I feel so...misunderstood. Like I feel like I don't even understand me anymore!
...and that's NOT okay. Like @ all.
*sighs* Idunno what's going on w/me man...Iunjusno.
Fortunately Com does so...today's Listen Up! is...
Common's Misunderstood off his latest Finding Forever.
BTW-If you don't have it...you're tuhrippin! FA REAL!
Baby, you understand me now
If sometimes you see that I'm mad
No one can always be an angel
When everything goes wrong you see some bad
Well I'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
[Common]
Yeah, uh (Misunderstood)
We do this, for the people that walk that path
Tryna get to their dream, yeah, uh (oh)
He stood on the corner with the rest of them
Though he knew that this corner wasn't the best of him
Hard streets and a life that crested him
Dirt police domestic beefs that's festerin
He knew the President wadn't addressin him
Though dead presidents was undressin him
Two kids from hot sex no protection and
People don't see how AIDS is affectin 'em
It get hard to get the get the God question in
Can't find a job so you robbin and hustlin
He killed marks and sold dope for cousin 'em
Can't believe they would be the ones bucking him
He on the ground he could feel God touching him
He heard the sound of his moms sayin trust in him
At heaven's gate, saying please Lord let me in
Or send me back to tell my people to be better men
[Chorus]
Misunderstood
'Cause we are - Misunderstood
Misunderstood, Don't let me be misunderstood
I'm just human, oh
[Common]
Uh, yeah
She dancin she dance she dance for them
Her body move but her mind was manic'n
Thinkin I don't know where they hands have been
Relationships with men have been so damagin
She thought back to when she was at Howard and
Dreams of doing scenes with Terrence Howard and
Broadway plays and dancin with Alv and them
The ones that make it always ain't the talented
Some dreams get lost never to be found again
At first strippin seemed so empowerin
Most every girl wanna do it now and then
But bein meat every day is devourin
Cats puttin paper where she put powder and
Life would break her, now she powderin
She was high when she fell down and then
Crowd surrounding and, heart was poundin and
She fell into a deep sleep the siren sounded and
Seen bright lights in the midst of clouds and then
Talked to God, feeling like his child again
Said Lord let me live so I can make you proud again
[Chorus]
The life we lead, will always lead us
And we pray that he, will never leave us
It's the price we pay, I guess that's the reason
Why my grandma sang, we all need Jesus [2x]
Misunderstood, don't let me be, misunderstood
Misunderstood, don't let me be, misunderstood
I'm just human
Until we blog again...
I'm blowing this popsicle stand!
POB!
~Sdot
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Sunday, September 9, 2007
In the Worst Kinda Way.
Today's post is brought to you in part by Erykah Badu's I Want You from her last release Worldwide Underground. BTW-Ms. Badu, WHERE ARE YOU?! You're long overdue for a new release! HURRY! HURRY! We're gettin impatient!
Anywhoo...back to the topic.
I was thinking today on my way home from work, btw-work on Sundays is for SUCKAS! I swear I needs to do BETTA!!!
So yeah. Driving. Listening. Thinking. Wondering. If I have ever wanted someone in the worst kinda way...hmmm???
I mean that's some SERIOUS wanting. Like I don't be believing folk when they be like I want you SO bad...
I mean yeah I'm confident. A little arrogant...well no vain maybe. But I still be like "man, get outta here w/that mess! Ain't nobody believin you roun here! Sell that dream to the next dodo"
I guess b/c for 1: I thought that kinda want wasn't possible.
Like when I was a kid.
I wantED:
A sega.
A Barbie Dollhouse.
A puppy.
A horse.
To move back to St. Louis
Now.
I WANT:
A new job real bad.
Some new jeans.
Lots of money.
My transcript.
Sex on demand.
Oooh oooh I REALLY want a Range Rover!!!
Some of these things I've gotten & some I'll get but even if I didn't/don't I'm aight b/c I don't want any of those in the worst kinda way...oh wait maybe there is 1 thing...I want to GTFO of Memphis like SO bad!!! But I still don't think its in the worst kinda way. That to me means like I want it SO bad I feel like Imma die. I want it SO bad...its literally ALL I think of. I want it SO bad...by any means necessary Imma get it. Like that there. Is a fa REAL WANT! (Wait. Maybe. I DO! Wanna get outta Memphis that bad! Gosh! This place is AWFUL!)
Think I might've reached that point.
Well no wait. Not Imma die. More like...Idunno...feel like Imma be sick. Maybe.
Shocked?!
Yeah. Me too.
Scared! More than anything though.
"2nd chance"
I like literally can't control my thoughts.
And I NEED control!
I want to NOT like him SO bad!
Weird? I know.
Its just that...I'm not ready.
Not mentally.
