Donna! Man DOWN!!!

I swear as soon as I get a laptop, I'm coming back strong guys, but until then, pardon my absence :)
I still ♥ my 5 readers, lol, no really I miss blogging & I have sooooo much blog about!!

Soon & very soon...

Until...don't leave me!

XoXo-
*SHANETTE RENEA*

Don't Call it a Comeback!

*in Wendy Williams voice* Where you been?!

I know, I know I've been mia for so long you probably thought I wouldn't return & I must admit I considered letting it go but then I remembered why I started the blog-to better my skills, to release some frustration & to entertain some people...so here I am back again, but don't call it a comeback!

So let's get it started...soooo much has happened...a whole season has passed & I must say to my dismay it's been a pretty good Summer! New Orleans for Essence. Jamaica wedding-not mine of course, but stay tuned-ha not really. Chicago, Il & Jackson Miss for family reunions! There has been a sour patch as of lately-my really good friend Karm moved to LA & it's been having me in the pits, but on the up side I have *insert drumrolls* a bf *& the crowd gasp*! Yes, yes, so I've been sort of busy in retrospect but not too busy that I couldn't blog-I've simply been too lazy to do so-which is quite out of character but hey it happens I suppose.

NOLA-

Essence was a total blast! My sister, Lynn & I road tripped along w/her cousin Bernard down to NOLA for about 4 days. Went to the shows Friday, well Saudia-my niece & I went to see Beyonce & friends...then Saturday my sister & her friends & myself went to see Maxwell & Anita Baker & friends...great nite. Hung out w/Nic & Madd a bit-she's so very grown btw-my #1! Ate my freaking life away! Shopped a smidge, drank a tad & just had all around oodles of fun! I was reluctant to leave-per usual but it had been so effing long since I'd been I was like wth was I thinking I must never go more than 9 months w/o a visit-that's just wrong! So anywho... ♥ NOLA!

Jamaica Mon-!

Oh gosh-can you imagine being drunk literally all day for like 6 days?! Insanity but the absolute best vacay ever in life! I mean really-liquor is in your rum, @ your disposal 24 hours a day! I lost like 5lbs pre-trip & literally gained all that back just in alcohol intake-fml!!! It was totally worth it though! I swear we were all drunk @ the wedding even-or hung over-lol! The ceremony was nice though, after much ado of course. The tourism attractions were fun. The shopping was great, the nightlife was poppin & the beach was serene...I swear I wake up sometimes just wanting a daiquiri & a _ _ _ _ _ & lay out on the beach all damn day...how sad but so sincere!

So yes if you haven't been to Jamaica I'd advise a trip, real soon & take me w/you-lol!

Let's see what else...

Oh reunions-

Both for my Mom's side of the family. The 1st was for her Mom's side & the 2nd for her Dad's side.

Chicago was nice but I have to go back to relly explore & shop & hang & shop & eat & shop some more, but it was great to see the fam once again-all was well- we lost the volleyball tournament, but they cheated-so typical-ghetto Chi-towners-lol! No really it was a blessed trip & I look forward to the next one in Detroit, MI-it's been a minute. Then we ventured to Jackson, MS-a looooong overdue reunion-like 20+ years...so basically I don't even recall another one! We had a really great time-getting to know everyone again & learning about our ancestors. We also ate good & hung out a bit. Good times, indeed. I'm so blessed I come from good stock, as country folk say. More so I'm blessed to have family & an gigantic family @ that...I realize that family is important as I go through life & I swear I would trade it for nothing in the world-as crazy as they are I ♥ my family!!!

