Sunday, August 26, 2012
Re-introduction for the 1st time
I thought I knew you...I was certain we'd met before. Before now, I thought you were who I thought you were. Were you not really there? I feel like this is our first time meeting. You seem so new to me, so true to me. So clear to me in your presence I'm free. Free to be a me I've never been able to be, before. Before when I thought I knew you I never denied. Yet now that I know you're real I won't face you but I can't run from you. You're everywhere I turn, into a dream...is this one? B/c this is the realest I've felt so it couldn't be...naw I met you. I know it was you, maybe this is a different side of you...I never knew you to be so vivid, so encompassing, so undeniably present. If this is you, then who was that? Oh that was an imposter...well I digress. If only...I'd give in to you, admit to you that I know you're who you say you are...but how I can be sure? Sure that this time it's you...I can't be sure? Surely that wasn't you then, so this must be you now. Otherwise I wouldn't be so in denial.
Possibilities...
Greatness.
The possibility of.
Fear.
Ever-present.
Change.
Is necessary.
Risks.
Are a given.
Success.
A matter of the mind.
Failure.
A matter of the mind.
It's a matter of choice whether fear overtakes the mind that changes because it's easier than being committed. Committed to the possibility of greatness. Greatness in being open to the possibility of failure. Failure goes without saying when it's a matter of the mind that chooses to not risk comfort for even the possibility of success. Success being indicative of growth-an intangible and personal change. Change the way mind sees risk. Risking the possibility of a moment of greatness for a lifetime of doubt, rooted in fear. Fear that what is real is a matter of the mind. Minding the heart is matter of honesty, a matter of courage, a matter of possibilities...
The possibility of.
Fear.
Ever-present.
Change.
Is necessary.
Risks.
Are a given.
Success.
A matter of the mind.
Failure.
A matter of the mind.
It's a matter of choice whether fear overtakes the mind that changes because it's easier than being committed. Committed to the possibility of greatness. Greatness in being open to the possibility of failure. Failure goes without saying when it's a matter of the mind that chooses to not risk comfort for even the possibility of success. Success being indicative of growth-an intangible and personal change. Change the way mind sees risk. Risking the possibility of a moment of greatness for a lifetime of doubt, rooted in fear. Fear that what is real is a matter of the mind. Minding the heart is matter of honesty, a matter of courage, a matter of possibilities...
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Until the Phone Rings...
This time it's different, this time I'm done...until the phone rings. But. That time was it, no more. No come...no more cumming over me with none...of that slick shit cus I'm done! Until that phone rings & I wonder...if...if it's him & what he wants & when there's no hesitation I know I was never. Done.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
"No One that 'Lives' Alone is REALLY Happy"
Adam, my godson-who's 4, recently asked me to move in with him. When I politely declined, he insisted that I reconsider. I said (politely, of course) "I have my own home, Adam." To which, he replied "but you live alone, & no one that lives alone is really happy!" Initially I was a bit taken aback! I thought how does he even know to say that to me...AND how does he know I live ALONE?! I told his mom (my best friend) about it & we laughed a bit, then moved on.
That was at least a month ago...why am I still thinking about it?!
It literally just hit me (after a glass of...& a very long day) that lives in that precious statement means something else (to me, of course, not to him). It means: to have life, as an organism; be alive; be capable of vital functions: all things that live. Imagine a 4-yr old making a statement so profound!
Much obliged.
~SRJP
See: you for you...accept. love.
Be: thankful. giving. joyful...the rest will come. in due time. on-time.
Inspire: others. to do the same...their way.
That was at least a month ago...why am I still thinking about it?!
It literally just hit me (after a glass of...& a very long day) that lives in that precious statement means something else (to me, of course, not to him). It means: to have life, as an organism; be alive; be capable of vital functions: all things that live. Imagine a 4-yr old making a statement so profound!
Much obliged.
~SRJP
See: you for you...accept. love.
Be: thankful. giving. joyful...the rest will come. in due time. on-time.
Inspire: others. to do the same...their way.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
As a woman...
As a woman, I should be able to cry without feeling insecure. Without feeling weak. As a woman, I shouldn't have to be strong to prove my strength. To prove my power. As a woman, I shouldn't have to define my sexuality based upon a man's point of view. Because as a man he has not a clue. As a woman, I should be able to be alone without feeling lonely. Without feeling the need of someone to hold me. As a woman, I should be able to love, love unconditionally. Love passionately. Love eagerly. Love, really. Really, love? That's what this is all about...b/c as a woman...the very thing I was created to do, as a woman, I don't know how to...
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Out my mind? Again.
While the song is blasting...
Empowered.
Inspired.
Motivated.
Committed.
Changed.
When the music fades...
The thoughts return.
The breaths shorten.
The tears fall.
The hope fades.
The misery lingers.
In just 5 minutes. Or 60. Or 90. Or however long you decide to listen to that song. Those lyrics. That melody.
Shortly thereafter the thrill is gone...gone? Gone where?
Gone with the wind, but I'm sure that's not the end. For you will listen again. Deciding right then. "This, this right here is the LAST time the very last time that you will enter my mind, again!"
But the music can't play all day...
Be (stay) strong.
See. Be. Inspire.
XoXo
~SRJP
Empowered.
Inspired.
Motivated.
Committed.
Changed.
When the music fades...
The thoughts return.
The breaths shorten.
The tears fall.
The hope fades.
The misery lingers.
In just 5 minutes. Or 60. Or 90. Or however long you decide to listen to that song. Those lyrics. That melody.
Shortly thereafter the thrill is gone...gone? Gone where?
Gone with the wind, but I'm sure that's not the end. For you will listen again. Deciding right then. "This, this right here is the LAST time the very last time that you will enter my mind, again!"
But the music can't play all day...
Be (stay) strong.
See. Be. Inspire.
XoXo
~SRJP
What a difference a day makes...
Have you ever really considered how much can be accomplished in a day? I know we get caught up in our mundane lives & we think time is forever. Hence we put off that which should be done today, for tomorrow-which I've learned isn't promised. My mother used to tell me that, actually she still does..."never put off til tomorrow what you can do today." Which prompted my blog post for today. Each & every day for months I've been saying I would post something, anything...MONTHS later, here I am...with quite a bit accomplished.
I bought a new car & moved into a new apartment. I think I've mentioned before how obsessed I am with the concept of new. That quickly fades when the newness becomes so overwhelmingly consuming. I love my new car & my new place, but they sometimes remind me that the life of an adult isn't all that! I'm also back in school...working on my Masters...which everyday I hate more & more! Word to the wise, after undergrad-keeping going, no pauses, no breaks...trust me it's better that way. However, I keep treading along in hopes of my hard-work paying off some fine day!
As we know life is no walk in the park & sometimes it takes a bit adversity to get us to the newness that I fancy so much! With each disappointment, failure, & challenge that life brings opportunities are created, characters built & pathways defined. Isn't that exciting? I mean really isn't it exciting to know that trouble doesn't last always?! Seriously. While in Paris last month, I realized that the happiness I want is happiness I must create. No one is selling happiness, it's not given away, it's not even earned...it's created. The life you think you want, is the life you must create, simple as that. I know it sounds a bit cliche, but it starts in your mind. When you think small, you limit yourself. This applies to love, finances, dreams, just life in general.
When I think of where I've been, where I am now, & where I want to be, yes I get a bit anxious, scared even, but that fear drives me, while the past reminds me, that I am a work in progress. The life I want is a constant, ever-changing journey. While I don't know what tomorrow holds, I do know who holds tomorrow & as long as I'm in line with that I'm okay with the rest.
Much of what we do stems from what we think & the rest is what we've been taught to think. Each day we should try to think a new thought to sort of deprogram our minds so to speak. Break that mundane mentality. Intercept that routine. Challenge those rituals. Dare to be different. Explore you. Be free to express the changes. Be better, each day. Try to be better than the day before & watch the difference each day makes. It's pretty awesome.
Keep in mind that whether you're ready or not, life goes on with or without you!
See. Be. Inspire.
