"ooh they so SEN-SI-TIVE!"

this post is brought to you in part by Ye's first single, "Can't Tell Me Nothing", off his 3rd album release entitled Graduation (can't wait!)...
I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record but that's b/c I don't think people are grasping, no like really comprehending what it is I'm saying! I am who I am EVERYDAY! I am the same person I was yesterday, today and tomorrow. Right or wrong...it is what it is! Sure...my moods may vary, my hair may grow, my intelligence may increase/decrease, my weight may fluctuate, my profile may be edited, my style may change, my last name may change, my outlook on life may change, my religion may even change...but in essence this is ME...take it or leave it.

Now what am I talking about eggzactly?

Okay way back in March, I posted a post entitled "Cold-blooded", I'll pause while you refresh your memory...moving on...@ the end of the post I stated that in the future, I would discuss how folk too sensitive these days.

Welcome to the future!

First of all may I just simply say, shet the fuck up, ERRBODY! Mufuckas always talking shit, like they so gotdamn perfect, my nigga, my nigga, my nigga PLEASE. We don't believe you...you need more people! If you don't like something, seriously...why are you here?! Did you know that you don't have to like anyone??? Its not a requirement, seriously. Its not dependent upon race, status, longevity...none of that. So here's the thing: Lately, well not really lately but lately its puzzled me, people are acting as though I'm acting. Like I've changed. No maybe you changed and thought I'd fall'n like Chingy...hmmm...silly you!

I like me. I like who I am. I'm content w/the core of Shanette. Whatever I say I mean it. Whatever I said I meant it. I have never been one to shy away from honesty in a relationship. I think its vital. However, I know everyone does not live by that philosophy and I accept that. BUT, and this is a BIG but, I do not accept talking shit just cus. I feel like "hey I'm an adult, you're an adult, if there is something you have an issue w/ re: me and its effecting you, then lets address it, discuss it, resolve it." Now I've heard I'm not the easiest person to talk to, and I disagree, but hey I'm not confronting myself, so it could be true. All I'm saying is this, how will I know there's an issue if its not addressed? Now lets say you think I don't care-well now you're slighting me, yet we're in a relationship/friendship/whatever ...is that fair? I surely don't think so. Now lets say you don't care-well why the fuck is it an issue then, hell?! Why does it slick come up? Why are there subtle references to me and the shit I do? Talk yo shit, but say it to my face...you know what I'm saying? I mean no like really do you? I'm just being all the way live. BTW-saying it to my face is NOT via text nor e-mail. Now I know, I know I don't like talking on the phone, blah and blah but in "serious" situations, come on nay, I'm not about to talk about no damn real shit thru a fucking text message, e-mail, post or anything else besides verbal or face-to-face. I mean wth?! That's whack. That's weak. That's kiddie. Man up or shet the fuck up!

...and this is why I don't love hoes...

These are general thoughts not directed @ a particular person, if it is/was I've either told them already or they aren't even relevant enuff to tell. So if you think its about you then it prolly is...I mean I'm just saying why would you have to think about it. Hell I know when a mufucka talkin bout me, b/c that mean its true whatev they saying. Now if the shit is a lie, then I ain't paying it no mind...I'm prolly laughin cus I think its bout the next bitch!

So that's all...I was just wondering when did people become so damn sensitive. Don't ask me shit then. Don't tell me shit. Don't even fucking talk to me period. IF. You can't handle my response. Esp. when you know what it is, like T.I.P. How I talk. Who I am. I mean why even put us through such strife. Go away errbody, shit! I don't need none of y'all-slick ass haters.

Jesus is my everything anyways.

Events are life-changing. Life-changing. Not personality-changing. People don't change people. Only God changes people. Like I don't expect mufuckas to change...I mean why, why set myself up for failure like that...that's just dumb. Unless its something they really want to do. But that's like in ref: to 1 thing, like Amerie, or 1 habit or 1 flaw or 1 vice-okay 2, maybe even 3...but that's still not yo whole self...YOU are set in stone homey...that's why I say "hey I am fanfreaking tabulos! Flaws and all baby!" Have you ever heard that really great line that Jay says on some song that I can't recall the name of @ the moment, think its on The Black Album ..."you was who you was fo' you got here." That's all I'm saying man...that's all...and if you have an issue w/that, seriously, I'm like Bey, you have the GREEN light...GO!!! I promise you, if you tryna save feelings...I will get over it...trust...big girls don't cry, like Fergie Ferg! Do what you gotta, for you. I understand, as I'm sure you do as well ; )

...and that's my rant/relate/release for the day!
ahhh...much better...don't you agree...

Aight...that's like 3 post in 1 day...I'm beat...so I'm thinking I won't be back until post-Essence...I will try to get in on the day to day wrap-ups but I doubt it...seriously man I'm a wild girl @ Essence...YIKES-CAUTION ; ) ooh wee! Hey hey, bitches!

So happy 4th. and all that shit.