KarmCharm moves to LA-

*deep sigh* I mean I knew she was leaving but I didn't know how much it would affect me. I actually thought it would encourage me to migrate but it did the total opposite. I became very lazy, sleepy & an alcoholic all in a matter of a week or 2, though she's only been gone a month it seems like so much longer. I'm just now starting to pull myself out of the funk & I'm not really sure what my problem is but I think I just feel stuck here...like my life in Memphis will never end & that literally depresses me! However, I can't let me current situation dictate my future-I must remember who I am & the purpose I serve or @ least the goals I've set & adhere to them, take back the control of my destiny & believe! It's time for me to apply to school so that is definitely going to force me to get it together-as I listen to "Get it Together" by Robin Thicke & Faith-I have so much to do in so little time-but good thing is I work best under pressure! Even getting back into the blog will ignite my fire! Though I would love to be in NYC right now-pursuing my fashion career-styling, buying, merchandising...I also know the shit doesn't just happen I have to make the provisions to get it done & honestly I haven't done the things I've needed to do to make move into the industry, but I'm working on it however I need my $$$ like NOW-so what does that mean?? It's time to go back to school & upon graduation-2014...I'm thinking I'll write a book by 2015. Open a boutique & start a shoe label by 2016...all before I'm 35-YAH YAH TRICK!!! Sounds like a plan to me!

I was also thinking when I'm done applying for PharmD, I could very well go to NYC from JAN-JUL & live it up before schooling it up for the next 4 years-it's a possibility...we'll see what happens! I'm remaining optimistic about the rest of '09! I've been blessed thus far, despite getting in my own damn way. God prevails-anyhow-so I figure I may as well step aside & let Him do His thang!

Last but not least-the bf-who shall remain called the bf until...we stop slick acting like Bey & Jay w/the extra discreetness-I'm just saying I don't need no extra drama-ugh!

A very pecular little transformation we made from associates-->friends-->lovers-->relationship status. I sometimes have a hard time believing how far we've come b/c it was so unexpected but I have found that things I'm looking for in the places I'm looking for them are not matching up & sometimes the things we think we want aren't all that important in restrospect. I'll just say I'm letting God control this one-I've tried to avoid it, deter it, sabotage it, & I swear I can't shake this one & I'm okay w/that, it appears to be good for me & I can use some goodness. We FIGHT hard & LOVE harder but we're strong in that we're growing & willing to make the effort & that's big-I think. He's good to me & I appreciate him for that...so whatever the reasoning we're together @ this moment in time may be a mystery but I'll take that as long we keep gettting better, individually & collectively. So anywho-cupid made a big ass fool outta my ass-the LoveH8r, ha...gotcha BITCH! We'll see how the days ahead unravel-I take them one day @ a time--pray for me ;)

Well I suppose that wraps today's post. I'll be in touch...sooner than l8r :-P

Until...remember Whose you are, & that @ the end of the day & the beginning-lol, you control your destiny!!!

Be. Great!

XoXo-

*SHANETTE RENEA*

*oh signing off w/a little inspiration from one of my fave people-Jay-Z @ the VMAs, w/my boo(no homo) repping for her mane (how you doin-j/p) in the audience-I ♥ them-individually & collectivelly!*

Unfoolish-"Know Your Worth!"

I felt like a fool.
Felt-the operative word.
Yes I've played the fool.
For what? For who?
For you?
It's so sad...it's funny.
I'm so sad...I'm hilarious.
But it's cool b/c everybody plays the fool @ least once.
Sometimes there's not even a decent explanation...sadder.

Women...we have it rough, but we make it rougher.
Settle for what? For who?
Settle for you.
Settle for the betterment of you.
Settle for you.
Settle for the triumph of you.
Settle for you.
Settle for the glory of you.
It's not worth it, but you are.

I can't even believe myself.
I can't believe myself.
Shanette the Great feels like Shanette the Fool...for no damn reason...saddest.
I'm disappointed.
With little gained & much lost.
I now feel unfoolish for I recall my worth.
I recall that @ the end of the day when your company kept has left all you have is YOU!

It's unfortunate as women that we are innate pleasers, even the toughest woman wants to please...her man, her mom, her chaps, her friends, her co-workers, her pastor...always forgetting herself.
Result in a loss of self...
Remember who you are & you will always be happy, whether you have pleased others or not.
Ultimately the only person worth pleasing is Jesus.
Know your worth-it's imperative in not getting caught up.
No matter how detached your feelings are & how apathetic you appear to be...your vitality is in jeopardy, your life, your soul are within & no matter how you think you may have detached them they are apart of you, hence where you go...they go.
When you dwell among the futile & partake in the ineffective do you not feel affected, lessened even, eventually reduced to their/that level?