Though. I want him more than anyone I've ever wanted...even this one guy in NOLA-TU-football-"What yo name iz?!SHAWTY"...lol!
That was a sexual want though. I think this is more.
I want him. Yet I've experienced the sexual...and as you know...its NOT what it is...hence I'm confused.
If its not the sex I want. What is it???
Iunno. Iunjusno. I'm afraid to even fig it out!
I do know. When I see him. I want him like its my first time seeing him. Like I forgot the sex is awful. Like nothing else matters. Like no one else is around. Like I'm not even me...
...I'm someone else pretending to be me who looks, like me, dresses like me, acks like me, but doesn't quite feel like me.
But I like it...not enuff to give in...yet.
But just enuff to be really nervous!
I SO wanna NOT like him!
Someone said you can't jus stop liking someone.
I was like "UGH, WHAT?! Yeah you can!"
My Mommy always told me I could do anything I want as long as I put my mind to it!
So...I think I might...do just that...I'll let you know how that goes...or not.
If I don't that means...it didn't go well...if I do...it went okay???
Not really...but you know....wait didn't I try this once already...oh Lawd...think I'm STILL just...uh...being In too Deep! Maybe my friend was right...???
*sighs* Jesus Lawd on High...HELP ME HELP ME PLEASE!!!
My mind's playin tricks on me!
Until we blog again...
I'm blowing
&
praying
&
hoping
&
wishing!
Getting it Togetha
~Sdot
Anywhoo...back to the topic.
I was thinking today on my way home from work, btw-work on Sundays is for SUCKAS! I swear I needs to do BETTA!!!
So yeah. Driving. Listening. Thinking. Wondering. If I have ever wanted someone in the worst kinda way...hmmm???
I mean that's some SERIOUS wanting. Like I don't be believing folk when they be like I want you SO bad...
I mean yeah I'm confident. A little arrogant...well no vain maybe. But I still be like "man, get outta here w/that mess! Ain't nobody believin you roun here! Sell that dream to the next dodo"
I guess b/c for 1: I thought that kinda want wasn't possible.
Like when I was a kid.
I wantED:
A sega.
A Barbie Dollhouse.
A puppy.
A horse.
To move back to St. Louis
Now.
I WANT:
A new job real bad.
Some new jeans.
Lots of money.
My transcript.
Sex on demand.
Oooh oooh I REALLY want a Range Rover!!!
Some of these things I've gotten & some I'll get but even if I didn't/don't I'm aight b/c I don't want any of those in the worst kinda way...oh wait maybe there is 1 thing...I want to GTFO of Memphis like SO bad!!! But I still don't think its in the worst kinda way. That to me means like I want it SO bad I feel like Imma die. I want it SO bad...its literally ALL I think of. I want it SO bad...by any means necessary Imma get it. Like that there. Is a fa REAL WANT! (Wait. Maybe. I DO! Wanna get outta Memphis that bad! Gosh! This place is AWFUL!)
Think I might've reached that point.
Well no wait. Not Imma die. More like...Idunno...feel like Imma be sick. Maybe.
Shocked?!
Yeah. Me too.
Scared! More than anything though.
"2nd chance"
I like literally can't control my thoughts.
And I NEED control!
I want to NOT like him SO bad!
Weird? I know.
Its just that...I'm not ready.
Not mentally.
Though. I want him more than anyone I've ever wanted...even this one guy in NOLA-TU-football-"What yo name iz?!SHAWTY"...lol!
That was a sexual want though. I think this is more.
I want him. Yet I've experienced the sexual...and as you know...its NOT what it is...hence I'm confused.
If its not the sex I want. What is it???
Iunno. Iunjusno. I'm afraid to even fig it out!
I do know. When I see him. I want him like its my first time seeing him. Like I forgot the sex is awful. Like nothing else matters. Like no one else is around. Like I'm not even me...
...I'm someone else pretending to be me who looks, like me, dresses like me, acks like me, but doesn't quite feel like me.
But I like it...not enuff to give in...yet.
But just enuff to be really nervous!
I SO wanna NOT like him!
Someone said you can't jus stop liking someone.
I was like "UGH, WHAT?! Yeah you can!"
My Mommy always told me I could do anything I want as long as I put my mind to it!
So...I think I might...do just that...I'll let you know how that goes...or not.
If I don't that means...it didn't go well...if I do...it went okay???
Not really...but you know....wait didn't I try this once already...oh Lawd...think I'm STILL just...uh...being In too Deep! Maybe my friend was right...???
*sighs* Jesus Lawd on High...HELP ME HELP ME PLEASE!!!
My mind's playin tricks on me!
Until we blog again...
I'm blowing
&
praying
&
hoping
&
wishing!