POB!

~S. Parks

Listen UP! (Make it HOTT)

Today's post is brought to you in part by the late, GREAT, Notorious B. I. G.!

Who misses him?! ME, ME, ME!!! Like a lot man! He's the truff!
So anywhos, I was listening to Big this morning on my way to 'the office', for some reason I like to be real G'ed up in the morning, that or real "Crazy" w/Gnarls! So listening to the Life After Death album Disc 2. Song: The World is Filled...so yeah man talk about reminisce. I swear I used to go hard on this Biggie man! Listen up! It still applies! I need to get my mind right! Getting too nice, you know. Too laxed. Letting too much slide. Gotta get back on my shit. Get my game tight. I swear I don't love these hoes. I mean I'm a realist. These fairy-tale, dreams, folk selling these days are whack and I can see straight thru em like glass, baybe! So move reght on around. You know...I mean really do you know??? The world is not a nice place...its Raw. Its uncut. Its brutal. Its dog eat dog. Shit Imma eat fo I get ate! So get ready bitches. I swear this summer is a real test of character man-haute & wet-summer-double-0-7! If I can make it thru this summer on top...I'm good. I'm good. I'm GREAT. Just wait! Excuse me was you saying something...unh uh...you can't tell me NOTHING!!! Esp. when I get my money right...ooh wee...bag back, bitches before I kiss yo ass goodnight (thanks BIG)!!!

So here are the lyrics (The World is Filled) in case you need a refresher:

"Make it hot" - Notorious B.I.G. (repeat 4X)

Chorus- Carl Thoms

The world is filled, with pimps and hoes We'll just talk about those I knows The world is mine, can't you see I'm just trying to be all I can be Ohhahhoahh, yeah

Verse One: Puff Daddy
Now first come the cash, then come the ass
Then come big blunts with big chunks of hash
When I score with a whore she be game for surePimp so hard, a nigga drag his mink on the floor
Won't you admit it?
I ain't gotta talk because I live it
Any chick fuckin with me, believe me that's a privelege
I won't be satisfied, till all my niggaz get it
See you hit it then I hit it, we get it back to split it
And Big be that nigga we be flyin through your hood
And hoodrats scopin with they eyes on my goods
See we date em like we hate em, see em like we don't need em
Treat em like we meet em, and never give up freedom
And we only give our number to selected few
And it's best that you, never knew, what good head'll do
Turn a freak to a bisexualand if she's flexible fuck the nigga next to you

"Make it hot" - Notorious B.I.G. (repeat 4X in the background)
The world is filled, with pimps and hoes
But we'll just talk about those I knows
The world is mine, can't you see
I'm just trying to be all I can be
Ohhahhoahh, yeah

Verse Two: Notorious B.I.G.
When the Remi's in the system, ain't no tellin
Will I fuck em will I diss em, that's what these hoes yellin
I'm a pimp by blood, not relation
Y'all still chase on, I'll replace on, punks
Drunk off Dom, silk and gators
Spittin words makin birds till they flock see you later
Whether, drunk or high, skunk or thai
Nigga play against some playa shit, slugs gon fly
Ain't no lie, pimped out, the SSI
Nigga don't ask why, just respect it
She bought me the necklace, the bracelet
The Benz-o, she laced it
Crib-o, got it, interior decorated
Now my popularity grew, in each state
Now I got two in each state
Used to drink brew and eat steak
Now I pop bottles with models, larger steaks on large estates

"Make it hot" - Notorious B.I.G. (repeat 4X in background)
The world is filled, with pimps and hoes
But we'll just talk about those I knows
The world is mine, can't you see
I'm just trying to be all I can be
Ohhahhoahh, yeah

Verse Three: Too $hort
I had a whole lotta bitches in my lifetime
I been blessed with the game always say the right lines
Had a few prostitues and if you knew the truth
They're like pimps, you can't let em do it to you
She ain't no sucker, I know that bitch man
She wanna be a Pretty Woman lovin a rich man
Now here you come, drop top ridin
You ain't no pimp fake nigga stop lyin
Pussy makes money, stick to the business
Think about the real motherfuckers that live it
Street life, pimp shit, make the hoe respect the game
You bought her diamonds and cars, trick that's a shame
Say what you want, but I still figured
She left you cause you couldn't be, like them real niggaz
She was a hustler by nature, and you was just faker than the average symps, found a badder pimp
Too $hort
Crazy ass man
I never woulda bought that bitch all them cars and all that shit you bought that hoe man
After I heard about what the bitch did nigga, knew the hoe!
Man I'm thirty years old nigga
And that bitch was hoein when I was in 9th grades and shit
Think about that, she been around then right?
Shit... you just a rest haven for hoes man
Just the first nigga that came along when the bitch got out the pen
Bitch only fuckin witchu cause you had a good ass job, nigga nerd
Treat the bitch better than anybody ever treated her
Stupid ass nigga
She ain't nuttin but a hoe!
But you fell in love with her man!
You can't turn a hoe into a housewife fool
Everytime you turn your back that bitch is fuckin with dem gangstas
Eastside Westside these are my potnahs
Do that shit, you know what I'm talkin bout nigga
I tell you about some real pimps and hoes
Tell you about these pimps and these hoes man, yeah I know a few
Shit, beyotch!