I know we as women have a habit, a very bad habit of waiting, waiting until we are so tired & beat down & broken before we change a situation b/c we think this/that is all we deserve.
It does not have to be. It is not supposed to be. It should not be...this way.
We have so much power, it is a wonder we aren't ruling the world.
Enters our emotions, our co-dependency & our undefined worth.

Today, on today, I take back the control.
Not the control I think I have b/c I do what I want & say what I want.
The control of my mind & my destiny, for I know what I deserve & this shit ain't hardly it.
I know I'm better than & I'm no longer afraid to be, to have & to require such.

Be. Unfoolish. Know. Your. Worth.

~S. Parks

"Why is She Here, Ike?!"

*brought to you in part by "What's Love Got to do with it?!"

Have you ever wondered why certain people are in your lives, better yet how they got in, in the 1st damn place???

I don't wonder that often b/c I usually keep the same people in my life pretty consistently. Even in college I just wasn't prone to making new friends, maybe acquaintances but not new friends. I'm just super cautious about who comes into my life. However sometimes people slip in or even those that were in can really make you wonder how on earth you got involved w/such characters.

Sometimes I can go days or weeks w/o speaking to someone & they & even I will wonder why & I think it's b/c they have no real value in my life, like they serve no purpose. They're just here. Well who needs that??? I surely don't, but I'm a special case, so maybe you do. I'm just saying take a survey of the people in your life & really determine why is ______ here?! If the answer isn't beneficial for you, then I would say alleviate some of that dead weight in your life. Let me clarify that initial sentence there are people in your life who for you, whether you talk to them everyday or hell once a year, the frequency in conversation does not change that, then there are people who just exist & ultimately mean you no good, whether consciously or subconsciously, those are the people I'm referring to...the times in which you talk or visit or socialize have absolutely nothing to do w/their purpose in your life...I think I was referring thinking of the people that I communicate w/on the regular but it could also be those who I hardly speak or whatever...either way..."why is he/she here?!"

I know this will sound strange but again I'm a special case so bear with me...this probably has to do with the fact that I don't hardly not care about anything or anyone nor have any feelings @ the moment...Anyway, as of lately I have been telling people, friends or whatever they are, when we argue or disagree or what have you that if they feel as though our relationship, meaning the one they are in w/me is not conducive to their lifestyle or not beneficial to their well-being or takes away from their overall happiness, then I would recommend that they not be my friend, or maybe we should take a break, or not spend as much time together or whatever. As I read that I can see how asshole-ish it sounds, but that is sincerely not my intention. I'm being very honest when I say I know I'm quite much to take on & I'm not for everyone just as everyone is not for me. So I give that option of an out b/c I'm pretty much not gonna change for anyone except myself & Jesus so until then, if @ all, I'm just like deal w/it or don't! Lol, I say that SO much "either deal w/it or don't, honey"..."& if you're gonna deal w/it change your attitude about it!"

Hell if I keep coming w/this depressing ass posts you might wanna ask yourself that question about me, lol...again you have that out...b/c I'm pretty sure until I get up & outta this city or @ least get a decent job or start my business, these posts won't be too high life...I mean anything is possible, but I'm just letting you know now...maybe it's just today...I feel awful, yuck!

L8r tricks!

~S. Parks

Apathy

I'm already a very nonchalant person but somehow that turned into apathy. There is very little that bothers, angers, or disrupts me these days...on the other hand there's very little that arouses, excites, or amuses me these days. I mean I've never been easily excited person nor quick-tempered...I'm pretty calm but this is somewhat of a different situation & it has me fairly concerned.

I've gotten into such a routine, such a ritual, such a mundane lifestyle that it seems rather okay to me to not really care about anything...I've subdued the feelings of misery (being in Memphis) & replaced them w/apathy. A very sad situation might if I do say so myself...to be 25 & just feel apathetic about life...I have virtually no feelings about anything. I go to work. I do my job. I run my errands. I get things done. I pay my bills. I buy nothing new. I have sex & convince myself it helps me feel better. I hang out w/pretty much the same people & do the same stuff.