XoXo
~SRJP
I bought a new car & moved into a new apartment. I think I've mentioned before how obsessed I am with the concept of new. That quickly fades when the newness becomes so overwhelmingly consuming. I love my new car & my new place, but they sometimes remind me that the life of an adult isn't all that! I'm also back in school...working on my Masters...which everyday I hate more & more! Word to the wise, after undergrad-keeping going, no pauses, no breaks...trust me it's better that way. However, I keep treading along in hopes of my hard-work paying off some fine day!
As we know life is no walk in the park & sometimes it takes a bit adversity to get us to the newness that I fancy so much! With each disappointment, failure, & challenge that life brings opportunities are created, characters built & pathways defined. Isn't that exciting? I mean really isn't it exciting to know that trouble doesn't last always?! Seriously. While in Paris last month, I realized that the happiness I want is happiness I must create. No one is selling happiness, it's not given away, it's not even earned...it's created. The life you think you want, is the life you must create, simple as that. I know it sounds a bit cliche, but it starts in your mind. When you think small, you limit yourself. This applies to love, finances, dreams, just life in general.
When I think of where I've been, where I am now, & where I want to be, yes I get a bit anxious, scared even, but that fear drives me, while the past reminds me, that I am a work in progress. The life I want is a constant, ever-changing journey. While I don't know what tomorrow holds, I do know who holds tomorrow & as long as I'm in line with that I'm okay with the rest.
Much of what we do stems from what we think & the rest is what we've been taught to think. Each day we should try to think a new thought to sort of deprogram our minds so to speak. Break that mundane mentality. Intercept that routine. Challenge those rituals. Dare to be different. Explore you. Be free to express the changes. Be better, each day. Try to be better than the day before & watch the difference each day makes. It's pretty awesome.
Keep in mind that whether you're ready or not, life goes on with or without you!
See. Be. Inspire.
XoXo
~SRJP
Sunday, July 25, 2010
thank you & you're welcome pt. 2
An ode to exes:
Let me preface this by saying that I know everyone is different, but we're much more alike than we know, black/white, men/women, rich/poor. Hence I'm not comparing my exes. I'm honoring them for the lights they shined in my life during our stint(s) together. Everything isn't all bad guys. Clearly there were good times & though we aren't together anymore we have the option to not dwell on the negative & focus on the positive. Everyone likes to be appreciated whether the things were doing are part of the job or not...so even though some of you guys are jackasses, I managed to muster up a couple 'thank yous' for you as well.
Let's go:
Thank yous (b/c, for):
1) Your basketball shorts & over-sized tees. They bring me such comfort after a hard day's work.
2) Your arms. They made me feel safe.
3) Your chest. It made me feel like nothing else mattered.
4) Your $. Like coupons it saved me a ton!
5) Your deep voice. It made me tingle inside.
6) Respecting me. It made me appreciate being a woman.
7) Hearing me, listening to me & knowing the difference. It made me feel relevant, to you.
8) Considering my feelings. It made me feel important, to you.
9) Being my knight & shining armor, @ the time. It made me feel more like the princess that I am.
10) Your generosity. It made me recognize my worth & believe in it!
11) Most important, for showing me what I want in life, love & legacy (& what I don't). It made me realize this is not the end but only beginning of a life of love, something we all want!
***The great sex, I'm fortunate enough that all my past partners could put it DOWN in the bedroom-if nowhere else-& we all know how much of a sexual person I am, so that was important to me. It made me appreciate love-making.***
You're welcome for being allowed the privilege of being a component in my life. Your time spent has shaped & molded not only me, but more importantly you. To your future/current significant other, you're welcome, for that man that you have now, is significantly closer to being the man of your dreams, thanks to me! I would say thank you & come again, but unfortunately, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. So we wish you well in all your future endeavors. God bless & be FAB!
♥
XoXo
~SRJP
*Slappy-Cookie-WifeyParks-Renea-T.O.*
Let me preface this by saying that I know everyone is different, but we're much more alike than we know, black/white, men/women, rich/poor. Hence I'm not comparing my exes. I'm honoring them for the lights they shined in my life during our stint(s) together. Everything isn't all bad guys. Clearly there were good times & though we aren't together anymore we have the option to not dwell on the negative & focus on the positive. Everyone likes to be appreciated whether the things were doing are part of the job or not...so even though some of you guys are jackasses, I managed to muster up a couple 'thank yous' for you as well.
Let's go:
Thank yous (b/c, for):
1) Your basketball shorts & over-sized tees. They bring me such comfort after a hard day's work.
2) Your arms. They made me feel safe.
3) Your chest. It made me feel like nothing else mattered.
4) Your $. Like coupons it saved me a ton!
5) Your deep voice. It made me tingle inside.
6) Respecting me. It made me appreciate being a woman.
7) Hearing me, listening to me & knowing the difference. It made me feel relevant, to you.
8) Considering my feelings. It made me feel important, to you.
9) Being my knight & shining armor, @ the time. It made me feel more like the princess that I am.
10) Your generosity. It made me recognize my worth & believe in it!
11) Most important, for showing me what I want in life, love & legacy (& what I don't). It made me realize this is not the end but only beginning of a life of love, something we all want!
***The great sex, I'm fortunate enough that all my past partners could put it DOWN in the bedroom-if nowhere else-& we all know how much of a sexual person I am, so that was important to me. It made me appreciate love-making.***
You're welcome for being allowed the privilege of being a component in my life. Your time spent has shaped & molded not only me, but more importantly you. To your future/current significant other, you're welcome, for that man that you have now, is significantly closer to being the man of your dreams, thanks to me! I would say thank you & come again, but unfortunately, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. So we wish you well in all your future endeavors. God bless & be FAB!
♥
XoXo
~SRJP
*Slappy-Cookie-WifeyParks-Renea-T.O.*
Friday, July 16, 2010
Thank You & You're Welcome!
On the book of faces I saw this status in my news feed:
THANKs for....the first time we met, the friendship, being selfish, the last time we were together, passing me by,noticing,letting me think you're mine when you never were,for nothing but most importantly EVERYTHING!
My lovely friend Markita Miller.
Of course I had to comment (after a little thought & a crappy day-mentally):
As do I...thanks for...telling the truth, while being a liar...being a giver, while stealing my heart...listening to me, while never saying a word...loving me, while leaving me w/o an explanation! Thanks for absolutely nothing & you're WELCOME for absolutely EVERYTHING (BITCH)!!!
I told you it was that kind of day!
She (Ms. Miller) in turn followed up with an explanation about the initial status & couple 'thank yous' she forgot to mention:t
...thanks for making me realize that I AM SO much better than YOU and for making me feel like I was NO good. The things that make you embrace your worth huh guys.
Wow! Are you wowed b/c I'm nearly floored. The power in her last 2 lines took me some place else with the thank you note & I'm just now (2 weeks later) able to really dissect those thoughts & feelings.
That crappola day I had up there, comes & goes every few days. B/c every few days, I start to reconsider the reasons my ex & I parted ways. I start to reconsider the reasons we aren't back together. I start to reconsider the reasons why he doesn't call & barely texts. I start to then reconsider why does he randomly text & sporadically appears (ie on my damn Pandora station...thanks Facebook) right before my eyes. I start to reconsider what I could have done better. I start to reconsider what I should have done better. I start to reconsider what I said...what I didn't say...how I said it & how I didn't say it. I start to reconsider letting it go & moving on. I start to reconsider calling him & apologizing for what I've done. All the while...the Shanette I've always known is drowning in all that self-pity, guilt, bitterness. I don't know this Shanette.
I decided to reflect on that ultimate break-up which occurred about 4-5 years ago (I can't recall his nickname on here). Talk about devastation! My Lord! B/c I'm certain He is the only reason that not only I made it but he made it...to see another day. Not that you should compare break-ups b/c you shouldn't, just like you shouldn't compare significant others. It's just not fair b/c they don't compare. However for writing & evaluation purposes that's exactly what I'm about to do...only I'm comparing the Shanettes. The Shanette from years ago was so extra crass, gangsta-like, w/a real 'fuck you' attitude! The Shanette today consciously suppresses that Shanette. She recognizes that in order to be successful not just in relationship but life in general that emotionally scarred girl has to better cope w/her issues as a young woman. I said all that to say. My recent ex insinuated that I was still that girl-which I wasn't offended by UNTIL he suggested it was just who I was & I was pretty much incapable of changing. It is the 1 thing that literally pisses me off to no end, when I think of us no longer being together. In my eyes he basically gave up on me. He decided my fate before I could, in turn deciding our fate w/o consulting me. Now what gave him such insight, balls & audacity....no clue!