WE'LL ALWAYS ♥ BIG POPPA!!!


Until we blog again...

POB!

~S. Parks

The eX-factor!

I was really trying to deny myself this post but I just can't fight it! I really, kinda don't want to seem...seem...human...I guess.

Here goes...
Had a dream about the ex, about a week ago. Nothing too major or mind-blowing. Simple. Basically. I was in some foreign country...couldn't really see the other people that were around but there were people. I know I was in a foreign land b/c I could not understand anything that was being said. I was walking down the street...saw a familiar face but couldn't fig. who it was...turned around. Crossed the street. Tapped his shoulder. Guess who? Yep...him. I was delighted to see him (in the dream). We hugged and kissed. I liked it. We chatted. not sure what about. We exchanged numbers and said we'd keep in touch. Said our goodbyes. Hugged and kissed again. He scurried along. Nostalgia. Slowly walking the streets...thinking about Bilal's, "Reminisce".

That's all I can recall.

Hmmm. Now what does that mean??? Not sure.

I don't know how I feel about him. If someone was to ask me right now how I felt about him I would say "I don't feel anything w/a tad bit of an 'ugh' undertone."

So...here's the only thing I can come up w/its the Sex-factor. He was pretty awesome. Maybe even the best. The first. Well-balanced. Consistent. Overall 10. Easy. So yeah that could easily be the cause. B/c a couple posts ago I hadn't had sex, and I was going thru Step 2: Withdrawal rapidly approaching Step 3: Insanity, but that all came to end on Friday evening, but that's neither here nor there. So yeah...thinking that's the reason I've been so nostalgic these days. I don't miss him, I don't think. I miss the consistency, the goodness, the comfort, the contentment of being w/him on an intimate level. It was perfect. Seriously, it was. Rightfully so, every other aspect was the fool! Real Talk! We (look @ me...I've come so far) had issues!

Side-note: As a result-I've been listening to that Van Hunt again (don't sleep on him btw-he's what it is!) That album really reminds me of the ruff times! Woo wee and was it RUFF baybE! GOTSDAMN! So here's his vid to help you better aquaint or remind yourselves of why he's da truff! http://http//www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjqtmfBeyjI&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fclutchmagonline%2Ecom%2F

Don't get me wrong. There was a time when he was ALL THAT-whatev that is...he was it! I was madly in love, not dangerously but a little mad...you know...crazy in love. I was def. crazy for that one...sheesh....nice come back S dot! He was not all a bad experience, however. He along w/the horrific break-up taught me a great deal about myself, men and relationships-mostly good teachings-not all but most. For that I'm happy I "knew" (I use that term loosely) him.

I will say this though if he could really get his self together as far as his issues w/his self he'd be a really GREAT man. No bullshit. Not my man. I don't relive the past. But he'd be a great man to someone. Hopefully he's working on that. I also hope I did my share in helping that process along-although someone else is reaping my toiling. I know that one day I will be reaping the benefits of someone's blood, sweat and tears. Thank you in advance-btw ; )

I do hope he is happy though. I wish that for all the ex-es. There aren't many so I don't have to hope too much...thank heavens. I surely hope his ass don't try and communicate w/me though. I do know that I don't want to be his friend, no thanks. He doesn't know how. He has ulterior motives and I don't have time for the bullshit.

So...there it is...the eX-factor. I guess someone you've shared apart or in this case all of yourself w/its hard to say that person just no longer exists in your world, mind, heart, spirit-just b/c you are no longer together in that capacity, or talk often, or even at all. There's still that one thing like Amerie...memories from experiences which ignited feelings...and those are FOREVER.

Just think your ex is someone's spouse...lol...how weird is that...very! True though, very true. But. That will never negate the memories you've created-the good. the bad. and the ugly!

That's enuff...back to thinking bout my current lil boo (whom I adore btw) and my boos to come...ooh wee Essence! Get Ready Bitches! I don't love these hoes, man!

Hope to see you there...so...until then...

POB!!!

~S. Parks

Every Woman...

Every Woman Should Have...

One love she can imagine going back to ...
and one who reminds her how far she has come.

Enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own ...
even if she never wants or needs to.

Something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour.

A youth she's content to leave behind ...
and a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age.

The realization that she is actually going to have to have an old age
... and some money set aside to fund it.

A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill ...
and a black lace bra.

One friend who always makes her laugh
... and one who lets her cry.

A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family.

Eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.

A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded.

A feeling of control over her destiny.

A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don't get better after 30.

A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better after 30.



Every woman should know:

How to fall in love without losing herself.

