How amazin'

This post in brought to you in part by Sister. Jill Scott's Beautifully Human: Words & Sounds, Vol. 2

In St. Louis. Over the weekend. I saw. "2nd Chance." *blushing* (In response to your question. "WOW! You really like him. Huh?") Yes. I do.
However this post. Unfortunately is not about him. For the most part.
Peep the scene...
We hug. I sniff. (insert Jill Scott's sniffing sounds from Beautifully Human: Words & Sounds, Vol. 1). I smell. Sean John's Unforgivable. I think of the ex. I'm confused. He ("2nd Chance") usu wears Prada Prada Amber Pour Homme.

I bought Unforgivable. For the ex. Oh! NO!
I think. I feel. I reminisce.
Love. Lust. Sex. Passion. Bliss.
What we used to do. How we used to be.
I'm lost. In the smell. In the moment.
I'm lost. In the feeling. In the past.
I'm lost. In the smell. In the goodness.

"Oh no! Snap out of it! Wrong person! Don't do it!" I didn't. I remained calm. Luckily the visit was brief. I made it thru. Did not. Call. Text. IM. E-mail. The ex. Good job. Sdot!

I asked. "Why the change in fragrance?" He replies. "You don't like it?" Me. "Well no, its not that. I just like Prada. On you." Him. "Okay I'll make note." Me. "(under my breath)Asshole." *smiles*

So. On the way back. To Memphis. I could not. Stop. Thinking about him (don't tell him that. thanks). Yeah I know (in response to you thinking...that's not good). But it went no further than thinking. At least they were good thoughts. : D So. this song came to mind.

"Cross My Mind"
by Jill Scott.

I was just thinking about you.
Wonderin' if you wear the wear the same cologne?
Smelled good on you.
Had the next boyfriend of mine try that same kind.
But it stunk on him though.

You know what they say.
Everything ain't for everybody.
But I tried anyway.
You sure did smell good.

Hey, eh, yeah.
You just runnin' cross my mind.
You just runnin' cross my mind.
You just runnin' cross my mind.
You just runnin' cross my mind.

You had that masculine thing down.
Shoulders, back straight, never slumpin', never round.
It would turn me on just to see you walk.
Into a room, across a room, out of a room.
You really impressed me.

Hey, ey, yeah.
You just runnin' cross my mind.
You just runnin' cross my mind.
You just runnin' cross my mind
You just runnin' cross my mind.

I know if I pick up this phone.
Write this letter, send this two way.
I know I'm gonna say some things.
I know you gonna say some things.
That we both don't need to say.

Like, how amazin', how amazin'.
When you would spread my limbs cross continents.
Bumped my bed way over mountains and ya.
Kiss this and this and this and this.
And this and this and this and this.
And this and this and this and that, hey.
Show eash other where climax was at.

You're just runnin' across my mind.
Across my mind.
You're just runnin' across my mind.
You're just runnin', hey.

I was just thinking about you.
And wonderin' what you doin'?
I mean what you've been up to?
I know its wrong feeling so strong.
Let me take a second minute.
I will think this thing through.

I was just thinking about you.
And wonderin' what you doin'?
I mean what you've been up to?
I know its wrong feling so strong.
Let me take a second minute.
I will think this thing through.

Remember all the moments for two.
How we used to, ooh, yeah.
But the reality, honestly.
You were never good for me.
And I was never good for you.
I just remember what we used to do.


Ahhh. This song. Is so. Was so. Us.
Damn you (the ex). For being so amazin'.
Damn you ("2nd chance"). For not.

*sighs*

POB!

Listen UP!

this post is brought to you in part by: Katt Money Mike Williams, "Shut Up Bitch Intro" from Lil' Kim's The Naked Truth album

This is what I want to say to errbody right now on today..."Shut up BITCH!"

"Uhhh, ladies and gentleman, may I have your attention, please?!

It has come to my attention!

That you raggedy bitches always got a muthafuckin opinion about somebody!