Getting it Togetha
~Sdot
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
What's THAT about???
So like I was thinkin...about sex (yes I think about sex ALOT...SO! Shet up!) & who I can have it with...since I have no J.O. & like ALL my damn exes are practically off the market ( I jus don't "do" folk w/gals...why? b/c hey I've been somebody's gal...and that shit ain't coo<--being cheated on...so I refuse contribute to the cheating!)
Then I started thinking why in the holy hell is errbody getting married??? No like really! What's THAT about???
Then I started thinking...why are ALL my exes married???
Like what does that mean, eggzactly???
What does THAT say about ME???
No like really. Lets see...5 out of like 7 guys I've talked to kinda seriously are engaged or married! What is that like 72% or some shit (my math skills are kinda rusty so...check it out). I mean not to like brag or anything but I went in & did some MAJOR damage control! I mean like no really I upgraded them to like husband material. Guess that's my bad huh?! Ugh! I swear I hate that shit more than actually being cheated on...so what they're my leftovers...they're good leftovers. Why? B/c I had em!
The shit that kills me is...they want me to be wifey's friend. Yet they still wanna be my friend. Slick have an affair. I'm like WTF am I living in the gotdamn Twilight Zone?! Sheesh!
Seriously though. I wonder if I'm only: "girlfriend" material. Or even "friend" material. Right now I seem to be the following: "Really good friend but I kinda wanna fuck you really bad (& possibly jeopardize the friendship)"; or "a down ass chick...4ever & ever" or "friend w/benefits w/the possibility of a relationship". So basically I'm like a gotdamn spades hand...something like...a handful of strong possibles. Not bad. Just not GREAT. More like risky...unpredictable...is that me??? Risky. Unpredictable.
Oh the uncertainty!
But no like really...how am I supposed to feel about that?
Not to say I'm ready for marriage.
In fact I'm quite frightened by the thought.
Not to mention those 3 little words make me cringe!
I'm jus saying.
Why not me? Why wasn't I that girl? You know?
Jus wonderin.
Well I actually I have been proposed to...lol...Jack has been asking to wife me for like 4 years or some shit. HA! I'd be a fucking fool...and okay. I'm kinda vain but I know I have my faults but I am NOT by far a FOOL!
I love (cringing) Jack as much as I can possibly love a man (other than Jesus Christ and my Dad) but that's all. I just love Jack. I care about him. I want him to be happy. But Jack doesn't make me happy (and if there is one thing I'm on a non-stop mission for in life is HAPPINESS). In fact. Jack makes my damn head hurt. So I love ME far too much to settle (sawry Jack) for such a life. Esp. when I KNOW I'm worth SO much more!
Ya dig?!
Oh well. Maybe jus maybe I'll get married one fine day. And maybe jus maybe he'll be all I desire & more. And maybe jus maybe I'll love him for who he is (pre-upgrade *te he he*). And oh lawd please maybe jus maybe he'll love me for me b/c I swear this ALL I can be! Take it! Or. Leave it! And to all you punk bitches who left it (fig. & lit. speaking)...that's yo bad bitch but I love ya anyhow for making me betta. When I made YOU betta it made me best. And what's betta than best? NOT A DAMN THING! Why? b/c I gots that Comeback...HA...no like really...I mean. I'm jus saying...the proof is in the pudding...YUM ; )
Then again. Maybe jus maybe I'll not get married and I'll be okay w/that. Iunno. Iunjusno.
...and on that note...I'm blowing!
Until we blog again...
POB!
~Sdot
Then I started thinking why in the holy hell is errbody getting married??? No like really! What's THAT about???
Then I started thinking...why are ALL my exes married???
Like what does that mean, eggzactly???
What does THAT say about ME???
No like really. Lets see...5 out of like 7 guys I've talked to kinda seriously are engaged or married! What is that like 72% or some shit (my math skills are kinda rusty so...check it out). I mean not to like brag or anything but I went in & did some MAJOR damage control! I mean like no really I upgraded them to like husband material. Guess that's my bad huh?! Ugh! I swear I hate that shit more than actually being cheated on...so what they're my leftovers...they're good leftovers. Why? B/c I had em!
The shit that kills me is...they want me to be wifey's friend. Yet they still wanna be my friend. Slick have an affair. I'm like WTF am I living in the gotdamn Twilight Zone?! Sheesh!
Seriously though. I wonder if I'm only: "girlfriend" material. Or even "friend" material. Right now I seem to be the following: "Really good friend but I kinda wanna fuck you really bad (& possibly jeopardize the friendship)"; or "a down ass chick...4ever & ever" or "friend w/benefits w/the possibility of a relationship". So basically I'm like a gotdamn spades hand...something like...a handful of strong possibles. Not bad. Just not GREAT. More like risky...unpredictable...is that me??? Risky. Unpredictable.
