Out of Control.

Have you ever felt completely out of control?

Or.

Maybe you didn't even realize that you are not in control of you life?



I am definitely a control freak...not that I necessarily want to control other people but it's my own life I am obsessed with controlling. Right now I just don't feel in control...like I go to a job & they kinda control what I do...I live w/my family & they kinda controls what I do or don't...I'm involved in a rather stupid situation w/a man & as much I hate to admit...he controls just about everything that happens...when...where...how...etc. & I don't like it! Utter bitchassness!

Oh wait how could I forget my biggest issue-last but definitely not least...I'm so NOT in control of my weight, which is in direct result of not being in control of mind...see a lot of these things are mental & giving up your mental freedom is never a good thing, in fact is absolutely the worst thing you can ever do, I think. I just cannot believe I've gained like 15 lbs. It's absolutely awful, as if I need yet another problem, ugh!

Just look @ the Willie Lynch instructional guide for keeping a slave a slave...through the mind, while the mind is powerful is also dangerous...well b/c it's powerful. When you control a person's mind, you can make them do whatever, however & guess what that same mentality passes on from generation to generation...I know I've gone a bit off into the deep end but I'm just saying if you're in a situation where anyone other than Jesus controls you, you obviously have a problem!

People can't even control the stock market therefore I definitely don't want a simple-minded person controlling me! If I'm going to do some damage or some good I'd rather take all the credit myself. Now how do regain control of my life...well, do whatever I wanna do when I wanna do it, lol, no like I'm serious & if I don't have the means to do so, well then that means I need to get my damn shit together. You know who's a good example of a person who does what they want, when they want...Kanye West...love him or hate him (obviously I ♥ him!), he marches to his own drum, literally & I love it. I love when people don't just accept what's in front of them, when they probe & wonder how they can bring their own perspective into something. I think that's very hott in a man too. I like a challenging man b/c I am definitely a challenging woman (calling myself a woman is strange). I just like it when people don't allow me to dominate them b/c I can & will definitely try to do so! I do think b/c I am such a strong-minded, aggressive person that when I'm involved w/a man I sometimes quiet myself...particularly in sexual situations...I don't usually prefer to be in control-that was just a side note...completely off subject.

Anyways...the only man I want to be in control of my life right now is Jesus Christ. I swear if I could surrender myself totally & completely, things would be so much easier...yes I said it, b/c I know some folk wouldn't admit it, but I still have a vast amount of work to do when it comes to surrendering my entire self to the Lord! I thank Him for being patient, but I'm not going to take you for granted God, I'm coming on around!

Anywhoo...guys & gals...if you're feeling a bit out of control, blame it on the recession like everyone else, lol...I kid. Blame it on yourself but don't beat yourself up about it...it happens, just recognize that it's not okay & work on it & pray about it & keep it moving.

Hey maybe you can blame it on your location, like I do...stupid Memphis...I kid...kinda :)

Well have a productive, awesomely in control week folks...I'm blowing...

~S. Parks