Monday, March 31, 2008

BITCHASSNESS!!!

I just wanna say...if ever I thought I would reconsider anything w/Kevin...fuck that...NOPE!!!
& that's all I wanted to say about that!

Thanks & Goodnite!

SHANETTE R. PARKS

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Unlimited Upgrades

Who was I when I was 5...when I was 10...15...20...last year...last week even???

I don't think there have been drastic changes in who I am today but there are certainly things that have shaped & molded the person I am now that I don't necessarily do or care for anymore. Basically, I am the same stubborn, sensitive, smart, & special girl I was when I was 5 w/a few physical changes & some mental tweaking...but in essence, like Jay said, "you was who you was before you got here" & I believe that, whole-hearted!

I was thinking today about the various relationships (male/female) that I have been in or am currently in & I was intrigued to find that I have grown (not only in stature) tremendously in my short 24 years. Relationships are a good measure of a person. How well you adapt & change...grow & mature. It’s often beneficial to take in another person's view of you for betterment of self. In most cases its healthy to account for other people's criticism...not all b/c not everyone has your interest in mind. Let’s just be honest some folk are just h8rs...the shit is like breed & feed or something...so we ain't referring to them folk.

Anyways, thinking about all that I was quite interested in who I was then & who I am now.
Simple things to complex ones...I remember when I thought make-up was silly...now you can catch me in Sephora breaking the bank bayby! When I was the biggest tomboy...so into my bike & playing outside & the simple things in life...now I'm the girliest girl & it seems I just make shit harder than it has to be. When I was in high school I swore Tommy Hilfiger was that ish...baby I swear you can def miss me w/that, no thanks! When I was young I ALWAYS thought moving back to St. Louis would make my life SO much better...now...I honestly cannot imagine living there...the only appeal was my fam! When I thought I would be virgin until marriage...HA...yeah right! However, I am still a firm believer in the importance of virginity, consequences of sex & sanctity of marriage. Marriage…there’s an interesting concept. I do believe in marriage…just not sure I want marriage…for myself...or I'm not sure that marriage is for me persay. I don't think I would mind it though...if it happens it happens if it doesn't I'm fairly certain I won't get all bent about it...I’m a realist…never really been a dreamer. So I see things the way they are. I set goals…I don’t dream. I hope…I don’t dream. I believe...I have faith...I do...I don't dream. I don’t believe in shooting stars…I’m just not that girl. I'm still stubborn...but I'm workable...just gotta be persistent (btw-persistence is kinda hott...if you're a boy). I'm not the best communicator...but I'm working on that. I don't have a good relationship w/my dad & I accept that. I used to wear glasses & now I'm corrective lenses free...thanks to Lasik, booyow! I have always thought I was invincible & I still do! I have never been boy crazy & I'm still NOT!

People are just something I have never really been that into. I know I said relationships are essential to understanding self & that's true...however...there was a time in my life when I held friendships in high regard. I am a good friend b/c I understand loyalty...but I've learned not everyone is like me *thanks the Heavens for that* therefore I accept that relationships die & friendships fade. That doesn't change who I am as a friend that just means I don't expect you to be like me! Right now though, I am so into me & trust me it took a long time & a conscious effort to get to this point. To put the considerate, giving, & kind Shanette aside...& simply do me.
The best relationship you can have is a spiritual relationship...my God & I say my b/c he is mine...we have a personal relationship & in it I have learned the most about me that I could have ever learned from anyone else. He is the way, the truth & the life & believe that w/all my being. He has been the only unwavering factor in my life & that alone is dynamic & mind-blowing! Yep, I loves the Lord & I'm not ashamed to say...I'm not a total heathen folks! ;)

I am in such a transition in my life...a turning point...a metamorphosis if you will. I can just feel it. Things I used to do...I don't do as often...stuff I liked...not so much...people I cared for...could care less. It’s all about me & the greatness that lies ahead. The destiny that needs to be fulfilled. I control these things, hence the only interference is me...well not anymore. Life has taught me so much in my short 24 years...things that some people spend a life time learning. I have survived Katrina…deaths…major setbacks…broken hearts…failed relationships...guess what...& I’m still here…better than ever b/c of who...God. I have been blessed w/the strength & courage to face issues head on...in turn I am better...wiser...stronger than ever. I'm encouraged today...to be. I have always been able to say...but actually being is different. I can literally be ME & all that encompasses in God. I'm free to be...ME That is an awesome revelation. That I, me, Shanette Renea Parks is powerful, rich, happy & healthy & can say that in all honesty & sincerity. It’s amazing. I'm looking forward to an awesome year...one in which I will blossom into myself...who I am to be...what I am to do...outside of my limited vision...the world's limited path for girls like me...the plan that has been set forth by anyone other God, Himself & I am trusting in God that this is so & so it is!
I'm ready...are you?!
I'm excited!!!
...for my UNLIMITED UPGRADES!!!