...what somebody shoulda been doing!

...what they shoulda been wearing!

...what they shoulda been doing wit they muthafucking money!

Why don't you get a muthafucking life bitch?!

You been raggedy since Lil Kim first came out, and yo ass is still raggedy!

That's why you got time to worry about what other muthafuckas is doing!

Its Queen B, bitch!

Not pawn!

Not rook!

Not knight!

QUEEN!!!

You ain't no muthafucking royalty!

Matta fact just do me a favor and SHET UP BITCH!!!

I don't even like bitches talking! <--my fav line!

This is what you're doing...and...this is what I need you to be doing...

See!

Watch...hold on...

See!

Even I can do it!

Even a PIMP can do it!

Did you see how I shut up?!

That's what the fuck you need to do...

Is...SHET THE FUCK UP BITCH!!!"

Thanks Katt, I could NOT have said it better myself!

POB!

Who Cares?!

this post is brought to you in part by Gnarls Barkley's St. Elsewhere (that I love oh so much!)

I love this part of the song ("Who Cares?)...its so me..."basically I'm complicated I have a hard time taking the easy way, I wouldn't call it schizophrenia, but I'll be at least 2 people today, if that's ok..." Is that okay? Prolly not...but...it's me...and I'm okay w/it...so hey...that's all that matters...right? Right!

Although...

...as of lately I've been dropping friends like flies...hmmm...what's that about...hmmm...Idunno...but Who Cares?!...Idunno that either! I am however wondering if I'm the prollum? If so I dare you to solve me...I mean its just hard for me to believe that I'm the prollum...like no really...I kinda don't believe that.
The falling outs have been so petty (to me). Then most of them have not even been verbal discussions they have been via text, e-mail, im...etc. Which I personally think is whack. Now I know you're thinking but wait you don't like talking on the phone, and you're right, I don't. However when its something of seriousness I would definitely not demean the experience or the person's feelings by resulting to non-verbal communication. Come on now...that's childish...
I have heard that I'm not that easy to talk to, but I don't want to believe that either, but hey I don't confront myself so that I really wouldn't know...

Here's what I think...
I'm a pretty good friend, in fact a great friend. I go above and beyond the call of duty. Sometimes people take that and run w/it...and that's not fair. Sure I'm tuff on the outside, but I do have feelings, that can be hurt! Since 2006 (post-break-up and some self-evaluation), I made a conscious decision to be more selfish. I know you're thinking "Wow, that's horrible!" No, its not, there comes a time in every one's life when they have to put themselves first, do what's best for them, and not compromise their happiness for the benefit of others. I have always been an extremely giving person. When I get involved in a relationship I give 115% of me...expecting the same in return. What I have come to find is this...whether fair or unfair people do not always give the same way or the same amount as you. While that was a hard concept for me to grasp, I understand that now. SO I expect nothing from no one. ITs better that way. I still love who I love. I still care. I still give..but I look out for Shanette 1st. I do Shanette 1st. I love Shanette 1st...hey if I don't who will?!

I said all that to say this people are fickle...hell I'm fickle (at times). That is reality. That is life and life hurts...deal! So to be honest I really don't care about the loss of friendships, relationships, loved ones b/c of simplicity. I'm far too complex. If you really know me...you know I am who I am everyday! I haven't changed. This is me...allday, everyday! I still...love the same. I still...cuss the same. I still...listen the same. I still...talk the same. Deal! If you can't...then do what's best for you...I'll understand. Just as I understand that you are who you are...everyday. I can't change you. I shouldn't even want to change you, b/c that very thing I'm trying to change is prolly the very thing I love about you, that makes you unique, that makes you "you".

So the next time someone wants you to compromise you. Decide if its really worth it. Decide if its for your benefit or their control. Decide who loves you more?! You or them? Or most importantly God...as long as He loves you...hey you're good to go! You have to live w/you. Will you be happy w/you have changing who you are to please someone else? Now I'm not saying no to compromise I'm just saying...why change who you are just b/c someone else decides that today they don't like it...Who cares?! If God doesn't mind then why should you?!