How she feels about having children.

How to quit a job, break up with a lover and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

When to try harder and when to walk away.

How to have a good time at a party she'd never choose to attend.

How to ask for what she wants in a way that makes it most likely she'll get it.

That she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.

That her childhood may not have been perfect but it's over.

What she would and wouldn't do for love.

How to live alone, even if she doesn't like it.

Whom she can trust, whom she can't and why she shouldn't take it personally.

Where to go, be it to here best friend's kitchen table or a charming inn in the woods, when her soul needs soothing.

What she can and can't accomplish in a day, a month and a year.

~Author Unknown

A nice poem. Its been associated w/Dr. Maya Angelou for some reason, but she is not the author. I would like to know who is, though.

I am not yet a woman, but I am certainly working on it...give me 1.5 years and I'll have it together...for the most ; )

Good weekend. Good people.

~S. Parks

Step 2: Withdrawal

So...about 3 months ago I wrote a post entitled: "Hi my name is Shanette and I'm an addict..." Well this is kinda piggy-backing off that post...

I know I neglected Step 1, which is Deprivation, but that was b/c I did not even realize I had experienced Step 1 until I reached Step 2, which just happened to occur this morning.

Now in case you aren't a faithful reader of the The Life & Times of S dot Parks (I'm just a girl...in the world...) not only are you a loser (j/k'ing...not really though...you are a loser, but we understand) but you also might not be familiar with my addiction. Well, its the #2 evil of the world S E X (#1 is of course the: GREEN, baby, and no, not the kind you smoke!). The other day Moe described it as the DEVIL in the flesh, and DAMNIT! I concur. That shit is a beast!!! I wasn't even trying to tame it but gotsdamn not having it regularly as I have been in recent months is really driving me! No like seriously I got the shakes...okay maybe that's an exaggeration but that's how sincere I am.


Now I understand that I am a pretty horny person by nature. Not sure if that equates to being a very sexual person or even a nympho. I might just be addicted to the idea of sex...hmmm...naan its the ACT! I mean I don't have to...everyday...more like every other day. Actually I don't have sex alot. I'm better when I do though...Its like okay you know I told you I have issues w/sex, so sometimes I'll go like several months even a year of no sex, but oh when I start back I'm seriously like a damn rabbit, and my game is all off...b/c I'm anxious and tryna make up for lost time or some shit. So I'll be all unfocused and really tunnel-visioned....No good right? Right! So I'll either give it up again cold-turkey or try to re-gain control and pace myself like a "normal" person...whatever that means. But like seriously I've been grinding so tuff that my sex is life is dwindling...sux to be me huh...YUP! So I woke up this morning like literally in a panic-lol! No I'm serious *insert straight face*

I was like OMGosh, I can't recall the last time I had sex...its getting serious!!! EEK! HELP...Help me PLEASE! The next step is insanity...and I'm rapidly approaching! Then I will be a real certified B I T C H!! Then I'll die...come back...and just be regular...lol...sad I know...that's my life...sad...but I'm working (my whole entire life, besides all my #1s) on it! Give me a minute...Imma be SO on in 5 mo minutes...Iunno bout my sex life but my deck life will def be poppin! So haters keep hating-lol I just wanted to throw that in b/c I like that new song by Sister Jill Scott!

BTW-when I say off my game, or unfocused, or needing to pace myself...I'm not referring to my sex game-I'm not one to brag on such things as that but um yeah...nuff said. I'm actually referring to my state of mind, my grind, my hustle...might get a little off track when sex is involved...you know how that shit can make a nigga vision cloudy as the fuck!

(sighs) so...Iunno...Iun just know...Imma see what I can do though...b/c this right here...right now...on today is NOT what's hott...and we know that is conflicting w/my summer plans man! NO GOOD, NO GOOD @ all! Hopefully by Essence I'll be cool one way or the other, if not Imma be a beast @ Essence baybe...so GET READY BITCHES...I don't love these hoes!

Side note: Damn you "2nd chance" Damn YOU to HELL!!! GIT man! REAL talk!

Yeah and where is "JO" you're asking? Out of town...AGAIN...our schedules are rather conflicting this summer...I think I had a mini-break down right there...okay I'm back!

aight the sexpot is signing out...I need some coffee...the hell! I gots to maintain @ least 1 vice!

Good Friday. Good People.

~S. Parks

Listen UP!

Today's post is yet another song, this time it's totally dedicated to ME, ME and ME!!! YAY!!!

So @ first I so did not like Kelis' album Kelis Was Here but I kept giving it chance, after chance and now...Guess what? I likey : ) Yep even I can be wrong...sometimes...I know...ShOckinG huh?!

So anywho...there's this one particular song that I like a great deal..actually she made a vid for it but it got very little rotation...fucking Viacom...BITCHES!!!

So...as I was saying, this song reminds me of ME!
Yup my fav topic of discussion-jk'ing!