I have to ponder though why that notion upsets me so...is it b/c it is in fact true? Am I still trapped in that damaged (for a number of uncontrollable & controllable reasons) state?
I disagreed then & I'm on the fence now.
I can only be me, whoever she is...she is multifaceted.
Not one-dimensional. Yes, I am harsh & no that's not changing.
Yes I have & can have an absolutely despicable attitude but that's not a character trait its a coping mechanism.
This is when you learn about you but also when you learn about the type of significant other you need. Not that anyone should have to deal w/anything in particular...but I know I can't & won't deal w/being placed in a box...by anyone or anything. I have to have room to grow.
Here in lies the difference: The 1st Shanette was content & confused by him & herself. This Shanette is only confused by him. I know I'm not perfect by any means b/c I'm great by all means, including this break-up (POW!). Hence I'm reminded that in the end, I'm all I've got, when my man's gone, my money's low, & my friends are busy...I'm all I've got, me & the Lord...all I need, to get by! So I thank him, my recent ex, for reminding me that greatness can't be contained & not everyone is meant to go w/the flow of greatness, for it is indeed a trying journey, a roller-coaster of events, emotions, & transitions to say the least...If I were 5'9, you could say I had the soul of a 6'4 person, like T.I. ...but since I'm 6 feet anyway (giant to most)...I'm just being who I was designed to be & that's all I can be!!!\
Thanks again...& you're absolutely welcome for everything!
I am utterly the gift & the curse. The gift of having experienced such greatness. The curse of having experienced such greatness. .
On that note I'm greatly in need of rest.
Nite.
Remember to love God & yourself-the rest will take care of itself!
Who so ever can't get w/that can definitely get lost!
XoXo-
all the Shanettes...the great. the not so great. & the FABulous!
THANKs for....the first time we met, the friendship, being selfish, the last time we were together, passing me by,noticing,letting me think you're mine when you never were,for nothing but most importantly EVERYTHING!
My lovely friend Markita Miller.
Of course I had to comment (after a little thought & a crappy day-mentally):
As do I...thanks for...telling the truth, while being a liar...being a giver, while stealing my heart...listening to me, while never saying a word...loving me, while leaving me w/o an explanation! Thanks for absolutely nothing & you're WELCOME for absolutely EVERYTHING (BITCH)!!!
I told you it was that kind of day!
She (Ms. Miller) in turn followed up with an explanation about the initial status & couple 'thank yous' she forgot to mention:t
...thanks for making me realize that I AM SO much better than YOU and for making me feel like I was NO good. The things that make you embrace your worth huh guys.
Wow! Are you wowed b/c I'm nearly floored. The power in her last 2 lines took me some place else with the thank you note & I'm just now (2 weeks later) able to really dissect those thoughts & feelings.
That crappola day I had up there, comes & goes every few days. B/c every few days, I start to reconsider the reasons my ex & I parted ways. I start to reconsider the reasons we aren't back together. I start to reconsider the reasons why he doesn't call & barely texts. I start to then reconsider why does he randomly text & sporadically appears (ie on my damn Pandora station...thanks Facebook) right before my eyes. I start to reconsider what I could have done better. I start to reconsider what I should have done better. I start to reconsider what I said...what I didn't say...how I said it & how I didn't say it. I start to reconsider letting it go & moving on. I start to reconsider calling him & apologizing for what I've done. All the while...the Shanette I've always known is drowning in all that self-pity, guilt, bitterness. I don't know this Shanette.
I decided to reflect on that ultimate break-up which occurred about 4-5 years ago (I can't recall his nickname on here). Talk about devastation! My Lord! B/c I'm certain He is the only reason that not only I made it but he made it...to see another day. Not that you should compare break-ups b/c you shouldn't, just like you shouldn't compare significant others. It's just not fair b/c they don't compare. However for writing & evaluation purposes that's exactly what I'm about to do...only I'm comparing the Shanettes. The Shanette from years ago was so extra crass, gangsta-like, w/a real 'fuck you' attitude! The Shanette today consciously suppresses that Shanette. She recognizes that in order to be successful not just in relationship but life in general that emotionally scarred girl has to better cope w/her issues as a young woman. I said all that to say. My recent ex insinuated that I was still that girl-which I wasn't offended by UNTIL he suggested it was just who I was & I was pretty much incapable of changing. It is the 1 thing that literally pisses me off to no end, when I think of us no longer being together. In my eyes he basically gave up on me. He decided my fate before I could, in turn deciding our fate w/o consulting me. Now what gave him such insight, balls & audacity....no clue!
I have to ponder though why that notion upsets me so...is it b/c it is in fact true? Am I still trapped in that damaged (for a number of uncontrollable & controllable reasons) state?
I disagreed then & I'm on the fence now.
I can only be me, whoever she is...she is multifaceted.
Not one-dimensional. Yes, I am harsh & no that's not changing.
Yes I have & can have an absolutely despicable attitude but that's not a character trait its a coping mechanism.
This is when you learn about you but also when you learn about the type of significant other you need. Not that anyone should have to deal w/anything in particular...but I know I can't & won't deal w/being placed in a box...by anyone or anything. I have to have room to grow.
Here in lies the difference: The 1st Shanette was content & confused by him & herself. This Shanette is only confused by him. I know I'm not perfect by any means b/c I'm great by all means, including this break-up (POW!). Hence I'm reminded that in the end, I'm all I've got, when my man's gone, my money's low, & my friends are busy...I'm all I've got, me & the Lord...all I need, to get by! So I thank him, my recent ex, for reminding me that greatness can't be contained & not everyone is meant to go w/the flow of greatness, for it is indeed a trying journey, a roller-coaster of events, emotions, & transitions to say the least...If I were 5'9, you could say I had the soul of a 6'4 person, like T.I. ...but since I'm 6 feet anyway (giant to most)...I'm just being who I was designed to be & that's all I can be!!!\
Thanks again...& you're absolutely welcome for everything!
I am utterly the gift & the curse. The gift of having experienced such greatness. The curse of having experienced such greatness. .
On that note I'm greatly in need of rest.
Nite.
Remember to love God & yourself-the rest will take care of itself!
Who so ever can't get w/that can definitely get lost!
XoXo-
all the Shanettes...the great. the not so great. & the FABulous!
Friday, June 18, 2010
It'll ALL Get BETTER with TIME!!!
*today's post is brought to by Leona Lewis"
I love how music can always make me feel either better or worse...no in between, but I just love that it relates to me...& yes I meant to type it that way...music relates to me I don't relate to it!
Anyway I have had a roller coaster of emotions this week. I'm exhausted from feeling! So literally broke down on Wednesday & cried my eyes out, in my closet, on my hands & knees-asking God to take it all from me. As soon as I said those words I wiped those tears, stopped feeling sorry for myself, took back the control in my life, & decided things don't have to be this way. I thanked God in advance for His undeniable & everlasting love.
I'd rather not delve into the things that were weighing me down but I will say this, none of it was worth it! I can't make anyone love me the way I think I should be loved. I can only love me the way I should be loved, according to the way God loves me-I just said something there...let's examine. I wonder how many people actually realize that w/o understanding God's love for us, we are forever lost. At the end of each day, all we want is love & happiness, Al Green clearly knows his stuff, guess that's why he came a reverend-okay off subject...back on...I'm just saying that we put so much of our hopes & aspirations into others b/c we know very little about ourselves, what were capable of & who we really are ( I guess this is a continuation of my last post).
Sometimes you just have to reach a certain limit in life where you literally say to yourself "I don't want to do this anymore." To me that means, "I AM SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!" I looked in the mirror last night & I simply said Shanette, you are so much better than these piss-poor choices you've made, these people you're around, these situations you're in...I am certain that this is not my life hence I'm changing it! Yep, I am in control, so I'm changing my course...actually I'm getting back on course w/God's plan & I know it'll all get better with time. How do I know? That I'm destined for greatness & designed with a purpose?
