Cold-blooded!

Yes, I admit I have feelings too...in fact in case you haven't noticed most people w/a really hard exterior are those w/really soft interior (not all, but most cases). Anyway, when I was a young girl, I was (still am) extremely sensitive, and I showed it immediately. Whenever hurt, I got really upset, pouted, closed in, and shut down, maybe even cried. Now crying is something I always had an issue w/according to my mother. She claims that although I was hurt (emotionally) I would never actually cry, although I would act owt in other ways, crying would just not be one of those ways. Well that still applies, however I have now learned to even mask those other obvious ways of acting owt, so to those who aren't really familiar w/my "attitude" may think I'm rather fearless, unaffected, and maybe even a control freak. As I have consciously made an effort to not allow people inside my head, that sometimes gives the precept ion that I lack the ability to feel anything real.

Allow me a moment to shed some light on who I really am, emotionally. So, as I said I am sensitive, in that the smallest things that shouldn't affect me might very well do so even w/o being intentioned. I also think that comes from being an over-analyzer/thinker. I sometimes analyze thing that really shouldn't even be analyzed... simple, minute to the other end of the spectrum. When I allow people into "my world" so to speak, I do it in trust that they will be caring, considerate, and appreciative, however this does not always happen obviously. Therefore those people have access to hurt my feelings, I do, in fact possess those, you know.

Now I have matured to the point of not allowing everything to get to that level, but when it does I usually address it head on so that that person will know, "hey you hurt my feelings, me no likey, don't do it again, or there will be trubble." Trust, this is a vast improvement on how I have handled things in the past...but I am a work in progress so you gotta be patient man! Now how about those commoners...those people that I know but don't really have relationship w/or maybe we had a relationship and it has fizzled or maybe I just don't regard enuff to even although them that opportunity. Well these encounters/situations are a whole nother story, I may have that whole I don't give fuck attitude w/them. It may just be toned down if I actually like you, but I prolly still won't care...and that's just real. If I haven't really let you into "my world" then I prolly don't trust you enuff to give a damn what you think anyways so whatever you're saying prolly won't affect me that much. I'm sure those I don't give a damn about know it but if you're questioning, feel free to ask and I don't have prollum sharing. (Now I know why boys neber try to talk me, directly, that could be rather intimidating...but I'm working on that too...giving off the air that I'm a mean ass bitch and if you talk to me I'll bite your fucking head off...THAT'S JUST HOW I LIKE, SWEAR! Don't be scurred I won't bite, unless of course you want me too ;-) )

So what did we learn today
1) Shanette is a real person, w/real feelings...
2) Those feelings can and are in fact hurt from time to time (not often but you know)...
3) However Shanette is who she is and she likes who she is...
4) But she is still a work in progress...

She still likes it, she knows you lubs it, so stop frontin', like Rell (as in Pharrell, you know of the Neptunes)!

Until next time, POB!
(In an upcoming post I will chat about how others are too sensitive to my bluntness (for lack of a better word), it shall be interesting so stay tuned)
~ S dot