Here goes...sing along w/my girl "Lisie"

The song: "Lil Star" featuring (a very cool guy) Cee-Lo

There is nothing special about me
I am just a lil star
If it seems like I'm shining brightly
It's probably a reflection of something you already are
I forget about myself sometime
When there's so many other around
When deep inside you feels darkest
That is where I can always be found
That is where I can always be found
That is where I can always be found

Just keep trying and trying
It's just a matter of timing
Though the grinding is tiring
Don't let 'em stop you from smiling
Just keep trying and trying
Sooner or later you'll find it
It's surprising how inspiring
It is to see you shining
Cause in the dark of the night you're all i can see
and you sure look like a star to me

There is nothing special about me
I am just a lil star
If you try to reach out an touch me
you'll see I'm not really that far
I may not be the brightest nor am I the last one you’ll see
But as long as you notice, that’s just fine with me
Everything’s just fine with me
Everything’s just fine with me

Just keep trying and trying
It's just a matter of timing
Though the grinding is tiring
Don't let 'em stop you from smiling
Just keep trying and trying
Sooner or later you'll find it
It's surprising how inspiring
It is to see you shining
Cause in the dark of the night you're all i can see
and you sure look like a star to me

There is nothing special about me
I am just a lil star
I’ve been running and jumping, but barely
Getting, getting over the bar
I plan on being much more than I, am but that's in do time
But until then I'm guilty, and being humans my crime
Being human that is my crime
Being human that is my crime

Just keep trying and trying
It's just a matter of timing
Though the grinding is tiring
Don't let 'em stop you from smiling
Just keep trying and trying
Sooner of later you'll find it
It's surprising how inspiring
It is to see you shining
Cause in the dark of the night you're all i can see
and you sure look like a star to me

Enjoy your day!

POB!

~S. Parks

Listen UP!

I am so not a Fantasia fan, by far, but this song is so cutesy...in fact *blushing* it makes me think of *blushing...AGAIN* "2ND Chance"...oh gosh I just hear the critics now, but I don't care (and that scares me)!

So w/that said sing along w/your girl Fanny...
"When I See You" by Fantasia from her latest album entitled Fantasia

[Verse 1:]

I put your picture on my mirror,

Start to blush when somebody says your name

In my Stomach theirs a pain

See you walk in my direction I go the other way

I start to stutter when i speak

Try to stand but my knee's go weak

What's happening to me in the dark can you tell me what it means

I lay my head on my pillow

Staring out the window

Wish on a star for a sign

Its the Reason why

[Chorus:]

Your always on my mind

When you come around i'm shy

When i see you, when i see you

Never no when you might walk by

So i gotta be right on time

When i see you when i see you

[Verse 2:]

I scribble X and O's in my notebook

Checking how my hair and nails look

I feel myself in the zone

I get nervous when you call

So i say i'm not home

I see your face when i here my favorite song

Should i send an email at home

Your the number 1 topic on the phone,

I wonder if you know or do you have a clue

I lay my head on my pillow

You got me staring out the window

Wish on a star for a sign

Whats the reason why

Yeah...

[Chorus]

Something now is taking over me,

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

i'm not going run i'm

Just go to stand here and see yeah

Ooooo

Yeah

[Chorus x2]

Enjoy your week good people...

Good day!

~S. Parks

Update: I ♥ the REMIX!!! YAY JEEZY!!!

Father's day...

You know, that song by Beyonce' "Daddy" from her debut album, Dangerously in Love ?
Well, I so wish I could entitle this post in re: to that.
I ♥ that song!
It makes me kinda sad though, b/c I wish I felt that way about my daddy.
Let's just be honest, I'd be rather po'ed if my son turned out like my damn dad...no thank you God, please NO!
I have a hard enuff time fighting off those personality traits he has passed on to ME!!! NO!!!

Anywho...

This year...I gave my dad a card that said "where would I be w/o you?" Hell if I know...most times I'd say...stress-free...but prolly more like non-existent. I wrote "I'd rather not think about it."

I have a really hard time w/holidays in which I am obligated to give gifts to my 'rents.

If you haven't noticed by now...my 'rents and I aren't the best of friends. However my mom and I are far closer than my dad and I.

I am kind of @ a crossroads w/him. I care but no longer have the energy. I care and trying to remain optimistic. I have been avoiding communication or keeping it minimal, b/c honestly the man stresses me OUT! I just don't need it, uh unh, no damn thank you! I'm just not sure how that will play out in the future. He and my other sister, St. Thomas resident, rarely talk and when they do its cut and dry. The End. I mean I can foresee us getting there. But do I want to? I just don't want to be the only one fighting this battle, b/c its def. tiring...so if he is fine w/it, then hell why aren't I?!

Human...my only crime!

It would take a whole blog dedicated to that sole topic, to dissect the relationship that is "Coop & Nette", hell I don't even understand the shit my damn self...so I know I can't make you understand it, by far!