Oh the uncertainty!
But no like really...how am I supposed to feel about that?
Not to say I'm ready for marriage.
In fact I'm quite frightened by the thought.
Not to mention those 3 little words make me cringe!
I'm jus saying.
Why not me? Why wasn't I that girl? You know?
Jus wonderin.
Well I actually I have been proposed to...lol...Jack has been asking to wife me for like 4 years or some shit. HA! I'd be a fucking fool...and okay. I'm kinda vain but I know I have my faults but I am NOT by far a FOOL!
I love (cringing) Jack as much as I can possibly love a man (other than Jesus Christ and my Dad) but that's all. I just love Jack. I care about him. I want him to be happy. But Jack doesn't make me happy (and if there is one thing I'm on a non-stop mission for in life is HAPPINESS). In fact. Jack makes my damn head hurt. So I love ME far too much to settle (sawry Jack) for such a life. Esp. when I KNOW I'm worth SO much more!
Ya dig?!
Oh well. Maybe jus maybe I'll get married one fine day. And maybe jus maybe he'll be all I desire & more. And maybe jus maybe I'll love him for who he is (pre-upgrade *te he he*). And oh lawd please maybe jus maybe he'll love me for me b/c I swear this ALL I can be! Take it! Or. Leave it! And to all you punk bitches who left it (fig. & lit. speaking)...that's yo bad bitch but I love ya anyhow for making me betta. When I made YOU betta it made me best. And what's betta than best? NOT A DAMN THING! Why? b/c I gots that Comeback...HA...no like really...I mean. I'm jus saying...the proof is in the pudding...YUM ; )
Then again. Maybe jus maybe I'll not get married and I'll be okay w/that. Iunno. Iunjusno.
...and on that note...I'm blowing!
Until we blog again...
POB!
~Sdot
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Listen UP!
So..yesdiddy...lol...my aunt used to say yesterday like that...I swear you neva realize how southern you are until you leave da souf! I ♥ the south though...I'm a southern girl! ALL DAY! I used to HATE when I would go home to visit my family in St. Louis, that's my birthplace, and they would call me a "southern girl" I would be like "NO stop it!" But now...I accept it. I own it.
Anywhoo..so today's Listen UP! is Teedra Moses' No More Tears from her debut album Complex Simplicity. Piggybacking from yesterday's post about Jack.
I know yesterday I was hyping him up so tuff. Jack has his fall backs. TRUST!
Dat nigga has ISSUES okay! He is the most unreliable...oooh weee it pisses me OFF!!! SO bad!!! He was dat nigga who would call you up be like I'm coming thru and NEVER show and my goofy ass would be WAITING like by the door, looking out the window, watching the clock-waiting! UGH!!! I still slick hold that shit against him...Why? B/c he still slick do that shit, right now today!!! UGH!!!
So...anyways on to the song...I luvz TeeMo...she is the hauteness, fa real FA REAL!!! Of course she is SO slept on bruh...not cool...if y'all don't know her...get ya shit together! She is what it is!
Teedra Moses::No More Tears::Complex Simplicity
I guess I must be caught between my heart and mind
Wanting it to be good knowing its not
Crying all time, praying that a change is gonna come
{Just like the other day... he hit me}
Hit on my hip like "just touch down, (down) wanna see you, (you)
I know you're mad at me but baby I'm so sorry... Sorry"
I just wanna be...
Happy, sipping, puffing, passing
Relaxing with my family
No more tears for you...
Dancing, laughing, writing, singing
Rocking to hot tracks like this
No tears for you...
Guess its 'bout time I'm due another love
Messing with this nigga got me falling apart
I don't wanna be someone I know I'm not
Call me on the phone "baby get dressed; (get dressed) I'm scooping you up"
I waited for an hour he never showed
{Shit... I went to get cocktails with my girls. Its a new year}
I just wanna be...
Happy, sipping, puffing, passing
Relaxing with my family
No more tears for you...
Dancing, laughing, writing, singing
Rocking to hot tracks like this
No tears for you
No tears for you
No tears for you for you
Happy, sipping, puffing, passing
Relaxing with my family
No more tears for you
Dancing, laughing, writing, singing
Rocking to hot tracks like this
No tears for you
***the end***
Aight...I'm blowing this joint...no mo tears fa you hoes!
FA REAL FA REAL!
Until we blog again...in the words of my nigga Jeezy...never let a bitch lil bow you...lol...I know I won't...cus Imma G!!! LOL! So get like me! HAHA!!!
POB!
~Sdot Parks
Anywhoo..so today's Listen UP! is Teedra Moses' No More Tears from her debut album Complex Simplicity. Piggybacking from yesterday's post about Jack.
