From bad to worse...

Can I just tell you that yesterday, was one of the worst days I have had in a long time! And I should have known that it would be awful before I left the house b/c I was just all off appearance wise. My hair was greasy looking, I couldn't finish my make-up, my fit was off, I did NOT have it together by far! And from there it went D O W N (say it real slow) hill FAST! Stopped by Starbucks, like regular, to get my morning cup of Joe (I swear to god, its just ridiculous that I spend a whopping $3.39, daily for a mufucking beverage, then its a short @ that, the size that no one orders but me!), okay so get my WCM (skim, no whip) and as I'm leaving owt the door this dumb bitch rams into me b/c her idiotic ass is on the phone yapping and not paying attention to her surroundings. Of course I dropped my coffee, all over her HA HA!!!!!!! She was like OMGosh I can't believe this, I'm like yeah neither can I! Yo ass just spilled my shit and I don't have time to wait in line for another! Luckily the good folks @ Starbucks took care of me quick fast and in a hurry, so I was like whoo way to go Bucky's and fuck you white lady!

Aight on to phase 2 of the day: get to the office, my massa (also my bro. in law, and the only reason I actually tolerate working there) asks me to do a million things @ once, b/c his "real" secretary was a no-show. So anywho, he spills these orders and just expects me to run, jump, and do...well no I don't operate like that, when its something that I don't want to do and especially if I don't know what the hell I'm doing...my ass is moving slow as a turtle babey! So he was pissing me off, b/c I'm like sir, I have a degree in Biology, not admin assistance, nor do I have admin experience, I'm just here to help yo ass owt! So...I was just really annoyed all day then I left there and this nigga wants me to take the fucking work home and complete, I said uh huh okay, like always (when he asks me to do something and I either don't know what he's talking about or am just not going to do it). Got home and went to sleep chile. My nigga please, I love you, but now I know why Biggie says keep your family and business completely separated, the shit just don't work owt mane! However I knew I was having a bad day before I even got to the office so I just tried to chalk it up to that and keep it moving but shit just kept on going so fucking wrong, JEEZE my ass couldn't catch a fucking break!

Phase 3: Leave the office, on the expressway, a muthafucking filthy ass, garbage toting, piece of shit driving pick up passes me flying and releases a gotdamn garbage bag from the bed of the truck...the shit muthafucking flies onto my windshield, yeah can you believe that shit, I almost the fuck died man!!! That shit was on there for like 5-7 seconds (a long ass time, going 70 on the expressway), fortunately I did not panic, well until I got the bag off by turning on the wipers. Then I think it hit me after the fact that I could have died so I kinda started freaking owt. That was some scurry shit (as Boome would say); thank the Lawd I am alive to even tell you about it, truly blessed!

Phase 4: Get home, and for some reason I just breakdown...crying and really freaking owt. Why? I mean I'm not sure if it was the expressway that triggered it or the whole day but I just felt really saddened. I try not to let it but the reality of still being in Memphis is like literally un fucking believable! Since I've been a freshman in highschool, it was the one thing I was determined not to let happen yet it has and now I have reached the undeniable feeling of being "stuck." I cannot explain to anyone how much I despise this godforsaken city, I feel like I am literally living in hell (okay maybe not that bad but pretty close)! This was just not the plan, my life did indeed have a plan and this shit just wasn't it! That makes me quite frustrated! Trapped! Everywhere I turn there is a door slamming and window closing! Trapped! Errbody's having babies...AGAIN...and do I feel the obligation to assist...I'll never know! Trapped! Can't get no fucking job, can't save no money! Trapped! Can't get a transcript, can't get into grad school! Trapped! UGGGHHHH!!!!!! Resulting in a small meltdown!

Don't worry though I'm back off that bullshit! Crying is for punks! Gotsa get up and make some shit shake, you know. Guess I better take advantage of this time off and speak some things into existence. Use my resources, and just GO for IT<---whatever it is!!! I AM getting owt of here, TRUST!

So that was my rant for the day, I know it wasn't as entertaining today as my previous posts but I sometimes need an off day, like reg. folk. Actually I am going to take a social break b/c I been clicking owt on folk since Sunday (should have gone to church).

So POB!

Let me go pray for myself, if I don't who will?!