Don't get me wrong I love my dad...I mean if I didn't...trust you'd know b/c I wouldn't mention him at all!

We just have some serious communication issues. We are stubborn. Too much alike. Resulting in...TRUBBLE!!!

We rarely see eye-to-eye...older I get the less I bite my tongue, and that surprises him. Challenges him.

However there's a great deal I could say but don't. I'm being considerate of his feelings. (Is that really helping though?) Recognizing he is still my dad. Not the worst dad. Not the best dad either! I'm just not sure I can say he's tried like whole-heartedly. I'm just not sure. He does what he wants, how he wants, when he wants! That's just not okay, in dealings with your seed. I just don't agree. I tell my suder all the time, I have no idea about the concept of parenting b/c my rents make me feel as though what they do is by choice and not required, but the outside world begs to differ...there in lies the conflict. Hence, I'm quite confused on what parents should do and what's extra. So as get older, I still hold them accountable for the things they didn't or haven't done. Dissatisfaction. Resulting in me feeling shorted. Sometimes causing me to want compensation. Monetarily. Wrong or Right? That's how I feel.

I pray. Understanding. Maturity. Strength. Contentment. Acceptance.

There was a time when I compared, once I realized the shit was abnormal, my rents with others' rents resulting in confusion and frustration. Now. I don't hardly even care anymore. They are who they are. Clearly they are NOT changing for me and I accept that, but I just wish they'd do it for themselves.

I know I'm grown, when its convenient and that's not okay and I'm working on that. I know I have my share of faults and blames and I'm working on those as well. That's all I'm asking for is a little work. I want my rents to be the best people they can be. I think I have made them proud. I wish. They'd do the same for me...just wishful thinking.

This is my prayer.

Amen.

I love my rents. I love myself. The rest is minor (I guess). It is what it is.

Oh I do have a special stand-in daddy, whom I met in college...yep we're actually the same age, but he acts so damn old-lol...he been around his Granny too much..nothing wrong w/that though.
He's going to make very lucky lady a wonderful husband and terrific father!
I absolutely adore him!
He's always to my rescue-not that I need rescuing but you know...
He makes me oh-so proud too...he's in medical school!!! Yep...BIG shit poppin!
I ♥ my Callie-Pooh!!!

So I have not 1 but 2 daddies, well 3 dad's-gotta include the Father-to celebrate on today-so I can't complain and neither should you!

Good day, Good people.

~S. Parks

Let's GET IT!!!

(BTW-I ♥ Jeezy<--he is so my fav!!!)
brought to you in part by the entire Young Jeezy movement, thanks!

Saturdays!

Usually laxed days? Not for me.

I had to work Saturday...for DASK!

I know right...the office? On a Saturday? Yep...steady on the grind!

So anywho...as much as I was dreading the whole idea...I had no idea what or should I say who was in store for me on that day.

Her name. Marixa. Cool name huh?! I thought so too after I figured out how to say it correctly!

Anywho, she caught my eye right off.

She's tall, chic, pretty, seemingly intelligent at first conversation, and proved to be that and more as we chatted.

With a brief look into her life, her story, her goals, her attitude. I was engulfed.

I was excited...and we all know it takes a lot to excite me honey, let's just be honest!

She was quite engaging. She was interesting and interested in ME-not like that...just in general.

Most important. Encouraging. Empowering. Clearly Heaven-sent!

I could literally see her power. No bullshit. Have you ever just been around a powerful black woman, who knows their power and is not afraid of it...well that's her.

She told me about her family-can we say inspired?! She's been through quite an ordeal in her short 29 years of living, one that I'm not sure even I could handle so well. I knew then that this was someone I would remain in contact w/outside of today. I was most inspired by her cousin who is currently writing a book, who has been hesitant about writing it for quite some time...she said I reminded her of her-the cousin. I was like "WOW, that is SO awesome b/c I want to be a writer so bad, but I am sincerely afraid...afraid of not knowing what to say, or what people might say or not say, or that I may say something I should not...just discouraging myself basically." I was so happy for the cousin even though I did not know her. I then started to tell her about my (fabulous) blog and how I use it as practice, well not really as practice but just as a way to feel like my voice is out there, and how most of my friends seem to enjoy it, and how that really takes me by surprise. She was like "WHY?!" I was like simply b/c these are just my thoughts, and to find that someone enjoys reading them, learns from them, or is simply entertained by them is quite astonishing to me. She said I don't give myself enough credit. *ding ding ding* "We have a winner, Bob!" WOW-no I do NOT give myself any credit, EVER! Honestly, I don't think I have done anything to deserve credit, you know. Everything I do I feel as though its my job, and I'm just doing it to make others happy...I have no idea what makes me happy, like what really makes me happy. So that statement really hit home for me. I also told her I'm ususally like the steady, grounded, level-headed person who everyone turns to for advice. While I don't mind at all, I lack the ability to see myself in that same light I hold up for my friends to find their way. She said "I'm not following my own advice." I laughed. I said. "My BFF had recently told me the same exact thing, and I kinda brushed it off at the time, but I was like I'm really tired of motivating myself, by myself."