Ephesians 2:10
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
I know sometimes we like to take the easy way out. The cop out. The fear route. Well that's not the way. You have to go through a little something to really understand & appreciate that this thing is a journey, here to teach us lessons, to challenge us, to inspire us, to help us to help others, to leave a legacy, an imprint, a mark on the world. Now look at yourself, are you prepared today to leave your mark? What would your imprint be? Will anyone want to carry on your legacy? It's so easy for us to think that everything is all about us & our little problems are gigantic because they affect us greatly, but if we look around the world still goes on, so why not continue as we go on this journey with it's unexpected, unforeseen good and bad events...let's do it with some tenacity, some courage, some optimism & some style. I mean maybe, just maybe that will not only make it get better w/time, but be okay, today.
Be thankful, for what you have and what you don't...
Happy Friday Folks!
~srjp
I love how music can always make me feel either better or worse...no in between, but I just love that it relates to me...& yes I meant to type it that way...music relates to me I don't relate to it!
Anyway I have had a roller coaster of emotions this week. I'm exhausted from feeling! So literally broke down on Wednesday & cried my eyes out, in my closet, on my hands & knees-asking God to take it all from me. As soon as I said those words I wiped those tears, stopped feeling sorry for myself, took back the control in my life, & decided things don't have to be this way. I thanked God in advance for His undeniable & everlasting love.
I'd rather not delve into the things that were weighing me down but I will say this, none of it was worth it! I can't make anyone love me the way I think I should be loved. I can only love me the way I should be loved, according to the way God loves me-I just said something there...let's examine. I wonder how many people actually realize that w/o understanding God's love for us, we are forever lost. At the end of each day, all we want is love & happiness, Al Green clearly knows his stuff, guess that's why he came a reverend-okay off subject...back on...I'm just saying that we put so much of our hopes & aspirations into others b/c we know very little about ourselves, what were capable of & who we really are ( I guess this is a continuation of my last post).
Sometimes you just have to reach a certain limit in life where you literally say to yourself "I don't want to do this anymore." To me that means, "I AM SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!" I looked in the mirror last night & I simply said Shanette, you are so much better than these piss-poor choices you've made, these people you're around, these situations you're in...I am certain that this is not my life hence I'm changing it! Yep, I am in control, so I'm changing my course...actually I'm getting back on course w/God's plan & I know it'll all get better with time. How do I know? That I'm destined for greatness & designed with a purpose?
Ephesians 2:10
For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
I know sometimes we like to take the easy way out. The cop out. The fear route. Well that's not the way. You have to go through a little something to really understand & appreciate that this thing is a journey, here to teach us lessons, to challenge us, to inspire us, to help us to help others, to leave a legacy, an imprint, a mark on the world. Now look at yourself, are you prepared today to leave your mark? What would your imprint be? Will anyone want to carry on your legacy? It's so easy for us to think that everything is all about us & our little problems are gigantic because they affect us greatly, but if we look around the world still goes on, so why not continue as we go on this journey with it's unexpected, unforeseen good and bad events...let's do it with some tenacity, some courage, some optimism & some style. I mean maybe, just maybe that will not only make it get better w/time, but be okay, today.
Be thankful, for what you have and what you don't...
Happy Friday Folks!
~srjp
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
You can STILL be who you wish you is-SATC 2 edition!
Lord, if you're listening & I know you are, here in lies my dream job...to be a wardrobe designer...for a movie, a runway show, a video even, regular folk, rich folk, poor folk...I want it all! Literally! I want to write books, own a boutique, start a magazine, back an accessories line, design a shoe line & run a non-profit!!! Yes! I want it all!!! All in FABulosity!!!
As I'm sure all of you know, SATC 2 (Sex & the City 2), is on it's way to the theatres...ask me if I can wait?! I feel like I can't but of course I will & clearly I am...I mean I have no choice! In the meantime, I'm reading every news article, watching every tv appearance, perusing every on-line photo, in anticipation for the BIG day!!! It will indeed be a big todo, we're (my chicas & I) are grabbing cocktails & hitting the theatre in a snazzy getup & making it a night!!! Guess WHAT!!! My look is together *the crowd gasp in pleased shock* Well, at least I think I do :) actually as I typed that I had a vision of something else to compliment it, but I probably won't make a fuss, so it's done! I'm going to see the midnight showing tonight and the "girls night soiree" tomorrow @ 6:30! Have I mentioned that I can hardly wait *bites nails-before I get my manicure this evening*!
You know I was watching the episodes, last night, (Season 6) & I just realized how much Carrie has not changed...in loving herself. I admire a lot of things about Carrie Bradshaw, but what I love is her unconditional love for herself! Men have come & gone, spats w/friends, job changes, etc...but all in all, Carrie never stops loving herself. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a simple & silently confident way that's unoffensive, yet inspiring. In & out of relationships, she remains true to who she is, as an individual. I respect that! We can all take note of that, as we go through life. It's okay, in fact it's healthy, to make adjustments to one's appearance & even attitude. It's okay to take in constructive criticism & even harsh critiques, but at the end and the beginning of the day, you are already you, so be that person & be the best at it that you can be! For example, Carrie gives up smoking for Aidan, no easy task I'm sure, especially for Carrie, who lived with a cig in hand...BUT is the definition of Carrie, a smoker, I doubt it. Hence, giving up a small habit for a potentially, special person, that ultimately benefits self, isn't such a bad deal...maybe a little inconvenient but not wrong! Granted, sometimes there is a grey area & the line becomes a little unclear, but that's when you have to know yourself!
Who are YOU? With no make-up on, no fancy duds, no blackberry/i-phone, no botox, no implants, no weight gain/loss, no parents, no children, no right & no wrong...who are you on the inside...let's all hope that we're someone to remember, not so much for what we did but for who we were while doing it!
Do you remember when Ms. Bradshaw said this:
"…relationships. There are those that open you up to something new & exotic, those that are old & familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, & those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging & significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."
Well, I won't include the preview for the new movie, b/c personally I'm sick of watching it-I'm just ready for the real thing!
This is a SN but a very important one:
You can't even begin to love someone else without loving yourself first and how do you love yourself, even on days you feel and look like crap-you remember that God loves you at your best and your worst! Why?! He made you-DUH! Therefore he knows who & whose you are! He also knows your destiny, so I'd advise you to trust him! It is impossible to love others unless you know, believe and receive God's love. 1 John 4:19 says, We love because he first loved us.
Have a FABulous day & enjoy the movie girls (& guys-I do know a few)!!!
XoXo-
SRJP
Thursday, April 15, 2010
An Echoed Element of Freedom
So I'm not like a huge A. Keys fan but I did like her prior to her involvement w/Swiss Beatz, though I know were supposed to diasscoaite personal & professional lives of celebrities. I'm sorry it just doesn't work that...she dropped 3 notches in class level when she started that relationship. I also know you cant control who you love, but I do know you can control your actions, if you're a normally functioning human being.
Anyway...so not the point of this article. My agenda here was to attest to the greatness that is Alicia, musically. Now her previous albums have never been thoroughly dynamic. A few songs here, a couple tracks there, but nothing complete. However, this album, this Element of Freedom, absolutely INCREDIBLE!!! The music, the lyrics, the depth...I love it & it couldvery well be b/c I'm going through something right now, but in my opinion that makes it even better!
Check out "Like the Sea" & "Unthinkable!" (though the whole cd is hott-nice Summer nights music)
I've been planning to write this post for some time now, but y'all know how I can get lacksidasical. So I was listening to it morning, noon & night but as of lately I've transitioned to Leona Lewis' Echo'. Which I've clearly slept on, b/c I've had it for MONTHS!!! Craziness, right?! It is an awesome album currently my fave songs are Outta My Head & Can't Breathe! Her voice, her voice, undeniably unique, distinct & incredibly soothing. She's a very pretty girl too! She has a great sense of style too, so you know that really makes me love her!!!
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Happy Thursday boys & girls!!!
Remember to love God & yourself...everyone else will follow suit!
~SRJP
Anyway...so not the point of this article. My agenda here was to attest to the greatness that is Alicia, musically. Now her previous albums have never been thoroughly dynamic. A few songs here, a couple tracks there, but nothing complete. However, this album, this Element of Freedom, absolutely INCREDIBLE!!! The music, the lyrics, the depth...I love it & it couldvery well be b/c I'm going through something right now, but in my opinion that makes it even better!
