Unlimited Upgrades

Who was I when I was 5...when I was 10...15...20...last year...last week even???

I don't think there have been drastic changes in who I am today but there are certainly things that have shaped & molded the person I am now that I don't necessarily do or care for anymore. Basically, I am the same stubborn, sensitive, smart, & special girl I was when I was 5 w/a few physical changes & some mental tweaking...but in essence, like Jay said, "you was who you was before you got here" & I believe that, whole-hearted!

I was thinking today about the various relationships (male/female) that I have been in or am currently in & I was intrigued to find that I have grown (not only in stature) tremendously in my short 24 years. Relationships are a good measure of a person. How well you adapt & change...grow & mature. It’s often beneficial to take in another person's view of you for betterment of self. In most cases its healthy to account for other people's criticism...not all b/c not everyone has your interest in mind. Let’s just be honest some folk are just h8rs...the shit is like breed & feed or something...so we ain't referring to them folk.

Anyways, thinking about all that I was quite interested in who I was then & who I am now.
Simple things to complex ones...I remember when I thought make-up was silly...now you can catch me in Sephora breaking the bank bayby! When I was the biggest tomboy...so into my bike & playing outside & the simple things in life...now I'm the girliest girl & it seems I just make shit harder than it has to be. When I was in high school I swore Tommy Hilfiger was that ish...baby I swear you can def miss me w/that, no thanks! When I was young I ALWAYS thought moving back to St. Louis would make my life SO much better...now...I honestly cannot imagine living there...the only appeal was my fam! When I thought I would be virgin until marriage...HA...yeah right! However, I am still a firm believer in the importance of virginity, consequences of sex & sanctity of marriage. Marriage…there’s an interesting concept. I do believe in marriage…just not sure I want marriage…for myself...or I'm not sure that marriage is for me persay. I don't think I would mind it though...if it happens it happens if it doesn't I'm fairly certain I won't get all bent about it...I’m a realist…never really been a dreamer. So I see things the way they are. I set goals…I don’t dream. I hope…I don’t dream. I believe...I have faith...I do...I don't dream. I don’t believe in shooting stars…I’m just not that girl. I'm still stubborn...but I'm workable...just gotta be persistent (btw-persistence is kinda hott...if you're a boy). I'm not the best communicator...but I'm working on that. I don't have a good relationship w/my dad & I accept that. I used to wear glasses & now I'm corrective lenses free...thanks to Lasik, booyow! I have always thought I was invincible & I still do! I have never been boy crazy & I'm still NOT!

People are just something I have never really been that into. I know I said relationships are essential to understanding self & that's true...however...there was a time in my life when I held friendships in high regard. I am a good friend b/c I understand loyalty...but I've learned not everyone is like me *thanks the Heavens for that* therefore I accept that relationships die & friendships fade. That doesn't change who I am as a friend that just means I don't expect you to be like me! Right now though, I am so into me & trust me it took a long time & a conscious effort to get to this point. To put the considerate, giving, & kind Shanette aside...& simply do me.
The best relationship you can have is a spiritual relationship...my God & I say my b/c he is mine...we have a personal relationship & in it I have learned the most about me that I could have ever learned from anyone else. He is the way, the truth & the life & believe that w/all my being. He has been the only unwavering factor in my life & that alone is dynamic & mind-blowing! Yep, I loves the Lord & I'm not ashamed to say...I'm not a total heathen folks! ;)

I am in such a transition in my life...a turning point...a metamorphosis if you will. I can just feel it. Things I used to do...I don't do as often...stuff I liked...not so much...people I cared for...could care less. It’s all about me & the greatness that lies ahead. The destiny that needs to be fulfilled. I control these things, hence the only interference is me...well not anymore. Life has taught me so much in my short 24 years...things that some people spend a life time learning. I have survived Katrina…deaths…major setbacks…broken hearts…failed relationships...guess what...& I’m still here…better than ever b/c of who...God. I have been blessed w/the strength & courage to face issues head on...in turn I am better...wiser...stronger than ever. I'm encouraged today...to be. I have always been able to say...but actually being is different. I can literally be ME & all that encompasses in God. I'm free to be...ME That is an awesome revelation. That I, me, Shanette Renea Parks is powerful, rich, happy & healthy & can say that in all honesty & sincerity. It’s amazing. I'm looking forward to an awesome year...one in which I will blossom into myself...who I am to be...what I am to do...outside of my limited vision...the world's limited path for girls like me...the plan that has been set forth by anyone other God, Himself & I am trusting in God that this is so & so it is!
I'm ready...are you?!
I'm excited!!!
...for my UNLIMITED UPGRADES!!!

I said all that to say...love yourself...if you don't who will???
Well luckily, Jesus always has your back...but it’s hard to understand what that love means when you don't even love you!
So love you!
Fuck these h8ing ass bitch niggas & hoes...who live they lives to h8 on anyone doing anything they are too fucking cowardly to even try! Uncap yourselves. Release the you within that is destined for your own greatness! Unlimit God in turn unlimiting yourself & I promise nothing or no one can tell you what? ...NOTHING!!! (I love Ye!)
There is nothing wrong w/doing you...being confident...loving self...being smart...being feminine...being independent. So don't allow society to fault you for doing so...it’s not cocky its self-preservation & in this harsh world we all need to love ourselves as much as possible b/c if we don't...you already know...!

Ponder on this...a quote from my inspiration for this blog: the witty, the classic, the trendsetting, the talented, the uber cool...Carrie Bradshaw of SATC...
I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous. (In case you needed affirmation that I ain't just talking shit!)

So until next time...do you, something special for you, if it’s just deciding to love you more...do that!

♥Sdott♥