For some reason I have really been thinking a LOT about being in love & loving someone & being loved & just all those matters of the heart, us Homo sapien sapiens, encounter. Maybe it's the heat…but I've just been trying to figure out what love means to me…if it's something I'm interested in @ the present…if it's something I'm willing to give a go again…if I even understand it…if I've learned anything from it & how I'm going to apply that knowledge to my next encounter.
Though I'm not that big on verbally expressing love, I definitely think I'm into love, when love is into me. Meaning, when (though it's only been once) I'm in love, I embrace it. I like it even. I thoroughly enjoy the moment. I kinda miss that feeling of being in love…I'm just fearful of being in love & not having the feeling reciprocated in a balanced manner, if you can understand that…
Basically, I've decided that I'm no longer settling (not that I have a habit of doing so). I just think I've decided that the next time I'm in love; I want him to be the one, a kinda scary thought huh? I know, but I'm serious. I'm not falling in love @ leisure again. I mean that's not to say I'm not dating & hanging & stuff…just not falling in love (if I can help it) until I know that the guy is that guy! Like the guy I could definitely marry (insert a very nervous emoction).
I want there to be no doubt in my mind that he loves me. That he is so besotted w/me that he can hardly even function w/o me. I want him to feel as though I literally complete him. That loving me is the greatest honor he's been bestowed. That I'm it entirely & abundantly. That every time he sees me he falls deeper in love. A love so true…that words aren't enough to express its goodness.
I'm talking a deep yearning for a person. A soul recognition. A spiritual encounter. A love that I believe only God can create between 2 people. I want to feel that in loving him I am not only making myself & him happy but God as well. I want to be comforted in knowing that in giving myself to him I will be safer than I have ever been in keeping myself from others.
One day, I hope to be blessed w/such an experience. I know what I'm worth & I'm willing to wait it out.
I'm preparing myself.
In the meantime I'll be loving me more & hoes less, lol…I'd advise you to do the same.
L8R Lovelies!
Xoxo,
S. Parks
Oh & Happy Birthday & 4th of July to my idiot friend KarmCharm!
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