I know yesterday I was hyping him up so tuff. Jack has his fall backs. TRUST!
Dat nigga has ISSUES okay! He is the most unreliable...oooh weee it pisses me OFF!!! SO bad!!! He was dat nigga who would call you up be like I'm coming thru and NEVER show and my goofy ass would be WAITING like by the door, looking out the window, watching the clock-waiting! UGH!!! I still slick hold that shit against him...Why? B/c he still slick do that shit, right now today!!! UGH!!!
So...anyways on to the song...I luvz TeeMo...she is the hauteness, fa real FA REAL!!! Of course she is SO slept on bruh...not cool...if y'all don't know her...get ya shit together! She is what it is!
Teedra Moses::No More Tears::Complex Simplicity
I guess I must be caught between my heart and mind
Wanting it to be good knowing its not
Crying all time, praying that a change is gonna come
{Just like the other day... he hit me}
Hit on my hip like "just touch down, (down) wanna see you, (you)
I know you're mad at me but baby I'm so sorry... Sorry"
I just wanna be...
Happy, sipping, puffing, passing
Relaxing with my family
No more tears for you...
Dancing, laughing, writing, singing
Rocking to hot tracks like this
No tears for you...
Guess its 'bout time I'm due another love
Messing with this nigga got me falling apart
I don't wanna be someone I know I'm not
Call me on the phone "baby get dressed; (get dressed) I'm scooping you up"
I waited for an hour he never showed
{Shit... I went to get cocktails with my girls. Its a new year}
I just wanna be...
Happy, sipping, puffing, passing
Relaxing with my family
No more tears for you...
Dancing, laughing, writing, singing
Rocking to hot tracks like this
No tears for you
No tears for you
No tears for you for you
Happy, sipping, puffing, passing
Relaxing with my family
No more tears for you
Dancing, laughing, writing, singing
Rocking to hot tracks like this
No tears for you
***the end***
Aight...I'm blowing this joint...no mo tears fa you hoes!
FA REAL FA REAL!
Until we blog again...in the words of my nigga Jeezy...never let a bitch lil bow you...lol...I know I won't...cus Imma G!!! LOL! So get like me! HAHA!!!
POB!
~Sdot Parks
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
We Do It Again
Today's post is brought to you in part by John Legend's Another Again from his latest album Once Again.
What a coincidence that I would discuss my ex @ the same time that classic SITC (Sex in the City) "Lets be Friends or Something" episode comes on...I so love that episode, well I love ALL the episodes, but this one b/c it is so applicable.
This is not the ex that I often refer to as the Debil (actually I don't think I have ever referred to him as anything other than the ex but the Debil should be his name). So. No. This one is from SO far back...yet he's not the past. If you can understand that...if not continue reading while I attempt to explain our Complex Simplicity relationship(shouts out to TeeTee Mo aka Teedra Moses-there's actually a song that's on this album that reminds me SO much of the relationship of which I'm speaking-I'll use it as the Listen Up tomorrow).
He is from my ghetto girl days...lol...can you imagine??? Me either. LOL!
I wanted to be hood so bad! So DUMB!!!
Thanks heavens for time=maturity!
Anywhoo...
He. An around the way guy. Tuff. Hustla. Fly. Cool. Cute. OLDER!
Like 5 years older...not such a BIG deal now...but then I was only like 13. EEK! I know. I've always been rather mature for my age! (And NO we weren't fucking...cus I know that's what you thinking). Seriously we were just friends.
Friends first. He was like the coolest guy ever to me. Like the big brother I always wanted. At about 16. Things changed. We changed. I changed. It became more intimate (No. Still no sex. I was in the V-club until age 20, thanks-made it thru ALL my teens years & 3 whole yrs of college ...was that "TMI"...hmmm). Man was I in love...WOW! I swear I thought the moon and stars set on this nigga! We had/have more than our fair share of issues...mind you @ 16...he's 21. A full grown man doing grown man things. Let me explain to you a couple things: 1) He was a fa REAL. HOOD NIGGA! I can't detail his occupation...but its def complicated like Erykah Badu's Danger he was/is DEEP into the game...w/high rankings (Not glorifying his lifestyle by far...it caused/causes a LOT of our issues not to mention its just plain AWFUL). Yet...it was that very thing, I later realized, that attracted me to him initially. I was intrigued. It was the good girl gone bad syndrome. 2) As I stated I was rather mature for my age. So I made myself believe that as long as he was honest w/me. I would understand that he's a man w/needs. I wasn't ready (that's those Catholic School Girl Teachings kickin in). So he could handle his business as he needed to as long as he was up front about it. Well you know niggas...they will lie until they die baybay!
