're growing & willing to make the effort & that's big-I think. He's good to me & I appreciate him for that...so whatever the reasoning we're together @ this moment in time may be a mystery but I'll take that as long we keep gettting better, individually & collectively. So anywho-cupid made a big ass fool outta my ass-the LoveH8r, ha...gotcha BITCH! We'll see how the days ahead unravel-I take them one day @ a time--pray for me ;)

Well I suppose that wraps today's post. I'll be in touch...sooner than l8r :-P

Until...remember Whose you are, & that @ the end of the day & the beginning-lol, you control your destiny!!!

Be. Great!

XoXo-

*SHANETTE RENEA*

*oh signing off w/a little inspiration from one of my fave people-Jay-Z @ the VMAs, w/my boo(no homo) repping for her mane (how you doin-j/p) in the audience-I ♥ them-individually & collectivelly!*

Unfoolish-"Know Your Worth!"

I felt like a fool.
Felt-the operative word.
Yes I've played the fool.
For what? For who?
For you?
It's so sad...it's funny.
I'm so sad...I'm hilarious.
But it's cool b/c everybody plays the fool @ least once.
Sometimes there's not even a decent explanation...sadder.

Women...we have it rough, but we make it rougher.
Settle for what? For who?
Settle for you.
Settle for the betterment of you.
Settle for you.
Settle for the triumph of you.
Settle for you.
Settle for the glory of you.
It's not worth it, but you are.

I can't even believe myself.
I can't believe myself.
Shanette the Great feels like Shanette the Fool...for no damn reason...saddest.
I'm disappointed.
With little gained & much lost.
I now feel unfoolish for I recall my worth.
I recall that @ the end of the day when your company kept has left all you have is YOU!

It's unfortunate as women that we are innate pleasers, even the toughest woman wants to please...her man, her mom, her chaps, her friends, her co-workers, her pastor...always forgetting herself.
Result in a loss of self...
Remember who you are & you will always be happy, whether you have pleased others or not.
Ultimately the only person worth pleasing is Jesus.
Know your worth-it's imperative in not getting caught up.
No matter how detached your feelings are & how apathetic you appear to be...your vitality is in jeopardy, your life, your soul are within & no matter how you think you may have detached them they are apart of you, hence where you go...they go.
When you dwell among the futile & partake in the ineffective do you not feel affected, lessened even, eventually reduced to their/that level?

I know we as women have a habit, a very bad habit of waiting, waiting until we are so tired & beat down & broken before we change a situation b/c we think this/that is all we deserve.
It does not have to be. It is not supposed to be. It should not be...this way.
We have so much power, it is a wonder we aren't ruling the world.
Enters our emotions, our co-dependency & our undefined worth.

Today, on today, I take back the control.
Not the control I think I have b/c I do what I want & say what I want.
The control of my mind & my destiny, for I know what I deserve & this shit ain't hardly it.
I know I'm better than & I'm no longer afraid to be, to have & to require such.

Be. Unfoolish. Know. Your. Worth.

~S. Parks

Apathy

I'm already a very nonchalant person but somehow that turned into apathy. There is very little that bothers, angers, or disrupts me these days...on the other hand there's very little that arouses, excites, or amuses me these days. I mean I've never been easily excited person nor quick-tempered...I'm pretty calm but this is somewhat of a different situation & it has me fairly concerned.

I've gotten into such a routine, such a ritual, such a mundane lifestyle that it seems rather okay to me to not really care about anything...I've subdued the feelings of misery (being in Memphis) & replaced them w/apathy. A very sad situation might if I do say so myself...to be 25 & just feel apathetic about life...I have virtually no feelings about anything. I go to work. I do my job. I run my errands. I get things done. I pay my bills. I buy nothing new. I have sex & convince myself it helps me feel better. I hang out w/pretty much the same people & do the same stuff.

When in the hell did this become my life??? Life? This is not even me...let alone life! I'm just existing...not living. Wait, wasn't I just talking about living??? Well to be honest w/you...I just feel like I'm just here, no liveliness, just here...going through the motions. I try to hold on to the goals & keep the visions in plain sight but somewhere along the way I've kinda lost myself in trying not to lose my mind. What does that mean?! What I attempted to do was not complain, deal w/Memphis & do what I could do to sustain peace of mind, which were the things I listed above, all the while interfering w/my self-motivation & drive. Not that I pity myself by no means b/c I know very well how blessed I am & how much I have to offer the world, but sometimes we need that discomfort, that feeling of disgust & dissatisfaction to keep us on our toes.