Check out "Like the Sea" & "Unthinkable!" (though the whole cd is hott-nice Summer nights music)
I've been planning to write this post for some time now, but y'all know how I can get lacksidasical. So I was listening to it morning, noon & night but as of lately I've transitioned to Leona Lewis' Echo'. Which I've clearly slept on, b/c I've had it for MONTHS!!! Craziness, right?! It is an awesome album currently my fave songs are Outta My Head & Can't Breathe! Her voice, her voice, undeniably unique, distinct & incredibly soothing. She's a very pretty girl too! She has a great sense of style too, so you know that really makes me love her!!!
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Happy Thursday boys & girls!!!
Remember to love God & yourself...everyone else will follow suit!
~SRJP
Monday, February 22, 2010
Hello lovers *in my Carrie Bradshaw voice*
How the heck have you guys been?!?!
I've missed you bunches!!!
Happy New Year!!!
Soooooo much has taken place since we last chatted.
I have a new job.
Got a weave.
Visited L.A.
Broke up w/the bf.
The new job--I like. Lots of benefits. Think I'm starting law school in the fall! Keep your fingers crossed & me in your prayers!!!!
Got a weave--*rolls eyes* their such a task, but I like for now...though I think I'm not really a long hair girl...I look better, in my opinion w/short hair. However I've only been wearing it shoulder length w/the weave, I was thinking the next time maybe I'll go SUPER long like Khloe K.!!! What do you think?!?! I just don't want to do my hair for a while, it's all damaged & looking crazy & that just won't fly especially @ my new job...bosslady is into the looks!!!
Visited L.A.--whackness. Trip from hell pretty much. That's all I say about that. Good experience, bad trip!
I love him.
I miss him.
We'll be friends again, someday.
Today, we're individuals trying to make sense of what just happened.
We meant well.
Sometimes things just don't work out the way in which you want.
We did.
We learned.
We're growing.
We'll be better people.
No love loss.
No hard feelings...@ least on my end.
JMJ, it's been a great ride, that I wish never stopped.
It was fun, but life goes on.
My love will remain.
You'll always be my goof ;)
Sometimes in life we have to take a really good look @ the man in the mirror.
Take a survey.
Be open & honest w/self.
Let go.
Grow.
Move on.
Life is short, lets make it count while we can!
My tip today: don't sweat the small stuff, it's really not worth it!
Have a FABulous week!!!
I love you tons & God loves you more!!!
XoXo-
SRJP
How the heck have you guys been?!?!
I've missed you bunches!!!
Happy New Year!!!
Soooooo much has taken place since we last chatted.
I have a new job.
Got a weave.
Visited L.A.
Broke up w/the bf.
The new job--I like. Lots of benefits. Think I'm starting law school in the fall! Keep your fingers crossed & me in your prayers!!!!
Got a weave--*rolls eyes* their such a task, but I like for now...though I think I'm not really a long hair girl...I look better, in my opinion w/short hair. However I've only been wearing it shoulder length w/the weave, I was thinking the next time maybe I'll go SUPER long like Khloe K.!!! What do you think?!?! I just don't want to do my hair for a while, it's all damaged & looking crazy & that just won't fly especially @ my new job...bosslady is into the looks!!!
Visited L.A.--whackness. Trip from hell pretty much. That's all I say about that. Good experience, bad trip!
I love him.
I miss him.
We'll be friends again, someday.
Today, we're individuals trying to make sense of what just happened.
We meant well.
Sometimes things just don't work out the way in which you want.
We did.
We learned.
We're growing.
We'll be better people.
No love loss.
No hard feelings...@ least on my end.
JMJ, it's been a great ride, that I wish never stopped.
It was fun, but life goes on.
My love will remain.
You'll always be my goof ;)
Sometimes in life we have to take a really good look @ the man in the mirror.
Take a survey.
Be open & honest w/self.
Let go.
Grow.
Move on.
Life is short, lets make it count while we can!
My tip today: don't sweat the small stuff, it's really not worth it!
Have a FABulous week!!!
I love you tons & God loves you more!!!
XoXo-
SRJP
At Night.
At night.
In the night.
During the night.
All damn night.
I think of you.
I can't sleep b/c of you.
I cry for you.
I scream in my mind @ you.
You can't hear me b/c you're asleep.
How can you sleep?
At night?
When I'm awake.
At night.
In the night.
During the night.
All damn night.
The thoughts of you, I run from all day.
I push them away, deep into my mind where I pray they will stay.
Yet they haunt me around 8, when the Cabernet takes effect.
You taunt me all day but I'm strong until I lay.
Down my head.
On that bed.
Too tired to even pray.
So I let you in.
My mind you play.
Tricks on & say.
How dare you say.
Nothing.
While I lie awake.
At night.
In the night.
During the night.
All damn night!
In the night.
During the night.
All damn night.
I think of you.
I can't sleep b/c of you.
I cry for you.
I scream in my mind @ you.
You can't hear me b/c you're asleep.
How can you sleep?
At night?
When I'm awake.
At night.
In the night.
During the night.
All damn night.
The thoughts of you, I run from all day.
I push them away, deep into my mind where I pray they will stay.
Yet they haunt me around 8, when the Cabernet takes effect.
You taunt me all day but I'm strong until I lay.
Down my head.
On that bed.
Too tired to even pray.
So I let you in.
My mind you play.
Tricks on & say.
How dare you say.
Nothing.
While I lie awake.
At night.
In the night.
During the night.
All damn night!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Donna! Man DOWN!!!
I swear as soon as I get a laptop, I'm coming back strong guys, but until then, pardon my absence :)
I still ♥ my 5 readers, lol, no really I miss blogging & I have sooooo much blog about!!
Soon & very soon...
Until...don't leave me!
XoXo-
*SHANETTE RENEA*
I still ♥ my 5 readers, lol, no really I miss blogging & I have sooooo much blog about!!
Soon & very soon...
Until...don't leave me!
XoXo-
*SHANETTE RENEA*
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Don't Call it a Comeback!
*in Wendy Williams voice* Where you been?!
I know, I know I've been mia for so long you probably thought I wouldn't return & I must admit I considered letting it go but then I remembered why I started the blog-to better my skills, to release some frustration & to entertain some people...so here I am back again, but don't call it a comeback!
So let's get it started...soooo much has happened...a whole season has passed & I must say to my dismay it's been a pretty good Summer! New Orleans for Essence. Jamaica wedding-not mine of course, but stay tuned-ha not really. Chicago, Il & Jackson Miss for family reunions! There has been a sour patch as of lately-my really good friend Karm moved to LA & it's been having me in the pits, but on the up side I have *insert drumrolls* a bf *& the crowd gasp*! Yes, yes, so I've been sort of busy in retrospect but not too busy that I couldn't blog-I've simply been too lazy to do so-which is quite out of character but hey it happens I suppose.
NOLA-
Essence was a total blast! My sister, Lynn & I road tripped along w/her cousin Bernard down to NOLA for about 4 days. Went to the shows Friday, well Saudia-my niece & I went to see Beyonce & friends...then Saturday my sister & her friends & myself went to see Maxwell & Anita Baker & friends...great nite. Hung out w/Nic & Madd a bit-she's so very grown btw-my #1! Ate my freaking life away! Shopped a smidge, drank a tad & just had all around oodles of fun! I was reluctant to leave-per usual but it had been so effing long since I'd been I was like wth was I thinking I must never go more than 9 months w/o a visit-that's just wrong! So anywho... ♥ NOLA!
Jamaica Mon-!
Oh gosh-can you imagine being drunk literally all day for like 6 days?! Insanity but the absolute best vacay ever in life! I mean really-liquor is in your rum, @ your disposal 24 hours a day! I lost like 5lbs pre-trip & literally gained all that back just in alcohol intake-fml!!! It was totally worth it though! I swear we were all drunk @ the wedding even-or hung over-lol! The ceremony was nice though, after much ado of course. The tourism attractions were fun. The shopping was great, the nightlife was poppin & the beach was serene...I swear I wake up sometimes just wanting a daiquiri & a _ _ _ _ _ & lay out on the beach all damn day...how sad but so sincere!
