Listen UP-the loveH8r edition!

I'm just going to be honest, b/c that's the point of this whole thing, right? Right.
So...here goes....I miss him. I miss "2nd chance"! There I said it!
I'm saddened things turned out this way.
So NOT what I was expecting. Not really sure what I was expecting but this def was NOT it!
Sux. SUX! So bad!

I NEVER like anyone man (meaning I rarely find people I'm into=SUPER picky!)...so its not fair. Its not fair @ all! Fucked up thing is, I still don't fully understand what the dilemma is...oh wait that's right...I have sex w/other people, HUMPH! Dumbest shit you ever heard? Yeah me too! Now that pisses me off SO bad! I can't even delve into it right now...or @ all...ever...b/c I don't feel like it! I don't want to. It was the weirdest conversation I've ever had w/a guy & I think I just blocked the whole thing out.
Just know it sux & we are over (b4 we even began) for an ign'ant ass reason.
...as much as I like him...I'm not even sure where we could go after this...every thing's so...so...tainted.

I really think I'm obsessing over the fact that virtually he is the one who ended the situation. & So abruptly. Its like I had no warning. No prep time. No reconcile period. Just BOOM! "That's it. We're wrapped...indefinitely." That lack of control is making me really disgusted. I'm feeling something I can't describe. Some kind of anxiety when I think of him and the thoughts are becoming increasingly frequent. Forcing themselves into my mind. Reigniting old feelings. Recollecting memories. Ponder the 'what ifs'.
WTH?! WTH is this?! Idunno & I don't like it! So STOP IT...NOW!

Anyways...listening to Bilal...this song came on & I was like "DAMN!" How Bilal know just what to say?! b/c this song describes exactly how I am feeling/felt about a "relationship" w/"2nd chance"...nothing personal just life...my life.
Maybe that's the problem...I'm too self absorbed???
Ponder on that...while...yeah...here's the song.

Bilal
1st Born Second
Love Poems

Yo, I've been meaning to tell you something.
I guess, I was just waiting for the right time.
So, why don't you sit down.

As we step from across the room.
Starting to ponder what we've been going through.
What does my kiss mean to you?
Are we just friends?
Or is this more to you?

But if we label this, just picture what we might lose.
Yes, that unexpected kiss.
The whole feeling that brought me to you.
Meanwhile my feelings grow.
Grow, feelings grow, grow.

But if we label this, just picture what we might lose.
That unexpected kiss. The whole feeling that brought me to you, yes.
Why rush? Why chose? Why risk this thing?
And ruin me & you.
I want the lover & keep the friend.
I want to be near you & not pretend.

But if we label this, just picture what we might lose.
That unexpected kiss.
The feeling that brought me to you.
The whole thing's got me searching.

I find myself searching for love poems.
Don't know your soul, yet your presence on my brain.
Causes my pen to go insane and...I wrote these poems.

Your sight is few & far between.
Bringing my soul alive.
I find myself probing for love makers, love songs.
The love of the universe and my soul...
DAMN! What's up with my soul?!

Empty like theaters after encores.
Lonely like single mothers on the stew.
I am lonely and I find myself searching for love poems...

GROW....GROW....GROW.

I like you and all. I do.
But you see I...I can't be held down.
I need to live my life.
Too young. Too young. Got to be young.
Woah! Won't my feelings remain the same?

We could be friends, and do our thing.
Oh, can't you hear me out, yeah.
Explaining this whole thing.
Believe me...that if we label this just picture what we might lose.
That unexpected kiss that brought me to you.
But if we label this, just picture what we might lose.

BTW-WTF is Bilal?! Come on man its been 6 damn years!!!

Aight...That's enuff of that shit!
I'm outtie.
Niterz!

~Sdotter