I like who I am…who I’m becoming. That’s major b/c not everyone can say that w/assurance though I have never really been that girl to hate herself...I have always been taught self-Love! I have always known I was specially crafted w/a higher purpose, one that even I can’t understand sometimes…but it is what it is & I accept that.
Though I must say I haven’t always been this confident. I have struggled w/body image, in fact I still struggle (hence the title...which I'll elaborate on l8r), but the difference is that now I Love ME: the good, the bad, & the FABULOUS [ ;) ]! You know that song “Flaws & All” by Bey…well initially I thought “WOW, how awesome is that to have someone Love you flaws & all?!” Then I discovered…who can Love me better than Me?! That's right...No One! We, esp. women must stop looking to others for the gratification, the inspiration, the happiness, the Love that is ultimately within! The importance of self-Love is that it empowers you. It convinces you of your authority. It motivates you to be the best you that you can be. It inspires you to inspire others...& be better contribution to the world!
Love is not one that boasts or brags in a cocky manner. It doesn’t have to do so…sure a little “damn I’m haute” doesn’t hurt. In fact, it can help. There was a time in my life when I felt really broken, spiritually & in case you didn’t know if your spirit is broken the rest of you is pretty much dead. Anyways, there was so much going on in my life…I was having school issues; I had lost every physical possession I ever owned; I had been shifted so abruptly; I had experienced major heartbreak. I ultimately felt alone. I felt misunderstood. I felt disappointed. I felt kind of hopeless. Now here’s something about me that may or may not come as a surprise I am an internalist (yes, I made that up), meaning I hold everything that bothers me inside. I’m just not a very open person in that regard, or @ least I wasn’t at that time. Even though I thought I was holding it in, it was showing on the outside…I was breaking out all over my body, my hair was falling out drastically, I was losing weight rather rapidly (the one thing I didn’t mind), I was sleeping a lot or not @ all, I was becoming quite anti-social (though not a far-fetch). I had to deal w/all these things & find some way to still Love myself…that is when I discovered the inside is what determines the outer. I know it seems quite cliché but seriously think about it…how many times have you met a person that you thought was utterly fab or haute & you anxiously await the moment you converse & when you do...what do you find?! Their attitude is way stank or they’re dumb as hell & you’re like “okay, all of a sudden you look like shit!” That’s what I mean if the inside is fucked up, well the outside is basically wasted! So I had to pull from w/in & it was @ what was seemingly my lowest point that the only person I could depend on was ME! I talked to God…I talked to myself…I talked to God & myself again. I found that people are people…flawed & you just can’t depend on people. It’s like investing…sometimes you gain sometimes you lose…& you have to learn to accept that & roll w/it & once you do you’ll find that, as the great Malcolm X said “…every defeat, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance next time.” Basically there is a life lesson in everything…well that it is if we use it as such. Lessons are preparations for future tests, yes? So, if we take it as such we will be smart enough to recognize the test & pass w/flying colors! That’s what I learned that ultimately I’m all I’ve got. As much as I HATE to admit it…I’m an adult. I’m a Christian. On the road to being a Woman & I have to start thinking and living as such! I had to re-program my thought process. I say re-… b/c even when I was young there was very little one could tell me about whom I was or who I would be, aside from my Mother…basically you couldn’t tell me NOTHING…you might hurt my feelings b/c I was as sensitive as a poodle (read a book) but after I shed a tear or told my Mommy, I got back on my shit & basically said “fuck you!”
That’s you gotta say to them h8ing ass bitches and niggas, b/c I don’t give a fuck who you are…there is someone who has or will h8 on you, precious, it’s inevitable…like death…so deal w/it…shit take it as a compliment…I do…means I’m doing something right! So I love it! “H8 on me H8ers!”…like Ye said, “h8er niggas marry h8er bitches & have h8er kids…so sometimes the shit is just innate & folk can’t help it…so you just got ‘scuse them precious & do what?! Do YOU! Be YOU! Love YOU! You might just find while you tryna be like other folk that they tryna be like yo ass…cus you cool & shit & didn’t even know…aint that some shit!
…okay, okay…so I’m not perfect (yet) & sometimes, well I all the time I write these posts for myself btw-if I offend you, in the process, I kinda don’t give a fuck b/c I was doing this for me anyways! …oh but back to my indiscretions…unfortunately I have my hang-ups as well (fucking tv & magazines & internet) & that’s mainly my weight…it’s the actual number I’m totally obsessed w/…the number on the scale…the number in my clothes…I know it doesn’t equate to happiness but for some reason I can’t shake the thought that being a size 4 will make me PERFECT! I know, I know…its insane & totally unattainable (perfection), but that’s just how my crazy brain works…in the mean time I wear my 8’s STRONG boo & looking oh-so-fab doing so, holla...picture me rollin (lmao)!
So Love you honey…cus if you don’t…well…you know the rest!
Goodnite, Lovelies...I leave you w/one of my fave quotes by an awesome man!
“If you have no confidence in self you are twice defeated in the race of life. With confidence you have won even before you have started.” Marcus Garvey
Have a fab week!
♥,
Sdotter ALWAYS making it hauter!
♥,
Sdotter ALWAYS making it hauter!
2 comments:
Love it....TYRA MAIL!!! LOL-Markita M.
Very inspirational! I realized that we are alike in so many ways. btw a size 4 would not be perfect, it would be crackish! sprinkle me mane!
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