When in the hell did this become my life??? Life? This is not even me...let alone life! I'm just existing...not living. Wait, wasn't I just talking about living??? Well to be honest w/you...I just feel like I'm just here, no liveliness, just here...going through the motions. I try to hold on to the goals & keep the visions in plain sight but somewhere along the way I've kinda lost myself in trying not to lose my mind. What does that mean?! What I attempted to do was not complain, deal w/Memphis & do what I could do to sustain peace of mind, which were the things I listed above, all the while interfering w/my self-motivation & drive. Not that I pity myself by no means b/c I know very well how blessed I am & how much I have to offer the world, but sometimes we need that discomfort, that feeling of disgust & dissatisfaction to keep us on our toes.

Apathy is a scary thing b/c when you don't care about or you don't really feel...anything...you are prone to do things uncharacteristic or get into situations that are almost unbelievable.

Let me get a sidebar right here...this is a HUGE problem w/today's youth, specifically black children. They have not a care in the world & it is absolutely frightening. For children so young with so much potential, with whole lives to live, just not care about anyone or anything including themselves. It is difficult to teach, to rear, to help, to mentor, to reach these children. Where does the future lie for us if no one cares about??? It is my sincere hope that Obama has ignited a mental fire in the youth of today. It is also my hope that my generation will take more responsibility for the actions of our children now & make a sincere effort to instill in them the importance of preserving life for the future.

Okay back to myself. I was trying to figure out how exactly did I get to be like this & I have discovered it is a combination of things. Like I said I've always been nonchalant + my life right now is just not impressive to me @ all + my last relationship & the way in which it ended + other misc. factors = an apathetic individual. I know you're probably tired of hearing me complain about Memphis, b/c I'm tired of hearing me complain about Memphis...so I'll pass on explaining that b/c it is self-explanatory, if not refer to previous posts. The nonchalant factor I'll attribute to my father & keep it moving. The last relationship has been played out enough, no need to revisit that again. The misc. factors are probably the recession, Hurricane Katrina (yes, I know it was like 4 years ago, but I'm still affected, thanks), & my lack of prayer life. I talk a good game, in fact I could be a motivational speaker or something, but on the inside I'm probably not doing half the shit I advise others to do! How hypocritical of me?! Yes I know, but that's what it is...I'm my own worst enemy & my biggest critic...who gives out tons of advice whether you want it or not yet I don't deal w/my own shit, umph! Shame, shame!

Now how do I get myself out of this position before I self-destruct?! Well do what I said do in the "Live full. Die Empty" post. Initially I was thinking that maybe if someone came into my life that really cared about me then maybe I could possibly feel again, then I remembered that that has happened already, "2nd Chance", duh! Which-btw-further lets me know I just wasn't that into him...you see how I just forgot about him like that...so anyways conclusion drawn, nothing to do w/anyone or anything else...the answer lies in me, per usual!

I swear I've got the Monday blues some terrible so pardon all my sad little posts...of course you know who/what I blame...the big M!

Signing off,

S. Parks

Have a SUPER week, lol, no really!

Out of Control.

Have you ever felt completely out of control?

Or.

Maybe you didn't even realize that you are not in control of you life?



I am definitely a control freak...not that I necessarily want to control other people but it's my own life I am obsessed with controlling. Right now I just don't feel in control...like I go to a job & they kinda control what I do...I live w/my family & they kinda controls what I do or don't...I'm involved in a rather stupid situation w/a man & as much I hate to admit...he controls just about everything that happens...when...where...how...etc. & I don't like it! Utter bitchassness!

Oh wait how could I forget my biggest issue-last but definitely not least...I'm so NOT in control of my weight, which is in direct result of not being in control of mind...see a lot of these things are mental & giving up your mental freedom is never a good thing, in fact is absolutely the worst thing you can ever do, I think. I just cannot believe I've gained like 15 lbs. It's absolutely awful, as if I need yet another problem, ugh!

Just look @ the Willie Lynch instructional guide for keeping a slave a slave...through the mind, while the mind is powerful is also dangerous...well b/c it's powerful. When you control a person's mind, you can make them do whatever, however & guess what that same mentality passes on from generation to generation...I know I've gone a bit off into the deep end but I'm just saying if you're in a situation where anyone other than Jesus controls you, you obviously have a problem!