So yes if you haven't been to Jamaica I'd advise a trip, real soon & take me w/you-lol!
Let's see what else...
Oh reunions-
Both for my Mom's side of the family. The 1st was for her Mom's side & the 2nd for her Dad's side.
Chicago was nice but I have to go back to relly explore & shop & hang & shop & eat & shop some more, but it was great to see the fam once again-all was well- we lost the volleyball tournament, but they cheated-so typical-ghetto Chi-towners-lol! No really it was a blessed trip & I look forward to the next one in Detroit, MI-it's been a minute. Then we ventured to Jackson, MS-a looooong overdue reunion-like 20+ years...so basically I don't even recall another one! We had a really great time-getting to know everyone again & learning about our ancestors. We also ate good & hung out a bit. Good times, indeed. I'm so blessed I come from good stock, as country folk say. More so I'm blessed to have family & an gigantic family @ that...I realize that family is important as I go through life & I swear I would trade it for nothing in the world-as crazy as they are I ♥ my family!!!
KarmCharm moves to LA-
*deep sigh* I mean I knew she was leaving but I didn't know how much it would affect me. I actually thought it would encourage me to migrate but it did the total opposite. I became very lazy, sleepy & an alcoholic all in a matter of a week or 2, though she's only been gone a month it seems like so much longer. I'm just now starting to pull myself out of the funk & I'm not really sure what my problem is but I think I just feel stuck here...like my life in Memphis will never end & that literally depresses me! However, I can't let me current situation dictate my future-I must remember who I am & the purpose I serve or @ least the goals I've set & adhere to them, take back the control of my destiny & believe! It's time for me to apply to school so that is definitely going to force me to get it together-as I listen to "Get it Together" by Robin Thicke & Faith-I have so much to do in so little time-but good thing is I work best under pressure! Even getting back into the blog will ignite my fire! Though I would love to be in NYC right now-pursuing my fashion career-styling, buying, merchandising...I also know the shit doesn't just happen I have to make the provisions to get it done & honestly I haven't done the things I've needed to do to make move into the industry, but I'm working on it however I need my $$$ like NOW-so what does that mean?? It's time to go back to school & upon graduation-2014...I'm thinking I'll write a book by 2015. Open a boutique & start a shoe label by 2016...all before I'm 35-YAH YAH TRICK!!! Sounds like a plan to me!
I was also thinking when I'm done applying for PharmD, I could very well go to NYC from JAN-JUL & live it up before schooling it up for the next 4 years-it's a possibility...we'll see what happens! I'm remaining optimistic about the rest of '09! I've been blessed thus far, despite getting in my own damn way. God prevails-anyhow-so I figure I may as well step aside & let Him do His thang!
Last but not least-the bf-who shall remain called the bf until...we stop slick acting like Bey & Jay w/the extra discreetness-I'm just saying I don't need no extra drama-ugh!
A very pecular little transformation we made from associates-->friends-->lovers-->relationship status. I sometimes have a hard time believing how far we've come b/c it was so unexpected but I have found that things I'm looking for in the places I'm looking for them are not matching up & sometimes the things we think we want aren't all that important in restrospect. I'll just say I'm letting God control this one-I've tried to avoid it, deter it, sabotage it, & I swear I can't shake this one & I'm okay w/that, it appears to be good for me & I can use some goodness. We FIGHT hard & LOVE harder but we're strong in that we're growing & willing to make the effort & that's big-I think. He's good to me & I appreciate him for that...so whatever the reasoning we're together @ this moment in time may be a mystery but I'll take that as long we keep gettting better, individually & collectively. So anywho-cupid made a big ass fool outta my ass-the LoveH8r, ha...gotcha BITCH! We'll see how the days ahead unravel-I take them one day @ a time--pray for me ;)
Well I suppose that wraps today's post. I'll be in touch...sooner than l8r :-P
Until...remember Whose you are, & that @ the end of the day & the beginning-lol, you control your destiny!!!
Be. Great!
XoXo-
*SHANETTE RENEA*
*oh signing off w/a little inspiration from one of my fave people-Jay-Z @ the VMAs, w/my boo(no homo) repping for her mane (how you doin-j/p) in the audience-I ♥ them-individually & collectivelly!*
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Unfoolish-"Know Your Worth!"
I felt like a fool.
Felt-the operative word.
Yes I've played the fool.
For what? For who?
For you?
It's so sad...it's funny.
I'm so sad...I'm hilarious.
But it's cool b/c everybody plays the fool @ least once.
Sometimes there's not even a decent explanation...sadder.
Women...we have it rough, but we make it rougher.
Settle for what? For who?
Settle for you.
Settle for the betterment of you.
Settle for you.
Settle for the triumph of you.
Settle for you.
Settle for the glory of you.
It's not worth it, but you are.
I can't even believe myself.
I can't believe myself.
Shanette the Great feels like Shanette the Fool...for no damn reason...saddest.
I'm disappointed.
With little gained & much lost.
I now feel unfoolish for I recall my worth.
I recall that @ the end of the day when your company kept has left all you have is YOU!
It's unfortunate as women that we are innate pleasers, even the toughest woman wants to please...her man, her mom, her chaps, her friends, her co-workers, her pastor...always forgetting herself.
Result in a loss of self...
Remember who you are & you will always be happy, whether you have pleased others or not.
Ultimately the only person worth pleasing is Jesus.
Know your worth-it's imperative in not getting caught up.
No matter how detached your feelings are & how apathetic you appear to be...your vitality is in jeopardy, your life, your soul are within & no matter how you think you may have detached them they are apart of you, hence where you go...they go.
When you dwell among the futile & partake in the ineffective do you not feel affected, lessened even, eventually reduced to their/that level?
I know we as women have a habit, a very bad habit of waiting, waiting until we are so tired & beat down & broken before we change a situation b/c we think this/that is all we deserve.
It does not have to be. It is not supposed to be. It should not be...this way.
We have so much power, it is a wonder we aren't ruling the world.
Enters our emotions, our co-dependency & our undefined worth.
Today, on today, I take back the control.
Not the control I think I have b/c I do what I want & say what I want.
The control of my mind & my destiny, for I know what I deserve & this shit ain't hardly it.
I know I'm better than & I'm no longer afraid to be, to have & to require such.
Be. Unfoolish. Know. Your. Worth.
~S. Parks
Felt-the operative word.
Yes I've played the fool.
For what? For who?
For you?
It's so sad...it's funny.
I'm so sad...I'm hilarious.
But it's cool b/c everybody plays the fool @ least once.
Sometimes there's not even a decent explanation...sadder.
Women...we have it rough, but we make it rougher.
Settle for what? For who?
Settle for you.
Settle for the betterment of you.
Settle for you.
Settle for the triumph of you.
Settle for you.
Settle for the glory of you.
It's not worth it, but you are.
I can't even believe myself.
I can't believe myself.
Shanette the Great feels like Shanette the Fool...for no damn reason...saddest.
I'm disappointed.
With little gained & much lost.
I now feel unfoolish for I recall my worth.
I recall that @ the end of the day when your company kept has left all you have is YOU!
It's unfortunate as women that we are innate pleasers, even the toughest woman wants to please...her man, her mom, her chaps, her friends, her co-workers, her pastor...always forgetting herself.
Result in a loss of self...
Remember who you are & you will always be happy, whether you have pleased others or not.
Ultimately the only person worth pleasing is Jesus.
Know your worth-it's imperative in not getting caught up.
No matter how detached your feelings are & how apathetic you appear to be...your vitality is in jeopardy, your life, your soul are within & no matter how you think you may have detached them they are apart of you, hence where you go...they go.
When you dwell among the futile & partake in the ineffective do you not feel affected, lessened even, eventually reduced to their/that level?
I know we as women have a habit, a very bad habit of waiting, waiting until we are so tired & beat down & broken before we change a situation b/c we think this/that is all we deserve.
It does not have to be. It is not supposed to be. It should not be...this way.
We have so much power, it is a wonder we aren't ruling the world.
Enters our emotions, our co-dependency & our undefined worth.
Today, on today, I take back the control.
