Father's day...

You know, that song by Beyonce' "Daddy" from her debut album, Dangerously in Love ?
Well, I so wish I could entitle this post in re: to that.
I ♥ that song!
It makes me kinda sad though, b/c I wish I felt that way about my daddy.
Let's just be honest, I'd be rather po'ed if my son turned out like my damn dad...no thank you God, please NO!
I have a hard enuff time fighting off those personality traits he has passed on to ME!!! NO!!!

Anywho...

This year...I gave my dad a card that said "where would I be w/o you?" Hell if I know...most times I'd say...stress-free...but prolly more like non-existent. I wrote "I'd rather not think about it."

I have a really hard time w/holidays in which I am obligated to give gifts to my 'rents.

If you haven't noticed by now...my 'rents and I aren't the best of friends. However my mom and I are far closer than my dad and I.

I am kind of @ a crossroads w/him. I care but no longer have the energy. I care and trying to remain optimistic. I have been avoiding communication or keeping it minimal, b/c honestly the man stresses me OUT! I just don't need it, uh unh, no damn thank you! I'm just not sure how that will play out in the future. He and my other sister, St. Thomas resident, rarely talk and when they do its cut and dry. The End. I mean I can foresee us getting there. But do I want to? I just don't want to be the only one fighting this battle, b/c its def. tiring...so if he is fine w/it, then hell why aren't I?!

Human...my only crime!

It would take a whole blog dedicated to that sole topic, to dissect the relationship that is "Coop & Nette", hell I don't even understand the shit my damn self...so I know I can't make you understand it, by far!

Don't get me wrong I love my dad...I mean if I didn't...trust you'd know b/c I wouldn't mention him at all!

We just have some serious communication issues. We are stubborn. Too much alike. Resulting in...TRUBBLE!!!

We rarely see eye-to-eye...older I get the less I bite my tongue, and that surprises him. Challenges him.

However there's a great deal I could say but don't. I'm being considerate of his feelings. (Is that really helping though?) Recognizing he is still my dad. Not the worst dad. Not the best dad either! I'm just not sure I can say he's tried like whole-heartedly. I'm just not sure. He does what he wants, how he wants, when he wants! That's just not okay, in dealings with your seed. I just don't agree. I tell my suder all the time, I have no idea about the concept of parenting b/c my rents make me feel as though what they do is by choice and not required, but the outside world begs to differ...there in lies the conflict. Hence, I'm quite confused on what parents should do and what's extra. So as get older, I still hold them accountable for the things they didn't or haven't done. Dissatisfaction. Resulting in me feeling shorted. Sometimes causing me to want compensation. Monetarily. Wrong or Right? That's how I feel.

I pray. Understanding. Maturity. Strength. Contentment. Acceptance.

There was a time when I compared, once I realized the shit was abnormal, my rents with others' rents resulting in confusion and frustration. Now. I don't hardly even care anymore. They are who they are. Clearly they are NOT changing for me and I accept that, but I just wish they'd do it for themselves.

I know I'm grown, when its convenient and that's not okay and I'm working on that. I know I have my share of faults and blames and I'm working on those as well. That's all I'm asking for is a little work. I want my rents to be the best people they can be. I think I have made them proud. I wish. They'd do the same for me...just wishful thinking.

This is my prayer.

Amen.

I love my rents. I love myself. The rest is minor (I guess). It is what it is.

Oh I do have a special stand-in daddy, whom I met in college...yep we're actually the same age, but he acts so damn old-lol...he been around his Granny too much..nothing wrong w/that though.
He's going to make very lucky lady a wonderful husband and terrific father!
I absolutely adore him!
He's always to my rescue-not that I need rescuing but you know...
He makes me oh-so proud too...he's in medical school!!! Yep...BIG shit poppin!
I ♥ my Callie-Pooh!!!

So I have not 1 but 2 daddies, well 3 dad's-gotta include the Father-to celebrate on today-so I can't complain and neither should you!

Good day, Good people.

~S. Parks