People can't even control the stock market therefore I definitely don't want a simple-minded person controlling me! If I'm going to do some damage or some good I'd rather take all the credit myself. Now how do regain control of my life...well, do whatever I wanna do when I wanna do it, lol, no like I'm serious & if I don't have the means to do so, well then that means I need to get my damn shit together. You know who's a good example of a person who does what they want, when they want...Kanye West...love him or hate him (obviously I ♥ him!), he marches to his own drum, literally & I love it. I love when people don't just accept what's in front of them, when they probe & wonder how they can bring their own perspective into something. I think that's very hott in a man too. I like a challenging man b/c I am definitely a challenging woman (calling myself a woman is strange). I just like it when people don't allow me to dominate them b/c I can & will definitely try to do so! I do think b/c I am such a strong-minded, aggressive person that when I'm involved w/a man I sometimes quiet myself...particularly in sexual situations...I don't usually prefer to be in control-that was just a side note...completely off subject.

Anyways...the only man I want to be in control of my life right now is Jesus Christ. I swear if I could surrender myself totally & completely, things would be so much easier...yes I said it, b/c I know some folk wouldn't admit it, but I still have a vast amount of work to do when it comes to surrendering my entire self to the Lord! I thank Him for being patient, but I'm not going to take you for granted God, I'm coming on around!

Anywhoo...guys & gals...if you're feeling a bit out of control, blame it on the recession like everyone else, lol...I kid. Blame it on yourself but don't beat yourself up about it...it happens, just recognize that it's not okay & work on it & pray about it & keep it moving.

Hey maybe you can blame it on your location, like I do...stupid Memphis...I kid...kinda :)

Well have a productive, awesomely in control week folks...I'm blowing...

~S. Parks

Live full. Die empty.

*brought to you in part by Mr. Les Brown*



If you died today, would you feel as though you have really lived & died w/no regrets? Not necessarily that you accomplished all your goals, b/c we're always setting new goals or that you wouldn't maybe do some things differently, but simply that you thought of today, this day as the day that the Lord has made & you rejoiced & were glad in it. You know I'm not like a big bible quoter, not that that's uncool, I just don't know it well enough, but I believe there is something in there about in all things be content, or something to that effect. I always wondered what that meant, like when I thought of contentment I thought negatively. I guess b/c it just kinda seems associated w/settling, but I have come to find that it simply means or I feel it means to be satisfied. In all that you do be satisfied with what you have done. Wake up & be satisfied that God is yet in control & as long as you do your apart then it will be a good day. Be satisfied in the moment...whatever that requires & if you are not then it is up to no one else but yourself to change that & while you are doing so be satisfied in that, but all the while give God His praise for satisfaction...for contentment.



take a moment & think about that



I know times are really really rough on so many levels. $$$ always puts a strain on things, even when you have it...it interferes w/so much & can damage relationships & ruin lives. However life STILL goes on...I say that all the time now...if you die today, I have to keep living tomorrow & vice-versa...I mean shit happens in life there is no avoiding that. It's about the way you handle it & what you do about it that counts. So I say in this time of despair & turmoil & uncertainty go for the gold, take a chance, live it out a dream. Why? B/c what do you have to lose? I mean honestly is shit is already bad, hell worse won't hurt so much but better would be just awesome. Think about your passion, your true desire & aspirations in life...jot them down or keep them in your mind, whatever works...its just then you write things down you are more likely to do them...but however you do it, just do it! The time is now, to LIVE not exist & to do so w/fullness.



Let us take the most tangible, visible, current example we have thus far...President Barack Obama.

A man against ALL odds made something happen that surely people thought wouldn't happen anytime soon if not never. No one knocked on this man's door & gave him any nominations nor elections. He fought for what he wanted. He took a risk. A HUGE risk. He whole-hearted set a goal & accomplished...you know what that was probably on half the goal...you can just tell when God is involved in something b/c things just fall into place & they look effortless, but guess what the work & the commitment has to be put forth & of course God will take care of his part. I'm sure President Obama faced several obstacles along the way & I'm certain there were days when he wanted to call it quits but each & everyday he kept fighting for what he believed & even if he failed, you cannot say he did not try. He lived. He lives. He succeeded. He succeeds.