~S.

Cold-blooded!

Yes, I admit I have feelings too...in fact in case you haven't noticed most people w/a really hard exterior are those w/really soft interior (not all, but most cases). Anyway, when I was a young girl, I was (still am) extremely sensitive, and I showed it immediately. Whenever hurt, I got really upset, pouted, closed in, and shut down, maybe even cried. Now crying is something I always had an issue w/according to my mother. She claims that although I was hurt (emotionally) I would never actually cry, although I would act owt in other ways, crying would just not be one of those ways. Well that still applies, however I have now learned to even mask those other obvious ways of acting owt, so to those who aren't really familiar w/my "attitude" may think I'm rather fearless, unaffected, and maybe even a control freak. As I have consciously made an effort to not allow people inside my head, that sometimes gives the precept ion that I lack the ability to feel anything real.

Allow me a moment to shed some light on who I really am, emotionally. So, as I said I am sensitive, in that the smallest things that shouldn't affect me might very well do so even w/o being intentioned. I also think that comes from being an over-analyzer/thinker. I sometimes analyze thing that really shouldn't even be analyzed... simple, minute to the other end of the spectrum. When I allow people into "my world" so to speak, I do it in trust that they will be caring, considerate, and appreciative, however this does not always happen obviously. Therefore those people have access to hurt my feelings, I do, in fact possess those, you know.

Now I have matured to the point of not allowing everything to get to that level, but when it does I usually address it head on so that that person will know, "hey you hurt my feelings, me no likey, don't do it again, or there will be trubble." Trust, this is a vast improvement on how I have handled things in the past...but I am a work in progress so you gotta be patient man! Now how about those commoners...those people that I know but don't really have relationship w/or maybe we had a relationship and it has fizzled or maybe I just don't regard enuff to even although them that opportunity. Well these encounters/situations are a whole nother story, I may have that whole I don't give fuck attitude w/them. It may just be toned down if I actually like you, but I prolly still won't care...and that's just real. If I haven't really let you into "my world" then I prolly don't trust you enuff to give a damn what you think anyways so whatever you're saying prolly won't affect me that much. I'm sure those I don't give a damn about know it but if you're questioning, feel free to ask and I don't have prollum sharing. (Now I know why boys neber try to talk me, directly, that could be rather intimidating...but I'm working on that too...giving off the air that I'm a mean ass bitch and if you talk to me I'll bite your fucking head off...THAT'S JUST HOW I LIKE, SWEAR! Don't be scurred I won't bite, unless of course you want me too ;-) )

So what did we learn today
1) Shanette is a real person, w/real feelings...
2) Those feelings can and are in fact hurt from time to time (not often but you know)...
3) However Shanette is who she is and she likes who she is...
4) But she is still a work in progress...

She still likes it, she knows you lubs it, so stop frontin', like Rell (as in Pharrell, you know of the Neptunes)!

Until next time, POB!
(In an upcoming post I will chat about how others are too sensitive to my bluntness (for lack of a better word), it shall be interesting so stay tuned)
~ S dot

Just like a boy...

Why does everyone keep saying, "you act just like a ni99a/boy?!"

I like being a girl!!!
I act like a girl!!!
I AM a girl, DAMNIT!!!
THANKS!!!

Okay so maybe I'm not all fragile like a girl...not all emotional like a girl...not all whiny...or maybe I don't necessarily talk like the average girl, or fall in love @ the drop of a dime like a girl, or give a gotdamn bout these whack ass ni99as like most girls, or even have sex like girl...but I AM a girl, man...check it owt...I'm good to go, thanks!

No I don't like to cuddle, no I don't like to kiss (@ least not in public, eww, gross!), no I don't like to talk on the phone or even really talk for that matter, no I don't like holding hands, no I don't want to talk after sex (for like 2 days) unless were in a relationship (even then its tuff), no I don't have a lot of girlfriends, no I don't talk about my feelings all the time, no I don't cry very often, no I don't give a damn what you think nor how you feel, no I don't get emotional at weddings, and no mine isn't planned, no I don't want to be in a relationship...NO NO & NO!!!

I like boys, shoes, jewelry, boys, lame movies, sex, make-up, purses, boys, clothes, & parties!