Apathy is a scary thing b/c when you don't care about or you don't really feel...anything...you are prone to do things uncharacteristic or get into situations that are almost unbelievable.

Let me get a sidebar right here...this is a HUGE problem w/today's youth, specifically black children. They have not a care in the world & it is absolutely frightening. For children so young with so much potential, with whole lives to live, just not care about anyone or anything including themselves. It is difficult to teach, to rear, to help, to mentor, to reach these children. Where does the future lie for us if no one cares about??? It is my sincere hope that Obama has ignited a mental fire in the youth of today. It is also my hope that my generation will take more responsibility for the actions of our children now & make a sincere effort to instill in them the importance of preserving life for the future.

Okay back to myself. I was trying to figure out how exactly did I get to be like this & I have discovered it is a combination of things. Like I said I've always been nonchalant + my life right now is just not impressive to me @ all + my last relationship & the way in which it ended + other misc. factors = an apathetic individual. I know you're probably tired of hearing me complain about Memphis, b/c I'm tired of hearing me complain about Memphis...so I'll pass on explaining that b/c it is self-explanatory, if not refer to previous posts. The nonchalant factor I'll attribute to my father & keep it moving. The last relationship has been played out enough, no need to revisit that again. The misc. factors are probably the recession, Hurricane Katrina (yes, I know it was like 4 years ago, but I'm still affected, thanks), & my lack of prayer life. I talk a good game, in fact I could be a motivational speaker or something, but on the inside I'm probably not doing half the shit I advise others to do! How hypocritical of me?! Yes I know, but that's what it is...I'm my own worst enemy & my biggest critic...who gives out tons of advice whether you want it or not yet I don't deal w/my own shit, umph! Shame, shame!

Now how do I get myself out of this position before I self-destruct?! Well do what I said do in the "Live full. Die Empty" post. Initially I was thinking that maybe if someone came into my life that really cared about me then maybe I could possibly feel again, then I remembered that that has happened already, "2nd Chance", duh! Which-btw-further lets me know I just wasn't that into him...you see how I just forgot about him like that...so anyways conclusion drawn, nothing to do w/anyone or anything else...the answer lies in me, per usual!

I swear I've got the Monday blues some terrible so pardon all my sad little posts...of course you know who/what I blame...the big M!

Signing off,

S. Parks

Have a SUPER week, lol, no really!

Live full. Die empty.

*brought to you in part by Mr. Les Brown*



If you died today, would you feel as though you have really lived & died w/no regrets? Not necessarily that you accomplished all your goals, b/c we're always setting new goals or that you wouldn't maybe do some things differently, but simply that you thought of today, this day as the day that the Lord has made & you rejoiced & were glad in it. You know I'm not like a big bible quoter, not that that's uncool, I just don't know it well enough, but I believe there is something in there about in all things be content, or something to that effect. I always wondered what that meant, like when I thought of contentment I thought negatively. I guess b/c it just kinda seems associated w/settling, but I have come to find that it simply means or I feel it means to be satisfied. In all that you do be satisfied with what you have done. Wake up & be satisfied that God is yet in control & as long as you do your apart then it will be a good day. Be satisfied in the moment...whatever that requires & if you are not then it is up to no one else but yourself to change that & while you are doing so be satisfied in that, but all the while give God His praise for satisfaction...for contentment.



take a moment & think about that



I know times are really really rough on so many levels. $$$ always puts a strain on things, even when you have it...it interferes w/so much & can damage relationships & ruin lives. However life STILL goes on...I say that all the time now...if you die today, I have to keep living tomorrow & vice-versa...I mean shit happens in life there is no avoiding that. It's about the way you handle it & what you do about it that counts. So I say in this time of despair & turmoil & uncertainty go for the gold, take a chance, live it out a dream. Why? B/c what do you have to lose? I mean honestly is shit is already bad, hell worse won't hurt so much but better would be just awesome. Think about your passion, your true desire & aspirations in life...jot them down or keep them in your mind, whatever works...its just then you write things down you are more likely to do them...but however you do it, just do it! The time is now, to LIVE not exist & to do so w/fullness.



Let us take the most tangible, visible, current example we have thus far...President Barack Obama.

A man against ALL odds made something happen that surely people thought wouldn't happen anytime soon if not never. No one knocked on this man's door & gave him any nominations nor elections. He fought for what he wanted. He took a risk. A HUGE risk. He whole-hearted set a goal & accomplished...you know what that was probably on half the goal...you can just tell when God is involved in something b/c things just fall into place & they look effortless, but guess what the work & the commitment has to be put forth & of course God will take care of his part. I'm sure President Obama faced several obstacles along the way & I'm certain there were days when he wanted to call it quits but each & everyday he kept fighting for what he believed & even if he failed, you cannot say he did not try. He lived. He lives. He succeeded. He succeeds.