I'm just saying...

It is what it is!

HEY! "I'm the truff...they say the truff hurts...hustle means hardwork...if you scared go to church!" ~Zoe

POB!

~S. Parks
I ♥ ME!

The Weekend Wrap-Up...N.O. style!!!

Guess who's bizzack, BITCHES?!

It's ME...that's WHO!

So...yep I made it back to the whackness that is the M...still recovering from Essence though...but I thoroughly enjoyed my experience...it had its moments like any other trip...but hey a trip to NOLA is always good for the soul! Although most of the trip was just me and Nic. (BTW-Thanks Moe for ditching me w/yo daughter and her shenanigans by myself!) It was still a good trip overall...we recruited some other party-girls to tag along for the adventures of "S dot and Garnett Townsend!"

Here goes...

Arrival-Thursday...uh...hold on...the days are running together...let me think...okay.
Went to all the damn malls to return stuff & find Nic's final fit...we we're unsuccessful. Chile I was ti'ed...that girl know she can exhaust a mufucka! Gotsdamn! Now I understand how men feel! SHIT! So after that we...damn my memory is really fading...so I guess I'll skip all the damn details and get to the point.

Went to the HOB...

...hadn't been in AGES! It was cool...real cool...VIP...of course. Didn't get too twisted...Raj (the greatest DJ in the world-according to Weezy F. Baby-please say the baby!, and all of the Dillard University community!) was there YAY...We ♥ Raj!

So-after shutting the club down-oh yeah "celebrity" sightings in the club...Rosci from 106 & Park, an N.O. native, and Wendy from ANTM, also an N.O. native...some NFLers and NBA-ballers but I don't recall the names, at the moment. Now back to shutting down the club-we proceed to return to the casino-b/c that bitch was poppin off! Guess who?! The fuck we spot?! Sawry! I'm excited again! Okay guess...can't? Okay I'll give you a hint...Summer Rain! Yep...you got it!

(that's me on the right-btw) Carl Thomas...newly named 'CT the G', for reasons that I choose not to disclose-lol...no its not a big deal-he was on the Steve Harvey morning show (Princess Ash's ashdboo.blogspot.com new fav show) getting pranked....and from what I hear he was going OFF! So in a nutshell that's how he became CT the G! So needless to say that was the highlight of the entire trip, thanks!

On to Friday: WOW! The day events are such a blur! Okay went to eat w/Ashley and Marchean-I think that's how you spell his name. Convinced Ash to join us for a night of partying. Went to the mall to make a 2nd attempt @ finding Nic the final fit, also find Ash a fit-and I must say I did a super job, thanks, also I had some items to return as well. Stayed in the mall far too long, but we were all successful in our endeavors-so that supersedes all other details!
Later that night...it was PARTY time! So...this was by far the craziest night!

All b/c of Nic and her baby's dad! Oh gosh! Can't you already foresee the trubble that lies ahead! They started beefing right @ club time! Prolonging our appearance...but hey we don't mind we're accustomed to the last minute entry...we prefer it actually! So...we all went to the club and we all got a little tipsy. This night lasted until the morning-mind you we left @ around 1 anyways...clubbed @ about 2-6...made a big ass scene 6-7...ate @ the casino 7-8 A.M.! Yes, yes, good ole N.O.-you just never know what's in store-and I love it-like Jeezy!!!

