Who Cares?!

this post is brought to you in part by Gnarls Barkley's St. Elsewhere (that I love oh so much!)

I love this part of the song ("Who Cares?)...its so me..."basically I'm complicated I have a hard time taking the easy way, I wouldn't call it schizophrenia, but I'll be at least 2 people today, if that's ok..." Is that okay? Prolly not...but...it's me...and I'm okay w/it...so hey...that's all that matters...right? Right!

Although...

...as of lately I've been dropping friends like flies...hmmm...what's that about...hmmm...Idunno...but Who Cares?!...Idunno that either! I am however wondering if I'm the prollum? If so I dare you to solve me...I mean its just hard for me to believe that I'm the prollum...like no really...I kinda don't believe that.
The falling outs have been so petty (to me). Then most of them have not even been verbal discussions they have been via text, e-mail, im...etc. Which I personally think is whack. Now I know you're thinking but wait you don't like talking on the phone, and you're right, I don't. However when its something of seriousness I would definitely not demean the experience or the person's feelings by resulting to non-verbal communication. Come on now...that's childish...
I have heard that I'm not that easy to talk to, but I don't want to believe that either, but hey I don't confront myself so that I really wouldn't know...

Here's what I think...
I'm a pretty good friend, in fact a great friend. I go above and beyond the call of duty. Sometimes people take that and run w/it...and that's not fair. Sure I'm tuff on the outside, but I do have feelings, that can be hurt! Since 2006 (post-break-up and some self-evaluation), I made a conscious decision to be more selfish. I know you're thinking "Wow, that's horrible!" No, its not, there comes a time in every one's life when they have to put themselves first, do what's best for them, and not compromise their happiness for the benefit of others. I have always been an extremely giving person. When I get involved in a relationship I give 115% of me...expecting the same in return. What I have come to find is this...whether fair or unfair people do not always give the same way or the same amount as you. While that was a hard concept for me to grasp, I understand that now. SO I expect nothing from no one. ITs better that way. I still love who I love. I still care. I still give..but I look out for Shanette 1st. I do Shanette 1st. I love Shanette 1st...hey if I don't who will?!

I said all that to say this people are fickle...hell I'm fickle (at times). That is reality. That is life and life hurts...deal! So to be honest I really don't care about the loss of friendships, relationships, loved ones b/c of simplicity. I'm far too complex. If you really know me...you know I am who I am everyday! I haven't changed. This is me...allday, everyday! I still...love the same. I still...cuss the same. I still...listen the same. I still...talk the same. Deal! If you can't...then do what's best for you...I'll understand. Just as I understand that you are who you are...everyday. I can't change you. I shouldn't even want to change you, b/c that very thing I'm trying to change is prolly the very thing I love about you, that makes you unique, that makes you "you".

So the next time someone wants you to compromise you. Decide if its really worth it. Decide if its for your benefit or their control. Decide who loves you more?! You or them? Or most importantly God...as long as He loves you...hey you're good to go! You have to live w/you. Will you be happy w/you have changing who you are to please someone else? Now I'm not saying no to compromise I'm just saying...why change who you are just b/c someone else decides that today they don't like it...Who cares?! If God doesn't mind then why should you?!

I'm just saying...

It is what it is!

HEY! "I'm the truff...they say the truff hurts...hustle means hardwork...if you scared go to church!" ~Zoe

POB!

~S. Parks
I ♥ ME!