I know how some people like to talk about timing & due season, but, how will you know if it is in fact your time if you aren't even trying? If you are not making an effort? If you're just setting goals & wishing they come true. Honey that's just not it, life nor God works like that...you have to set goals but follow through. Sure Obama tag line largely involved Hope, but hope w/o action is a waste & he's displaying just how hope + action=change. You can hope all day but if there is no action there is no progression. Even if there is rejection involved, again that's life, how will you know what is for you w/o knowing what is not?

I say go for it, that's what I say. I feel like the fulfillment & joy of doing what you love supersedes any amount of $...I know, I know I'm BIG on $ & I am, however $ will come & go but happiness is priceless & I would absolutely take happiness over $ any day (but Lord please give me both, lol)!

Anyways, I'm just saying take a chance...I don't know what it is you aspire to do, but just think of how simply taking a chance, whether you're "successful" or not, could be an inspiration to someone else to do something they've aspired to do. I don't know I'm just saying...live a little, even when times are seemingly dire...pray & live & be the best you, you can be!

Godspeed!
~Shanette Renea

Hungry for Life, Living in '09!

I don't usually do resolutions & goals & stuff, but hey maybe its time for a change!

So for the '09 here's some things I want & need to get done, settled, accomplished, completed, whathaveyou...:

• Get that credit in order!
• A new car-preferably a CTS, H3, LandRover, or G35
• A condo
• My degree & transcript in hand!
• A satisfying career
• A closer relationship w/God
• Read 20, @ the least, books this year
• Start on my own book
• Step my fashion game up 2 notches: buy a designer dress & designer shoes
• Travel more: CALI, NYC, CHI, NOLA, ATL, HOU, Jamaica, St. Thomas, oversees
• Blog more
• Love again, lol, I know, close your mouths.
• Prepare for medical school-yes I'm going!
• Save 5 stacks
• Pay my bills on time
• Lose 15 lbs.
• Pray & read the bible more
• Pamper myself more
• Curse less
• Okay, this is big, even BIGger than the love thing...I'm getting a weave! I know right-I'm so anti weave just like I'm anti-love...well I'm 25 honey & shit changes! I want long hair, don't care :-P lol!
• Stop wasting time on folk who don't matter.
• Take myself less seriously
• Laugh more
• Spend wisely
• Pay my tithes-faithfully
• Invest in properties-NOLA
• Maybe move out of town, I'm reevalutaing
• Listen to the Lord, all the time & let Him guide my path!

I'm hungry for life & ready to live again!

I'm SO ON @ 25 baby & this is going to be the best year yet!

'09 is SO very much MINE!

...saith the Lord!

CHURCH!

~S. Parks

Happy '09 tricks!

Be! Patient. Love?

Post brought to you in part by Kanye West's Coldest Winter-808s & Heartbreak

Shouts out to all the people in love, y'all some suckas, lol, just playing!

Fa real though this post is for the people who aren't in love but have been in love...
Don't you sometimes ask yourself if you'll ever love again?
I was just thinking man its been like 5 years since I've been in love. I'm sure to some people that sounds sad & I guess it would be if I cared that much, but I don't, though I'm a special case so I'll try to speak a bit more general. I guess loving & losing is not an easy thing to deal with when you're really in love. When I was in love, it was the best place to be, but I never saw past it, hence when the future of not being in love became my present I couldn't deal & chose to remain in the past. Most people do it, they focus on the past in hopes of it reincarnating in the future, however 9 times out of 10, that does not happen. Either things get better or they get worse, but they don't remain the same that's for sure. Unfortunately for me they changed for the worse & I think I lost a little hope I had in the future, hence affecting my present.

What do I mean?
I mean I can't really open myself up to love today b/c of my past which is totally unfair to my future & whether I care to admit it or not I'm suffering, maybe not physically but definitely emotionally. Relationships are an aspect of life we need just like we need food & water. It makes us better, eventually. What people don't recognize is that in the toughest times, in your seemingly lowest moments, your worst days...you grow the most, you fight the hardest & you transform into a better you, if you use that time to your advantage. Every situation in life has its positives & its negatives. Of course initially its easiest to dwell on the negatives but its in the positives we discover who we are.

I've grown so much this year & I'm ready for a new & better Shanette in 2009, I'm ready...so if y'all ain't ready, get back, cus I put on...for myself, lol!

