In the Worst Kinda Way.

Today's post is brought to you in part by Erykah Badu's I Want You from her last release Worldwide Underground. BTW-Ms. Badu, WHERE ARE YOU?! You're long overdue for a new release! HURRY! HURRY! We're gettin impatient!

Anywhoo...back to the topic.

I was thinking today on my way home from work, btw-work on Sundays is for SUCKAS! I swear I needs to do BETTA!!!
So yeah. Driving. Listening. Thinking. Wondering. If I have ever wanted someone in the worst kinda way...hmmm???
I mean that's some SERIOUS wanting. Like I don't be believing folk when they be like I want you SO bad...
I mean yeah I'm confident. A little arrogant...well no vain maybe. But I still be like "man, get outta here w/that mess! Ain't nobody believin you roun here! Sell that dream to the next dodo"

I guess b/c for 1: I thought that kinda want wasn't possible.
Like when I was a kid.
I wantED:
A sega.
A Barbie Dollhouse.
A puppy.
A horse.
To move back to St. Louis
Now.
I WANT:
A new job real bad.
Some new jeans.
Lots of money.
My transcript.
Sex on demand.
Oooh oooh I REALLY want a Range Rover!!!

Some of these things I've gotten & some I'll get but even if I didn't/don't I'm aight b/c I don't want any of those in the worst kinda way...oh wait maybe there is 1 thing...I want to GTFO of Memphis like SO bad!!! But I still don't think its in the worst kinda way. That to me means like I want it SO bad I feel like Imma die. I want it SO bad...its literally ALL I think of. I want it SO bad...by any means necessary Imma get it. Like that there. Is a fa REAL WANT! (Wait. Maybe. I DO! Wanna get outta Memphis that bad! Gosh! This place is AWFUL!)
Think I might've reached that point.
Well no wait. Not Imma die. More like...Idunno...feel like Imma be sick. Maybe.


Shocked?!
Yeah. Me too.
Scared! More than anything though.

"2nd chance"
I like literally can't control my thoughts.
And I NEED control!
I want to NOT like him SO bad!
Weird? I know.
Its just that...I'm not ready.
Not mentally.
Though. I want him more than anyone I've ever wanted...even this one guy in NOLA-TU-football-"What yo name iz?!SHAWTY"...lol!
That was a sexual want though. I think this is more.
I want him. Yet I've experienced the sexual...and as you know...its NOT what it is...hence I'm confused.
If its not the sex I want. What is it???
Iunno. Iunjusno. I'm afraid to even fig it out!

I do know. When I see him. I want him like its my first time seeing him. Like I forgot the sex is awful. Like nothing else matters. Like no one else is around. Like I'm not even me...
...I'm someone else pretending to be me who looks, like me, dresses like me, acks like me, but doesn't quite feel like me.
But I like it...not enuff to give in...yet.
But just enuff to be really nervous!

I SO wanna NOT like him!

Someone said you can't jus stop liking someone.
I was like "UGH, WHAT?! Yeah you can!"
My Mommy always told me I could do anything I want as long as I put my mind to it!
So...I think I might...do just that...I'll let you know how that goes...or not.

If I don't that means...it didn't go well...if I do...it went okay???
Not really...but you know....wait didn't I try this once already...oh Lawd...think I'm STILL just...uh...being In too Deep! Maybe my friend was right...???
*sighs* Jesus Lawd on High...HELP ME HELP ME PLEASE!!!

My mind's playin tricks on me!

Until we blog again...

I'm blowing
&
praying
&
hoping
&
wishing!

Getting it Togetha

~Sdot