I said all that to say...love yourself...if you don't who will???
Well luckily, Jesus always has your back...but it’s hard to understand what that love means when you don't even love you!
So love you!
Fuck these h8ing ass bitch niggas & hoes...who live they lives to h8 on anyone doing anything they are too fucking cowardly to even try! Uncap yourselves. Release the you within that is destined for your own greatness! Unlimit God in turn unlimiting yourself & I promise nothing or no one can tell you what? ...NOTHING!!! (I love Ye!)
There is nothing wrong w/doing you...being confident...loving self...being smart...being feminine...being independent. So don't allow society to fault you for doing so...it’s not cocky its self-preservation & in this harsh world we all need to love ourselves as much as possible b/c if we don't...you already know...!

Ponder on this...a quote from my inspiration for this blog: the witty, the classic, the trendsetting, the talented, the uber cool...Carrie Bradshaw of SATC...
I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous. (In case you needed affirmation that I ain't just talking shit!)

So until next time...do you, something special for you, if it’s just deciding to love you more...do that!

♥Sdott♥

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Young & Foolish

I wish I knew.
I wish I knew what I should do.
I wish I knew what to do about you.
I wish I knew what I did was cool.

I don't feel right.
I don't feel wrong.
I just don't feel content.
I don't feel @ peace.

I thought it would be a release.
I thought I would feel @ ease.

Its inexplicable.

I have never been so confused.
So...back & forth.
So...up & down.

I just want to be okay in my decision.
I don't get confused...not about this.

I just don't know & I don't like NOT knowing.
I feel like...like...I'm out of control.
I'm a control freak...when it comes to my mind.
Does that sound insane?
Well either way. I don't like things having an affect on my mind unless that's what I choose & I don't choose this. I choose to let go. I choose to end it. I choose to move on...but...but...I can't. Its like its trapped in my mind. Running around my every thought. Just the thought of did I make a mistake...was this a bad decision...make it stop!
I don't know how...
I just want it to be over.
I just want it to be over!
Right?

Right...I think.

*sighs* S. Parks

Monday, March 3, 2008

"Put It in My Pocket!"

Man! I swear in the '08 Imma start pimping every fucking body! So I would advise you to get w/it or get lost b/c I'm sparing no one!
Fuck all that other shit...its bogus anyways! Love & kindness & shit...nope...BOGUS!
UNLESS...! That's your hustle...everybody has to have a hustle! Like Obama...his hustle is hope & change & shit...& America (white folk) is eating that shit up w/a spoon baby & I love it! Hell I'm in love w/Obama & I don't even believe in love...but his whole self makes me cream!
He is pimping America SO tuff...that he is the inspiration for my post today!

PIMP-Put It in MY POCKETS, bitches!

See I've been being real pleasant...but I'm cutting that shit as of yesterday. I know I know...I said I'm not that girl. That girl who take niggas $ & gifts & shit...but fuck it...why not...they offering...& I ain't fucking em...so wth not?! I'm taking they shit w/all pride STILL in tact baby & I'm loving every minute...cus I'm on that ME & $$$ kick, so if you ain't bout that, you falling on deaf ears & blind eyes niggas! Just like I can't see you (you know that's my fav thing to say..."these niggas GLASS to me!")...I can't hear you either! Until I get what I want & where I wanna be...that's all I can see...ME & $ $ $!!!