REAL TALK!!!
So anywhoo...I think that's enuff background. Is it not??? I was only intending to catch you up...not write a book-though I def could on this nigga!
Oh. Yeah. How we separated...um I left Memphis as did he. He goes wherever THAT life is honey...and I try to go the opposite damn direction. There were other factors involved but I know that had we been in the same city continuously those issues would have been irrelevant. That's how DUMB...I WAS!
He's an island boy now. Yes. We talk on occasion...bringing me back to my initial thought...he called last night...we hadn't talked prolly in about 6 months or so...yeah. That's how we are...and I'm fine w/that.
It was actually a really great conversation. Made me reminisce. I miss talking to him. Though we never really said much. He's not much of a talker unless its something he wants to talk about. Same w/me. Well no. I'll talk I just have to be in that kind of mood. When I am. I'll talk all day. Lol! I'm so weird--and I'm okay w/that. Anyways, I just miss our friendship pre-drama. Boy! Does he have a lot! I swear I'm SO NOT a dramatic person. OR am I??? Seems like a large portion of my friends have enuff drama to fill this blog for years and years to come. Yet. I seemingly have none. Or so I think...now people have labeled me dramatic but I think that's different from "having drama".
What you think???
Okay back to the topic of discussion. So today. Jack<--the ex (btw-that's his nickname not his real name). Breezed thru Memphis,like the wind, literally, he's gone now. That's what he does. While he was here though. He made it a point to see me. Surprise! Surprise! (not being sarcastic) b/c he does NOT do that often...make it a point I mean. He'll bs me-if I allow him-selling me the dream like he wants to See me oh-so bad! So yeah...anyways...we hooked...literally ; ) but I'll discuss that in a moment.
We uh went to Benihanas. His fav. I like it too. We went to Fox & Hound. Shot a lil pool (I'm not good @ all). Had a coup drinks.
I hadn't been out in SO long, it seems, esp not w/a boy...that I wasn't tryna impress. Though I rarely try to impress. But. I mean. You know? I can be ME all day errday w/ him...he luvz it!
Anywhoo. It was fun. You know? Like have you ever hung w/an ex who was your friend. And you're like man. I miss this. We should NEVER have gotten involved beyond friendship. Well maybe beyond sex...lol.
Sex w/Jack is so...different. Like Idunno. Its kinda weird. I guess b/c we were friends for SO long and it wasn't until like 8 years later or something that we even became intimate. So we didn't really know each in that sense. I think he was more surprised than me...HAHA...that's all Imma say about that. Though. Its good. Its kinda great even. He's far more open than he is in real life. However he is not like a nymph like most boys. I guess b/c his life prohibits him from being. Despite the perception. Jack is a very emotional guy. He loves hard...kinda like me. So to defend himself he plays that tuff guy role...and he plays it well...kinda like me *te he he*. So. Sometimes I have to do more work than I'd prefer...but oddly enuff I actually enjoy the work with Jack. Its kinda...like role reversal...see Jack's the only guy who can really just "put me in my place" so to speak. So he's the aggressor in the relationship. Though in virtually all my other dealings w/men. I'm the stand up kinda girl...which contrary to pop belief. I don't prefer. Well let me explain what I mean eggzactly.
I'm kind of an aggressive person. I like control. Slick a perfectionist. So. If something isn't done the way I want it. I'm pissed. SO...I will just do it myself to avoid any confusion. I know. Sometimes that can kinda be a bit much for a guy. It's one thing to know what you want another to be overbearing. So I try to tone it down. But. I have to see that you won't back down before I tone down. Does that make sense? Like I need to know that you won't allow me to control you. At that point I will say "Okay Shanette, he's a real man. You don't have to focus on upgrading...right now." But if you allow me to punk you. Shiiiit! I'll just keep doing it until I'm turned off...which doesn't take long. I mean I like a guy who has his shit together you know...or can you at least know what you want & maybe just not how to get there b/c I'm SO over molding & shaping niggas. So. In turn. They can let the next bitch reap my efforts! I have enuff of that to do in my own life. I mean. I'm jus saying. I'm like Loso, I need somebody to compliment me!
Now in the bedroom. I REALLY don't want to do the work. That is a time for me to lose control. I'm a very analytical person. But. In intimate settings I don't wanna think. Though I do. I don't wanna. But. If a guy can handle his bizness...take control...I'm good/satisfied.
So anyways...that's what makes sex w/Jack funny b/c I actually don't mind being in control, I kinda like it in fact. Its funny to see him so...out of his element...you know...well no you don't know, but just pretend you do...