I know how some people like to talk about timing & due season, but, how will you know if it is in fact your time if you aren't even trying? If you are not making an effort? If you're just setting goals & wishing they come true. Honey that's just not it, life nor God works like that...you have to set goals but follow through. Sure Obama tag line largely involved Hope, but hope w/o action is a waste & he's displaying just how hope + action=change. You can hope all day but if there is no action there is no progression. Even if there is rejection involved, again that's life, how will you know what is for you w/o knowing what is not?

I say go for it, that's what I say. I feel like the fulfillment & joy of doing what you love supersedes any amount of $...I know, I know I'm BIG on $ & I am, however $ will come & go but happiness is priceless & I would absolutely take happiness over $ any day (but Lord please give me both, lol)!

Anyways, I'm just saying take a chance...I don't know what it is you aspire to do, but just think of how simply taking a chance, whether you're "successful" or not, could be an inspiration to someone else to do something they've aspired to do. I don't know I'm just saying...live a little, even when times are seemingly dire...pray & live & be the best you, you can be!

Godspeed!
~Shanette Renea

SHE's just not that into you...

This is for Markita.



I have absolutely NO idea how you know when a girl's just not that into you b/c I'm a boy, lmao!

I kid, I kid...kinda...I may not be the best person to ask how do you know when a girl's not that into you b/c I'm never into anyone + I don't like to do stuff most girls like to do...but I'll try to think more like a girl & less like...well...myself.

When she doesn't know that you're into her...see girls are kinda different even if they aren't into you they still want to think that you would be into them even though they aren't even into you...wait maybe that's how guys & shallow girls are...idk!
Well I think when a girl doesn't know that you're into here its easier to tell when she's not into you...girls for the most part are touchy-feely however sometimes when they are into someone they won't be...so depending on how she hugs you...is it a friendly hug like upper body hug or is it more physical, like full body.
Oh here's a big one...does she talk to other guys in front of you, she's definitely NOT into you if she will talk to another guy in front of you, unless he's gay, that's really disrespectful anyways! So you may want to reconsider her, she's trife!
If she tries to hook you up w/other girls.
If she talks to you about other guys, like not really getting your opinion but just in conversation "so on so does this & that & blah blah"...but if she kinda wants your opinion a lot, that maybe an indicator that she's into you.
If she will only text you...now even I must say that @ some point, if I like someone, I want to talk to them on the phone sometimes.



This is when she knows you like her...
When she only wants to hang out w/you if someone else, like another friend, probably mutual, is there as well.
When she actually would prefer that you not pay for her...food...or whatever.
When she acts distant.
When she feels less comfortable around you.
When she tells you she doesn't want to ruin your friendship.
When you kiss her or attempt to & she pulls back or doesn't allow it to happen again.

When she says...she's just not that into you...that's what I would do!

A regular girl should do this...I'm too uh...idk...different...but hey whatever...girls don't play games as much as guys @ least not in this regard...you will usually know when a girl doesn't like you.

Signing off,

~S. Parks

I Confess...I'm a Swinger!

When I tell you I'm the moodiest person I know.
I think its b/c I'm super sensitive but I learned to turn that sensitivity into apathy but sometimes random shit will tick me off & then that same thing may not even shake me 2 days l8r or hell 2 days prior.
I know, I'm a strange character. I don't even know how people deal w/me sometimes, lol, here's the thing...I don't even care. Most times I don't like nobody anyways & those I do like if they left today I have convinced myself I'd be over it tomorrow. I swear I think I don't need anyone except Jesus (but Lord please don't turn this into a test & throw me out into the world by my lonesome, thanks!)!

I think text books call this: a defense mechanism.

Ahh higher education, surely does come in handy *rolls eyes*

Common sense: the more you grow...the more you know & the 1st step in the know is admission.
I've admitted & now I'm content.

Goodbye.

~Shanette the Great!
I'm still fabulous, flaws & all!
Deal w/it!

