...told you we have issues!!!
I have NO idea what I'm doing w/a boyfriend. No idea what I'm doing w/a boyfriend who is not as sexual as I am. No idea why I got involved knowing this information in advance. I'm not satisfied & that sucks!
I'm not like the neediest person...but when it comes to sex...I mean I gotta have it...when I want it or else I'm a serious pain!
& I know we live in different cities but...I need attention! SEXUAL ATTENTION! Naw I need a Sexual Eruption, like Snoop...I should've included that video...but I didn't b/c that would be a post strictly about "2nd Chance" & this is not...hence the Me & Sex title!
I included Falsetto b/c it reminds me of someone...& its not "2nd Chance". The lyrics are funny...this girl talks a lot of shit (ME) to this seemingly whack nigga (Nameless) like, "nigga please u can't fuck w/me...I'm like the best thing since JC!" Well time comes it goes D O W N! ...in a falsetto! How come don't nobody never make me falsetto...make me soprano...alto...anything!!! I have made a conscious effort to be more open in terms of ego stroking, noise making, & dirty talking b/c I know turning me on is no easy task...so I fig if I help the process along...that might help me...but actually it distracts I get so caught up in what I'm saying & how I'm sounding that I lose focus on the task & start to lose the arousal...NOT good! Just once (okay...once...AGAIN) I would like for someone to really make me S C R E A M to the top of my lungs in painful pleasure (yeah I'm into that)!
I swear, aside from Bunny (the only person who really understands me)...I'm the horniest person I know...& actually that's not that cool...why? Cus who can keep up??? This dirt bag can't even comply, accommodate, alter...NOTHING! Let alone keep UP! I feel like a sucka & I aint no fucking sucka!
Decisions will be made...I hate to make in this type mindset but what other choice do I have...February's rapidly approaching as is All-Star in NOLA & I'm getting hornier by they second! Trying not to call on those I've vexed into the sea of forgetfulness...but times are getting tuff. Either Imma do something bad or do NOTHING @ all...either way...somebody loses...I'd just hate for the loser to be ME cus I'm a winner, like Kells (remember that song...from TP2...that album was filled w/'fuck me' songs!)!
Only problem is I'm not sure if either choice=a win...
Anyways...I'm blowing...& not in the way I wish...POB!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
Listen Up-the 1st of '08 & its a good 1!
So Far to Go
Common
Finding Forever
(d'angelo)
i wanna get closer to you baby
oooh...
you have come so far, you've got so far to go
you have come so far, you've got so far to go...
(common)
sweetheart, you know that you the most
important, at least on the west coast, ha
i'm just trippin', there's something 'bout you though
you think different and understand how i flow
got cribs on both coasts
but i'm a chicago getter
you get down, but you ain't a gold digger
you got the soul with the figure to match
your girlfriend said "yo that dude is a catch,
creative with the gifts plus he hit it from the back"
in places we ain't supposed to
we makin' music baby, you on the vocals
international lover, i never stay local
go to places that you've never been
beautiful outside, even better when it's in
you have arrived girl, you can come again
come on
(chorus - d'angelo)
you have come so far, you've got so far to go
say it again
you have come so far, you've got so far to go...
hoo... yeah...
(common)
you sexy, i know brothers try to spit to you
but i'm the only one that could get to you<--reminds me of "2nd Chance"
liftin' you, my drive is shiftin' you
i opened your freak, it's like a gift in you
i truly and thickly am thankful
long as i'm in your town i'ma stay faithful
ha, you know i can't escape you
no matter how far, you're still my star
you was there when the Marks tried to steal my car
snappin' with me, that's just how real you are
sophisticated woman, you understand a man
you don't call all the time just to see where i am
put a g in your hand, make sure you're livin' all right
makin' love is me and i'ma give it all night
turn over in the mornin', make it warmer and better
long as we can be, we can come together
come on
(chorus - d'angelo)
you have come so far, you've got so far to go
i don't believe you heard me baby,
you have come so far, you've got so far to go...
go on, go on baby
go on, go on girl
go on, go on
go on baby, go on baby
go on baby, go on baby
go on...
you have come so far, you've got so far to go
know what i mean baby?
you have come so far, you've got so far to go...
you have come so far, you've got so far to go
you have come so far, you've got so far to go...
I ♥ this album!!!
Enjoy!
~Sdot
Common
Finding Forever
(d'angelo)
i wanna get closer to you baby
oooh...
you have come so far, you've got so far to go
you have come so far, you've got so far to go...