I am cool, complicated, haute, non-chalant, sensitive, wise, fun, smart, bitchy, and dramatic!

All that other shit is either whack or overrated. Love is overrated(another post, another day); unless its the Lord I'm loving, I'm ober it, thanks!

I like who I am and you like it too or else you wouldn't be here, so shet it up!!!

I'm not sure if its what I say, how I say it or who I say it to that makes me seem so boyish or maybe its what I do, how I do it, and who I do to that's the prollum...or combination of things, either way this is me...take it or leave it, bitches!

I'm here to stay, like Bush (I might leave in a lil while but you'll still feel my affects long after I'm gone), bitches!

I'm telling you...I can change yo life...come on over, its PARADISE...promise!

And on that note I'm gone like the wind and the cold for that matter (b/c its spring, bitches!)!

POB!

~S. Parks

Hi, My Name is Shanette and I'm an addict...

this blog is not for kids so...handle that.

so yeah I'm addicted to S E X...

um the first step to recovery is admission right, but what if I don't want to recover.

I mean I'm just saying...

Yeah...lust sometimes overrides trust<---can't take credit, Lupe said that (Food & Liquor, don't have, you should get on that, he's the truff<---whatever that means). That's my post for today, lol, now ponder on that!

real profound huh

(I know, I think I have some issues w/sex but I don't feel like getting into those right now but stay tuned I'm sure you'll find owt what those are, hell I'm intrigued to find owt too!)

~S. Parks

Another asshole by nature...

(if you haven't noticed by now, I relate everything to music...I love music...I am music...its the universal language!)

A couple weeks ago (maybe it was a month ago, well whatev) someone told me I was the biggest, effortless asshole they had ever met. I was like Wow, really?!?! Jeez! However I wasn't offended, now is that b/c I think that being an asshole makes me like cool or something or I really don't give a damn what that person thinks or am I in fact an asshole. Now let us examine this word...it is usually associated w/vulgarity and most often means the worst, detestable.

Well I would definitely not say I am the worst person, in fact I think I'm the best ( I mean hey if I don't who will). Well okay so maybe I can have slick asshole tendencies, but who doesn't, hell!

Okay so the person, who I will leave nameless (although they weren't the first/last person to say such things), gave me a few examples of what made me an unconscious asshole, like an asshole by nature (hence the title).

So yeah they were like well why is it that you have a really hard time answering seemingly simple questions, like who, what, when, where, how (not why, that one is usually most complex). Okay so yeah I do have an issue w/answering questions, and Idunno why, it is just really annoying, its not even like why do you want to know or why you in my business but more like just why are you asking...tell me why you're asking first then I'll consider answering the question. I know that seems really awful, but I'm serious (lol, and that's what makes it so bad...that I'm serious). Next ie why do you never answer your phone, return calls, or check vm's...well that's simple I just don't like it. In fact I hate phones(so why do I have a 4 bill phone & a bill phone bill...hmmm); there was a time when I was like the TM (text message) Queen, but now I don't even hardly like to do that, but I will b/c I'm def. not going to chat it up on the phone w/you unless you're like on that selective list that I talk to too much to text. I have never been a big "talk on the phone person." So Iunno what to tell you there, but I mean is that an asshole tendency??? Last ie (well the last one I feel like typing), I talk to people really bad, purposely, and think its okay to do so. Now this one I don't agree w/...okay maybe a little. But not purposely and Iun necessarily think its okay but I do sometimes think its necessary. I mean the truth hurts, and that's all I can really say about that (I think its the delivery that is bothersome more so than the content).

I mean really, Iun think I am an asshole per say maybe a few asshole tendencies here and there, but hey I can def. say I got it honestly (thanks Dad)! I like doing things the way I like doing them does that make me an asshole or selfish or both or neither for that matter ( a tad but stubborn maybe, but I was that way before I got here). I say neither, I'm just me and like Bet said this morning "nutz man...that's the only word suitable." (Hell why she think we cool...her ass is nutz too, in fact she made me this way, thanks Shus!!!)