I realized. Jack is like my soul mate. If there is such a thing. Not sure if I believe in that type of stuff but if I did. He would surely be the one. Its just that Jack is selfish. He's not not the marrying type b/c he's a cheater. He's NOT the marrying type b/c he loves himself too much. I mean not selfish like I wouldn't be well taken care of though sometimes he does trip on the cash flow "talking bout I need a job and to do betta!" Lol! So funny...cus that's what I tell other folk "DO BETTA!" See...we work...kinda...lol! I know w/all honesty that Jack loves me far more than I care to admit BUT he would never love me enough NOT do what he does and that's why we can never be. If that one thing wasn't there. We'd be like "IT"! Seriously.
Oh well.
It is what is. We are who we are. Like Jay said "homie you wuz who wuz fo yo got here!"...and I must say I concur. Which is why I'm done tryna upgrade niggas. Though I'm not settling. I'm just accepting people for who they are. If we work we work. If we don't we don't...and I'm okay w/that.
So yeah. I guess the "Ex Factor" isn't so bad afterall.
I ♥ LoJack!!! He's like my real life Young Jeezy...but cuter-in a grown man type way...lol...he'd be 500 if he heard me say that! ; )
So anywhoo...yep...Another Again...the never-ending saga that is Nette & Jack!
Until we blog again...
POB!
~Sdot Parks!
What a coincidence that I would discuss my ex @ the same time that classic SITC (Sex in the City) "Lets be Friends or Something" episode comes on...I so love that episode, well I love ALL the episodes, but this one b/c it is so applicable.
This is not the ex that I often refer to as the Debil (actually I don't think I have ever referred to him as anything other than the ex but the Debil should be his name). So. No. This one is from SO far back...yet he's not the past. If you can understand that...if not continue reading while I attempt to explain our Complex Simplicity relationship(shouts out to TeeTee Mo aka Teedra Moses-there's actually a song that's on this album that reminds me SO much of the relationship of which I'm speaking-I'll use it as the Listen Up tomorrow).
He is from my ghetto girl days...lol...can you imagine??? Me either. LOL!
I wanted to be hood so bad! So DUMB!!!
Thanks heavens for time=maturity!
Anywhoo...
He. An around the way guy. Tuff. Hustla. Fly. Cool. Cute. OLDER!
Like 5 years older...not such a BIG deal now...but then I was only like 13. EEK! I know. I've always been rather mature for my age! (And NO we weren't fucking...cus I know that's what you thinking). Seriously we were just friends.
Friends first. He was like the coolest guy ever to me. Like the big brother I always wanted. At about 16. Things changed. We changed. I changed. It became more intimate (No. Still no sex. I was in the V-club until age 20, thanks-made it thru ALL my teens years & 3 whole yrs of college ...was that "TMI"...hmmm). Man was I in love...WOW! I swear I thought the moon and stars set on this nigga! We had/have more than our fair share of issues...mind you @ 16...he's 21. A full grown man doing grown man things. Let me explain to you a couple things: 1) He was a fa REAL. HOOD NIGGA! I can't detail his occupation...but its def complicated like Erykah Badu's Danger he was/is DEEP into the game...w/high rankings (Not glorifying his lifestyle by far...it caused/causes a LOT of our issues not to mention its just plain AWFUL). Yet...it was that very thing, I later realized, that attracted me to him initially. I was intrigued. It was the good girl gone bad syndrome. 2) As I stated I was rather mature for my age. So I made myself believe that as long as he was honest w/me. I would understand that he's a man w/needs. I wasn't ready (that's those Catholic School Girl Teachings kickin in). So he could handle his business as he needed to as long as he was up front about it. Well you know niggas...they will lie until they die baybay!
REAL TALK!!!
So anywhoo...I think that's enuff background. Is it not??? I was only intending to catch you up...not write a book-though I def could on this nigga!
Oh. Yeah. How we separated...um I left Memphis as did he. He goes wherever THAT life is honey...and I try to go the opposite damn direction. There were other factors involved but I know that had we been in the same city continuously those issues would have been irrelevant. That's how DUMB...I WAS!
He's an island boy now. Yes. We talk on occasion...bringing me back to my initial thought...he called last night...we hadn't talked prolly in about 6 months or so...yeah. That's how we are...and I'm fine w/that.
It was actually a really great conversation. Made me reminisce. I miss talking to him. Though we never really said much. He's not much of a talker unless its something he wants to talk about. Same w/me. Well no. I'll talk I just have to be in that kind of mood. When I am. I'll talk all day. Lol! I'm so weird--and I'm okay w/that. Anyways, I just miss our friendship pre-drama. Boy! Does he have a lot! I swear I'm SO NOT a dramatic person. OR am I??? Seems like a large portion of my friends have enuff drama to fill this blog for years and years to come. Yet. I seemingly have none. Or so I think...now people have labeled me dramatic but I think that's different from "having drama".
