What's THAT about???

So like I was thinkin...about sex (yes I think about sex ALOT...SO! Shet up!) & who I can have it with...since I have no J.O. & like ALL my damn exes are practically off the market ( I jus don't "do" folk w/gals...why? b/c hey I've been somebody's gal...and that shit ain't coo<--being cheated on...so I refuse contribute to the cheating!)

Then I started thinking why in the holy hell is errbody getting married??? No like really! What's THAT about???

Then I started thinking...why are ALL my exes married???
Like what does that mean, eggzactly???
What does THAT say about ME???

No like really. Lets see...5 out of like 7 guys I've talked to kinda seriously are engaged or married! What is that like 72% or some shit (my math skills are kinda rusty so...check it out). I mean not to like brag or anything but I went in & did some MAJOR damage control! I mean like no really I upgraded them to like husband material. Guess that's my bad huh?! Ugh! I swear I hate that shit more than actually being cheated on...so what they're my leftovers...they're good leftovers. Why? B/c I had em!

The shit that kills me is...they want me to be wifey's friend. Yet they still wanna be my friend. Slick have an affair. I'm like WTF am I living in the gotdamn Twilight Zone?! Sheesh!

Seriously though. I wonder if I'm only: "girlfriend" material. Or even "friend" material. Right now I seem to be the following: "Really good friend but I kinda wanna fuck you really bad (& possibly jeopardize the friendship)"; or "a down ass chick...4ever & ever" or "friend w/benefits w/the possibility of a relationship". So basically I'm like a gotdamn spades hand...something like...a handful of strong possibles. Not bad. Just not GREAT. More like risky...unpredictable...is that me??? Risky. Unpredictable.
Oh the uncertainty!

But no like really...how am I supposed to feel about that?
Not to say I'm ready for marriage.
In fact I'm quite frightened by the thought.
Not to mention those 3 little words make me cringe!
I'm jus saying.
Why not me? Why wasn't I that girl? You know?
Jus wonderin.
Well I actually I have been proposed to...lol...Jack has been asking to wife me for like 4 years or some shit. HA! I'd be a fucking fool...and okay. I'm kinda vain but I know I have my faults but I am NOT by far a FOOL!
I love (cringing) Jack as much as I can possibly love a man (other than Jesus Christ and my Dad) but that's all. I just love Jack. I care about him. I want him to be happy. But Jack doesn't make me happy (and if there is one thing I'm on a non-stop mission for in life is HAPPINESS). In fact. Jack makes my damn head hurt. So I love ME far too much to settle (sawry Jack) for such a life. Esp. when I KNOW I'm worth SO much more!
Ya dig?!

Oh well. Maybe jus maybe I'll get married one fine day. And maybe jus maybe he'll be all I desire & more. And maybe jus maybe I'll love him for who he is (pre-upgrade *te he he*). And oh lawd please maybe jus maybe he'll love me for me b/c I swear this ALL I can be! Take it! Or. Leave it! And to all you punk bitches who left it (fig. & lit. speaking)...that's yo bad bitch but I love ya anyhow for making me betta. When I made YOU betta it made me best. And what's betta than best? NOT A DAMN THING! Why? b/c I gots that Comeback...HA...no like really...I mean. I'm jus saying...the proof is in the pudding...YUM ; )

Then again. Maybe jus maybe I'll not get married and I'll be okay w/that. Iunno. Iunjusno.

...and on that note...I'm blowing!

Until we blog again...

POB!

~Sdot