Now Saturday-we had a special appearance by Hillywood and her Mommy! We of course went back to the mall! BITCH-UGH! This time Hills, Mommy joined us for the adventures...and man did this night lack luster! The highlight of my night was seeing the infamous "Pretty"! Oh how I love thou-not really but you know...infatuation...OMGosh! He seriously makes me act like a freaking kid...all giddy, shy, hot-you know how you get hot when you're nervous, and just off my game homie...but ah its worth it just to catch a glimpse! Its so amazing too how close we'll be...he's eyeballing, shit I'm staring-lol! Yet nothing is ever said : ( well maybe its for the best...my infatuations have not proven to be successful upon communication. Okay anyhow, I done got all off subject! We went to Dreams this night, and mane had to come up off $140 each for V.I.P.! The hell?! Then got in and that shit was just aight. I mena it was too packed=too hott=not fun! We tried to pop a bottle to ease our minds and soothe our spirits, but that bitch was so hott we sweated the shit out 'fore we could drank it! The hell?! So...yeah...then we didn't even stay that long like the HOB! So yeah-we had a good time but not a good time like the previous nights...

On the Sabbath-I chilled out this day...slept just a tad bit longer-for some reason I can't sleep past 12 p.m. so...a little longer was 10 a.m. for me. Went to see Lynn (my older suder-the islander) and the crew @ Voris's (her college homie) house. They were celebrating Jeremiah's (Voris' son) 1st b-day-fun times-ahhh to be a kid again : )

So after that went back to the house...slept...played...went w/Lynn to the daiquiri shop...played so more...slept.

Monday-bounced : ( contemplated really hard on staying though...dayum! I should have!

I fucking HATE this dump!!! YUCK!!! Give us FREE!!! Please Lord!

So that wraps Essence double-0-7...nope I ain't go to naan show-lol-and I'm okay w/that!

Oh! I know I kinda left some holes in there but hey-I can't tell y'all err-damn-thing...just note I had a blast...and if you weren't there...that's yo damn bad...te he he.

I'm blowing this joint...its raining and I'm sleepy...until we blog again...

POB!

~S. Parks

The Weekend Wrap-Up...S dot style

lol...seems like every time I do one of these 'wrap-ups' it's centered around "2nd chance"...NO! Its just that I have NO life in Memphis...outside of work...hence he's been the only exciting thing outside of my routine to 'weekend blog' about...aside from my #1s (Adam and Maddie Mo), whom I ♥ SO much!!! They bring me joy, and they don't even know it...how amazing is that?! I'd give them the world if I could...trust...I'm working on it...they're like my babies, esp. since I'm not having any. I plan to SUPER spoil them w/love, gifts, and anything their little hearts desire...okay that's enuff about them, b/c I could talk about them forEVER!

So Friday, got an early am text : D from "SUPER Second Chance"...lol...saying he'd be in town for the weekend...so clear the calendar...gladly! Um we had lunch Friday. We hooked up that evening-late...just kinda played around for awhile. Aight of course! (insert dramatic music) I wanted to get physical-duh...its what I do! I mean seriously. He's a great guy and I'm super attracted to him, like I really like him..so its only natural that I would want to do that right? I mean I think so...but maybe that's just me.
So...this is really kinda embarrassing. We had sex and again it was like so bad...no seriously it was awful. Okay. The first time was the worst(refer to previous posts...ie..."Too Good to be True")...then it got worse...and this time it was bad. So I guess we're making progress...huh?! Please hold-while I jump for joy!
I mean I have never been so confused in all my life. I really don't know what to do, and its kinda annoying me. So despite my inital rxn...I stayed until the early am...I'm trying to cut back on my nigga-like characteristics....give her hand! Thank yous all around! : )

We chilled Saturday evening, that was fun. Lol-Its so weird...how he's like literally 2 different people in and outside of the bedroom. Its like his confidence goes WAY down! Okay so Saturday we didn't really do much worth telling you w/o me feeling like a lame...so here's something that I thought was so absolutely adorable! Okay so I'm a firm believer in its the little things that really matter...you know. I had to work @ BR on Saturday, and upon arrival one of my associates said "hey I met your boyfriend yesterday, he's a really cool guy." You should have seen my damn face...I was like "ERRR??? I have not a clue what you're talking about. I don't have a boyfriend, and I'm not even really dating anyone...well not anyone that would be so bold as to come in the store and say such things!" My associate was (lol) like "uh, well, you are Shanette, right...I mean he didn't seem like he was joking, he mentioned you and how you're always working." I was like "hell everybody knows that, that's common knowledge!" So needless to say I was stomped for nearly an hour. Then it came to me, "2nd chance"! He did ask me about BR yesterday and buying a tie or something, but I was kinda not paying attention. So when I asked him about it, and told him how confused I was he was like "Thanks for the recommendation. I love my new tie." Lol! Umm ohhhk. I was like "so it was you right?!" He was like, "Everyone else liked my tie too." I was like "Okay. Whatevs. It was you! Moving on..."