Not the control I think I have b/c I do what I want & say what I want.
The control of my mind & my destiny, for I know what I deserve & this shit ain't hardly it.
I know I'm better than & I'm no longer afraid to be, to have & to require such.
Be. Unfoolish. Know. Your. Worth.
~S. Parks
Monday, February 23, 2009
"Why is She Here, Ike?!"
*brought to you in part by "What's Love Got to do with it?!"
Have you ever wondered why certain people are in your lives, better yet how they got in, in the 1st damn place???
I don't wonder that often b/c I usually keep the same people in my life pretty consistently. Even in college I just wasn't prone to making new friends, maybe acquaintances but not new friends. I'm just super cautious about who comes into my life. However sometimes people slip in or even those that were in can really make you wonder how on earth you got involved w/such characters.
L8r tricks!
~S. Parks
Have you ever wondered why certain people are in your lives, better yet how they got in, in the 1st damn place???
I don't wonder that often b/c I usually keep the same people in my life pretty consistently. Even in college I just wasn't prone to making new friends, maybe acquaintances but not new friends. I'm just super cautious about who comes into my life. However sometimes people slip in or even those that were in can really make you wonder how on earth you got involved w/such characters.
Sometimes I can go days or weeks w/o speaking to someone & they & even I will wonder why & I think it's b/c they have no real value in my life, like they serve no purpose. They're just here. Well who needs that??? I surely don't, but I'm a special case, so maybe you do. I'm just saying take a survey of the people in your life & really determine why is ______ here?! If the answer isn't beneficial for you, then I would say alleviate some of that dead weight in your life. Let me clarify that initial sentence there are people in your life who for you, whether you talk to them everyday or hell once a year, the frequency in conversation does not change that, then there are people who just exist & ultimately mean you no good, whether consciously or subconsciously, those are the people I'm referring to...the times in which you talk or visit or socialize have absolutely nothing to do w/their purpose in your life...I think I was referring thinking of the people that I communicate w/on the regular but it could also be those who I hardly speak or whatever...either way..."why is he/she here?!"
I know this will sound strange but again I'm a special case so bear with me...this probably has to do with the fact that I don't hardly not care about anything or anyone nor have any feelings @ the moment...Anyway, as of lately I have been telling people, friends or whatever they are, when we argue or disagree or what have you that if they feel as though our relationship, meaning the one they are in w/me is not conducive to their lifestyle or not beneficial to their well-being or takes away from their overall happiness, then I would recommend that they not be my friend, or maybe we should take a break, or not spend as much time together or whatever. As I read that I can see how asshole-ish it sounds, but that is sincerely not my intention. I'm being very honest when I say I know I'm quite much to take on & I'm not for everyone just as everyone is not for me. So I give that option of an out b/c I'm pretty much not gonna change for anyone except myself & Jesus so until then, if @ all, I'm just like deal w/it or don't! Lol, I say that SO much "either deal w/it or don't, honey"..."& if you're gonna deal w/it change your attitude about it!"
Hell if I keep coming w/this depressing ass posts you might wanna ask yourself that question about me, lol...again you have that out...b/c I'm pretty sure until I get up & outta this city or @ least get a decent job or start my business, these posts won't be too high life...I mean anything is possible, but I'm just letting you know now...maybe it's just today...I feel awful, yuck!L8r tricks!
~S. Parks
Apathy
I'm already a very nonchalant person but somehow that turned into apathy. There is very little that bothers, angers, or disrupts me these days...on the other hand there's very little that arouses, excites, or amuses me these days. I mean I've never been easily excited person nor quick-tempered...I'm pretty calm but this is somewhat of a different situation & it has me fairly concerned.
I've gotten into such a routine, such a ritual, such a mundane lifestyle that it seems rather okay to me to not really care about anything...I've subdued the feelings of misery (being in Memphis) & replaced them w/apathy. A very sad situation might if I do say so myself...to be 25 & just feel apathetic about life...I have virtually no feelings about anything. I go to work. I do my job. I run my errands. I get things done. I pay my bills. I buy nothing new. I have sex & convince myself it helps me feel better. I hang out w/pretty much the same people & do the same stuff.
When in the hell did this become my life??? Life? This is not even me...let alone life! I'm just existing...not living. Wait, wasn't I just talking about living??? Well to be honest w/you...I just feel like I'm just here, no liveliness, just here...going through the motions. I try to hold on to the goals & keep the visions in plain sight but somewhere along the way I've kinda lost myself in trying not to lose my mind. What does that mean?! What I attempted to do was not complain, deal w/Memphis & do what I could do to sustain peace of mind, which were the things I listed above, all the while interfering w/my self-motivation & drive. Not that I pity myself by no means b/c I know very well how blessed I am & how much I have to offer the world, but sometimes we need that discomfort, that feeling of disgust & dissatisfaction to keep us on our toes.
Apathy is a scary thing b/c when you don't care about or you don't really feel...anything...you are prone to do things uncharacteristic or get into situations that are almost unbelievable.
Let me get a sidebar right here...this is a HUGE problem w/today's youth, specifically black children. They have not a care in the world & it is absolutely frightening. For children so young with so much potential, with whole lives to live, just not care about anyone or anything including themselves. It is difficult to teach, to rear, to help, to mentor, to reach these children. Where does the future lie for us if no one cares about??? It is my sincere hope that Obama has ignited a mental fire in the youth of today. It is also my hope that my generation will take more responsibility for the actions of our children now & make a sincere effort to instill in them the importance of preserving life for the future.
Okay back to myself. I was trying to figure out how exactly did I get to be like this & I have discovered it is a combination of things. Like I said I've always been nonchalant + my life right now is just not impressive to me @ all + my last relationship & the way in which it ended + other misc. factors = an apathetic individual. I know you're probably tired of hearing me complain about Memphis, b/c I'm tired of hearing me complain about Memphis...so I'll pass on explaining that b/c it is self-explanatory, if not refer to previous posts. The nonchalant factor I'll attribute to my father & keep it moving. The last relationship has been played out enough, no need to revisit that again. The misc. factors are probably the recession, Hurricane Katrina (yes, I know it was like 4 years ago, but I'm still affected, thanks), & my lack of prayer life. I talk a good game, in fact I could be a motivational speaker or something, but on the inside I'm probably not doing half the shit I advise others to do! How hypocritical of me?! Yes I know, but that's what it is...I'm my own worst enemy & my biggest critic...who gives out tons of advice whether you want it or not yet I don't deal w/my own shit, umph! Shame, shame!
Now how do I get myself out of this position before I self-destruct?! Well do what I said do in the "Live full. Die Empty" post. Initially I was thinking that maybe if someone came into my life that really cared about me then maybe I could possibly feel again, then I remembered that that has happened already, "2nd Chance", duh! Which-btw-further lets me know I just wasn't that into him...you see how I just forgot about him like that...so anyways conclusion drawn, nothing to do w/anyone or anything else...the answer lies in me, per usual!
I swear I've got the Monday blues some terrible so pardon all my sad little posts...of course you know who/what I blame...the big M!
Signing off,
S. Parks
Have a SUPER week, lol, no really!
I've gotten into such a routine, such a ritual, such a mundane lifestyle that it seems rather okay to me to not really care about anything...I've subdued the feelings of misery (being in Memphis) & replaced them w/apathy. A very sad situation might if I do say so myself...to be 25 & just feel apathetic about life...I have virtually no feelings about anything. I go to work. I do my job. I run my errands. I get things done. I pay my bills. I buy nothing new. I have sex & convince myself it helps me feel better. I hang out w/pretty much the same people & do the same stuff.
When in the hell did this become my life??? Life? This is not even me...let alone life! I'm just existing...not living. Wait, wasn't I just talking about living??? Well to be honest w/you...I just feel like I'm just here, no liveliness, just here...going through the motions. I try to hold on to the goals & keep the visions in plain sight but somewhere along the way I've kinda lost myself in trying not to lose my mind. What does that mean?! What I attempted to do was not complain, deal w/Memphis & do what I could do to sustain peace of mind, which were the things I listed above, all the while interfering w/my self-motivation & drive. Not that I pity myself by no means b/c I know very well how blessed I am & how much I have to offer the world, but sometimes we need that discomfort, that feeling of disgust & dissatisfaction to keep us on our toes.