She reminded me God's always with me and he's all the motivation I need. Simply b/c he wants me to have all that I need, want, dream and more. (Which was reiterated at church on Sunday-btw."If your Father (God) is rich, do you think he wants his children not to have what is his, what is rightfully theirs?! Of course he DOES!") Another friend once told me...I am my own worst enemy at times. So I guess that's true. I can be my hardest critic. I am tuffest on myself. I'm not sure why, though...I think it has something to do w/my dad. I'll try working on that though.

"I see opportunity. I'm an opportunist!"

She also reminded me that I offer a service I need to charge for my services, whatever they are, to whoever is in need (no discrimination). Even if they aren't in need they know someone who is! Know what I want. Go for it! Make it happen. Step out of that box. That comfort zone. That 2-week paycheck! (oooh that's a tuffy!)

Faith+Plans+Hustle+Grind=Success, undeniable SUCCESS!

"LET's GET IT!"

Her last statement...if you can see the invisible, you can do the impossible...something she lives by.

Can I see myself writing that book? Yes. Can I see myself happy? Yes. Can I see myself doing whatever the hell it is I want to do, being happy & successful doing so? YES! YES! HELL to the YES!

I appreciate her. I appreciate God for placing us together at that moment for whatever reason. I was/am encouraged. I only hope I left her w/as great an impression as she did me!

I am excited. I am MOTIVATED! I'm back on THE grind. On my S H I T! No more feeling sawry for myself...that's whack anyways! I have to make it happen there are no other options. (yeah sometimes you have to sya those kinds of things to yourself to get you going. you know.)


"You ain't gotta like a nigga just respect my mind, and this how I'm eating now, so respect my grind."

...and I luv it!

Good day, Good people!

~S. Parks

Mind Over Matter...

"If you act the way you want to be, soon, you’ll be the way you act." ~Les Brown

A very powerful statement. Simple. Powerful. And hard to incorporate into one's thinking.

Btw-I know you're like "WOW 3 days in a row!"...yeah there's a lot I have to say...no really I'm not working today so...and while reading up on my blog feeds I came across an interesting post over @ "Why Black Women are Angry" (I have not been reading hers, b/c its like all the way @ the end of the feed and whenever I do get to catch up...I never seem to get that far). So anyways her post entitled "Diary of a Content Black Woman-No. 1" http://whyblackwomenareangry.blogspot.com/2007/05/diary-of-content-black-woman-no-1.html caught my eye! Discussing why she is identifying herself as "Content Black Woman" she quoted some scriptures that I had recently heard @ church and found rather applicable to my life, however I think I have yet to incorporate them.

...the God who gives life to the dead...calls things that are not as though they were. (Romans 4:17)

…for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content. (Philippians 4:11)

For God is not the author of confusion but of peace… (1 Corinthians 14:33)

What do those things mean for me. Simply put God has a plan for my life, and these things are according to his plan. I can either follow the plan willingly or try to follow my own plan and after my failures result in coming back to Him and His. I have a strong faith in God, but lately I can see myself doing things my way, and it’s resulting in quick pleasure and long failure!

You know Trust is a tricky thing, I know this b/c I have a hard time trusting people. I am always weary of their motives (my friends call it "being paranoid") but I think it’s justifiable. In today's world, people are fickle, they are all about self, and they are shallow. God however is none of the above. He is love, and that love encompasses everything I could ever need, want, or desire. I simply have to trust him. I have faith but the trust is what kind of sways. I admit that. I admit that I have hard time trusting myself even...I'm unpredictable @ times.

But I mean really if (and I am) created in God’s image…who am I not to have all I want, need, and desire? Who am I not to be happy? Who am I not to be powerful? Who am I not to be successful? Who am I not to live out my dreams?

I sincerely give myself…surrender to God's perfect will. I choose not to direct my own path b/c I clearly know not what I'm doing. I say all the time I'm just trying to get my life together, when in fact I'm not. I'm really trying to figure out, but why figure it out when it’s already been done. I just have to live it and be happy in doing so...and that's where my prollums lie. The happiness. The contentment. I will be content in God and in due time the happiness will come. Complete happiness. Total happiness. I'm excited. I'm ready. I'm willingly. I'm patient (another tuffie for me) I’m powerful. I’m content.

and I'm out...

Pray for me!

~S. Parks

10 random facts about ME...

1. I have always wanted to be a writer...particularly a poet...like Maya Angelou



2. I'm obsessed w/my weight!



3. Marc Jacobs is my favoritest designer!

4. I hate when another tall girl is in my vaccinity!

5. I likey cigars...big fat ones...that aren't so "lady-like"...they make me look cool...see--->her--->

6. I could spend an entire day in Whole Foods Market!

7. I (secretly) want to pour my "heart and soul" out on the Oprah show.

8. At one time in my life I had a strong devotion to Kobe Bryant...thank heavens I've matured ; )

9. I ♥ BIG, cuntry, "ATL-shawty" type boys-lol!!!

10. I MISS NEW ORLEANS so much!!!

That's all my randomness for today folks!!!