Permanently Blue.

Fact-I've been in love once & it may just be the only thing I regret in life...sure it's contributed to the person I am today, but I'm not so sure that the person I am today wouldn't be just as great as the person I would've been pre-"in love" & post-"heartbroken girl." Besides, I don't think I'm 1 of those people who believes it's better to have loved & loss than never loved @ all b/c frankly I think I'd be pretty fucking fabulous either way...I mean I'm just saying...

okay moving on...

Fact-I still love him & I'm certain I always will.

Fact-I'm not bitter...I'm jaded.

Fact-I miss him...but I can't quite recall why.

SO...today I was thinking about relationships & stuff & how when they are ending its like the seconds turn into hours & the days to months...the closing last soooo freaking long or so it seems, but technically only a day would've actually passed. Omg! I remember the exact moment I realized I was in love, lol, it was like an epiphany! I literally ran into the bathroom, put my head in a towel & cried & screamed (I knew there was no turning back)! It was a roller-coaster of emotions all wrapped into 1 single, solitary moment. Oh but when the walls came tumbling down around me & that feeling turned me into a prisoner, I wondered if I could 1st save me...btw-why as women do we always tend to blame ourselves when disaster strikes???...anyways, once I figured I wasn't the problem (well not entirely)...I tried to fix "us" & when that didn't work I tried to fix him. In all the unsuccessful fixing I was doing, I had no idea I was working alone. I was just so caught up, I couldn't see that there was nothing I could alone, to "save" whatever it was I was trying to save & in the process I was not only wasting time I was breaking down, running thin & making it worse. Ahhh the things we do for love...man, its crazy. I've been involved w/people before & after him, but I've never been willing to sacrifice myself for someone like that...so when I think of him I think not of the things he put me through but the things I put myself through & I realize I'll always be black & blue...for you, permanently...ugh!

Enjoy the song...I ♥ it...my post continues after the vid.

I hate to say I'm damaged...bruised sounds better, just like I hate to say I'm bitter...jaded sounds cooler.

What's cool about heartbreak? Not a fucking thing...except...the COMEBACK!

& trust me I'm a beast w/mines!

Ahh...but...there's a catch...

...I'm a beast who's scared of love.

Humph.

~Shanette Renea

(I'm certain I'll love again, but never will I sacrifice myself to do so...no one will ever get all of me again, it's just too dangerous besides I'm too cool for that...gotta keep some for yourself b/c trust me they ain't giving you all of them & if they are good for you b/c you have the upper-hand!)

Hungry for Life, Living in '09!

I don't usually do resolutions & goals & stuff, but hey maybe its time for a change!

So for the '09 here's some things I want & need to get done, settled, accomplished, completed, whathaveyou...:

• Get that credit in order!
• A new car-preferably a CTS, H3, LandRover, or G35
• A condo
• My degree & transcript in hand!
• A satisfying career
• A closer relationship w/God
• Read 20, @ the least, books this year
• Start on my own book
• Step my fashion game up 2 notches: buy a designer dress & designer shoes
• Travel more: CALI, NYC, CHI, NOLA, ATL, HOU, Jamaica, St. Thomas, oversees
• Blog more
• Love again, lol, I know, close your mouths.
• Prepare for medical school-yes I'm going!
• Save 5 stacks
• Pay my bills on time
• Lose 15 lbs.
• Pray & read the bible more
• Pamper myself more
• Curse less
• Okay, this is big, even BIGger than the love thing...I'm getting a weave! I know right-I'm so anti weave just like I'm anti-love...well I'm 25 honey & shit changes! I want long hair, don't care :-P lol!
• Stop wasting time on folk who don't matter.
• Take myself less seriously
• Laugh more
• Spend wisely
• Pay my tithes-faithfully
• Invest in properties-NOLA
• Maybe move out of town, I'm reevalutaing
• Listen to the Lord, all the time & let Him guide my path!

I'm hungry for life & ready to live again!

I'm SO ON @ 25 baby & this is going to be the best year yet!

'09 is SO very much MINE!

...saith the Lord!

CHURCH!

~S. Parks

Happy '09 tricks!