The hustle. The grind. Its serious out here man. Get yo mind right...b/c nigga's is selling dreams ALL day & if you foolish enough to buy into it, I can't fault him...I fault yo silly ass! So I don't knock hoes who getting what they want...its the tactics I knock. See. Bitches think w/they hearts not they minds. Emotional by nature. Which is why fucking a nigga is NOT the best measure. Be smart. Niggas are dumb as fuck but they're rational! That's what hoes lack...rationale. Of course you can use what you have, to get what you want...but don't you have more than pussy??? I mean I'm just saying...a tight mouthpiece can & will get you much further in life than a tight ass. Gain a nigga's mind & you in...ALL day...b/c after they fuck...that's a wrap...I don't give a damn how good you think you are. That's just the nature of a man...they are animalistic...not that bright but they're creative b/c they know they're prey. If the prey doesn't know how to survive then she is what?! Conquered. Now unless this is your plan, then I suggest you learn your hunter b/c the shit is real.

Better stop waltzing through life like its a fairy tale. The good life doesn't always come to those who are deserving...think about it folks...I can't give y'all every damn thing...Imma start charging y'all too hell!

Let me give you a real good example so you won't just be like "Shanette STAY talking shit..."...lets take Usher & his he-man wife...I can't stand that hoe but I gotta give it to her...she knocked that nigga off his feet like Donnel Jones! Come on nay...this bitch was married when they started fucking...niggas don't marry other niggas' bitches...they fuck em & leave em alone...THEN this bitch comes in with kids...like 3/4 of em! Lets be real...she NOT that haute...she fat as hell...she old as shit...whack as fuck...but clearly she got that head game right & I mean that in both aspects of the phrase. Think about it...this Usher we're talking here...can you imagine the amount of hoes he's fucked?! The shit he's done?! Pussy was NOT the determining factor in this union baby! I mean its not even like he hasn't been in long term relationships w/beautiful women...but come on nay...from Chili to this hoe?! Yes! That bitch fucked up his mental & turned his ass clean out! Got him going against his Mother...now you know you got a nigga fucked up when he don't even do what his MAMA say! So kudos to you, Tameka or whatever the fuck yo name is...you get a gold star in my book! (I still wanna fuck yo man though...In the club...LMAO!)

So thats all I'm saying girls...use yo brain 1st!
I'm on some other...betta get yo mind right fucking w/me b/c if you fuck w/me you gon fuck w/some pimpin!

I'm on another level.
It might look easy but it requires some work...HARD work!
See you @ the TOP, bitches!
YA DIG!!!

~Sdotter
I swear I don't love these hoes!

Saturday, March 1, 2008

I'm NOT a TOTAL Wierd-O!

I like it when I find that people have similar experiences to mines.
People I don't know.
I like it when I feel less like a crazy & more like a person.
Not all the time but sometimes its cool.

girlspoke.com/2007/05/11/you-dont-have-to-fuck-me-twice-to-get-the-point-across/

I have been back & forth about my decisions lately & I'm feeling quite regretful.
The fact I've been going back & forth was indication enough that I've been making some not so good decisions. Here's how I comfort myself when I do dumb shit..."ahh you only live once; good thing God is on your side; eat ice cream & drink wine."

If I don't get a handle on my mental I swear I will NEVER prosper & I'm destined for GREATNESS hence I must do better. I swear I am a complete fuck-up when it comes to the $$$. I just literally lose my mind. I acquired this fatal flaw from my mother...only hers is a little bit different. I buy stuff. She throws hers out the window...she buys stuff too. I promise! I will do better. God give me strength!

I was thinking that maybe I'm bored & stuff like that but no that's not it...I'm just fucking up & I need to GIT & fast, like yesterday...in fact can we rewind like 3 weeks?? No. Okay...so do better? Yes. Okay. Got it.

BTW-I'm over this blog...but I'm just rolling w/it b/c I know its good for me & I have fans (YAY...thanks guys!)

I know you're like don't you regret that other seemingly quitter-like hasty decision you made last week? Nope. I thought I did for like 2.34 days but I decided I don't. It is what it is & it was not what was haute. Unfortunate? Yes. Depressing? Nay. I'm too into myself to be depressed about anything @ the moment...besides God is too good to me to waste my energy on depression...that's the whackness w/ CAPS!

I love my weird self b/c I think it makes me cool..in fact I think pretty much everything I do is cool...someone once said I think I'm "the definition of cool," don't know if I'd say all that...but then again if I did that wouldn't be cool...so they could very well be correct ;)

So I say...Hey! Love you...the gOOd, the BaD & the FABulous!!!
If you you don't who will?
That's right...nobody!

XOXO,

♥S. Parks♥