(Okay so there is this one thing, like Amerie, that I will say is quite assholish(yeah I made that word up)...but its kinda personal so be forewarned (you can stop reading here if you'd like)...so um yeah after I've been (I can be quite crass @ times but I won't put myself all owt there like that...just yet) intimate w/someone (unless they're like my bf...maybe not even him either though...) I won't call/or answer their calls (okay scratch call b/c I just told you Iun talk on the phone, but you get the point) for like a day or two...lol I know right...real trif, but I like seriously can't help it, I don't know what's wrong w/ me...I think its the dog in me (thanks again Dad), but what I can I say Bow Wow, bitches, lol! No really sometimes I do feel really bad, but Idunno how to not do it...wonder what I'll do if/when I'm married....that'll be interesting (I'll keep you posted). )

So anyways, I like it, you lubs it, so stop acting!!!

POB!

~S dot

Let's be Friends or Something....

So, here's the big question: How soon is too soon???

brought to you in part by tonight's episode of "Sex in the City" (The Friends episode)

So, in case you aren't familiar its the one where Carrie decides she and Big should try to be friends or something, now stop right there, what the hell is that or something?!?! Let's take a moment to examine...

In my experiences w/the exes I have found the or something to be 1)pretend you're invisible on sight 2) sway between that friends & friends w/benefits line 3) both individuals want a mutual platonic friendship but the new partners involved have a prollum with the friendship 4)all of the above can intertwine (more than likely in my case). So as you can see I am no good w/the back to friends stat, in fact I just don't think it can work...however I'm sure a few people would beg to differ, in fact I know a young lady who has remained friends, and close friends, w/all of her exes (ummm hmmm, raising my eyebrow on that one) and claims that they are just that, friends.

To be honest I really don't care if I'm their friend or not,once I'm gone I likes to be gone, but here is the shit that pisses me off (AAARRRGGGHHH) when (I actually care about the person/relationship) this young man wants to be my friend and make me friends w/the new boo, fool is you nutz (lol, you rollin, again)?!?! What would make you think, that after I have toiled like a slave in a cotton field w/yo ass that I would wanna meet the next heifa (no she's not the prollum, and no I don't just not like her, but I still don't want to be her damn friend, thanks) who is reaping my damn hard work! So she just come in like "Wowzer this guy is freaking FANTASTIC!" Humph I bet he is bitches(lol, ok I'm ranting now)! So yeah no, my brother I can't be all smiles for you in front the new girl, no thanks, I'm good, @ least for now...well yeah, no, forever, sawry! That's cool though b/c I have learned that they always come back eventually (like wittle puppy dogs, and I lubs it), brings me the greatest satisfaction, ha ha (like Jeezy) b/c by that time I'M SO OVER IT, ha ha!

Well maybe its dependent upon the relationship, or the person, or the maturity level of the individuals involved...humph maybe not but then again I could always be wrong, hell I could be the damn prollum...ha WRONG! I am def. not the prollum, more like the answer, bitches ; D

So did we discover what the something was...okay yeah, it varies per relationship, right, HUMPH! Good luck w/that shit!

And with that I'm signing off!

POB!

S dot

Is you rollin cus ___ I might be!

That title has not a damn thing to do w/ my post today...I just wanted to use it. Moving right along...

Today's topic is:

Well I'm deciding that I have reached my limit w/bs. I mean you know how you have a bull shit meter (well maybe you don't know, but you do!) and once you've reached that level exceedig tolerable, its like "ok, we've reached our limit, time to cut this shit short"

Yeah that's me right now...

I have sooooo tried to be nice to these folk mane, but they seem to think my niceness is a sign of vulnerability or maybe even a lapse of memory. Well today I am here to say, that (oooh just thought of way to work in my title, goodie!) you must be geeked up and bitch I'm not so lets just be real here...what is it that you're really trying to accomplish when you feed someone bs...in my opinion or in my experience its that whole selling them the dream thing. Okay so yeah once upon a time I fell asleep, bought the dream, and even had a really great time, woke up and realized the shit was in fact a gotdamns dream (not literally-dummies!), bitches (can you believe that shit...sometimes I still can't believe I fell and so hard @ that, but it happens to the best of us so...I take it in stride, thanks)! Now I'm back in reality and I suggest you get there too, like ASAP or yo ass is headed for DANGER (think Mystikal)! I have lots more I could say, but I think you get the point so I'll save the rest for another post, another day.

Better blow that shit out!

S dot