Apathy is a scary thing b/c when you don't care about or you don't really feel...anything...you are prone to do things uncharacteristic or get into situations that are almost unbelievable.
Let me get a sidebar right here...this is a HUGE problem w/today's youth, specifically black children. They have not a care in the world & it is absolutely frightening. For children so young with so much potential, with whole lives to live, just not care about anyone or anything including themselves. It is difficult to teach, to rear, to help, to mentor, to reach these children. Where does the future lie for us if no one cares about??? It is my sincere hope that Obama has ignited a mental fire in the youth of today. It is also my hope that my generation will take more responsibility for the actions of our children now & make a sincere effort to instill in them the importance of preserving life for the future.
Okay back to myself. I was trying to figure out how exactly did I get to be like this & I have discovered it is a combination of things. Like I said I've always been nonchalant + my life right now is just not impressive to me @ all + my last relationship & the way in which it ended + other misc. factors = an apathetic individual. I know you're probably tired of hearing me complain about Memphis, b/c I'm tired of hearing me complain about Memphis...so I'll pass on explaining that b/c it is self-explanatory, if not refer to previous posts. The nonchalant factor I'll attribute to my father & keep it moving. The last relationship has been played out enough, no need to revisit that again. The misc. factors are probably the recession, Hurricane Katrina (yes, I know it was like 4 years ago, but I'm still affected, thanks), & my lack of prayer life. I talk a good game, in fact I could be a motivational speaker or something, but on the inside I'm probably not doing half the shit I advise others to do! How hypocritical of me?! Yes I know, but that's what it is...I'm my own worst enemy & my biggest critic...who gives out tons of advice whether you want it or not yet I don't deal w/my own shit, umph! Shame, shame!
Now how do I get myself out of this position before I self-destruct?! Well do what I said do in the "Live full. Die Empty" post. Initially I was thinking that maybe if someone came into my life that really cared about me then maybe I could possibly feel again, then I remembered that that has happened already, "2nd Chance", duh! Which-btw-further lets me know I just wasn't that into him...you see how I just forgot about him like that...so anyways conclusion drawn, nothing to do w/anyone or anything else...the answer lies in me, per usual!
I swear I've got the Monday blues some terrible so pardon all my sad little posts...of course you know who/what I blame...the big M!
Signing off,
S. Parks
Have a SUPER week, lol, no really!
Out of Control.
Have you ever felt completely out of control?
Or.
Maybe you didn't even realize that you are not in control of you life?
I am definitely a control freak...not that I necessarily want to control other people but it's my own life I am obsessed with controlling. Right now I just don't feel in control...like I go to a job & they kinda control what I do...I live w/my family & they kinda controls what I do or don't...I'm involved in a rather stupid situation w/a man & as much I hate to admit...he controls just about everything that happens...when...where...how...etc. & I don't like it! Utter bitchassness!
Oh wait how could I forget my biggest issue-last but definitely not least...I'm so NOT in control of my weight, which is in direct result of not being in control of mind...see a lot of these things are mental & giving up your mental freedom is never a good thing, in fact is absolutely the worst thing you can ever do, I think. I just cannot believe I've gained like 15 lbs. It's absolutely awful, as if I need yet another problem, ugh!
Just look @ the Willie Lynch instructional guide for keeping a slave a slave...through the mind, while the mind is powerful is also dangerous...well b/c it's powerful. When you control a person's mind, you can make them do whatever, however & guess what that same mentality passes on from generation to generation...I know I've gone a bit off into the deep end but I'm just saying if you're in a situation where anyone other than Jesus controls you, you obviously have a problem!
People can't even control the stock market therefore I definitely don't want a simple-minded person controlling me! If I'm going to do some damage or some good I'd rather take all the credit myself. Now how do regain control of my life...well, do whatever I wanna do when I wanna do it, lol, no like I'm serious & if I don't have the means to do so, well then that means I need to get my damn shit together. You know who's a good example of a person who does what they want, when they want...Kanye West...love him or hate him (obviously I ♥ him!), he marches to his own drum, literally & I love it. I love when people don't just accept what's in front of them, when they probe & wonder how they can bring their own perspective into something. I think that's very hott in a man too. I like a challenging man b/c I am definitely a challenging woman (calling myself a woman is strange). I just like it when people don't allow me to dominate them b/c I can & will definitely try to do so! I do think b/c I am such a strong-minded, aggressive person that when I'm involved w/a man I sometimes quiet myself...particularly in sexual situations...I don't usually prefer to be in control-that was just a side note...completely off subject.
Anyways...the only man I want to be in control of my life right now is Jesus Christ. I swear if I could surrender myself totally & completely, things would be so much easier...yes I said it, b/c I know some folk wouldn't admit it, but I still have a vast amount of work to do when it comes to surrendering my entire self to the Lord! I thank Him for being patient, but I'm not going to take you for granted God, I'm coming on around!
Anywhoo...guys & gals...if you're feeling a bit out of control, blame it on the recession like everyone else, lol...I kid. Blame it on yourself but don't beat yourself up about it...it happens, just recognize that it's not okay & work on it & pray about it & keep it moving.
Hey maybe you can blame it on your location, like I do...stupid Memphis...I kid...kinda :)
Well have a productive, awesomely in control week folks...I'm blowing...
~S. Parks
Or.
Maybe you didn't even realize that you are not in control of you life?
I am definitely a control freak...not that I necessarily want to control other people but it's my own life I am obsessed with controlling. Right now I just don't feel in control...like I go to a job & they kinda control what I do...I live w/my family & they kinda controls what I do or don't...I'm involved in a rather stupid situation w/a man & as much I hate to admit...he controls just about everything that happens...when...where...how...etc. & I don't like it! Utter bitchassness!
Oh wait how could I forget my biggest issue-last but definitely not least...I'm so NOT in control of my weight, which is in direct result of not being in control of mind...see a lot of these things are mental & giving up your mental freedom is never a good thing, in fact is absolutely the worst thing you can ever do, I think. I just cannot believe I've gained like 15 lbs. It's absolutely awful, as if I need yet another problem, ugh!
Just look @ the Willie Lynch instructional guide for keeping a slave a slave...through the mind, while the mind is powerful is also dangerous...well b/c it's powerful. When you control a person's mind, you can make them do whatever, however & guess what that same mentality passes on from generation to generation...I know I've gone a bit off into the deep end but I'm just saying if you're in a situation where anyone other than Jesus controls you, you obviously have a problem!
People can't even control the stock market therefore I definitely don't want a simple-minded person controlling me! If I'm going to do some damage or some good I'd rather take all the credit myself. Now how do regain control of my life...well, do whatever I wanna do when I wanna do it, lol, no like I'm serious & if I don't have the means to do so, well then that means I need to get my damn shit together. You know who's a good example of a person who does what they want, when they want...Kanye West...love him or hate him (obviously I ♥ him!), he marches to his own drum, literally & I love it. I love when people don't just accept what's in front of them, when they probe & wonder how they can bring their own perspective into something. I think that's very hott in a man too. I like a challenging man b/c I am definitely a challenging woman (calling myself a woman is strange). I just like it when people don't allow me to dominate them b/c I can & will definitely try to do so! I do think b/c I am such a strong-minded, aggressive person that when I'm involved w/a man I sometimes quiet myself...particularly in sexual situations...I don't usually prefer to be in control-that was just a side note...completely off subject.
Anyways...the only man I want to be in control of my life right now is Jesus Christ. I swear if I could surrender myself totally & completely, things would be so much easier...yes I said it, b/c I know some folk wouldn't admit it, but I still have a vast amount of work to do when it comes to surrendering my entire self to the Lord! I thank Him for being patient, but I'm not going to take you for granted God, I'm coming on around!
Anywhoo...guys & gals...if you're feeling a bit out of control, blame it on the recession like everyone else, lol...I kid. Blame it on yourself but don't beat yourself up about it...it happens, just recognize that it's not okay & work on it & pray about it & keep it moving.
Hey maybe you can blame it on your location, like I do...stupid Memphis...I kid...kinda :)
Well have a productive, awesomely in control week folks...I'm blowing...
~S. Parks
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