What am I saying?
I'm saying take all the seemingly negatives you experienced this year, make peace & let them go. Reflect on the positives & move forward. Laugh a lot. Live for you. & Love for Him.
Love for you too...I remember that when I loved more & hated less, omg, I was the best version of myself, real talk. I'm not saying go jump into love. I'm just saying don't turn your back on it, b/c in love we were created, its apart of us. We need love to live. Think about it. Try loving yourself if you haven't tried that thus far. Try loving God, simply b/c he first love you! Then maybe try loving someone else, in spite of...

Be open to the possibilities, it is in the openness you find opportunity.
Be patient with love, in patience you find peace.
Be you for in you, you find love & in love you find life!

While you can't be foolish, everyone plays the fool sometimes, @ least one time. Don't fight it, its inevitable, essential for living, good living!

Keep on living,

~Shanette Renea

Ready or Not, Here I Come...25!!!

Guess I'm ready cus if I ain't it's a coming anyhow!
LOL!
Well guess what I ain't hardly ready (of course I blame Memphis), but Imma roll like I am.
I swear I didn't see 25 looking like this, but then again I didn't see yesterday looking like that so hey who's to say anymore...
I do know this though, 25 is something serious & I'm done playing, its either now or never & I can't do never...so looks like its NOW!
Watch out bitches I'm coming...the TAKEOVER!!!
Pray for me!


Happy Birthday Scorpios!
Give it to em hard!!!

In the words of Frankie, "Tyra Mail! Picture Me Rolling! HOLLA!"
LMAO!


XoXo,

Shanette Renea, all day!
;)
"Yo swag owe my swag everything!"

The Word for YOU, on Today!

"Don't let the world ... squeeze you into its own mould." Romans 12:2 PHP

Take Charge of Your Life!

Do you feel like you no longer control your own life? Like life's running you instead of you running it? That's because you're in the passenger seat, conforming to people, events and circumstances. They're in the driver's seat, not you. No wonder your frustration level is high and your contentment level is low. "Don't let the world ... squeeze you into its own mould." If you're feeling, "squeezed," you've two options.

(a) Remain a conformer, or become a transformer. Either choose to stay in the passenger seat, or get behind the wheel. The Bible says, "Do not be conformed to this world" (Rom 12:2 NKJV). Instead be transformed into the proactive, faith-driven person God meant you to be. (b) Take charge of your life by "renewing your mind." Instead of struggling to change the people and circumstances around you, change how you think and what you tell yourself. The Greek word for renewing means "to align your thoughts with God's." Abandon those self-defeating thoughts that tell you "you're not, you can't, and you'll never be able to." God says: "You are, you can, and you certainly will be able to," because of His indwelling power! John writes, "This is the victory that conquers the world - our faith" (1Jn 5:4 NCV). Go to God's Word! Discover what He says about the things that intimidate and control you, then pull the plug on them. The Word for you today is: "Don't be afraid ... I am your God. I will make you strong ... I will support you" (Isa 41:10 NCV). Align your thoughts with God's thoughts. Get into the driver's seat and take charge of your life!

"Its In Your Mouth!"

Bishop Donald Hilliard
You are snared by the words of your mouth; You are taken by the words of your mouth. Proverbs 6:2 (NKJV) Your breakthrough is in your mouth! There are some areas in all of our lives that have been dry for a long time. You might be reading this and your marriage is dry. Perhaps your relationships are dry. Your financial situation is dry. Your health is bad. Your mind is troubled. Your emotions are shattered. Or your nerves are on edge. But God is saying if you are going to be delivered, if change is going to come, if revival is going to come, it's in your mouth. It's not up to God. It is up to you. What do you say about it? What do you say about the situation you are in? You can prophesy your own destruction or you can declare that you will live and not die. You can declare that health is yours. Prosperity is yours. Joy is yours. You can prophesy that your marriage will work. You will get that job. You will get whatever God has in store for you. No devil in hell can stop it. God said it, so declare it. Your victory is in your mouth. Precious Savior, I am in a situation in which it appears that there is no hope. I'm pressed on every side; everything seems to be falling apart in my life. But I thank you for the power of declaration. Your word says that I am snared by the words of my mouth. I am taken by the words of my mouth. Your word also says that whatever things I ask for when I pray, I should believe that I receive them, and I will have them. Father, I believe your word because your word is true. I therefore declare boldly that I will have all that you have for me, my situation will turn around, my outlook is bright,and I will live and not die. My future is bright because I trust in you!

Amen.

(We all need a little upliftment from time to time...actually I need everyday w/the kind of summer I'm having but fortunately I'm a strong believer in what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger...so I reckon I'm as tuff as I come off, lol!)

Good day folks,

Shanette