What you think???
Okay back to the topic of discussion. So today. Jack<--the ex (btw-that's his nickname not his real name). Breezed thru Memphis,like the wind, literally, he's gone now. That's what he does. While he was here though. He made it a point to see me. Surprise! Surprise! (not being sarcastic) b/c he does NOT do that often...make it a point I mean. He'll bs me-if I allow him-selling me the dream like he wants to See me oh-so bad! So yeah...anyways...we hooked...literally ; ) but I'll discuss that in a moment.
We uh went to Benihanas. His fav. I like it too. We went to Fox & Hound. Shot a lil pool (I'm not good @ all). Had a coup drinks.
I hadn't been out in SO long, it seems, esp not w/a boy...that I wasn't tryna impress. Though I rarely try to impress. But. I mean. You know? I can be ME all day errday w/ him...he luvz it!
Anywhoo. It was fun. You know? Like have you ever hung w/an ex who was your friend. And you're like man. I miss this. We should NEVER have gotten involved beyond friendship. Well maybe beyond sex...lol.
Sex w/Jack is so...different. Like Idunno. Its kinda weird. I guess b/c we were friends for SO long and it wasn't until like 8 years later or something that we even became intimate. So we didn't really know each in that sense. I think he was more surprised than me...HAHA...that's all Imma say about that. Though. Its good. Its kinda great even. He's far more open than he is in real life. However he is not like a nymph like most boys. I guess b/c his life prohibits him from being. Despite the perception. Jack is a very emotional guy. He loves hard...kinda like me. So to defend himself he plays that tuff guy role...and he plays it well...kinda like me *te he he*. So. Sometimes I have to do more work than I'd prefer...but oddly enuff I actually enjoy the work with Jack. Its kinda...like role reversal...see Jack's the only guy who can really just "put me in my place" so to speak. So he's the aggressor in the relationship. Though in virtually all my other dealings w/men. I'm the stand up kinda girl...which contrary to pop belief. I don't prefer. Well let me explain what I mean eggzactly.
I'm kind of an aggressive person. I like control. Slick a perfectionist. So. If something isn't done the way I want it. I'm pissed. SO...I will just do it myself to avoid any confusion. I know. Sometimes that can kinda be a bit much for a guy. It's one thing to know what you want another to be overbearing. So I try to tone it down. But. I have to see that you won't back down before I tone down. Does that make sense? Like I need to know that you won't allow me to control you. At that point I will say "Okay Shanette, he's a real man. You don't have to focus on upgrading...right now." But if you allow me to punk you. Shiiiit! I'll just keep doing it until I'm turned off...which doesn't take long. I mean I like a guy who has his shit together you know...or can you at least know what you want & maybe just not how to get there b/c I'm SO over molding & shaping niggas. So. In turn. They can let the next bitch reap my efforts! I have enuff of that to do in my own life. I mean. I'm jus saying. I'm like Loso, I need somebody to compliment me!
Now in the bedroom. I REALLY don't want to do the work. That is a time for me to lose control. I'm a very analytical person. But. In intimate settings I don't wanna think. Though I do. I don't wanna. But. If a guy can handle his bizness...take control...I'm good/satisfied.
So anyways...that's what makes sex w/Jack funny b/c I actually don't mind being in control, I kinda like it in fact. Its funny to see him so...out of his element...you know...well no you don't know, but just pretend you do...
I realized. Jack is like my soul mate. If there is such a thing. Not sure if I believe in that type of stuff but if I did. He would surely be the one. Its just that Jack is selfish. He's not not the marrying type b/c he's a cheater. He's NOT the marrying type b/c he loves himself too much. I mean not selfish like I wouldn't be well taken care of though sometimes he does trip on the cash flow "talking bout I need a job and to do betta!" Lol! So funny...cus that's what I tell other folk "DO BETTA!" See...we work...kinda...lol! I know w/all honesty that Jack loves me far more than I care to admit BUT he would never love me enough NOT do what he does and that's why we can never be. If that one thing wasn't there. We'd be like "IT"! Seriously.
Oh well.
It is what is. We are who we are. Like Jay said "homie you wuz who wuz fo yo got here!"...and I must say I concur. Which is why I'm done tryna upgrade niggas. Though I'm not settling. I'm just accepting people for who they are. If we work we work. If we don't we don't...and I'm okay w/that.
So yeah. I guess the "Ex Factor" isn't so bad afterall.
I ♥ LoJack!!! He's like my real life Young Jeezy...but cuter-in a grown man type way...lol...he'd be 500 if he heard me say that! ; )
So anywhoo...yep...Another Again...the never-ending saga that is Nette & Jack!
Until we blog again...
POB!
~Sdot Parks!
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