(common)
sweetheart, you know that you the most
important, at least on the west coast, ha
i'm just trippin', there's something 'bout you though
you think different and understand how i flow
got cribs on both coasts
but i'm a chicago getter
you get down, but you ain't a gold digger
you got the soul with the figure to match
your girlfriend said "yo that dude is a catch,
creative with the gifts plus he hit it from the back"
in places we ain't supposed to
we makin' music baby, you on the vocals
international lover, i never stay local
go to places that you've never been
beautiful outside, even better when it's in
you have arrived girl, you can come again
come on
(chorus - d'angelo)
you have come so far, you've got so far to go
say it again
you have come so far, you've got so far to go...
hoo... yeah...
(common)
you sexy, i know brothers try to spit to you
but i'm the only one that could get to you<--reminds me of "2nd Chance"
liftin' you, my drive is shiftin' you
i opened your freak, it's like a gift in you
i truly and thickly am thankful
long as i'm in your town i'ma stay faithful
ha, you know i can't escape you
no matter how far, you're still my star
you was there when the Marks tried to steal my car
snappin' with me, that's just how real you are
sophisticated woman, you understand a man
you don't call all the time just to see where i am
put a g in your hand, make sure you're livin' all right
makin' love is me and i'ma give it all night
turn over in the mornin', make it warmer and better
long as we can be, we can come together
come on
(chorus - d'angelo)
you have come so far, you've got so far to go
i don't believe you heard me baby,
you have come so far, you've got so far to go...
go on, go on baby
go on, go on girl
go on, go on
go on baby, go on baby
go on baby, go on baby
go on...
you have come so far, you've got so far to go
know what i mean baby?
you have come so far, you've got so far to go...
you have come so far, you've got so far to go
you have come so far, you've got so far to go...
I ♥ this album!!!
Enjoy!
~Sdot
Monday, December 31, 2007
In 2008...
I know I know, resolutions=SO cheesy!
But these aren't resolutions...they are more so GIT acts! LOL!
I have to write things out...for them to manifest.
Say them aloud to believe their truth...you should try it...it works...tell yourself, "self, you're fabulous," Everyday & I bet come February no one will be able to tell you otherwise! In fact they will be in concurrence!
Get it? Well...Learn it. Love it. Live it!
There are just some things I need to make happen in '08 to assure that I'm on track for '09! Basically I need to do better...so b4 the year arrives...I've composed a little list of things that were important enough to compile themselves in my memory bank & stay put until I could jot them down...
So in '08...
I'm going to love me more!
I'm getting the _ _ _ _ up outta Memphis, permanently!
I will be completely self-sufficient by my birthday!
I will be debt-free! HALLELUJAH!!!
I'm buying a Range Rover.
I'm going to write more!
I'm going to be DRAMA FREE!
I'm going to live for ME!
I'm SO over folk & they bull_ _ _ _, I just can't deal in the '08, no indeed!
I'm going to read more books!
I'm going to travel more.
I'm going to do whatever makes me happy, b/c I can!
I'm going to save my $$$!
I'm going to be sweet to "2nd Chance" b/c he's sweet to me!
I'm going to grow in my relationship w/God!
Those are my plans & I believe them to already be done...I just have to make them manifest or @ least do my part b/c God has definitely done his & I trust Him to continue.
~Amen
Happy New Year folks.
Drink 1; Smoke 1; Pop 1 for me!
~S. Parks
But these aren't resolutions...they are more so GIT acts! LOL!
I have to write things out...for them to manifest.
Say them aloud to believe their truth...you should try it...it works...tell yourself, "self, you're fabulous," Everyday & I bet come February no one will be able to tell you otherwise! In fact they will be in concurrence!
Get it? Well...Learn it. Love it. Live it!
There are just some things I need to make happen in '08 to assure that I'm on track for '09! Basically I need to do better...so b4 the year arrives...I've composed a little list of things that were important enough to compile themselves in my memory bank & stay put until I could jot them down...
So in '08...
I'm going to love me more!
I'm getting the _ _ _ _ up outta Memphis, permanently!
I will be completely self-sufficient by my birthday!
I will be debt-free! HALLELUJAH!!!
I'm buying a Range Rover.
I'm going to write more!
I'm going to be DRAMA FREE!
I'm going to live for ME!
I'm SO over folk & they bull_ _ _ _, I just can't deal in the '08, no indeed!
I'm going to read more books!
I'm going to travel more.
I'm going to do whatever makes me happy, b/c I can!
I'm going to save my $$$!
I'm going to be sweet to "2nd Chance" b/c he's sweet to me!
I'm going to grow in my relationship w/God!
Those are my plans & I believe them to already be done...I just have to make them manifest or @ least do my part b/c God has definitely done his & I trust Him to continue.
~Amen
Happy New Year folks.
Drink 1; Smoke 1; Pop 1 for me!
~S. Parks
Monday, December 24, 2007
Love Me, Love Me
I just like all the fuss.
The chase gives me a rush.
I'm not playing games.
I just like it when you say my name!
I swear that really turns me on!
Its the attention I crave.
I feel like a slave.
...b/c I'm an addict.
I just gotta have it.
