I Confess...I'm a Swinger!

When I tell you I'm the moodiest person I know.
I think its b/c I'm super sensitive but I learned to turn that sensitivity into apathy but sometimes random shit will tick me off & then that same thing may not even shake me 2 days l8r or hell 2 days prior.
I know, I'm a strange character. I don't even know how people deal w/me sometimes, lol, here's the thing...I don't even care. Most times I don't like nobody anyways & those I do like if they left today I have convinced myself I'd be over it tomorrow. I swear I think I don't need anyone except Jesus (but Lord please don't turn this into a test & throw me out into the world by my lonesome, thanks!)!

I think text books call this: a defense mechanism.

Ahh higher education, surely does come in handy *rolls eyes*

Common sense: the more you grow...the more you know & the 1st step in the know is admission.
I've admitted & now I'm content.

Goodbye.

~Shanette the Great!
I'm still fabulous, flaws & all!
Deal w/it!

Permanently Blue.

Fact-I've been in love once & it may just be the only thing I regret in life...sure it's contributed to the person I am today, but I'm not so sure that the person I am today wouldn't be just as great as the person I would've been pre-"in love" & post-"heartbroken girl." Besides, I don't think I'm 1 of those people who believes it's better to have loved & loss than never loved @ all b/c frankly I think I'd be pretty fucking fabulous either way...I mean I'm just saying...

okay moving on...

Fact-I still love him & I'm certain I always will.

Fact-I'm not bitter...I'm jaded.

Fact-I miss him...but I can't quite recall why.

SO...today I was thinking about relationships & stuff & how when they are ending its like the seconds turn into hours & the days to months...the closing last soooo freaking long or so it seems, but technically only a day would've actually passed. Omg! I remember the exact moment I realized I was in love, lol, it was like an epiphany! I literally ran into the bathroom, put my head in a towel & cried & screamed (I knew there was no turning back)! It was a roller-coaster of emotions all wrapped into 1 single, solitary moment. Oh but when the walls came tumbling down around me & that feeling turned me into a prisoner, I wondered if I could 1st save me...btw-why as women do we always tend to blame ourselves when disaster strikes???...anyways, once I figured I wasn't the problem (well not entirely)...I tried to fix "us" & when that didn't work I tried to fix him. In all the unsuccessful fixing I was doing, I had no idea I was working alone. I was just so caught up, I couldn't see that there was nothing I could alone, to "save" whatever it was I was trying to save & in the process I was not only wasting time I was breaking down, running thin & making it worse. Ahhh the things we do for love...man, its crazy. I've been involved w/people before & after him, but I've never been willing to sacrifice myself for someone like that...so when I think of him I think not of the things he put me through but the things I put myself through & I realize I'll always be black & blue...for you, permanently...ugh!

Enjoy the song...I ♥ it...my post continues after the vid.

I hate to say I'm damaged...bruised sounds better, just like I hate to say I'm bitter...jaded sounds cooler.

What's cool about heartbreak? Not a fucking thing...except...the COMEBACK!

& trust me I'm a beast w/mines!

Ahh...but...there's a catch...

...I'm a beast who's scared of love.

Humph.

~Shanette Renea

(I'm certain I'll love again, but never will I sacrifice myself to do so...no one will ever get all of me again, it's just too dangerous besides I'm too cool for that...gotta keep some for yourself b/c trust me they ain't giving you all of them & if they are good for you b/c you have the upper-hand!)

Hungry for Life, Living in '09!

I don't usually do resolutions & goals & stuff, but hey maybe its time for a change!

So for the '09 here's some things I want & need to get done, settled, accomplished, completed, whathaveyou...:

• Get that credit in order!
• A new car-preferably a CTS, H3, LandRover, or G35
• A condo
• My degree & transcript in hand!
• A satisfying career
• A closer relationship w/God
• Read 20, @ the least, books this year
• Start on my own book
• Step my fashion game up 2 notches: buy a designer dress & designer shoes
• Travel more: CALI, NYC, CHI, NOLA, ATL, HOU, Jamaica, St. Thomas, oversees
• Blog more
• Love again, lol, I know, close your mouths.
• Prepare for medical school-yes I'm going!
• Save 5 stacks
• Pay my bills on time
• Lose 15 lbs.
• Pray & read the bible more
• Pamper myself more
• Curse less
• Okay, this is big, even BIGger than the love thing...I'm getting a weave! I know right-I'm so anti weave just like I'm anti-love...well I'm 25 honey & shit changes! I want long hair, don't care :-P lol!
• Stop wasting time on folk who don't matter.
• Take myself less seriously
• Laugh more
• Spend wisely
• Pay my tithes-faithfully
• Invest in properties-NOLA
• Maybe move out of town, I'm reevalutaing
• Listen to the Lord, all the time & let Him guide my path!

I'm hungry for life & ready to live again!

I'm SO ON @ 25 baby & this is going to be the best year yet!

'09 is SO very much MINE!

...saith the Lord!

CHURCH!

~S. Parks

Happy '09 tricks!