Until next time...POB!

~S. Parks

to heed or NOT to heed?

...that is the (today's) question!

Today's horoscope reads (I'm a Scorpio-btw-*winks*): "If something isn't working in one of your newer relationships, nip it in the bud."

WOW!

I am really thinking could that not have come @ a more appropriate time???

This (physical) thing w/"2nd chance" is a real bust (no pun intended). I mean no like really...we had the 2nd attempt, and it was just BLAH! I was like dude (to myself) "WTH?!" This time I just really don't know what happened, no one really dropped the ball (no pun intended) per say. It just wasn't good...boring...lack luster...no chemistry...AGAIN...just BLAH!

I'm really confused b/c I am like so attracted to him in EVERY aspect! Maybe I'm the prollum...although I refuse to believe that one, it could very well be the truff! If it is, or whatever it is, the question is...is it repairable??? I'm thinking...yeah...do I want to repair...of course...do I want to exude that energy...maybe. Now does he...me no no...does he even know there's prollum...me no no that either. That last time, well the only time we had a sexual conversation it turned out kind of nasty (and I don't mean that in a good way). So I'm a little hesitant on bringing up the issue again. (sighs) I really like this guy, but uh that aspect of my life is rather vital @ the moment-and while I am being satisfied...by someone else...I would really like to enjoy that w/him (sighs). Idunno what to do! Let it ride (no pun intended) I guess. I'm sure he has sex w/other people...maybe he doesn't and maybe that's the prollum! Idunno just thinking...well I guess I'll make do for now...not quite ready to toss him to the wolves just yet : D
So I guess that means we aren't heeding to the horoscope today...sawry stars, planets, and stuff!

btw-We'd make a great a coup if it wasn't for that one thing, like Amerie, and yes it has me trippin!!!

So anywho we shall see...I'll keep you posted...and I'm gone, like the wind-lol

POB

~S. Parks

Race Relations

Watched this vid:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5Q5FQfXZag&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fclutchmagonline%2Ecom%2F

Took this test:
https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit

Results: I slightly automatic preference Europeans!

My rxn: WTF : - O

My thoughts: I know I'm racist but against my own?! Well whose fault is that, the MAN's...duh!

My reflections: We are just all screwed up!

My rating: Pretty accurate (although I could have jinxed myself by watching the vid first and thinking too much [that always seems to be a prollum for me])...I give this test and A.

My outcome: GIT...(black people)...we have gots to do BETTER!!! (fuck these niggas [<---is that word really the problem???according to the Minister it IS, but I'm not so convinced...but hey we have so many prollums that could very well be one] hating on us mane)

signing off...Good day, Good people

~S. Parks

Do I STILL believe in Love???

So...this weekend was one of my college friend's wedding in New Orleans (yep we heart NOLA) and I must say even I was moved...it was an awesome experience. To bask in the spirit of a beautiful couple. To be in the midst of their love and genuine friendship was breath-taking! While of course the wedding itself was absolutely fan-freaking-tabulous goes w/o saying...everything from the fairy-tale carriage ride from the wedding to the reception to the undeniable N.O. classic 2nd line concluding the entire extravaganza! Yep it was like that (lol-whatever that is-lol)!!!

I was inspired-WOW!
I was inspired!
I was inspired!

and with that said...Yes...I still believe!

Syleena Johnson (btw-she is so underrated!)
Chapter II: The Voice
"I Believe in Love"
See it ain't easy for me to open my heart & trust a total stranger
But i still believe that love would never put my heart in any danger
Anxious to see the final one who just wants to show me how beautiful love can be
And even though I am scared I know that he's out there just waiting to set me free

[Chorus]Like a flower waits to bloom in May
I'll be patient
Cuz I believe in love
I'll stand alone but I won't give up I'll be patient
Cuz I believe in love
Even through the fears even through the pain I won't run away
Cuz I believe in love
And eventually love will bring to me the one for me
Cuz I believe in love

Some say that I should be bitter & untrustworthy from all that I've been through
But why should I turn on love when its never turn on me its never been untrue
And just cause somebody didn't know how to treat me
Doesn't make love to blame
It just means i haven't met my ultimate soul mate yet
And for that I'm willing to wait

[Chorus]

Believe in me I believe in you
I believe in dreams I believe in faith
I believe in love

[Chorus 3x]

I pray that God continues to bless their union, to encourage their newness, to invigorate their spirits, sync their minds, make them 1, keep them in Him, and bless their seed to continue their legacy!

...and with that said my weekend was fan-freaking-tabulous!
...need more like em!

POB!!!

~S. Parks