Its (almost) better than sex.
...but it definitely makes me wet.
My happiness can't be bought.
I smile at the thought.
...but I'm sold to the highest bidder.
You've definitely won my heart.
Lol, all wrapped up in an ice box & bow.
I pretend. I know.
I'm just too self-ish to show.
I know you know I do.
I'm kinda into you too.
You're really all I know...
You're hott but not as haute as me though ;)
~Cookie
The chase gives me a rush.
I'm not playing games.
I just like it when you say my name!
I swear that really turns me on!
Its the attention I crave.
I feel like a slave.
...b/c I'm an addict.
I just gotta have it.
Its (almost) better than sex.
...but it definitely makes me wet.
My happiness can't be bought.
I smile at the thought.
...but I'm sold to the highest bidder.
You've definitely won my heart.
Lol, all wrapped up in an ice box & bow.
I pretend. I know.
I'm just too self-ish to show.
I know you know I do.
I'm kinda into you too.
You're really all I know...
You're hott but not as haute as me though ;)
~Cookie
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Ice Princess
Doesn’t every girl dream of being a "little princess" or @ least treated like one? Of course they do…and I am no exception…in fact in my mind I am a "little princess." So…yeah I’m a princess @ 24…a princess w/an “icebox where my heart used to be.”
Who’s fault is that? Could be the ex’s…could be Jack’s…could be my daddy…could be my own doing. I’m 24 though, so the blame game is a little cheesy!
First step: Recognition.
Second step: Admission.
I Recognize.
I Admit.
I’m an asshole…problem is…I don’t mind being an asshole. I’ve convinced myself that people are fickle. Flaky. They will hurt you @ some point. So I’m over it before it happens. Ironic b/c I’m the person whose always wanting the best for other people i.e. my friends & family…I never seem to hold myself in that same regard. Though my biggest want in life is to be happy. Seems to be that I am sabotaging any opportunities for happiness.
Why? Maybe I think I don’t deserve happiness. Maybe I think it doesn’t really exist. Maybe I don’t even know what it is. Maybe I’m afraid of being happy. Maybe I’m afraid of being happy then returning to unhappiness. All these maybes. I don’t know. I do know that I need to GIT & fast before I definitely miss out on something great or ruin my chances for happiness!
I.E. “2nd Chance”
I’ve basically forced “2nd Chance” to be in an open relationship. He couldn’t understand why. Says he doesn’t want anyone else. He’s with who he wants. “Why would I pursue something so diligently to ultimately be w/someone insignificant or do something stupid to jeopardize my pursuit. Makes no sense.” Yeah he’s right & I knew that before I asked him…”are you still talking/seeing other people?” He was taken aback that I would even ask such things. He quickly realized the question wasn’t really about him it was about me. “I realized I’ve forced you into something that you’ve tried your hardest to run away from, but ultimately you made the decision to be w/me…if it's not what you want say so, don’t bullshit me.” “I want it. I do. Now. I just don’t think I can fully commit to you yet. I’m just not ready (I said that about 10x). I don’t want to lose you but I don’t want to hurt you either. I’m just not ready.” (He sighs) Well I appreciate your honesty, but you have to make a decision. I’ve made mine. This about you not us. You don’t trust me. I don’t know what else to do. There is nothing else for me to do, but what I’m doing. I want you Shanette that’s obvious but I’m not going to force you to be with me. Just say the word & I’m gone.” (Now I’m sighing) “No. I just need time.” Him-“well you have until the end of January. I guess this means we’re in an open relationship but I don’t wanna hear shit about what you do w/whomever. I don’t even wanna think about the shit. So you do whatever you need to do to make sure that doesn’t happen (that’s the least you can do). Come February I don’t wanna hear shit else about this. If you still aren’t ready…I’m done Shanette, seriously…no discussions.”
It sounds as bad as it was. I felt pretty bad but I mean I really want to be honest w/him about where I am & how I’m feeling.
Truth is I don’t even understand what I’m feeling. I’m talking to other guys who are like dogshit compared to “2nd Chance” so it's not really another guy. It's me. I’m the problem.
I’m just not ready…to…be…in love…again. The thought of it makes my head hurt…makes me wanna vomit actually. I’m not a very fearful person but I’m really afraid of that. & I know. I know. Things are headed that way & I’m just not ready.
So I occupy my time w/bullshit to mask the real shit. BUT. Reality is: I’m wasting my time. His time. Everybody’s time. Being a little punk. I don’t want to hurt him. Especially over some whack shit.
I really don’t know what my deal is…I’m such an asshole but to the wrong people…well to everyone but not everyone deserves that!
Some kinda way I’ve started to be nicer to people who don’t deserve & I shit on people who deserve my goodness. Don’t know what that’s about…
Imma do better though b/c I should…for my own sake (& “2nd Chance too).