Wasn't that cute?! ...okay well I thought so.

..oh WAIT...!

I have another cute thing he did! In one of our past conversations I think I randomly stated how I absolutely hate spending $3.39/day on coffee and like $50/month on toiletries. You know like soap, deodorant, lotion, contact sol'n, detergent, razors...you know...the small but necessary items! So he was like "you're crazy!" I was like no seriously I hate it! He was like "well, you're just wasting energy b/c you need those things, right? Right. So shut up!" LOL! I was like "uh...rrrhhhoook"<---that's my Scooby Doo version of okay. Okay so on to the point...yesterday after work...I had to close-btw-my manager was like "oh yeah Shanette, before I forget, like I was about to do, someone came by and left this for you." "Oooh weee! For me?!" Guess what it was...An envelope w/2 gift cards-Starbucks & Target. After I laughed and blushed for like 2.45 minutes! I was like "OMGosh! How cute is this?! Especially since I need some contact sol'n and detergent right now on today!"
If you could have seen my face I'm sure I looked like a clown, w/my blushing ass-rosey cheeks! LOL! I swear I could NOT stop smiling! My manager said "girl you really smiling have never seen you smile that much! He was cute too-btw!" I was like "I KNOW RIGHT!" I mean really how cute was that?! So needless to say I was SUPER excited...well...until...

I went over and attempted to have 'thank you-I'm super turned-on' sex w/him. I honestly think I get caught up in the rapture that is 2nd chance b/c I literally forgot that he sux (and not literally either-which is a BIG part of the prollum!) in bed! So! Me being me...I tried to work w/it you know...but nope not really working out...I mean we've reached tolerableSo does that mean we're on the road to success? And if so, how long is the gotdamn road???

So after much contemplation and a little self-indulgence-hey a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do ; ) I came up w/the following: either he is (well was) a damn near 30-year old virgin-which would explain a lot, and totally freak me out @ the same time. Or. He's gay-which I would be devastated, not surprised, but extremely hurt! Or He's just not that in to me-now this is the one that I'm least likely to believe...not solely b/c I'm an arrogant asshole, but more so b/c his actions outside of the bedroom tell a different story..but hey I could always be wrong (doubt it). He's a pretty honest person, so...I'm not really sure what to think...but I'm def. thinking! Oh forgot to add he said I'm too aggressive! Me: "WTH?!?! Well yeah, b/c you bitching down, so somebody has to man-up...clearly you are NOT!" <--I didn't actually say that. What I said was this-->"Well, maybe you're too passive, I mean I'm just saying...I've never gotten such feedback." In reply he ignored me...and I inturn said "HUMPH" and scurried on out the door!

I mean I just don't get it-he's such a MAN pre-bedroom then he's like a little boy come bedroom boom-time! WTH?!
Who has the answers??? ...b/c I surely do NOT!

Pretty Cool Guy+SUPER HOTT+Good Job/Awful Sex=WTF?!?!?!?!
I mean this is 2007! There is some shit I just can NOT tolerate!
ARRRGGHHH!!! ...but I never like anyone : (
What is a girl to do?! Dilemma, dilemma!
So...I guess I'll keep riding it out...not really though...more like walking it out...te he he
I'll keep you posted! Of course ; )

Thanks for tuning in...signing off...

POB!!!

~S. Parks