Sidebar: Is it not weird that he keeps giving me chances??? Does that not some suspect to you??? Like why would he allot me more time to make a decision when his whole reasoning for not talking to me that time was b/c he didn’t have any more time to waste on me? I’m probably over-analyzing as usual. I know. But I just think that’s kinda odd…but maybe that’s just me! I mean I know I’d be like “my nigga please” if he hit me w/that shit! Poor “2nd Chance” I don’t even think he really knows WTH he’s getting himself into!
~Shanette
“Basically I’m complicated. I have a hard time taking the easy way…I wouldn’t call it schizophrenia but I’ll be @ least 2 people today!” Gnarls Barkley
Who’s fault is that? Could be the ex’s…could be Jack’s…could be my daddy…could be my own doing. I’m 24 though, so the blame game is a little cheesy!
First step: Recognition.
Second step: Admission.
I Recognize.
I Admit.
I’m an asshole…problem is…I don’t mind being an asshole. I’ve convinced myself that people are fickle. Flaky. They will hurt you @ some point. So I’m over it before it happens. Ironic b/c I’m the person whose always wanting the best for other people i.e. my friends & family…I never seem to hold myself in that same regard. Though my biggest want in life is to be happy. Seems to be that I am sabotaging any opportunities for happiness.
Why? Maybe I think I don’t deserve happiness. Maybe I think it doesn’t really exist. Maybe I don’t even know what it is. Maybe I’m afraid of being happy. Maybe I’m afraid of being happy then returning to unhappiness. All these maybes. I don’t know. I do know that I need to GIT & fast before I definitely miss out on something great or ruin my chances for happiness!
I.E. “2nd Chance”
I’ve basically forced “2nd Chance” to be in an open relationship. He couldn’t understand why. Says he doesn’t want anyone else. He’s with who he wants. “Why would I pursue something so diligently to ultimately be w/someone insignificant or do something stupid to jeopardize my pursuit. Makes no sense.” Yeah he’s right & I knew that before I asked him…”are you still talking/seeing other people?” He was taken aback that I would even ask such things. He quickly realized the question wasn’t really about him it was about me. “I realized I’ve forced you into something that you’ve tried your hardest to run away from, but ultimately you made the decision to be w/me…if it's not what you want say so, don’t bullshit me.” “I want it. I do. Now. I just don’t think I can fully commit to you yet. I’m just not ready (I said that about 10x). I don’t want to lose you but I don’t want to hurt you either. I’m just not ready.” (He sighs) Well I appreciate your honesty, but you have to make a decision. I’ve made mine. This about you not us. You don’t trust me. I don’t know what else to do. There is nothing else for me to do, but what I’m doing. I want you Shanette that’s obvious but I’m not going to force you to be with me. Just say the word & I’m gone.” (Now I’m sighing) “No. I just need time.” Him-“well you have until the end of January. I guess this means we’re in an open relationship but I don’t wanna hear shit about what you do w/whomever. I don’t even wanna think about the shit. So you do whatever you need to do to make sure that doesn’t happen (that’s the least you can do). Come February I don’t wanna hear shit else about this. If you still aren’t ready…I’m done Shanette, seriously…no discussions.”
It sounds as bad as it was. I felt pretty bad but I mean I really want to be honest w/him about where I am & how I’m feeling.
Truth is I don’t even understand what I’m feeling. I’m talking to other guys who are like dogshit compared to “2nd Chance” so it's not really another guy. It's me. I’m the problem.
I’m just not ready…to…be…in love…again. The thought of it makes my head hurt…makes me wanna vomit actually. I’m not a very fearful person but I’m really afraid of that. & I know. I know. Things are headed that way & I’m just not ready.
So I occupy my time w/bullshit to mask the real shit. BUT. Reality is: I’m wasting my time. His time. Everybody’s time. Being a little punk. I don’t want to hurt him. Especially over some whack shit.
I really don’t know what my deal is…I’m such an asshole but to the wrong people…well to everyone but not everyone deserves that!
Some kinda way I’ve started to be nicer to people who don’t deserve & I shit on people who deserve my goodness. Don’t know what that’s about…
Imma do better though b/c I should…for my own sake (& “2nd Chance too).
Sidebar: Is it not weird that he keeps giving me chances??? Does that not some suspect to you??? Like why would he allot me more time to make a decision when his whole reasoning for not talking to me that time was b/c he didn’t have any more time to waste on me? I’m probably over-analyzing as usual. I know. But I just think that’s kinda odd…but maybe that’s just me! I mean I know I’d be like “my nigga please” if he hit me w/that shit! Poor “2nd Chance” I don’t even think he really knows WTH he’s getting himself into!
~Shanette
“Basically I’m complicated. I have a hard time taking the easy way…I wouldn’t call it schizophrenia but I’ll be @ least 2 people today!” Gnarls Barkley
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